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September 29, 2011

A Crunchy Orange Goodbye

By Nancy Pickard

Ready? Set! Throw your Doritos, fellow Arch West admirers! 

You've already heard the news of his death, right?  So you know what an important person he was to all of us!  It was he who created the Dorito, and it is upon his funeral urn that his family plans to toss their chips down into the grave. 

"He'd love it," his daughter says."He'd think it's hilarious." 

"He was a character," says a son.

We understand. We Dorito lovers--the crunchy, salty, tangy lot of us--love him, too. We raise our orange fingers in a fond orange wave of goodbye. And then we lick them.


Mr. West got the idea for his crunchy crack when he ate  some chips at a food stand in Southern California.  I could love Southern California for this, alone.  Also, for Harley.


Frito-Lay wasn't interested, so Arch, that scamp, conducted a little R&D on the sly.  Guess who laughed last?  Dorito sales are now around five BILLION dollars a year. So far I haven't found an estimate as to how many chips that might be. I did find a pair of hilarious young women who dumped all the chips in a 13.5 oz bag onto the floor and found out that when laid  chip cheek by chip jowl, the carpet of chips measured four square feet! Then they neatly put all the chips back in the bag, and left the bag for anybody who might happen by. If you want to read all about their "scientific" experiment, here you go: http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/doritos/doritos.html

Another statistic:  a "serving" is 17 chips.  That's a lot.  Why can't I stop with 17?

You want to know about calories or nuitrition? You have come to the wrong blog.

This whole thing has got me thinking. . .if my family decided to toss stuff into my burial pit, stuff that says "Nancy" in no uncertain terms, would might they throw? I'm thinking it would have to be my iPad and a plate of shrimp risotto from "Story" restaurant in Prairie Village, Ks., because those are my current addictions. And if they also wanted to toss in a bottle of sauvignon blanc, there would be no grumbling from the ground beneath their feet.

So. . . which is your favorite orange chip?  And what would your friends and family want to toss on you, lovingly, of course, if you were as dearly departed as Arch West?

2 lb. hamburger
1 c. onion
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can Rotel tomatoes, mashed
1 c. evaporated milk
1 med. pkg. cheese Doritos, crushed
2 c. Cheddar cheese
Brown and season hamburger, onions, drain. Mix all ingredients, slightly grease casserole. Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Put back in oven 2 minutes to melt cheese.


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Nancy P . . . you and I are sister foodies for sure. Your mom's meatloaf I can manage the calories for - but Dorito casserole? No, no, no -- cannot even copy it to my stick memory!

I damn-do-adore Doritos nachos made on a platter of the chips covered with Jimmy Dwan sausage crumble chunks, retried beans, chopped onions, Tillamook or Cabot vintage white cheddar cheese, Santa Barbara brand salsa, and fresh guacamole like Auntie-Mom makes. That is amazing stuff for eating with your favorite orange chips.

I just wasted three hours trying to post a response to a prompt from Margaret regarding universal access bathrooms. My mouthstick broke, and my voice is too tired for dragon. I forgot how late it was and that no one will read it. Then I saw your blog and I was cheered up hugely and well now my hands feel like they're falling off so off to bed I go.

Good night and thanks for a terrific bed time treat!

Jimmy Dean :-|

Reine, I wish I had a magic wand, or at least an unbroken mouth stick for you. How incredibly maddening, esp. late at night. I also wish my blog had come with actual Doritos for you! Cheerful, comforting little pointy orange things. (The link doesn't go to a Taco Loco video, so if you post a new one, I'll remove the old one.)

May you dream in orange!

I'm a Cool Ranch girl, straight up, no dip, with a Heineken chaser, please.

Salut, Mr. West. You did good.

Love that he bypassed Frito Lay and succeeded wildly anyway.

R.I.P., Mr. West.

Doritos in a pinch, otherwise Cheetos, please. Crunchy, not puffy.

