TOO MUCH TO DO!

HANK:  Happy Thanksgiving! Oh, wait, that’s over. Hope you had fun…but now—don’t stop dancing!

You know what comes next. You’ve known it from the moment you put away the tree last year. You’ve known it from the moment you say that first display of cards in the drugstore—just after Labor Day, it seems. Holiday creep (we don’t mean holiday creeps, that’s a different blog) is relentless, we know. And we can never figure out why there are now bathing suits at the department stores when there weren’t any in August. But that’s another blog, too.

 So, let us be—well, okay, clearly we're not the first—to welcome in the rest of the holiday season. How ya doin’ so far?

Today, the three H's stand for Ho Ho Ho. (Hush. Like  Santa, we mean.)

 
>> When do you start thinking about Christmas and Chanukah shopping?

HARLEY: Why are we even discussing this when . . . oh. I see. It's nearly December. When did that happen?

HANK: Like I said.  Holidays come and go so quickly around here. I start thinking about it..well, I never stop thinking about it. Which doesn’t help in any way. It’s like thinking about your novel. It’s all wonderful—but it doesn’t mean any pages get written.

 HEATHER: I think about it way ahead sometimes. But I think that if I buy that perfect gift for someone, I will lose it or give it to them far before Christmas. I have now seen so much hype on "black Friday" that I'm terrified. 

HANK:  TLC'ers..for extra credit..did you shop?

>> When do you actually DO your Christmas and Chanukah shopping?

 HARLEY: Whenever I can squeeze it in. With luck, when I'm not actually in the presence of the person for whom I'm shopping. 

 HEATHER:  Christmas shopping . . . hm. I'm looking at the some of the treasures I got the kids last year that are actually still on my back porch. I'm thinking gift certificates! (Or green stuff. That always works.)  If anyone knows my kids, by the way, I would love the new IPad!

 HANK:  Sadly, more and more, I don’t. I mean—I do two kinds of shopping.  On an emergency basis—as in: oh my GOSH I need something for (insert name here) RIGHT NOW!! And then I panic. Or, on the planning extremely ahead basis, which is I buy the PERFECT thing for whoever in like, July. Then I’m very proud of myself. Then I lose the thing. Or forget I ever had it..

 >> What secret thing have you learned about holiday shopping?

 HARLEY: Nothing. That's what I expect from TLC. The secrets to life.

 HEATHER: Be someone other than me. Be one of those clever and wonderful people who can shop way ahead--and remember where they put the gifts!

HANK: Seriously? No one remembers what you gave them. If you ask me what pick-a-person gave me for Christmas/Chanukah last year, I have NO idea.  And the corollary ,that I have no idea what I gave anyone. I’m sure there are people who got the same thing from me for several years. Shrugging. You can’t have too many silver pens, just saying.

>> Re-gifting. Discuss.

 HARLEY :I buy a lot of gift cards and then end up keeping them. Does it count if one is the beneficiary of one's own regifting process?

HANK: Brilliant. I do, too. But then I forget I have them. Or I lose them.  Regifting scares me. I don’t object, morally, I guess, I just fear getting caught.

 HEATHER: I believe in re-gifting. If I've given you a gift that you can't use but it saves you when you suddenly and desperately need a gift--I believe that was a gift! So there!

>> Is your family really good about doing their own shopping? Or do you have to step in?

 HARLEY:  As my family is mostly under the age of 12, and 33% of them are canines, I do it. 

 HANK: My family only shops for themselves.  What can I say. And we’re very good at it.

 HEATHER: I'm not so sure my husband has ever shopped . . . no, that's a lie. He'd gotten the kids movies, cds, and T-shirts. Ah, wait, darn! The two year old and the four year old are not excited about money. I will have to shop. And Nikki and Ozzie and the cats don't actually understand it, either. (Rather than something to chew if it's lying around.) I will have to shop. 

>> Teachers. Agents. Trash guys. Hairdressers. Letter carriers. Presents or not? What?

 HEATHER: I'm horrible with anything that has to go through the mail. If I can hand it to you, you will get it. Okay, so yes, editors and agent. Yes, but thank God! They like E-gift certificates!

HARLEY:  This is my nightmare. Teacher gifts I leave to the Room Moms, who are saints. I will donate any amount of money in order not to have to think about it. Agent, yes. Trash guys, no. Hairdressers, letter carriers, no, and I feel VERY GUILTY about this. I never learned the rules. Are there rules? I do send a lot of cards. Does that count?

 HANK: Every year magazines and newspapers have lists of rules—what you give everyone for presents. And every year—what they says just doesn’t seem right. Agent, yes. Editor, yes. Trash guys-yes. Letter carrier, yes.  Hairdresser, you bet.  Producer, yes. Video editor, yes. I guess I’m just a—yes.   

 
>> Is there someone in your family who always gets it right?

HARLEY: My children. Whatever they give me is perfect. How can it not be? And--this is so wacky--their dad's girlfriend gives fantastic presents. I even save the wrapping.

HANK: Jonathan. Is perfect.   And my mother, who once gave me pale pink leather gloves. I mean—who’d-a thought? I’ve never worn them, because they’re too pink.  The next year she gave me ultra-thin red suede gloves with a tiny red-suede rose on each wrist. I mean—gorgeous. But as yet, unworn. Too delicate. I might use them as a table decorations…or tree ornaments!

