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June 05, 2011

Summer Fun Tips from The Mancini Family

Summer Fun Tips from the Mancini Family

By Me, Margie

As usual, when something gets jinky around here, guess who has to fix it? ME, Margie.  So like the blog schedule got messed, and I get a post-it note saying "we need a blog for Sunday and don't leave early on Friday until you do one".   As if I didn't have an appointment for a mani-pedi this morning before my trip to California.  My cousin Rita started a very wonderful public service program called "Thank a SEAL" and she is taking a contingent of Mancini cousins out to Coronado (funded in part by the virgin plane people - thanks Virgins!).  Rocco is probably more excited than anyone, what with he calls the 'go ahead and tell me' policy finally adopted by the U.S. Military.

Our cugina Rosie is confused because Rita and Rocco keep using terms like diving and free-style and deep-end submersion and because Rita was on the swim team in high school before she entered the convent, she thought they meant, y'know, actual swimming.  I'm making her sit with Rita on the plane. 

So here are some quick Summer Fun Tips for all of you from all of us.  There are seven because seven is a lucky number and we hope you all get lucky too:

1. Big White Sunglasses: Out.  Thick Black Sunglasses (think Will Smith in Men in Black, now filming in New York and did you see that trailer of his?!): In.

2. Tanning Beds: BAD, BAD, BAD.  Beyond out.  Stupid and guess what?  You may look good now, but take a look at some of your older friends - they look like leather and not the fun kind.  Spray Tans: In.  But only if you have someone who is good with the airbrush and doesn't spray it on too thick.  Otherwise, you look like a leopard, and not in the fun way.

3. Waxing: in.  Those screwball at-home sugar and bogus laser treatments for hair removal: OUT. Leave it to the professionals, bellas.  Unless you think the splotch and blotch look is good for you.  And if you do, call Rocco, but not for the next two weeks.  He will be doing important social and human services work.

4. In Colors: all kinds of purple!  We love purple - it's the color of royalty.  Also blues and mango.  Out: those pukey greens and pucey yellows.  We never liked them.  They looked like phlegm. 

5.  In: Netflix.  Out: replacing your DVDs with Blu-rays.  Don't be dumb, like our cousin Rome, who is still trying to hold on to his beta-max tapes because he is convinced they are now retro and cool. Turns out they are also really easy to splice.  Our cousin Romulus says he can't wait until Rome pulls out the old tape of the Bing Crosby Christmas Special again this year.  He says it gives a whole new meaning to der bingler.

6. In: actually talking to other humans to their face.  Out: texting other people when you are having dinner with a fabulous person.  Not that this has ever happened to Me, Margie, but our cousin Rena reports that more than one phone has ended up in the fountain in the Trevi Room at the Sons of Italy Banquet Hall, Lounge and Gaming Center.  She didn't even have to do it.  Just remember - we always have another  cousin on staff somewhere and sometimes they are young, fast, and bussing tables anyway and oops, shit happens.  Unless you are texting Benny the Jewel to find out why the jewelry for your date didn't arrive on time, don't even think about it. 

7. Red, White and Blue: In, in and IN! (Rocco wrote that.  If he doesn't calm down before we get on the plane, I'm slipping an Atavan in his Bloody Mary.  I carry lots of medications because I help people and I usually know what's best for them even if they do not.  I probably should have been a doctor but it takes way too long and besides when you are a natural healer like me all you really need is a Gray's Anatomy coloring book, which I got when I was 7, and a key to the back door of a neighborhood pharmacy from an old boyfriend named Steve, which I got when I was 17.) Red white and blue are great colors and get this, you the people, anyone can be a true patriot even if they don't drink the same hot beverage as you.

Now, I MUST go finish packing. The weather in San Diego is not the same as New York.  I know this because last week I had a lovely date with Stefano, the Meateorologist.  The man is gifted.  He seems to know what is going to happen right before it does...especially the thunder and lightening.

Have any summer fun tips to share? 



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Dear Writer Ladies and Writer Lady Friends,

It is bad and wrong to impersonate a SEAL just because you want to be...decorated. The Navy does not like posers and your lying ass will get ten years under the bridge for that.

Plus, I, personally, will, like, smack you upside the head until your eyeballs beg for mercy. Then I will hit you some more for begging.

Margie, you know what I do for fun in the summer, but a nice girl does not blab her business all over the interweb.

Cousin Rita, who never lies and is VERY patriotical

Summer Fun "tips"?
Frozen grapes.

Thanks for #7, Margie. For a few years there, I quit flying my American flag on July 4th because I didn't like the way it was being subverted. Of late, I've decided, "No, it's my flag and my country, too, and I'm reclaiming both."
And speaking of frozen grapes, it's summer. Frozen margarita! How come a bar that has 42 different beers on tap can't afford a blender?

Happy trails to the Mancini clan for your mission of mercy. Margie, good luck corralling the troops.

Hi, it's Me, Margie.

Rita - I guess that explains that idiot with the black eye and the splint from that place last night where that thing happened with those people. Well done. Anchors Away. There is nothing worse than a faker.