Reine, sorry you had trouble posting. It was a thoughtful comment and interesting to read that motels can't charge a "pet" fee for service animals. Point taken about loaded-down grab bars.

It just goes to show what good friends we all are if we knew exactly that Reine meant Jimmy Dean, not Jimmy Dwan, right? What's an occasiional typo among fiends?

The snacks that turn my fingers orange are not my crack, but I don't dare buy Chex Mix. (Although homemade Chex Mix is even better.) Some kind person will have to sprinkle chocolate chip cookies on my grave, though.

I think it's interesting that apparently Doritos came out at a time when crunchy things were bland; Arch gave us spice right when it would have made a big impression on bored consumers.

Until a few years ago I really loved the "orange", but then they changed the spice mix and my hand no longer kept creeping into the bag for just one more. My husband brought home the Aldi's version of Doritos early in the summer and it was like coming home. A few weeks later he brought home another bag and it had changed. I was so disappointed. Now I have a quandary: Keep buying them and hope I get that old zing or just quit all together? I really don't need more "crack".

Back in the eighties one of my favorite Doritos recipes was Taco Salad, but it has fallen out of favor on the pot luck circuit around here.

Come to my house. Bring Taco Salad. I'll make you anything you want to eat with it. (Or provide anything you'd like to drink with it:-)

And I love crunchy, spicy stuff. And chocolate! Oh, how I love Chocolate!! Last Christmas I made spicy chocolate chip cookies for parties and for family. Nearly everyone begged/bugged me for the recipe, which I got from http://www.bellaonline.com/newsletter/chocolate
It combines a little cayenne pepper with dark chocolate chips. Yummy - hot and sweet on the palate!

Bury me with them!

Oh, Deb, those sound yummy. The problem is, we won't be able to throw them away! We'll eat them.

Love Doritos. I'm a fan of the taco flavor (which i can't always find) dipped in sour cream. (And yes, I know that explains a great deal about the size of my butt.)

When I was teaching, I could usually tell which kids had gotten stoned at lunch because they'd always try to sneak in to class with a bag of nacho cheese doritos tucked in their pockets. The non-stoned kids just put the bags right on their desks, but not the stoners. It needed to be hidden. Always made me laugh.

Crunchy salty was never really my thing. I'd eat Doritos if there weren't other alternative, but if I was going to paint my fingers orange I preferred crunchy Cheetos. Sugar and chocolate, on the other hand, are my addiction. In fact, I just pulled a batch of World Peace Cookies out of the oven to take to work. There are a couple of chocoaddicts at work who have been requesting them. Dark, dark cocoa, sugar, flour, butter, mini chocolate chips, and salt - the salt makes all the difference - in a slice and bake cookie. They really are heavenly.

Okay, this is TRULY weird, but I absolutely remember
my first Frito.

It was in my Gramma Minnie's living room in Indianapolis, and I was about--10? 12? Maybe? And she brought in this bag and offered me one. Ed Sullivan was on, and I sat in front of her TV and ATE THE WHOLE BAG.

The first one was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten--remember, there was no such thing as a corn chip, that I knew of at least, before that. I mean, it was a miraculous wonderful taste.

(After the whole bag, I had a little indication that maybe eating ALL of them wasn't the best idea, but I was a kid.)

I still love Fritos, but I bet I haven't had one in years.

Hank, so funny that the experience was so overwhelming that you still remember it. (It's a wonder I don't remember My First Frito.)

Nacho flavored Doritos, which I always get with my Subway tuna sandwiches. Cool Ranch in a pinch. Tied with those are chili-cheese Fritos, which a student turned me onto years ago. Yum, yum, and more yum.

We put mementos of my Mom and Dad in their urns. As I want my ashes scattered on a nice mountain somewhere, my loved ones will need to think of something that can be cremated with me. Knowing them, it will be great :)

Nancy, the amount of salt in that casserole dries out my mouth and makes me reach for a gallon of water.