 HEATHER:  My sister's sister-in-law. T. She just gets Christmas right. Cards sent, presents wrapped . . . beautifully. My sister was like that. I'm organizationally challenged. Maybe it was in the genes, and it just skipped me. (Like small feet, you know?)

 
>> Is there someone in your family who always gets it wrong?

HARLEY: Nope. There are no bad gifts. (But some I do . . . recycle.)

 HEATHER:  I agree--but when kids are all over the place, it's Christmas for me just to have them with me.

 HANK:  Oh, you two are so adorable. But Harley, yes, there are. I mean, theoretically, no, gifts are gifts and it’s wonderful. But I’ve gotten some WEIRD stuff.  A table runner, once. But not from family.

  >>Opening presents on Christmas eve or Christmas day? For Chanukah celebrators--how many big presents?

 HEATHER: One on Christmas Eve--the rest on Christmas day! (Unless one of the animals has chewed up the wrapping and they're half open already.)

 HARLEY: Christmas day. Always.

 HANK: When I was a kid, we celebrated Chanukah just as you’re supposed to, and Christmas just as you’re supposed to. Well, okay, not exactly, of course.  My mother would always try to weasel the presents in the final days—like giving us packs of Juicy Fruit, when we wanted stuffed animals.  Gift opening on Christmas morning only was pretty sacrosanct, no matter how often and relentlessly the five of us kids lobbied for Christmas Eve openings.

Now, as an adult, I would NEVER open anything early. Waiting is part of the fun.

 
>> Real tree, artificial tree? NO tree?

 HARLEY: Real tree.

 HEATHER: Whichever I can find that year that fits right on the little table in the back. Above the level where Ozzie-Cudjo thinks it's like an outside tree, but tied in the corner where the cats don't continually try to climb it.

 HANK: Real tree. Have you seen the rosemary ones? I’m tempted. Jonathan and I don’t have a tree, though. Sigh. “We’re Jewish,” he says, like that’s supposed to end that discussion.

>> Too early to be discussing this? Yes? No? Discuss.

 HARLEY:  Sigh. No. It just feels like it's too early, like the postcard that comes reminding me it's time to get my teeth cleaned. 

 HEATHER:  Ditto to Harley's sigh. December? You are kidding me!

 HANK:  With ya on the sigh.  Time goes by too quickly, no matter what season. So I guess the only thing to do is embrace it.    And wear the red suede gloves.

HANK:  So how about you, TLC'ers? Shopping secrets? Gift-giving revelations? Hints to loved ones? Give us your scoop and wisdom on the approaching holidays...anything you're going to do differently this year? 

And hey--Happy Holidays! We have a signed copy of Margaret Maron's new book for one lucky commenter!  (Ho Ho HO!!)

Comments

[Doc In CA]

My wife and dogs and I don't celebrate any holidays that have to do with religion, so the whole gift giving/getting thing is a moot point. We buy each other stuff throughout the year. My family is pretty much the same. She kicked her family to the curb years ago, so that makes things easier.

Now, growing up, my family was all about the tree and the presents and such (but not the religion). My mom was a master class shopper, as was my sister. My dad, brother and I, not so much, altho the old man always managed to get my mom at least one gift that made sure he got the good lovin' until the next Xmas rolled around.

In the not so distant past, we tried goofy experiments like drawing names from a hat, then just buying that person a present (never popular with my nieces & nephews), limiting what you could spend on anybody to $10.00 (success = gift buyers imagination) and buying two presents that we put in a big box and then each cose two from (and then traded until we got what we wanted...more or less).

Actually, I might buy presents for the Canine American Princesses this year, since they have been dutifully eating the less expensive dog food while we have gone through Our Adventure In Belt Tightening. Maybe a couple of Double Doubles from In-N-Out Burger and a bag full of Greenies.

[Doc In CA]

That would be "two presents each" and CHOSE, not cose.

[Kathy Sweeney]

I have a whole stash of things that I pick up during the year. I HATE the holiday shopping scene. People are cranky.

This year, I am only buying BOOKS and games/puzzles for most people. For some of my relatives, that is easy - but it's a real challenge for some others. Perhaps it's too soon, but that Steve Jobs biography filled in some serious blanks on my list.

There is a Harry Potter: Page to Screen masterpiece of a book that my nieces and nephews are going to love. I am also giving one to my kids - they may not appreciate all the details, but it will end up in my library, which is all that counts!

Need help with your list? Shop local, and if you don't have a local place to buy books and games and puzzles, you are always welcome at my favorite: www.mysteryloversbookshop.com.

[William]

I used to shop as I go, and still do, but to be honest, it's mostly online these days. Just easier, less stressful. And Gift Cards. Gift cards are awesome!

[William]

Cool story. VERY cool story!

http://www.writerswrite.com/blog/112720111

[Nancy Martin]

Our family draws names and everybody gets a book. It's so personal! And a lovely gift. And nobody goes insane buying presents we don't need. But that doesn't do much for the economy, so I guess we're unpatriotic.

I need help with the agent/editor thing this year. Usually, I send big gift baskets of treats, but most treats are desserts, and nobody does dessert anymore. (Sob!) So.....is there a company that will send wine in NY? Because I live in PA where we have completely ridiculous liquor laws, I am having trouble.

My m-i-l used to give me the free gift that came with her daughter's favorite perfume. Now that family draws names, and whoever is in charge of the list obviously caught on, because she never has my name. Insert smiley face here.

[cathy]

One of the problems with Hanukah, is that unlike Christmas, it's never the same set of days each year, which can really throw off your planning. Like a couple years ago when it started the day after Thanksgiving.

