Just on the Tip of my Tongue

by Hank Phillippi Ryan 

So a pleasant looking young woman pokes her head in the door of my office, obviously just passing by on her way somewhere else.

 "Hi, Hank," she says. Very sprightly.

 I look up from my computer. NO IDEA. "Hi," I say, equally enthusiastic.

 She leaves, thank goodness, because my next gambit, sadly, was going to be the oh-so-lame and incredibly transparent: “what’s new?”  A clear indication, in my estimation at least, that I had no idea who she was, or what she was doing there.

 Now nice it would have been, I thought after she left  if I had looked up and been able to say. Oh, hi, Emma-- or whatever her name is, I still have no idea. That's what people do, right? They know each other’s names.

 Not me, sister.

 
I can be introduced to someone at a party, and two seconds later have no idea. None. Now I know there are tricks, don't think I haven't tried them, after all these years of name struggling. I know that if you want to remember a name, you have to care. And say the name, even a couple of times.

 Hi, Emma, so nice to meet you Emma. 

(I love it when someone actually does that with me. I think-- oh, you read the books and now you're gonna remember my name well, good for you, because i have no idea about yours.)

And the really high level rememberers have figured out how to add another trick. They make a word association.

Like--"Her name is Betty. Like Betty Crocker, and I bet she likes to cook." Somehow, that is supposed to help you. And in fact, I know it does. There's used to be a restaurant in Newton where we live, and the maitre d' there was named Fred.

His name, I remember. Because when I met him, I thought-- I' m going to DO this. So i said to myself:  Fred, you're fed. (See, because it's a restaurant.)

Problem is, that restaurant is long gone, and Fred along with it, but I still remember his darn name. And what good is that, I ask you? And it, no doubt, is taking up the room in my brain for remembering someone else's name.

 Plus, I always get distracted, trying to think of the clever mnemonic device that'll burn the vict-- I mean, person's name into my weary brain. Will I actually remember Betty by Betty Crocker?

 Why would I remember that? What if she doesn't like to cook? Then the whole thing doesn’t work. And by that time she's gone and it probably won't matter until I see her in the drug store or someplace and it's so out of context I'll call her Julia--because Julia Child likes to cook, right?

Having a husband or partner in crime is helpful, or at least, can be helpful if your partner knows the game. Do you do this?  I say to Jonathan---in preparation for am evening’s name-test: Okay, sweetheart. If I introduce you and don’t say the person’s name, that means—YOU say something to elicit it.

I mean, you do that, right? And you know to say your name when the introducer doesn’t say it? I say my one name ALL the time, I always re-introduce myself. Just in case someone is equally name-challeneged.

Although that can sometimes backfire, too. “I just met you two minutes ago, Hank,” people say. “Don’t you remember?”

 Sigh. No. And sometimes I worry I'm being rude or hurting people's feelings. (Adding to the confusion, as a reporter, people feel as if they know me. So they come up to me and say--Hank! And I think--oh, no. Do I know this person? And race through my mental Rolodex. The kind ones are already saying: you don't know me , but...   For which I am grateful.)

(And a special no-no message to those who say "Do you remember me?" Like, it's a test? I fail. What can I say. Please don't say that to someone.) 

Once I introduced Jonathan as “Andrew.”  I still shake my head when think of it. It's because I was thinking about someone across the room, trying to think of his name, which I did, and remembered it was Andrew. So of course I said that: “This is my husband, Andrew.” Jonathan still talks about it.

Experts will tell you it's about fear, or holding the attitude that we can;t remeber so we don't, or overwhelmedness at too many names at once, or becuase we don't actually HEAR the name, or because we dont think we'll be called on to remember.  And remebmer, when the person says their name, you always say--oh, right. It's not like it's gone forever. It's about retrieval.