I liked salt and pepper Kettle potato chips until I found out that the pepper oil with the salt was cutting open the inside of my mouth -- I'm very sensitive, she said coyly.

Since then it's just been plain potato chip and tortilla chips. Not frequently, either. Damn.

Holly, you're such a delicate flower. ;)

I am a big Dorito fan, so Thanks, Mr. West. I also prefer the crunchy Cheetos to the puffed, in case you're keeping track. However, unless I start on them, salty stuff doesn't call my name from the pantry. I'm much more tempted by sweet - cookies, ice cream, and of course, my life's blood, chocolate.

Did the guy who invented Oreos die yet? Because I'd be more than happy to eat a bag of them in his honor. And none of those shoddy imitations either - I don't care how much it looks like an Oreo, it doesn't taste like an Oreo.

Not that I'm passionate about them, or anything.

Flaming Hot Cheetos!!!!!! When I am craving something spicy, I reach for those! My mouth is aflame by the time I finish the small bag.

My favorite lunch in college was a peanut butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat bread with Ruffles potatoe chips. Sweet and Salty can't be beat.

I cannot figure out how to break the news to my daughter that Mr. Dorito has died.

How old was he, by the way? Because if he was ancient, that sort of speaks well for the health value of these dear little chips.

Harley, he was 97.

Eat your Doritos, children.

I am craving salty and salsa lately. What does this mean?
I do not want to know.
Nancy, I love your recipe.

Kettle Potato Chips for me -- and chocolate. Dark Chocolate.
Don will be devastated to learn his Doritos hero is dead.

Back in the '80's if we Canadians wanted Doritos or Cheetos, we had to 'cross the line' to get them. Yes, we had to go to the states for our serious junk food cravings.

We called Nacho Cheese Doritos, bad breath chips and if one was eating them, everyone else had to so we would all have the same bad breath.

I have been craving puffy orange cheesies all summer, have no idea why and I haven't bought any . . . yet.

Typos among fiends!

I am a Ruffles devotee. My pal Rae once evilly sent me a box of chocolate-dipped Ruffles (both milk and dark) from some candy store in Sanibel. Ate them for breakfast with my children the following morning. Because that's how I parent...

YEA DORITOS MAN!!! May your afterlife be flavorful and bright!!!

Nancy, I re-read your recipe a few times and decided to print it out. Some people expressed concern about the salty taste biting their tongue. Well, I have the perfect "treatment" for that - chocolate ice cream! Works for me every time!

About crunchy Cheetos - my brother used to dip them in milk. I thought it was disgusting! (He used to stir his hot chocolate with candy canes pretty regularly, too, but I think we all did that at one time or another.) Anyway, we love him despite all this!

I'm pretty sure he's a Dorito lover, so I may need to gently break this sad news to him...

I can't even imagine eating a whole bag of anything-unless it could be made guilt free. But my mouth is watering, and I'm remembering eating ice cream with potato chips when I was young-that sweet salty thing does it. Now I want to go to a potluck and make that casserole!

If Mr. Doritos lived to 97, I think I could risk a Dove chocolate this afternoon.

Cornelia, I have had chocolate covered Ruffles - yum!

I used to love Pringles, the label read "May contain wheat flour", I don't get to eat them anymore, darn, I miss them.

Potato chips are a great fire starter, lights easy and burns hot. Your arson tip of the day.

Ohhhh! You guys are the best ever! Kendall insisted I send this right away. We are on the way to the dentist and my old MacBook Pro is dying . . . so her goes till I get my iPad recharged (ooooh - that, for my urn, please).