On the gift end, I don't really have any clever solutions. Every year I just cross my fingers and hope I don't accidentally give someone the same book two years running.

My biggest complaint is with holiday cards. Actually I've got 2 complaints. One is that the funny cards are mostly vulgar these days. I like funny holiday cards. I don't like butt crack Santa. The other is that a card with Christmas tree, Rudolph the red nose reindeer and a bunch of dancing candy canes does not magically turn into a nonsectarian, ecumenical, good for anyone of any religion card just because the card says "Happy Holidays" or Seasons greetings." It's still a Christmas card.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

We tried name-drawing one year--it KIND of worked. Well, actually,no. No one paid any attention to it, and either sneaked people presents or felt--unfulfilled. Oh, yeah, of course people cheated on picking names. They'd look, reject, and pick another one. Herding cats.

Yeah, that's another blog, right? The gifting of the free gift that comes wtih the thing? How about that--yes? NO?

Nancy, you're right about desserts. People resent. SO what other ideas? I'd love to hear them, too. In other words--HALP!

[Mary Stella]

My friends and I decided we have enough stuff and that the gift of spending quality time together is a wonderful present, so that's what we do.

I buy for my brother, sister-in-law and nephews. Presents are always opened Christmas morning with the stocking stuffers done first. We're a mingled family. S-i-L and nephews are Jewish. Brother and I are lapsed Catholics. No tree in their house, but evergreen boughs in their sun room. I put up a tree here in FL. (Artificial. Any allegedly "live" tree that makes it to the Keys has been dead for a few weeks.)

I'm torn on the "extra tips" question. I tip generously every time I go to the nail tech or hair stylist. Why are some jobs deemed worthy of extra gifts at the holidays? Do you expect a tip from readers? Does this attitude make me a Scrooge?

[Karen in Ohio]

That IS a cool story, William. Except for buying that stupid Junot Diaz book, in which every third word is a crude four-letter expletive (ie, the "f" word). How that book got a Pulitzer is beyond me.

My husband does not buy gifts. He used to, when the girls were home because they would shame him into going shopping with them for me, usually on Christmas Eve. So over the years I've gotten less and less excited about Christmas. (Although he did get 10 bottles of nice wine for us last Christmas.)

For the last few years I've given everyone the same gift du jour (or whatever the French would be for "year"). One year it was reusable water bottles and shopping bags for each family member; one year it was a family cookbook with 140 recipes on a CD, a binder (with a cover collage of photos of family get-togethers), paper, and plastic sleeves; this year it will be a dozen bottles of red wines from all over. I've already ordered them, and the girls are all excited about it.

This year and last year I also went to the Books by the Banks event here in Cincinnati, where 100 authors attend and sign books, sponsored by Joseph Beth and our public library. Lots of great Christmas gifts there, including some for my grandson, who will be seven soon. I bought him the first three Harry Potter books this past summer (two pages of which he reads aloud every night), and he will also get the next two for Christmas, along with one on bugs, and another on taking care of dogs. They have a Bernese Mountain dog pup (already 90 pounds), so the author of the dog book, who is also the illustrator, drew a picture of a Berner and signed it personally to Zak. He'll love this.

[The gold digger]

My husband's parents gave us a cast iron cat and a framed photo of themselves a few years ago: http://diaryofagolddigger.blogspot.com/2010/01/in-which-we-get-worse-presents-than.html

But the worst present they gave us were the cheap pressed wood Chinese nesting tables painted with hummingbirds and hibiscus. They got insulted when we wanted to return them, as we had no need for (UGLY AS SIN CHEAP ASS CHINESE) tables - I had just refinished a lovely maple end table that I'd gotten at Goodwill for $5. The person who priced it didn't bother to look past the gloppy yellow paint. Ha. Dovetailed edges + hardwood = quality worth more than $5.

Not only did they get insulted, they insisted they had given the same present to my husband's two half brothers, which I discovered later was not true.

AND they had the tables shipped to them, then they had my sister in law take the box to the post office to send to us.

I can't wait to see what's going to happen this year. All I want is a present detente.

[Sheila Connolly]

I don't celebrate a religious holiday; I consider Christmas a solstice celebration, as the year shifts back to longer days. I'm pretty sure that predates any organized religion. And definitely a real tree--isn't that the point? The bigger, the better (I have 9-foot ceilings).

My younger sister usually finishes her holiday shopping in August. I think she's a changeling. At least she encourages me to buy books for her grandkids.

My husband puts off his shopping as long as possible, then grumbles about having to pay ridiculous prices to ship presents to his distant family in time.

[The gold digger]

"Nancy, you're right about desserts. People resent. SO what other ideas? I'd love to hear them, too. In other words--HALP!"

I don't resent dessert. Send it my way.

What about a cheese basket from igourmet.com? Or fancy olive oil? An assortment of Good Salt? Tamales?

Show tickets are nice, but they can be expensive. Plus you might not know someone's taste.

[Nancy Pickard]

I would just like to point out that it is not yet, in point of fact, December. So everything you said went in one eye and out the other.

Also, you are all three adorable and I love Mondays with you.

Love,
A Fan

[Harley]

Ah, show tickets! Gold Digger, you're right -- that is a fantastic gift (and expensive, if we're talking Broadway) but you do have to know someone pretty well to know what they'll like.