Thing is, once I recover the name, I can tell you everything about the person--long histories, previous encounters with elaborate detail, where their kids are in college, their dogs names, all kinds of stuff. I remember everything about them.  Problem is it's all stored under their name, and that part, I do not know. Well, I know it, I just can't retrieve it. And you can't go through the alphabet while you're standing there.

I'm all about privacy, but what do you think about universal name tags? Just a modest proposal. We slap on a sticky tag on before we leave each morning. If you want to be cool or innovative about it, you could embroider your name on a tote bag or something.

Or, you know everyone has a baseball cap with a logo right? Those are so twenty minutes ago. How about we each get a hat with our name on it?   (Kids would be exempt, I understand the problem.) But over, say, thirty years old? Name hat.

Okay, you're not gonna do that. And I guess it's not that workable. Although, Lance Armstrong (was that his name?) got everyone to wear those yellow bracelets. And my system could already work if your name is Gucci or Burberry.  Or--Coach!

 

But here's my plea. Can't it just be socially acceptable to say-- oh, yikes, tell me your name again? We all do it. We all have name problems. Ah--don't we? Tell me we do. I mean--I do want to remember.

So are some of you tlc'ers (and you know who you are) really good at this? If so-- how do you do it?

Comments

[gaylin in Vancouver]

If we ever have a TLC gathering, name tags must be worn by everyone, all the time!

I used to be good with names, remembering the histories with the names and on and on. And then a year and a half ago I got very sick, scary sick. My system was pretty toxic by the time I was diagnosed and my brain hasn't quite recovered. I can be in the middle of a conversation and just stop, dead because I can't remember the next word. If I get tired it gets much worse and it is like someone hits the pause button constantly, the part of my brain that stutters must also be where names are stored because I have a hell of a time now with retrieving names to go with faces.

Maybe I will start pretending it is an aging thing, not a sick brain thing.

[William]

There have been weeks so hectic, so busy, so exhausting, I've been known to say, "If you ask me my own name, we might have a problem" I can almost see it now:

Hank: "It starts with a 'W', William."

Me: "I know this, Hank, I really do."

Elaine: "William, what is your name?"

Me: "Uhhhh... I've got it on the tip of my tongue, Elaine, just a second."

Sarah: "Come on, William, you can do this."

Me: "Thank you, Sarah, almost got it."

Nancy: "Oh, come on, William, you know you know this."

Me: "Yeah, I do, Nancy. I almost had it."

Kathy: (slapping back of my head as she walks by)

Me: "Got it! My name is Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo!"

Harley: (Sigh.... Silence.)

Me: "Any more coffee around?"

[Kathy Sweeney]

Just come to Pittsburgh,where everyone is 'Honey'.

As in: "Oh Honey, who cares if you remember their names? Half of 'em are prolly jagoffs."

[Kathy Sweeney]

Also - thanks William! When I get to start my work week off by giving you a Gibbs slap, I know it's going to be a good one!

[Karen in Ohio]

Oh, Hank. I know whereof you speak. When you travel and talk to a copious number of the public all the time, it gets successively more difficult to recall all their names. People used to come into my booth after 15 years of vendor shows (10-15 a year, all over the country), and expect me to know their names because they had sat in the front row of two of my talks over the years! Uh, nope.

My maternal grandmother, before she married my grandfather, was the telephone operator for all of Hamilton, Ohio. She had every phone number memorized, plus everyone's names, their kids' names, their addresses, etc. It was about 1920, so there weren't that many phones, but still, that was a prodigious feat of memory.

I used to remember EVERYthing, and most especially names and phone numbers. Of course, it helped that everyone we knew had the same 513 exchange, but I could even, gasp!, remember long distance numbers. My husband found it easier to speed dial me to ask than to look things up in the phonebook. And now everyone has a home number, a work number, and a cell phone number, plus at least one email address. It's enough to tear one's hair, trying to remember. It used to be so much simpler.

Alas, no longer. Personally, I blame PIN numbers. Ye gods, everything in our life requires a DIFFERENT one! No wonder we have so little brainpower left for recalling names.