Hey Margaret - I just noticed we have the same initials: MM! You are totally right. some of these stunads need a patriotic adjustment upside their heads. In the mean time, we don't let anyone stand between us and our country.

I like frozen grapes. If you wet them and roll them in sugar before you freeze them, they are even better. If you wet them with sambuca - BAM! takes it up a notch. Rocco likes to use the mermaid toothpicks. OOps - sorry, Rocco - mermen.

Rocco is recovering this morning because a couple of the guys showed him some SEAL training stuff and he tried them in the hotel pool. It's a good thing I am almost a doctor and that our cousin Remus was a life guard at the beach. Once Rocco's breathing returned to normal he told us those Navy guys are even tougher than he thought. Also, he said Tequila shots and that kind of diving are not a good mix. Just sayin'.

Unless the SEAL you are impersonating balances a ball on his nose, plays the national anthem on horns and claps loudly with front flippers.

Phones in the fountain! I vote for that -- would a fish tank do, or would that be bad for the fish??
Off to tell stories at Ren. Faire, where the "villagers of Petit Leon" have never heard of such things as cell phones. It appears that the weather will be cooler than predicted -- I hope so!

Hmm, frozen grapes would be just the thing for that grape-flavored vodka and soda cocktail my daughter got me hooked on. Thanks, You, Margie. You always have the best ideas.

A Fellow Lover of a Steve

Love all these tips.
I have a few tips for all social and otherwise media.

1. Make a summer TV spreadsheat and list all your summer faves..Leverage, The Glades Risolli and Isles, The Next Food Network Star, etc.
Study all the times and DVR as necessary.

2.Resolve to wean yourself off of Facebook and only check to see if you have more friends three times a day instead of thirty-three

3.Resolve to learn to text..do not be an old fuddy-duudy and insist on correct spelling.

4.Resolve to let the sunshine in and not be a mole for heaven's sake.

5. Say hello to a real person at least once a day and discover your vocal cords. Let your voice do the talking.

Only you, Margie, would have a friend who's a Meateorologist.

How was Fleet Week? No, never mind. Forget I asked.

Oh, my. Me, Margie is coming to California. I must go vacuum the red carpet for her. And I expect a full Mancini report next week.

As for me, I'm trying to put together a babysitter schedule so that I can actually get some work done this summer and I have a newfound respect for anyone who can put together any schedule. (yes, Holly, I'm talking to you.) Mine involves 8 people, 5 different kinds of summer camps, and 2 different vacations.

How come elementary school isn't year-round?

Summer is only good for one thing: copious amounts of ice cream.

1) Replace both air conditioners (No whimpering over the bill, it's necessary)

2) Lay in supply of Diet Dr Pepper and Diet A&W Root Beer (do not curse your doctor or your genetics)

3) Check schedule for Turner Classic Movies (a given)

4) Extra points if it's a Japanese Monster Movie Weekend (heh... 'nuff said!)

5) Sit in big easy chair in cool comfort when it's 101 outside, being grateful to the U.S. Military and all its branches that you have the unquestioned freedom to do these things.

Margie said: "In: Netflix. Out: replacing your DVDs with Blu-rays."

Recent bumper sticker seen in Houston: "Dear Lord, please stop with Blu-Ray. Don't make me replace my video library a third fucking time!"

My dearest cugina Margie,

Next time you put me on a plane, you better get me a seat next to Rocco. Did you know that the air marhsalls are very interested in Rita's way of explaining things? She even demonstrated some community service tips for me. When we were de-planing, I heard the one talking into his phone and saying something about Rita and the mile-high club. Is that a special airport lounge? Can you take me to visit there on the way back home?

Cugina Rosie

PS. Can you find out if the SEALs have military chaplains? Father Anthony isn't doing it for me anymore. Just saying.

A cool summer would be nice. A longer monsoon season, without so much wind. Visit old friends and family in California. Keep the orange tree alive. Get some shade going in the courtyard. Use my new front door ramp. Sit there and drink a frozen cadillac margarita, or two. Think about installing a mister, but don't. Auntie-Mom's got plugged up with minerals every other week, and Uncle Bouffard said some wordstook it all out and put in outdoor ceiling fans - brilliant.

Sunscreen: IN.

I lived in Coronado very briefly, and I have to tell you, the SEALs made getting up early for work an absolute joy what with their running through the streets and on the beach in their tiny bathing suits and all. Thank you, SEALs!

Tip: BUDS hang out at Horton Plaza in downtown San Diego a lot. Margie & crew, enjoy!

There is a weather phenomenum in San Diego that takes place during May and June - called the May/June Gloom. The sun make break through the clouds during this time, but don't count on it. Because SD is on the coast, the fog comes in during the late spring and it is cold, damp and often windy during the evening, night and morning. Bring layers of clothes and a jacket. Not the heaviest winter jacket ever, but a fairly good medium weight jacket. It gets cold. The first question any good tourist asks when they get to San Diego during this time of year, is :where can I go get an inexpensive jacket? I'm cold."

I like frozen grapes. If you wet them and roll them in sugar before you freeze them, they are even better. If you wet them with sambuca - BAM! takes it up a notch. Rocco likes to use the mermaid toothpicks. OOps - sorry, Rocco - mermen.

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