I'm interested to hear that other people have had a tough time with that name exchange thing. My seven siblings and I started that years ago, with everyone buying for the little kids and everyone buying for my mom and then picking one sibling's name out of a hat. But no one could remember whose name they had by the following year, so we had to assign someone to remind people, and my brother Andrew ignored it, and on Christmas eve went out and bought everyone something, and then we couldn't figure out if married couples were two people or one unit, so we gave up.

[marie]

I am excited for Christmas this year. I have a new cherub/grandchild to shop for.
Our local radio station started playing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving this..I guess we need a little Christmas.
My husband starts asking me early on what I want for Christmas. I told him that I want something shiny for my ears. Something that says I have arrived.
The truth is I HAVE arrived already and all I really want are book certificates because I am in a reading fog right now reading Christmas books and thrillers..a real dichotomy.

[Sandi]

For the past three years I've been lobbbying to eliminate gift giving in our family. My dad's side of the family stopped giving gifts decades ago, and my mom's side of the family draws names or brings a wrapped present by gender, then we draw numbers and pick a present. The littlest kids (under 12-ish) still get a gift or two. For years I got stuck with the worst gift - a "metallic" plastic napkin holder, for example. We tried exchanging gag gifts instead for a few years, but that got old after a few rounds of sexy lingerie for my grandmother. And the penis-shaped soda can cover for me. When I was 18.

I shopped on Black Friday, but only one store, and late, when everyone had gone home to recover. I walked in, asked for the thing I wanted, paid, and left. It was wonderful. I like to give quilts and pillows and bags and other handmade things, but they can take time, and well... I'm a procrastinator. I gave my brother the same quilt for Christmas three years running. After I finally finished it, his ex-wife took it in the divorce. I'm making him another one. He might get it in 2015.

[Sandi]

Oh... and does anyone else have a mother who likes to give socks for Christmas? Every year, my (wonderful in all other ways) mom wraps a 12-pack of gray athletic socks for my brother, and a couple of pair of black socks for me. It's just weird.

[Margaret Maron]

For agent and editors who live in the city, I send big boxes of freshly-cut greenery: cedar, pine, rosemary, holly, boxwood, and tuck in some pine cones. They profess themselves delighted.

My husband and I have finally worked out the perfect (for us) gift-giving ritual. We both want to be surprised, but we don't want to have to ask for the receipt so that it can be returned if it's not really right. So? We exchange small stocking stuffers, but for our main gift, I secretly buy what I want for myself; he secretly buys what he wants for himself then we wrap them and put them under the tree. On C'mas morning, we each get something we really love and won't have to exchange, and we're each surprised by what we "gave." Win-win all around.

[xena]

Who you callin' a HO?
When I used to travel a lot I always picked up something small that you couldn't get anywhere else. I'd just buy 12 of them and tuck them in my suitcase for future reference.
Then I spend and evening with everything on the table and get out my list and decide who I'm giving what to. Everything there is something I like so if I have extras I get to keep them. Merry Christmas to me.
Now a days I say if you didn't make it or bake it forgetaboutit!
So I forget shopping. I never go anywhere except the grocery store, thrift store or fabric store anyways. If I see a nice spice rub in attractive packaging I'll pick up 12 of those and do the table thing along with my home made baked goodie or marmalade or hand made ornament.
I make my own Christmas cards too.
The monarch of the costume company I worked for for 30 years always has an elaborate Christmas Eve party. They always try to outdo each other with the gifts. It's ridiculous. They are rich...of course.
I don't go to the hair dresser nor do I have an agent but I do give our Pelican Playhouse artistic director food goodies.
Wine is always seriously excepted.
Last year I gave the dysfuctioning girlfriends a steak. You could get them frozen from the Share program at church. A really great present if you're not vegan. And coffee from an independant grower that gets 90% of the cost in Columbia is always a hit.
So happy Ho Ho Hoing people! I'll be singing songs under the palm trees!

[xena]

Accepted?
I love getting wine! Just having someone remember you is nice don't you think?
I send thank you cards too. Communication...the die-ing art.

[Karen in Ohio]

Sandi, I've been trying to eliminate the gift-giving madness for a long time, too. It got too unwieldy, both in terms of logistics and expense, and not just for us. Our kids were really struggling to keep up, and I hate that.

3H's asked about the worst gifts. My ex-sister-in-law gave the stupidest gifts, including a banana hammock. I'm not sorry she's not in the family any longer, although not for that reason.

We have an artificial tree I bought at a 75% discount one year right after Christmas. But I haven't set up a tree in three years. No one is here, and it's just no fun to decorate without the kids helping.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Xena, you are always amazing. Can you come to my house?

Margaret, I bet that's gorgeous...do you send it yourself?

Gold D--good salt? Good salt? I'm interested!

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Coffee. Yes. Coffee. Thinking.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Karen, what's a banana hammock? I keep picturing a sleeping banana.

[Karen in Ohio]

Like this, Hank (do not Google, unless you have eyewash handy. This is not the first thing that comes up!):

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=10525586

They are supposed to do something about ripening or not ripening, but we use a wire bowl that is just fine for all our fruit.

[Laura (in PA)]

Harley, my 8 siblings and I also went through the exact thing you describe. Now I just send a small thing to each - last year it was jam from the Amish place in Lancaster (technically, Intercourse, PA) - http://shop.kitchenkettle.com/ - they'll even ship it for you.