[Juanita Olson]

Sorry I don't have any advice for you. I am the same way. My daughter dated a boy for two years and ever so often I would get it wrong. You should have seen the look on his face when I asked my daughter is she had told Ryan the news. Unfortunately his name was Bryan. Go figure. I like the name tag idea.

[Barb Goffman]

Hank, I could have written this post. (Except calling my non-existant husband Andrew. Priceless.) I have an additional related problem: I'm bad with remembering faces. So I don't just stand there thinking, "I know you; what's your name?" I could be introduced to you ten times and have no recollection the next time we meet. I often address this problem by telling people upon meeting that I'm terrible with names and faces, so if I don't remember you, it's nothing personal. I'm sure that's really endearing. Sigh.

[Karen in Ohio]

Juanita, it's your daughter's own fault for dating boys with such similar names. My daughter was with Nate for five years; now she's been with Nick for five years. Yes, we STILL get them mixed up!

As my youngest daughter said on Hank's Facebook page, she always outs herself by saying she's terrible with names, introducing herself (again, sometimes), and then asking for the other party's name. Why not?

[Ramona]

I hope you realize that, from this day forward, anyone from TLC who meets your husband will say, "Hi, Andrew."

I'm with Kathy on Honey, but with me it would be Cher or Sugar (pronounced Sugah). The secret to that is, one means I like you, the other means I think you are a twit.

[Nancy Pickard]

Oh, What'syourname, I'm so with you, whoever you are.

My former sister-in-law once went totally blank on her husband's name at the family dinner table. So blank that she didn't even call him by a former boyfriend's name, just sat there with an "I can't believe I can't remember my own husband's name" look on her face.

I never assume anyone will remember me. Or hardly ever. Oh, how I wish some people at mystery book conventions and book signings would not assume I recognize them from a conference five years ago! Or last year. Last week?

[Alan P.]

Just going to say it, not remembering the name of the person you sleep with is not a good sign. At the very least it is drunk college boy level manners. Not remembering who your children sleep with only makes them look slutty.

I am terrible with names. Trivia, computer diagnostics, passwords, addresses, great. Faces to names, not so much.

But I can name all of the women I have slept with. And get the right names with faces. No I will not now or in writing. Doc, where is that REDACTED button when you need it?

[Barbara O'Neal]

Oh, Hank, I fell off my chair laughing. I am so there with you. It's complicated by teaching all over the world and meeting people out of context. So I see someone the first time in San Diego, then she comes up to me somewhere else and I have no clues to her identity.

The worst moment was in Australia, when I reached out to shake a woman's hand and she said, "oh, we've met several times and you won't remember this time either."

I always say my name for people. Always.

[Sandi]

I'm pretty good with names when I make the effort. If it's someone I REALLY want to remember, I do the mnemonic thing and repeat their names a few times. Twenty years ago I went into a meeting and met several people for the first time. Six months later I was at their office and greeted many of them by name. Adam - the only man in the room. Linda, who was attractive, and linda means beautiful in Spanish. (I do not speak Spanish, but I learned this from an episode of Facts of Life. Seriously.) Kim, the name of a childhood friend. Grace, the name of my cousin. I've forgotten the others - hey, it's been twenty years.

I used to tell people that my name was easy to remember. Until about 5 years ago, my hair was very long, to me knees. It was by far the most noticeable thing about me, and it was sandy-colored. So - Sandi.

[Harley]

Yes, yes, yes, Hank. (it IS Hank, isn't it?) A special place in hell for the "I bet you don't remember me, do you?" crowd. Esp. at a booksigning, where everyone is out of context anyway, so how could I know it's my second cousin from Duluth when the signing is in Miami?

My worst moment was when I was a newlywed, the first time around, and introduced the poor man as, "This is my first husband." O, my prophetic soul.

