The Year of the Epic Fail

The Year of the Epic Fail

By Kathy Reschini Sweeney

I am a sucker for the year-end lists.  Love them.  But it's only the 13th of December, not the end of the year, so today we are going to take a walk down 2011's lane and revisit some of the stupidest things ever.  Let's face it, my friends, humans are dumb.  As in moronic.  Just when you think you've seen the most idiotic public behavior possible, here comes Charlie Sheen.

We really need to start with him.  The Tiger Blood - the Vatican Assassin- the hookers and the blow - it was a real circus.  Months later, nobody cares, the guy is in a fight to spend time with his own kids, and he lost one of  the sweetest gigs an actor can have.  Verdict:  Massive FAIL.

More recently, we had the Kardashians.  This whole family's "celebrity" is still puzzling to me.  I guess when people finally got tired of Paris Hilton (good riddance) there was a void to be filled with vapid egocentrism.  The apex of the greed and self-indulgence was some kind of multi-million dollar product-placement funded joke of a wedding. I've had sinus infections that lasted longer than this sacred union.  And they had the gall to seem surprised when the TV people cancelled their Christmas Special.  Verdict:  Artificially-enhanced FAIL.

On to politics.  Really, Herman Cain?  Did you think none of your hanky panky would become public? Nobody gives two hoots who you have sex with, dumbass, but people care very much about the lying. Just as well, because frankly, I don't think people who quote Donna Summer lyrics from a Pokemon movie need to be anywhere near the secret nuclear codes.  Note that I am limiting my politician fails to this one.  That is because there are plenty to go around and your comments are always funnier than the blog. Herman Cain Verdict:   Stupid FAIL, with extra cheese, hold the candor.

Let's talk about bizarre pseudo-religion.  According to some whackjob on the radio, May 21, 2011 was the End of Days.  But wait, he didn't mean that actual day - that was just the beginning of a very long day that lasted until October 21, 2011, which was the for real end of days.  Nice going, Nostradumbus.  I'm no biblical scholar, but I don't think the Bible is a giant sudoku puzzle either.  Verdict:  Fire and brimstone FAIL.

It was also a tough year for maniacal dictators - and thank God for that.  I have to highlight one of the best lines ever in this section of the year's news: "Quaddafi said he will fight to the death; I'm cool with that."  Verdict:  Fittingly humiliating FAIL.

Before I turn the TLC Community loose on this topic, I have to mention one more - ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 112th Congress of the United States, who's motto seems to be "Shutdowns and Stalemates R Us".  I'll let you fill in the blanks (the Super-committee: Unconstitutional and Inept all at the same time!) but I am not kidding when I say I've seen a group of babies who do not yet speak any language whatsoever solve toy-related problems and the equitable distribution of Cheerios with more class, ease and maturity than these asshats in Congress.  Verdict:  FAIL to be remembered in subsequent Novembers.

Okay - your turn.  And yes, I will take the pledge to forever ban the term "epic fail" as of January 1, 2012. Unless the world ends before that.  I can't keep track.

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Doc In CA]

Hooray for living on the West Coast and getting home late from work! I get to deflower this topic:)

Congress: They should all be lined up and kicked in the junk. And pimpslapped twice. Then we should vote them out, especially the Republicans whose "Job #1" is hosing the President, not providing jobs for the unemployed.

Kardashians and other reality tv trash: If it weren't for news shows, I wouldn't even recognize their names. I don't watch reality tv unless it's about wildlife, science or blowing shit up. I'm also not keen on stupid women with more than 30% inorganic compounds in their breasts.

Nutjob celebrities: There have always been screwballs in Hollywood, but in recent years it's like they've started having a "How Nutty Can You Be?" contest. I guess you get extra points for each trip to rehab/jail.

The Republican Candidate Of The Week: With old Newt soon to implode, will they be bringing in some new Anti-Romney Candidates? I'm a bit sad that Bachmann peaked early, because she did batshit crazy so well and her eyes are just sparkling jewels of insanity. Rick Santorum is nutty as a chipmunk's banquet, but in a kind of pathetic way. It's fun to get a clueless person to Google his name though. Rick Perry was just another slick Texan until he started having beer and valium for breakfast. Now he's much more fun to listen too. Ron Paul is like your grandfather who says all kinds of goofy shit and the family just nods and ignores him. Newt has so much baggage that he ought to haul a garden cart around to carry it in. Finally, Romney flipflops more than a frog on a hot griddle. It's all a bit sad. I can remember when the GOP could sometimes come up with a real candidate.