Our anniversary was Black Friday, so my husband and I, on our way to the movies, stopped at BJ's and bought ourselves a nice camera they had on sale. That's the sole shopping I did all day, and BJ's was practically empty.

Speaking of the husband, someone tell me what to buy him for Christmas. He's impossible to buy for, and his birthday is in October, and our anniversary in November. By Christmas, I'm out of ideas. He loves techy things, but has them all, and my daughter buys him clothes at her store with her discount, so I can't do that. He doesn't read much, and when he does, he gets something to read on his iPad. Ugh.

[Laura (in PA)]

Anytime I've ever heard the term "banana hammock", it meant something totally different...

[Debi Murray]

I confess my mind went to bad places when I read "banana hammock".

We switched to an artificial tree years ago because of allergies. It was difficult to replace that original 7 footer with a 12 footer when we moved to this house with 17 foot ceilings. The prices were out of sight! We had to wait for the after Christmas sales to snag one at a reasonable price.

This year we have decided to be unconventional with the family gift giving. Each person living here (4 adults) will buy themselves a gift or multiple gifts adding up to $50. The gifts will be wrapped, labeled, and placed under the tree. We will draw names and each person will unwrap the gift of the person whose name they have chosen and will receive an explanation of why that gift was chosen. This is an experiment which will allow each person to be as practical or frivolous as they choose to be. We also may learn something new about each other. I can't wait to see how it works out.

Happy Holidays to all!

[Melissa C]

The banana hammock thing took me to different places too. My grandsons clued me in to it years ago.
We have an artificial tree, due to grandkid's severe evergreen allergy. I thought I would hate it, but I have come to appreciate the lack of mess.I get everyone in the family a book , That's 17 all together. Sometimes easy to choose sometimes very difficult.I also like to give theatre tickets, Gave one set of grandchildren Lion King tickets last year.(Providence)They said it was the best gift they ever got.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, Melissa, Lion King tickets--I bet that was life-changing!

Laura, I'm with you, In fact, we hardly get each other anything for the holidays--I'm terrible. I think Margaret's idea about buying for ones self and then pretending, is ,sadly, brilliant.

When you were a kid, were you thrilled on Christmas/Chanukah? My mother always tells me that I was impossible--she says I was never satisfied with anything. Sigh. I'm so sorry, now!

Okay, looking up banana hammock. Because really, I bet I know what I'm gonna see. It'll be blocked, I wager, since I'm at work.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

And yeah, people SAY they'll do the gift exchange, but then they won't. Or don't. And then there's always some weird corollary, like "people under 8 don't count."

And how about a Yankee Swap? I NEVER understood how that works.

[Deb]

Not sure what this says about me, but everything that people described as "inappropriate"is something I wouldn't mind receiving. (Anyone want my address? Just asking...:-)

My siblings and I used to do the "pick a name" thing but it sort of fell by the wayside a few years ago. Now, whoever wants to give gifts does so and whoever does not want to do it, or can't afford to, does not. Most gifts are of the stocking stuffer variety,which is fine with me. It's nice just to be remembered, as far as I am concerned! When we used to provide a Wish List, I always put Socks on my list. Nobody ever got them for me. They seemed to think it was a joke. I really ,really wanted socks! I do LOVE bookstore gift certificates, and I HAVE received them. Most of my relatives also appreciate them.

If I win Margaret's gift, it will definitely NOT be regifted, and if anyone wants to borrow it, they wll need to pry it from my hands!

[Reine]

Hi Hs, I love you.

Santa came early with the most accessible computer and peripherals ever conceived in the digital consciousness.

Usually I hang up the way-old personalized stockings from Bean, and everybody adds little gifts to each. Our "big" gifts are usually travel or events, and sometimes they are education. Always there are books. How could there not be?

Hank, your good-faith encouragement for my holiday dieting has given me one of the best gifts in years, as it stayed with me on Thanksgiving. I did not gain one ounce (@ -80 lbs now) and was moved to try on my engagement ring that hadn't fit since early in our marriage. It fit. I cried. I showed Scout, and we remembered the day we selected it. The memories are the best gifts. Being able, in this way, is giving me a new hope for living with the other abilities I have yet often forget.

[Tammy Kaehler]

On one side of my family, we have set a $10 or re-gifting limit, which honestly, I find harder to do than just "keep it small." Fortunately, that's for the adults, and the kids are off limits, so sometimes the "kids" get a more-adult/family gift because I just can't be bothered to spend lots of time (more valuable than the $ some days) being creative and inexpensive.

On another side of my family (I have three sides), we'd never dream of picking names, because those people LOVE gifts. They just want to open stuff. Except that this year they're all feeling their fortunes reduced (I deleted quite the diatribe about my opinions on said feelings, because I thought it was little early for family rage today), and I'm not sure what the standard will be.

I sound awfully cranky. Let me note: I have great respect for people feeling like they can't spend much, because I completely agree. And I do usually enjoy the season and gifting a lot. I'm just up to here with gifting RULES, and different RULES for each group. I am on the verge of giving everyone a book and making a donation to Heifer International or the Afghan Women's Writing Project in their names and saying to hell with it.

If you haven't guessed, I'm usually much more prepared for this season, and I just haven't been able to spare a brain cell for it yet this year. Which stresses me out. *sigh*

[gaylin in Vancouver]

Reine - your engagement ring fits again! How awesome is that.

I may or may not decorate this year. I don't get a tree, fire hazard in a small apartment. I have just enough decorations that if I put them all out it does look good in here.

