Iron Woman
By Elaine Viets
My friend Mary was in a New Orleans motel room getting the nerve to try something she hadn’t done in years.
Iron two shirts.
Mary didn’t take the quick way out – pressing her shirts on a bed. She opened the ironing board. Afterward, Mary couldn’t fold up the board.
Neither could her roommate. Doris Ann tried and failed.
I tried next. I fought the board, and the board won.
Three women were defeated by the spindly contraption.
That’s when I knew this was a great day for womankind: Three of us couldn’t open an ironing board anymore. We’d all ironed earlier in our lives. We’d lost the skill.
The ironing board stayed up in the hotel room for three days. We tried to use it as a charging station for our computers and cell phones, but the darn thing was too wobbly.
Four days later, Kathy tackled the ironing board and folded it away.
As a teenager, ironing was my most hated chore. Even a stack of Beatles’ records blasting away didn’t make ironing fun. Dampened, rolled-up cotton clothes couldn’t wait. They’d mildew if I didn’t iron them fast. The steam iron was an anvil with an electric cord.
Here’s what starched my soul: My brothers didn’t have to iron. That was women’s work.
It’s fitting that a woman helped end this dreaded chore. Chemist Ruth Benerito developed the permanent press process in the 1950s. Too bad it used lots of formaldehyde, the stuff that pickles dead people. By the 1990s wrinkle-resistant fabrics were safer and women embraced them. We should embrace Ruth, or give her medal for setting us free from the steam iron.
I’m told some women love to iron. I’m also told some women believe that a gym workout at six a.m. gives them energy all day.
I do know that women will pay nearly $140 for steam iron called the Rowenta DW9080 Steamium 1800-watt Steam Iron with 400-hole Platinum Soleplate.
PristineAngie wrote a lyrical review about using this iron. It sounds more complicated than the Space Shuttle.
"First off, for people who are familiar with Rowenta irons, the ones made in Germany (as this one is) tend to be larger in size than an average iron," she wrote. "If you don’t mind wielding a big iron, then you’ll be ok with this one. The water chamber is also larger, so that adds to the weight when filled."
I had visions of muscular Valkyries, holding aloft sizzling steam irons.
PristineAngie believes German-made Rowentas are better than the Chinese versions.
But she warned: "FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! . . . Being a perfectionist when it comes to ironing, I use 100% bottled spring water to eliminate any doubt."
For $140 bucks, I’d expect a steam iron to use Perrier.
PristineAngie pointed out a nifty feature on this uber-iron. "There is a trigger on the bottom of the handle . . . you can squeeze it to create what Rowenta called ‘forced steam’ which pushes 30% more steam into the fabric. The trigger sets off a pump that makes a fairly audible whirring mechanical noise. The vertical steam also sets a nice burst of steam into your clothing."
Pristine Angie says the iron "comes with a tall slim plastic spouted ‘pitcher’ to help you pour water into the iron. The front tip of the iron is extra pointed for getting perfect creases on the shirt and pleat corners."
Oh, my sister, I cannot understand your enthusiasm, but if it makes you happy, iron away. But you must not lure other women into this iron tyranny.
Couldn’t you praise something more enjoyable? A good novel, a fine restaurant, a fast car?
How about a hot romance?
That generates steam, too.