Dictators: Yes, this has been a pretty bad year for dictators, but there are plenty of rookies just waiting for the old pros to die or get shot or flee to Saudi Arabia. Personally, I was amazed when people bitched about how Ghaddafi died. Who the hell cares HOW it happened, just so long as it happened. I hope that Syrian dickhead is the next to get hot lead sendoff.

[William]

No need for me to chime in here: Kathy and Docs have covered most of mine. I'm afraid the past couple of years will indeed go down in history, but for all the wrong reasons.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Doc - as usual, the comments are better than the blog - I am going to use "nutty as a chipmunk's banquet" but not in reference to Santorum. I am sorry to say he was an elected official in PA, even though he lived in Virginia. He's too creepy and mean to be pathetic.

[Baltimore Jack]

A little sports news should always make the list and this was a year like no other. Chris K (really, do you think I could spell his name?) failed in his effort to get Ben R (#7 can't spell his name either)killed. For fans who support his effort, he's back in the line-up and got off to a good start last Thursday. (Ben's in a walking boot today) The NCAA failed once again to produce a system that would provide an undisputed College Football National Champion. The NFL media talking heads failed to see that Tim Tebow could and can win games even though he didn't provide them with the "measurables" their scouting combines and other self promoting statistical BS they spend so much time selling to their audience. Finally, the administration and athletic department at Penn State failed in too many duties to list on this post.

[Annette Dashofy]

Thanks Kathy and Doc for an epic laugh that wasn't a fail.

[Maryann Mercer]

Wow...you guys have ALL mine, including the debacle at Penn State...of course our local one is the Public Library charging people outside the city limits a whopping $200 a year to use the facilities! They managed to get away with it for a year before someone called them on it and won. Not as epic as Sandusky, but still...government stinks these days.And of course, who can forget our intrepid "I can sell you that Senate seat for a $%#%$&#%$%# amount of money" governor and his elfin grin? And the fact that Congress talks about reforming entitlement funds but doesn't consider their own over-priced paychecks and additional perks to be "entitled".....Off to work now. Happy Tuesday!

[Karen in Ohio]

I knew it was a Kathy Sweeney day as soon as I read the title for today! Delicious. As delicious as Doc "deflowering" the topic. LOL

NBA season started late because the greedy players couldn't come to an agreement. Really? They needed that much more money? Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Gay marriage haters start sputtering when faced with that sham of a Kardashian marriage. Or Starr Jones, or any number of others who spend millions just for the spectacle. The epic fail is that they don't get what marriage is really about. I wish they'd been at my daughter's wonderful nuptials: 25 close family and friends, a tiny budget, and one of the most memorable and happy weekends of any of our lives. Holly could teach them a thing or two.

[Ramona]

I hate to be the one to bring this up, because I didn't watch any of the trial and I hardly know any details, but the justice system deserves some attention too. So I offer you, Casey Anthony.

[Nancy Martin]

Can I make an off-the-wall nomination?

Vogue magazine is known for their gushing, fawning interviews of "important" international figures---emphasis on "figures" because they must be slim women who dress nicely. This year, Vogue did a multiple-page spread on the wonderfulness of...............Mrs. Assad, the first lady of Syria. Including photos of her wonderfully progressive husband. Clearly, nobody at the magazine thought this was a bad idea. FAIL!!

[Renee in KS]

Fab blog Kathy! For many people, the end of the calendar year serves as a time of reflection. There are numerous and notable failures that abound each year. What I find amusing is that people still don't learn from these errors. I guess human nature has not evolved as much as we think. I admit to my own lapses in judgemnt, but I hope that I have learned from them, so that they are not repeated.

[beachfla]

Agree with all the rants on politicians. But, have to agree with Kathy in deference to Doc, there's nothing pathetic or sympathetic about Santorum. He's scary.

[Karen in Ohio]

Here's an epic fail from today's online news: Newt Gingrich making a fidelity pledge.