[Deb]

I am good with names and faces, and other details as well. Therefore, most of the people in my life (relatives, friends, coworkers) depend on MY memory to help them out. I try to remind them that I'm getting older, and that forgetting names and faces is a normal part of the aging process SO DON'T BE SO DEPENDENT ON MY BRAIN CELLS! How do you know that I won't one day tell you when you ask me the name of Cousin Elmo's wife: "her name is is Broomhilda" and then just as you address her by that name I suddenly remember, oh, no, no, no! Broomhilda was Cousin Elmo's SECOND wife, from the marriage that ended very, very badly, with Elmo sleeping on park benches in his underwear for three months because Broomhilda threw him out in the middle of the night and got EVERYTHING in the divorce, and then his latest lovely wife's feelings will be terribly hurt and you'll say "but Deb told me that your name is Broomhilda and she never forgets a name!"? Do not DO that to me!!

I DO have lots of trouble remembering passwords. Every program requires a different sort of password: more than six characters and one must be a number; more than eight characters and do not use a number; must be in ALL CAPS; do NOT use caps, and so forth. Yikes! My brain can only hold so much information and I need the space for names and faces!

[Diana in STL]

I used to be really good at remembering names but alas that skill has gone the way of the buggy whip. I run into former students who usually remember my name and often expect me to remember their name.

I also get "Did you used to teach at...?" One day I was at a local Garden Ridge and I got the usual "Did you used to teach at..." and then was asked "What's your name" instead of "bet you don't remember me". I replied "Miss W......" and the young lady said "No, that's not it". I laughed and said yes that is my name. She wasn't convinced but told me her name. I immediately remembered her and her brother. They were really characters. I've been retired since '97 so needless to say the students have aged a bit too.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

OH., my comments are disappearing! Sheesh. I;m doing the gizmo, I know I am.

Anyway..yeah, William, that's hilarious.

And this has actually been very inspirational. I do care about it, you know? It's not like I don;t want o remember. Maybe I need to try harder. Be more--aware.

And yes, Honey is good--although, again, kind of transparent. I used to wonder why women of a certain age called everyone "darling." Now I know.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

And Andrew says hi.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Barbara, oh, that's..awful. See, SHE remembered that at you didn't remember. And that's what worries me.

Sandi, that's very very loving and thoughtful of you.

What if we all did that? (Not get people to call us Sandi, I mean--offer a mnemonic device?)

[Karen in Ohio]

We should all try to find out how Bill Clinton remembers names. He is reputed to be able to recall people, and their names, he met years previously, even briefly.

A friend was dating two guys with the same name. It was fortunate for her, because she kept getting them mixed up.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Ramona, that's very revealing. I had no idea there were hidden meanings is name-avoidance nicknames...whoa.

Diana in StL--that's hilarious!

I also get--aren't you (insert name of another reporter at my station.) I say,no, I'm hank. And they say: Oh, yes, that's right!

I"m like, yeah. I know it is.

[xena]

Hank...I totally understand.
My big problem is Facebook. I don't do Facebook. I was asked to be a friend and confirmed it because why not and suddenly people are posting fotos on my wall and asking me for comments or inviting me to things in places I don't even live and even with a picture of them next to their name I don't remember who they are or why I should know them!
Ack!

[marie]

My DH and I have relied on each other to remember names but it does not last long..we usually fail miserably.
Meanwhile a song "Remember my Name" to rev up a Monday morn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL5HgJ5Yoxo

[xena]

Wait a minute...buggy whips have gone what way?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Well, Xena, I see what you mean..but I love Facebook for just that reason! I can go look at people, and think about them, and seeing the photos really helps. It's like--studying. (Scary, huh?)

Thanks, Marie! Loking at it now..

Remember Shirley, shirley, bo-perly, bannanafanna bo-perly, Fee Fi Mo Merly, SHIRLEY! That, I can remember.