We don't do presents anymore in my family. This year I doubt we will even get together. This works well for everyone . . .

One year when we still did presents, we did a name exchange and all gifts had to be edible. Actually worked out great!

The last time we did an exchange, the idea was to bring a present and they were all put on a table and we could pick which ever one you wanted. Turns out that everyone else brought wine or alcohol for presents. I don't drink alcohol, a sucky event for me.

I don't like getting books for presents since I have never been given a book I actually liked. Book store gift cards, no problem, books - no thanks.

The only shopping I will be doing is for friends daughters, 3 of them. Soon, I will shop soon, sigh.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

REINE!! I am in tears. Thank you. You are amazing, and what a wonderful moment. Ah.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Gift cards? Yes, no? Giving? Receiving?

I LOVE them, but giving them seems--not so thoughtful. But maybe its the MOST thoughtful.

[lil Gluckstern]

All right, I looked up "banana hammock." Bed, Bath & Beyond has a real banana hammock. Seriously. The others wouldn't work for anyone I know-I'm really not ready for this :) Maybe the others are-I'm glad they don't share. BTW, love your post. The family has gone children only. Since I knit and crochet, everyone gets a hat! And books, and anything with wheels.

[Nancy Martin]

I think we need to get Her, Margie in here to discuss "banana hammock."

The thing about giving editor/agent gifts is that you kinda need to send stuff that can be shared in the office. So: One year I sent dozens of bags of chocolate-covered fruit. Then it was fancy popcorn in multiples. I have been looking at the gift baskets from a wine company, but, jeez, $600 each? That's why I was thinking a company that just sends wine in the city would be idea. Anybody want to go into business with me?

"Children only" sounds like a good idea to me. But we love our book exchange. If you have suggestions for an intelligent, elderly woman who has already read everything, I'm eager for suggestions. Something obscure, witty, challenging, no sex, no religion, some Jungian stuff is okay, etc, etc.

[Laura (in PA)]

I don't mind gift cards at all. In fact, my husband was at a loss last year and got me about $200 worth of gift cards for different places. It was great. I do give them for people who I may not know well, like a co-worker or something. For family I hesitate, though our kids always get gift cards for bookstores, iTunes, and for my daughter, Michael's, in their stockings. They love them.

I forgot to mention earlier that I don't give my hair dresser money, I usually bring a big gift basket of Starbucks stuff. He and his wife own the salon, and I don't tip him, because I was always told you don't tip the owner. Is that still true, or does he think I'm a deadbeat? Anyway, they seem to like the Starbucks basket.

Reine - your engagement ring fits! That's wonderful! Congrats to you - you've worked so hard. You're awesome.

[Laura (in PA)]

Nancy, the fingerlakes area is full of wineries - I'm sure they can ship to NYC.

Here's one example:
http://www.thegrapery.com/store/cart.php?m=product_list&c=30

[Alan P.]

Nancy, Try a New York winery and see if they will ship. Or Zabars gift cards. (http://www.zabars.com/) It is a really cool Manhattan Deli/grocery store, full of high end cheeses and meats. Edible Arrangements is good too. You can send a sweet that is at least semi good for you.

My side of the family switched to donations in leu of gifts for the adults several years ago. Twice we have all combined our gifts to a single charity. The real pity is the project we gave money to tanked and with it the Darwin Portman memorial room.

DW's side we went to drawing names with a price limit about 15 years ago. Other than the fact that one group of cousins have given me three cheap tool sets, it has worked pretty well. Oh, one year, I gave my cousin a book only to discover that his handicap makes reading real books impossible. Something his mother made sure I KNEW THAT VERY SECOND.

OK, I am a geek. Gifts go in a spreadsheet. If you are not on the list, no gift for you. I also keep and check the past three or four lists to limit duplicates. The good news is several people get an autographed Elaine Viets book each year. Friday two will hit the post office.

The Princesses teachers, gymnastics coaches and so forth, get chocolate as do my and my wife's offices. We buy the Ghirardelli squares in the bulk pack and split them up into gift bags. Everyone is happy and it is budget friendly. Considering I was laid off on November 8th one year, that can be really important.

Being on the receiving end of Christmas/Year End gift-tips, it is always appreciated and never expected. Most people give a double tip to what they normally give or $10.00. A few people tip an additional $20 or more. (Ok, we have a few weekly customers who's standard order is around $40 and they normally tip, $10.) One year a regular customer sent a plate of homemade cookies back to the store. It was a big hit. Then someone bit into a rum ball. There was so much rum in them the manager forbade the drivers from eating them. They were pretty strong.

[Alan P.]

Renie, Great for you! One of the women I lost weight with was overjoyed the day she reached the weight on her driver's license.

Keep it up. It's hard, but doesn't it feel great to have to buy all new clothes?

[Alan P.]

One year when I was little, we had some of the neighbors over for Chanukah. Chanukah must have been near Christmas that year. The parents liked the one gift per night idea. The next year they did "The 12 days of Christmas" with two presents Christmas morning and then one a night for the next 11 nights. It beat the mountain of wrapping paper and other mountain of played with for 5 minute toys in their house by noon on the 25th.

Now for my dilemma. I have nine Chanukias (Chanukah menorahs). I need four at the max. There are some really nice ones available. What to do? Last year it broke DW's heart. Princess One decided she liked the cheapie I bought for my college dorm room. It hadn't scene candles in about 15 years.