Literally, rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. Newt, you are SO funny.

[judy merrill larsen]

Oh, geez, Karen, maybe Newt's staffers are secretly writers for Jon Stewart? WTF?

Okay, love all the epic fails listed so far--and Doc's line "Ron Paul is like your grandfather who says all kinds of goofy shit and the family just nods and ignores him" made me spew coffee.

Here's one (but maybe it's just an irritant?)--newscasts that use e-mailed comments and tweets as part of their newscast like all those anonymous wingnuts' opinions are worth anything.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Karen - are you f'n kidding me?!

Fidelity to WHAT? Stereo sound?

I think we should set up Newt and Casey Anthony on a blind date. The Assads can drive them.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

DAMMIT! I just realized I forgot to enter that STUPIDASS CODE and a couple comments are missing. I'll bet that has happened to me at least three or four times a week.

Sorry. I love all the comments - and Doc, you need to have your own talk show.

[Harley]

Between "sparkling jewels of insanity" and "Nostradumbus" I am just sitting here with the world's biggest smile on my face.

All these epic fails have given Kathy and Doc their own standup routine, which means there really is a Higher Purpose to it all.

[Alan P.]

Newt and Casey Anthony on a date. He likes them young, she wants a sugar daddy, sounds like a match! Maybe Match.com and HLN can do a deal on the TV rights.

I friend sent me this link yesterday: http://adage.com/article/special-report-book-of-tens-2011/marketing-s-biggest-social-media-blunders-2011/231503/ For those idiots pleased that they have followers on Twitter you should not be surprised when you tweet something stupid and your career tanks in the next 24 hours.

Unscripted TV. Isn't its 15 minutes up yet?

At least the Kardashians look better in bikinis than Paris Hilton. But, I could find better babes in about 30 seconds with Google. Did I cough at the wrong time but, did they ever do anything other than pose in front of a camera?

Congress 2010-11. Congratulations guys, you took an institution with historic approval ratings in the low teens and drove for single digits. My Tea Party friends have a surprise for some of you newbies. They voted for you because they expected you do something different than "the other guys". They did not expect you to step up to the trough like the other guys. Several are looking for newer new guys for next year. Don't worry, lobbyists will still hire ex-congressmen.

TV talking heads and news readers. Sorry, if louder made you smarter or right, The Who would be Kings of the World. Right now Daltry for congress sounds pretty good, US Citizen or not.

And you Mr. President. If I had wanted a pro-life president, I would have voted for the old guy from Arizona.

Bonus spot for Ashton Kutcher to come out against underage prostitution but for child rape. Don't spend all of those Nikon checks, I'm betting there aren't very more of them coming.

[Margaret Maron]

And don't forget the Supreme Court which ruled that corporations are people and money is speech --- well they got that last part right for the 1%.

[Elaine Viets]

Kathy, I am still laughing.
Sports provided so many fails this year. What about the Miami Heat dream team that fizzled?
And "Tebowing" has now become a word, heaven help us.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Dear Albert & Deidre Pujols,

You both are in your 30s. If you expect the people of St. Louis to get mad at the Cardinals for not kissing your ass and 'respecting' you over a difference of 40 million dollars (210 mil compared to 250+ mil), think again. My boss doesn't kiss my ass and beg me to stay...not even if I offered to take a cut in pay.

Its about the money, stupid. Don't try to tell us any different. We would accept it if you'd just admit it.

Love,

Fans of St. Louis Cardinals

[Ramona]

Play fair, people. Herman Cain should get a date with Casey Anthony too.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

This is even better - Newt and Cain in a Thunderdome cage match - the loser takes out Casey Anthony.

Tebowing - my son and his classmates have taken to assuming that pose before Latin exams. Hilarious.

Pam - at least you have a real baseball team. Good riddance to Albert- maybe he and LeBron James can double date with Casey and the Assads.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Well, its not fair to compare Albert to LeBron. At least we have two WS championships & another WS appearance (we don't talk about that one) since Albert got here. I'm also annoyed with Reyes who just signed a huge contract with Miami. The Mets didn't 'respect' him because they didn't offer him a contract. The Mets did contact his agent, but, go figure, Reyes never heard about it and its the Mets fault. Once a player says "They didn't show me the respect..." I turn off. Just be honest and say its because of the money. I'm ok with that...I would have made the same decision...probably, lol.