[Lynn]

Well as a library director in a small town we pride ourselves on pulling up the patron before they actually get to the desk. Partly we can do this because they just returned something and we can get their name that way: but (there is always a but!)there are some patrons that I can't remember to save my life and that is embarrassing. I mean in a very small town we only have so many steady patrons ... or we have the problem of "Sam what is your last name again ... we can't pull you up in the computer by first name!"

[Jill W.]

I vote for name tags! I am really bad about this too, especially if I see someone out of their usual context. I know I know them, but I can't think of how or what their name is. What's worse, when a name actually does pop into my head, I doubt myself, because I am worried it is the wrong one.

If I meet someone more than once, then I usually do ask for their name again. I admit that I am bad with names, and often they have to ask for mine again, too, so it is no big deal. Once I have met them more than once, the name usually sticks with me.

When I was in law school I was introduced to a certain friend of a friend at least 8 times over teh course of 3 years. He was as polite as can be each time, but never once remembered meeting me previously. I was tempted to start making up outlandish or shocking things to say about myself to him upon our next introduction so he would remember.

[DebbraSue]

We had my husband's office party this past Saturday night and the person in charge had name tags that were in plastic holders that went around your neck. The first name was in a BIG HUGE Font and the last name was smaller, centered under the first name.

They were great. No sticky stuff that doesn't stick, no pins to mar the dressy fabrics. The cords were also long enough to go over your head without messing up the hair.

When I see someone I remember and I can't place their name, I introduce myself and ask if they have a child in fill-in-the-blank. That usually helps both of us to place each other, or they respond with yes, I'm so-and-so's mom. I will eventually get my own name back, and I am fine with being Mom.

[Diana in STL]

I have a name tag story. In 1971 or 72 they were painting my classroom so I was holding class in the school theater for a couple of days. We were having problems with outsiders (nonstudents) coming on campus but didn't have fences or many security guards then. Because of those problems we had to start wearing name tags. Ours had the usual school logo, our name, and "Faculty" on them.

I was young and fearless at the time so when an outsider came into the theater during my class I told him he would have to leave. He was much bigger than me but I stood my ground. Before he left he walked up to me, glared and said "What's your name?" and looked at my name tag. He turned around, stormed out and said "Alright Miss Fa cul ty I'll get you". I don't know if he returned later looking to do bodily harm to "Miss Fa Cul ty" or not but I've dined out on that story for years.

PS xena I should have know better than to use "buggy whip" on TLC lol

[Reine]

Oh god, Hank. Our kids inherited the name-forgetting gene from both of us. In Scout's family all the boys are named Stephen for this very reason. It started in 1933, because someone decided there were too many Jonathans (apologies to yours, because it is a lovely name) in the family, and she named her new boy Stephen. Well everybody loved the idea of having a new name in the family, and they started naming their boys Stephen, too. This generation has made it impossible, and the grandparents have resorted to calling the poor guys S-1, S-2, S-3, etc.

Apparently adoptees inherit this gene, no matter how old they are on joining the family. When we adopted our youngest, he asked if he could pick a new "given" name for himself. We said yes, of course, any one he liked. He chose Stephen. Of course. We had to keep our word as he said, "Now no one will doubt I am really in this family for good!" When I pointed out that Grandmother Edwards would be calling him S-43 he said, "Yeah, cool huh? And you can call me Scout-2."

[Shannon]

My father once blanked on my name and introduced me as his son to the amusement of everyone present. I have a pretty good memory for names and people at work are always impressed by the number of customers I know by name, but I think that's just repetition making the names stick with me.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Miss Fa cul ty! That's WONDERFUL!!

And Debbra Sue-- I DO remember you won Margaret Maron's (could not forget her, either..) book last week! (Don't forget to email me..)

xoox

[Josh]

Harley, that "first husband" is funny. It's only been recently that I've started referring to my ex-wife in stories as "my future ex-wife." I chuckle when I do it.