[Margaret Maron]

Hank, I'm not sure if you totally got what Joe and I do. We both like surprises. So when he unwraps his present from me (that he bought for himself), I'm totally surprised. As is he when he sees the lovely necklace he gave me last year (that I bought for myself.) "Wow!" he said. "I didn't know I had such good taste!"

[Carol Robinson]

This year is shaping up to be a challenge. I'm overflowing with the spirit but my extended family is not. It's hard to tell if the economy has them down or if the economy has them really down. One sister-in-law issued the "no gifts" order to the entire family. What to do? I'd like to send gift certificates for a stay at a place we all enjoy on the Oregon coast but I'm really unsure that the gift would be accepted in the spirit it would be given. Does anyone have an opinion on this? Coast stay, stocking stuffers, or a nice card?

[Diana in STL]

From my childhood until my mom had to go to a nursing home my siblings (who are all much older) and I would be at my parents' house on Christmas Eve (my siblings would go to their in-laws on Christmas Day). After Christmas Eve dinner we would get in cars and ride around town to look at the Christmas lights. When we got back home Santa had delivered all the presents. The younger grandchildren never questioned why someone always stayed home to finish the dishes or some other chore. It was always so much fun to see the little kids get so excited when they walked in and saw all the presents under the tree.

After my Dad died our family tried drawing names a couple of times and it never worked so we went back to doing something for everyone with the most spent on the little ones and my mom.

After mom moved to the home I spent Christmas with my brother and his family. This year it will just be his daughter,granddaughter and me since her partner has to be out of town. We will do gifts Christmas Eve and stockings Christmas morning. I will spend the night even though I just live 20 minutes away.

The best gift givers are the above mentioned niece and her life partner. They spend a lot of time and effort picking just the right gift. They always make perfect choices that reflect that effort. I always depend on both of them for suggestions for each other and my great niece. My sister was always good at picking or making the right gifts too.

Two friends and I have gotten together since college (40+ years)and will do so again this year. We used to take turns fixing lunch but now we go out and just enjoy each others company. This year we decided to make donations instead of exchanging gifts.

The only Black Friday shopping I did was for myself except for a BD present for my niece's partner. Most of it was on-line. I did manage to make it to my favorite woodworking store to get supplies to finish my computer cabinet(s) and a tool stand (with casters) for my router table. Oh, and I decided a week ago that if I was building a new computer cabinet/desk I might as well buy a sleek new all-in-one computer to go on it. The convenience of on-line shopping will be my undoing.

My brother and his lovely bride will be in another state this year so we will probably just exchange gift cards if anything. I will miss hunting for a unique little gadget for his stocking though.

[Diana in STL]

oops I would stay at my brother's house but see my mom at the home on Christmas Eve and day until she joined my Dad,brother & sister at the big Christmas dinner in the sky.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yeah, Carol, the coast stay sounds terrific..but I can't tell you how many wonderful gifts like that go unspent..and then, it's money for nothing. (Some wonderful pals gave J and me a gift certificate for a stay at an inn for our wedding...we haven't used it yet. That was 14 years ago.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, Margaret--I get it now. MUCH funnier. xxo

[DebbraSue]

I have to get thru Thursday, December 1 before I really start into the Christmas fun. It's DH's birthday and although he says he doesn't want anything, after 30 years of marriage, I know that's not true. He won't be getting much, but he will get a few things.

I did cave on the middle of the night shopping with my DD2. She really wanted to get a start on the gifts for our Angel Tree family and had a real eyeopening experience when the group behind her in line at Kohl's were comparing notes on whose eyes were the most bloodshot and who was drunker. This was at 4:00 am, and I'm sure they hadn't been to bed yet.

My side of the family is going to do a 'found' gift exchange. You take something from your own home that is usable but that you don't want any longer and wrap it up. It's one gift per person and then you draw names to pick a gift to unwrap or if you see something you like that someone else already opened you can take it and let them unwrap another gift. We tried it last year and it worked because everyone got something to unwrap and we didn't have to deal with the issue of the grandkids who were out of the house, etc.

On DH's side we quit doing gifts ages ago when his brother moved to North Dakota and his parents moved to Arizona.

[Carol Robinson]

Oh, Hank. I'm the same way with gift cards. I just never remember them. I'm not worried about the certificate going unused, it's the getaway place we all love. What bothers me is the declaration that there will be no gifts this year. Humbug! Gifts are gifts, not obligations. It just seems wrong. But in the interest of Peace on Earth I probably won't risk offending.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

DebbraSue..that sounds hilarious!

And Carol, ya know, I'm with you. Making rules bout gits--I understand it, and it can protect some people, and that's good. But sometimes you just want to do what you want to to do. Maybe--we don;t have to label the gifts with a holiday?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Ohhhh....a banana hammock! For Bananas! I never thought about that.

[Reine]

Hahahahahaaaaaaaa . . . banana hammock!!! [omg - i am so slow]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and congratulations. Must start focussing on readying my mind for all the other holidays. Thanksgiving was a first success, and we truly enjoyed it. Now come the cookie/candy-laden holidays!

xoxo R

[Laraine]

Great video, William!!!

Holiday gift giving is a minefield, unless you have completely accepting loved ones, an abundant pocket book (not that everyone wants expensive gifts, just in case), a good imagination accompanied by excellent taste, and, oh, let's see, a double scoop of luck. Me? I have only occasionally managed to succeed in good-gift-giving, but I aspire to do better.