One of these days someone will do away with the current owners of the Pirates and they will return to their glory days. "We are Family" I remember those teams.

[Karen in Ohio]

Okay, I can't get behind any of these sports dudes (always male, please notice) that garner millions of dollars a year, often as the sacrifice of the taxpayers who live in the area where they play.

Let's raise the taxes on THOSE guys, 'kay? What the hell makes them so special? Okay, they can throw, catch, or stop a ball, or run really fast. Whoopee. We have lost our sense of priority in this country. Labs working on cures for horrible diseases can't get funding, but asshat athletes and politicians are sitting in Fat City.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Karen- this was one of my favorite rants of 2011 - professional sports - where we use taxpayer money to build giant palaces where only rich people can afford to buy seats to watch other rich people play with balls and sticks. At the same time, we don't have enough books to go around in public schools. WTF?!

Pam - agreed - it was a stretch - and I don't care what any of them say. It's the money. Period.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

One of the main reasons that the Cards couldn't/wouldn't meet the Angels offer is because they paid for Busch Stadium...or rather borrowed the money to pay for it. Its theirs, not the city's. After the debacle of "The Ed" (the Edward Jones Dome, where the Rams play horribly), the taxpayers weren't going to fall for it a second time.

Police, Firefighters, Teachers/Schools, and Libraries should all be among the highest paid.

[judy merrill larsen]

I hear all of you--and agree--with the notion that it's idiocy for taxpayers to pay for stadiums and stadium upgrades. That's one of the reasons I happily purchased a share of Green Bay Packer stock this week (yup, I'm now a part owner of a football team. I'd like a bit more respect). They're the ONLY publicly held pro team in the country. No tax dollars for them, thank you very much. It's all their cheeseheaded fans. In the first two days, they brought in $46,250,000.00. Not too shabby.

[DebbraSue]

If only the Minnesota Vikings were publicly held all this nonsense of building a new stadium on a former munitions plan (superfund site) and the owner saying the state needs to cough up because they don't want to add to or renovate an existing site that is on the light rail and he just bought a 19 million dollar penthouse in New York!! Rage and outrage (and sorry about the long run-on sentence)

I just finished helping with our church's annual gift drive and we help five different agencies, including our own high school which has a special area for any student to use to get the basics, food, school and hygiene supplies, etc because they are homeless or couch hopping. This is the largest school district in the state, BUT, it also encompasses a wide range of socioeconomics and doesn't get the big bucks like the southern and western suburbs (which is where the pro athletes live).

Can you tell this is a little bit of a hot button for me? I feel very fortunate that I don't live in the district respresented by Michele (twilight zone) Bachmann, but having her from my state is embarassing enough.

This is such a great, grand, wonderful blog, I appreciate its existence and all the backbloggers.

[Mary Stella]

As long as we're doing sports rants, let me send out a global fail to every player or coach who vents his spleen, taunts, yells obscenities or does some other childish thing knowing he's going to get fined. My point? They don't give a rat's ass in a hurricane about the fine because five, ten or fifty thousand bucks equals chump change to them with their multi-million dollar contracts. I hate this when that amount of money might be the difference to the fan who's about to lose his house to foreclosure.

Congress, and Mr. President, the lack of cooperation has to end. There is no Dem or Rep in teamwork. No jackass either, although that never stopped any of you before. Nobody's winning in your battles and the country as a whole is losing.

[Linda Rodriguez]

Kathy, you should put a warning at the top of your post--DO NOT READ THIS WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!!!

Agreed on everything everyone's named. I'd like to add a few others. KS Gov. Brownback, who's been singlehandedly wiping out his state's infrastructure. He wanted to destroy the state arts commission and did--even after his own massively Tea Party Republican legislature said NO. Just waited until recess. Losing considerably over a million bucks in federal funds. And then there was his attempt to use the public schools to punish a high school senior who twittered an insult about him. Epic fail!

And while on KS, let's not forget Topeka, where I lived for several years and still have lots of family. Because of budget constraints, they LEGALIZED domestic violence--won't come out, arrest, or charge. It costs too much, these guys whine!