[Josh]

As for Bill Clinton remembering names, my wife tells the story of her parents meeting Hubert Humphrey when he was running for VP 1964. They were big Democratic supporters in Cleveland, but just regular people. Some years later, they went to see him when he landed at the airport. He was working the rope line, no one near him, no one telling him names, when he reached into the throng, shook their hands, and said, "so nice to see you, Ann and Joe." I think my future ex-wife was there and was suitably impressed.

[Mo]

I work at one of those companies where all the employees have to wear ID badges with names and photos and thank goodness for that. Outside of work however I have no helpful badges. I tried all sorts of memory tricks for years and failed miserably every time. I have given up and always apologize and warn people that names don't stick and please don't take it personally.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Josh, does SHE chuckle?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, well, Reine..that's hilarious, and fodder for a whole nother blog. My step-brothers name is Michael, but in college he changed it to Roy because there were too many Michaels.

His nephew Zachary changed his name to Xaq (sigh) and Xaq's sister Sarah changed her name to Sadie Lee.

[Alan P.]

Names and Passwords and Teaching

When I worked in a middle school, the administrator's password would log any user name in. When a student forgot their password, I would ask them to put their name in and then type my password. They would be amazed. Then I told them it was easy, I just memorized the 700 student passwords.

One of those 8th graders now teaches where my princesses go to school. At least one of those essays about 'what you want be be when you grow up - teacher', was true

[Nancy Martin]

My FAVORITE bit in Oceans Eleven (is it on TV 24/7?) is when Elliot Gould is wearing his bathing suit and bathrobe and his gut hanging out and all those gold chains in his chest hair and that cigar and he shakes the hands of Brad Pitt and George Clooney and says, "Sorry I can't help you guys, because I owe you for the thing with the guy at the place." That has become my conversations with all the elderly relatives, but also a predictor of the rest of my life. If I remember your name, it's a miracle. (I blame my bad eyesight.) But I am much better at remembering the FICTIONAL people in my life!

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

OH, bad eyesight. Good one, Nancy. And that line is perfect.

But we have good memories about OTHER things, that's what's so fascinating..so what is it about names?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Is it the short-term/long-term thing? Anyone know?

[KD Easley]

I've mentioned before that I work construction. Not sure if I mentioned that I do that construction in Nuclear power plants. What does that have to do with remembering names? I'm getting to it. Because, I too suffer from the same malady as um..Hank, right? Anyway, the good thing about my job is everyone has on a hardhat and 95% of them have their name on it. But if they don't, we are all wearing badges with our name and photograph on them, so if a quick glance up at the hardhat doesn't clue me in, then a second glance down to the badge hanging on their chest can help, if it's not flipped over backwards. Of course, if you are a guy with this problem constantly gazing at the chest of a woman when you talk might get you into trouble, but most of us lady construction workers don't get too wound up about stuff like that. The flip side of my system is that sadly after work, nobody wears either hardhat or badge, so if I run into them at the grocery story or the bar, I'm clueless once more.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Exactly, KD! And that's the sad part. Once you have a name tag as a helper--then there's no hope for remembering..

But again, that means it's all connected to desire. Right?

[gaylin in Vancouver]

In my family forgetting names is called, having a brain fart.

One of the worst ones I ever did was at my first (and only) anniversary party. My lovely MIL's names was Eve. I introduced her to someone as Eva . . . She gave me the mom glare and I didn't know what I had done wrong.

Total brain fart.

[lil Gluckstern]

I have a great memory for faces. I just don't remember their names or even when I met them. So I just ask, where do I know you from? That worked until I met someone who was a grade A b---h, and I forgot that I needed to stay out of her way. Grinding of teeth here.

[Kaye Barley]

Hank. You ALWAYS make me laugh - even when we get mooshy and you make me cry.

I love the Honey thing! I think Honey should be our universal name; love it!