Doritos Tacos Loco the RIGHT one. The other link works on mobile phones, but it;s the wrong one. This one comes straight form B'field and Fresno: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WikuS68bZVw

PS: My favroite mouthsticks are made from the 35¢ extra pair of plastic copsticks I used to buy at the Children's Hospital Galleria Food Court in Boston(Hank?) -- topped off with a piece of Blue Tak from the hardware store in the square. They are long and thick with foru sided handles and little painted designs (toxic no doubt, but they work great) I am afraid though, that I am finding it more and more difficult to use a mouthstick and need the new iMac desk top with iPad-like functions (Santa Steppy, are you reading this) ... OK gutsta go! Be back soon an thnks for reading my Margaret comments!!!
:) U..U

PS: The missing As ren't typos they just don't always work on thiscomputer. OK and i mke alot of typos... sorrry/. DENTIST!!!!!! ARRRRGH!!!! But we love her. later bye.

Oh, Nancy P, I keep forgetting to tell you that it's okay with me if you eat those spicy (aka Mexican) chocolate chip cookies at my grave- just bury me with two or three, and then eat the rest!

So, for some reason, I just ate a (1.5 oz) bag of coconut M&Ms, perhaps as compensation for the fact that I can't do crunchy chips until I see my dentist Monday.
I just realized that the post I wrote this morning isn't here -- my favorite purchased chips are a combo of corn chips, cheetos, and pretzels . . . mmmmm!
Kale chips are a no-guilt source of "crunch" since the latex allergy now forbids potatoes in any form.

I wouldn't mind being buried with a bag of Doritos myself. Throw in a pint of Trader Joe's mint chip ice cream and a case of some good Merlot and I'll be ready for whatever the afterlife has in mind for me.

Back from taking my mother for her 2nd colonoscopy (she's 81). I had to endure the complaining about the process, as if NO ONE ELSE ever had to do it. (My first, of many, was when I was 37.) Sheesh.

Anyway, I'm with Elaine on the Kettle chips and dark chocolate. But why waste it on a grave? Eat up, my dear mourners! I'll look down upon you and smile.

P.S. for Reine: At the hospital today there were two accessible stalls in the ladies room, and with no grab bar restrictions. I thought of you.

Doesn't that thrill you? LOL

Hi Karen in Ohio,

That does thrill me! Hope you are OK and not in hospital?

We just rolled in, so it's wheelie nap time. :|

TLC friends are the best everrrrr.

PS: The dentist has decorated her huge bathroom in southwest colors, hand-painted and stenciled floors and beautiful rt and colored glass ceiling window. Beside the potty she has an antique table with fresh-cut flowers in the bay window that overlooks a zero-scape Sonoran garden that she tends and where she walks her English sheepdog mastiffs (that she raises for fun and profit. How could I forget that . . . ? She makes organic treats for Kendall, and we forget we are at the dentist.

I don't think I want anyone to throw stuff in my grave since I am getting cremated and really don't want a grave but a junk food/candy/chocolate wake would be terrific!

Quick note! The recipe is not mine. Never tried it. Yet.

I'm willing to give the recipe a try, even if it isn't yours, Nancy. I was reminded of a tuna noodle casserole that my mother made a couple of times when I was quite young: there were a couple of layers of potato chips in it, which gave it a nice crunchy feel.
I DO like the idea of chocolate coated potato chips!

Reine, my mother had her procedure at an outpatient facility. I'm fine, thank you!

Nancy, I'm going to make the recipe for our neighborhood Octoberfest. They always assign me the beer, because they assume I can't prepare anything. This year I'm rebelling!

Margaret, you were so nice to read my post on your blog for yesterday! I mistakenly wrote about the dentist's bathroom here - probably because the Red Sox lost yesterday. I won't get over that for awhile.

[Hank, can't you do something? Write some kind of faulty something-or-other exposé? And they'll give us a do-over?]

I'm a little behind again, but I have to say that I don't get grossed out easily and Dorito Casserole actually made me feel a little queasy. I love Doritos, but just a glance at those ingredients, just thinking about them right now....

Amy, it did cross my mind that the recipe was a phony planted by Frito Lay.

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