And my own state, Missouri, puppy-mill haven. The citizens overwhelmingly passed a law regulating puppy mills. The son of one of the worst violators is a legislator who led his cronies to overturn the law passed by all the citizens of his state!

And I could go on, but I'll leave the rest for others to post about. The sad thing is there's been so much public idiocy this year that all of us could never cover all of it.

[Alan P.]

"Herman Cain should get a date with Casey Anthony too."

She doesn't work for him.

You know the silliness that are the pre-filed bills in the Missouri house/senate happen so often, you can't list it. It happens every year, like snow in the winter and bad baseball in Chicago.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Linda, lets not forget the Great state legislatures of Missouri overturning the Conceal/Carry gun law! We must start a grassroots effort to change the MO constitution to keep them from changing the legally voted in laws.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

I meant legislators....

sheesh.

[Reine]

Still trying to wipe the oatmeal off my computer screen!

But could I just add the hostile takeover of Michigan to the list. The dictatorial-ish move made possible by a new law that allows, ". . . the governor to appoint Emergency Managers with virtually unlimited authority over local governments . . .." http://michiganmessenger.com/48333/benton-harbor-takeover-sparks-furious-reaction Starting in Benton Harbor, the governor's action effectively ended the democratic process. The city commission cannot hold meetings. The people have been disenfranchised to the point of being denied an official venue even for asking questions and getting answers from their own duly elected government.

Where will this go next? Does this sound ominous to anyone else?

[Karen in Ohio]

I admire each and every one of you wonderfully intelligent and reasonable people. What wonders we could wrought, given our way, eh?

[lil Gluckstern]

I think we should run the country. I'm not sure we could do worse;-) Just kidding. I have headaches of my own. Wonderful posts!

[gaylin in Vancouver]

Just so you know that Canadians make bonehead decisions as well.

New roof for BC Place sport stadium, over $500 million.

Cuts to education - every damn year.

[Alan P.]

Gaylin don't let them cut education yet! I have a friend who may be moving your way soon. Assuming they take the job. Alas, the salary is no where near Pulos land.

"I admire each and every one of you wonderfully intelligent and reasonable people. What wonders we could wrought, given our way, eh?" - Karen I believe Peace on Earth and Good Will Towards Men(women too.)

[Reine]

Good grief, Gaylin . . . just when I was thinking we still had a place to run back to!

[gaylin in Vancouver]

And the $500 Million dollar roof leaked the first heavy rain storm, the night before the Gray Cup game.

[Alexandra Sokoloff]

Kathy, the whole half of the year I've been blocking out just flashed before my eyes - only your humor somehow made it not just bearable but for a moment enjoyable. Thank you!

Karen from Ohio beat me to Newt's "fidelity pledge." I guess I'll throw in his commitment to defend marriage. Talk about a laugh riot.

[Ramona]

Cripes, I can't believe we skip this one: The Donale Trump debate! Even he gave up on it.

Although it would have been sort of funny to see Mr. Infidelity chew up and spit out Mr. Delusional.

[Ramona]

Yikes, the typos. Fyi, I'm typing with one hand.

[Storyteller Mary]

Alan, I don't understand the reference to the President and pro-life -- what have I missed? (and yes, maybe I should actually read the newspaper instead of stacking them up because "I'm in the middle of a good book").
I did Google Tebowing -- already knew santorum because I read Savage's column.
I'm in total agreement to tax rather than subsidize sports and give the support to schools, hospitals, libraries . . . now how can we make it happen?
Until we do, at least we have each other!

[Storyteller Mary]

Ramona, why are you typing with one hand? (or maybe we don't want to know?)

[Ramona]

Mary, my wrist is aching so I'm wearing a brace. I blame the Moose Munch!

[Storyteller Mary]

I think that must be it -- hard to stir around a moose . . .

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yes, dear Lil, we should!!

[Lynn in Texas]

Lil and Hank, I third it! Why these nincompoops remain in positions of power, I'll never know! Power to the People!

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Nincompoop is my word of the day - thanks, Lynn!

[Pete1215]

When I hear of the Kardashians, I can't help think of the alien race on the show Deep Space 9. Otherwise I have no idea who they are.