Karen, I totally thought your SIL gave you the other kind of banana hammock . . . echoes of the families in which one intellectual cousin in a family of rednecks, or one redneck cousin in a family of intellectuals, manages to give a gift that brings with it . . . COMPLETE SILENCE, as everyone tries to figure out how to respond. LOL.

[gaylin in Vancouver]

DebraSue, my family has done the same gift idea as you, we called it the pass-along christmas. I passed along a beautiful set of crystal brandy goblets, since I don't drink, they had been in my cupboard for years. It was nice to pass them along to someone who would use them.

We used to have that 'one' present that got re-gifted every year. One of those singing bass fish on the wall plaque. Someone got it every year and the next year they had to re-gift it to someone who hadn't yet received it. Alas, one year the bass died, never to sing again.

[Storyteller Mary]

Shopping? Hmm, mostly I don't do it -- the younger members of the family have come to expect a book (English teacher aunt ;-) with a special green bookmark inside, usually on the page coinciding with their age. They don't even care if the books are from my overflowing shelf or the library's sale table, and they don't care if the bookmark is a small denomination. A friend taught me long ago about her "present closet" and I have one now, too, with odds and ends that someone might like. I can usually take care of impromptu giving from there. I think I missed the shopping gene . . .
I bake a little, and will tell stories for my supper when asked ;-)
Gift cards seems like a more complicated and inconvenient (but nearly as impersonal) gift than cash, but a friend said he gives his sons gift cards for books/music because cash might go for . . . alcohol or something . . .?
Now to see if Mr. T will accept this date this time . . . (are we supposed to tip Mr. T?)

[Mo]

I love to shop for Christmas. Our family is aging and no one needs more stuff in their house. So a decade ago I started making gift baskets filled with consumables. I pick a theme for the year and have a blast shopping for the assorted goodies. I’ve done breakfast goodies, Italian feasts, Asian foods, ice cream party fixings, southwest flavors, all from New Hampshire foods, and wines. I have been told they all enjoy grazing through the basket over the month after the big day.

[Karen in Ohio]

Only because I Googled "banana hammock" to link for Hank did I realize there WAS another kind!

You learn something new every day, if you pay attention.

[Amy]

As a letter carrier for two whole weeks now, I must thank you all for sending letters and cards and keeping me employed. However, that shit is heavy! And little cards get mixed in with giant magazines, wispy newspapers, small parcels, giant boxes, and ohmygod, I've lost five pounds in two weeks and my left bicep is bulging. So, that's pretty nice to be thinner and bulkier. Regarding gifts to your letter carrier, we're allowed to accept something with a value of $20 or under. Or is it $25? I don't remember. Regardless, if you give a gift card without a dollar amount on it, we won't know if we can accept it or not. So make it big and we won't tell.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

AMy! I am SO glad to know this. I adore our letter carrier, and I'm delighted for the pointing in the right direction. So--gift card with no amount, right?

Mo, that is BRILLIANT. Thank you!

And Mary, I have a present closet, too.

Love you all..xoxo

[Danielle, Quebec]

Harley, my family did name exchange but due to problems like yours they changed for unisex, anonymous gifts that are placed in the middle of everybody and picked during a game. I don't participate to this anymore : it is a waste to give someone something he doesn't need and doesn't want and to receive the same in exchange.
I buy presents for every child under 18 and give them on the first of the year during family reunion.

[Linda Rodriguez]

Hank, Harley, Heather, so funny and true! I can't believe it's that time again already. Ben is Jewish, and I'm lapsed Catholic (sort of pantheistic now) so we always had both Chanukah and Christmas when the kids were home.

I can understand the problem with the family that cried "no presents." Have a relative with a good, steady high-income job who gets huffy if she doesn't receive presents as "nice" (read "expensive" and "brand-name") as those she gave. With freelance up-and-down income, I'd as soon no gifts either way with that side of the family.

I always used to give handmade gifts--handknit shawls, gloves, scarves of handspun luxury fibers, handwoven table runner, placemats, napkins, original artquilt hangings, quilts, bags. (And top quality--I used to design and sell these things for quite a bit of money on commission.) But so many people now only care about the famous labels on made-in-China stuff that I stopped that even before I got too busy writing to make anything anymore.

My youngest son is the perfect gift giver. He loves to learn about something one of us has been trying to find or has wanted for a long time, then track it down and wrap for giving. He always has the perfect gift for everyone. I think I want to be him when I grow up.

[Harley]

I think this shall be the Year of the Bananan Hammock.

[Harley]

I meant Banana. Not Bananan. I don't know what a Bananan is, and I don't want to.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

And the winner of Margaret's book is: Debi Murray

Hurray! Debi, email me through my website--and I will send it to you instantly!

xx Hank

[SusanCo]

I HAVE HATED F CKING CHRISTMAS SINCE 1975. I FEAR IT, DREAD IT, ANS WISH IT WOULD GO AWAY!!!! CANT STAND IT!!! WORSE TME OF THE YEAR AND HUSBAND MAKES US ALL MISRBLE! WELL THATS NOT TRUE, KIDS HAVE ESCAPED LUCKY THEM!!
WHAT?!!!!YOU DIDNT GET WHAT I SAID I WANTED
THIS IS THE WRONG PRODUCT COMPANY!
WELL YOU DIDT GET THE THINGS I GAVE ON THE LIST WHAT IT For HOW MUCH IT COST AND THE DIRECTIONS TO GET THERE (BEEN A CRAPPY CHRISTMAS EVER SINCE)