I'm really pretty good with names and I have NO idea why. A few years back, we were in a restaurant in Atlanta and I spotted a man I had worked with many (many!) years previously at Delta Airlines. He wasn't a good friend, and we really didn't know one another all that well, but his name popped immediately to mind. Not only that, but so did his wife's (and I only remember meeting her at the occasional office party). I walked right up to them and said "Eddie! Madeline! Hi! How great it is to see you both!"

dead.

silence.

They looked at me and obviously had NO idea who I was. Not a clue. I wanted to just throw myself on the floor and pretend I had passed out and stay there till an ambulance came to take me away.

Donald thought the whole thing was a total stitch and chuckled about it the rest of the night.

[Cornelia Read]

I AM SO BAD AT NAMES. My God. Apparently, it's inherited. My mother always says we should all wear name tags at all times. And I have a weird name, so people tend to remember it, and then I always feel so rude when I can't remember someone else's name, which is... always.

CRAP!!!

[Judi]

Oh, I can so relate to this! I am good on the phone because I write the person's name down and then I use it - a lot. But in real life? Nope. When my son was maybe 4 we knew a woman named Mary Wood. One day a car drove in and he yelled to me 'Mary Chuck is here.' He made the association with a woodchuck! Whenever I see her I still think why there's Mary Chuck!
At my bridal shower I introduced my grandmother by her maiden name! I never even knew her by that name! How do these things happen?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Kaye, I think that speaks very well of you! THEY're the ones who should be embarrassed. You rocked the place!

[Storyteller Mary]

I have accepted the limitations of my "name dyslexia." It seems to be family trait. I also inherited my mother's sense of direction (Dad was good at directions). I'm constantly having trouble trying to get over somewhere to see what's-her-name.
I liked it when our students had to wear I.D.s, didn't even mind that we teachers wore them as well, but the kids hated them, and it was a big problem enforcing it, so I had to go back to consulting the seating chart before writing hall passes . . . yeah, universal name tags would be helpful . . .
** New flash: I finally got to see our resident deer, after 3+ years trying. Two young does were right by my bedroom windows about 11:30 this morning. They didn't seem to mind my watching them and then taking their picture, even with the flash which I couldn't turn off, so I went outside and took another picture, then talked soothingly to them. One just stood looking at me for a long time. Then I got cold and came inside, and they were just . . . gone. I hope they come back.

[Patrica]

Have you heard of the pantyhose killings? Our society is really becoming more violent all the time and women need to know how to protect themselves. I’m a student of Psychology and this information was given me.

The information given me was that this occured in the early 1970′s. The victims were all university girls. The victims were all wearing micro mini-skirts and pantyhose.

The killer would hide inside their apartment. As soon as the girl would step inside the door, he would grab them and place them on the bed. He would put a pillow over their face and began suffocating them. He would revive them and smother them three or four times over.

After smothering the life out of his victims he would remove their pantyhose and keep them for a sick trophy. The girls were not raped. They were found fully clothed with the exception of their missing pantyhose. The pantyhose were never removed until after he killed his victim.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Mary, did the picture come out? How wonderful! Kind of--magic.

[Storyteller Mary]

I put photos on FB -- I'll gladly email you one. I told her she could come back any time, but I didn't get their names . . .

[Mary Stella]

I used to be better at remembering names. Back when we were talking about funerals, I shared the strategy my friends and I use at conferences when someone comes up to us and we can't remember their names.

I feel really bad when the person whose name I've forgotten is someone really nice. I mean I recognize them, know that I liked them and all, but just can't get the name right. Unfortunately, I have no trouble remembering the names of people who are rude, obnoxious or just not nice.

I can't dish the actual name here but one time at a conference, an author introduced herself to me by name and branding statement. She was pretty obnoxious. Very full of herself. I think of it every time I see her.

Hank, if I ever have a chance to meet you, I promise to give you not only my name, but also that I hang out here so you won't think I'm someone you've met but forgotten.

Of course, maybe we have already met neither one of us remembers. *g*

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Mary Stella, that is quite perfect. Can't wait to meet you. And I know I won't forget.

Good night, everyone! xxoo