Posse-Speak

By Joshilyn Jackson

Every inner circle has a private lexicon, your own little language and shorthand steeped in your communal history. It’s a vocabulary list used most often when you are secluded with just each other, those times when you wear super soft plane socks and have no make-up (or ties) on.

Things that enter the lexicon are rarely said publicly, so when speaking lexiconically, one is not necessarily always so sugar mouthed or PC as one might be in mixed company. *ahem*

In my writing group, we overtly build ours. We can even apply to the group to get a new term included. If one of us coins a phrase or word think it is super prime, we submit it by sending out an email that says “THIS NEEDS TO GO IN THE LEXICON!” Then we define it, give sample sentences, and even narrate some situations in which it would prove useful.

Recently, I submitted Douche Cue. A Douche Cue usually happens at a meeting or just after an introduction, and it is a sign or a signal that this new person is not one with whom you wish to pursue a deeper relationship, because, um, the guy is a probably a douche.

They are also a warning, in case one’s friends run across this person later.

I once met a writer at a festival who introduced himself in this way:

“Hello, I am Namey McNamerson, bestselling author of the critically acclaimed novel, Title of Pretentious Book. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. I was just talking to *NAME OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL BEST FRIEND* at Swanky Event You Weren’t Invited To, and I am sure she would want me to give you a big, warm hello from her.”

I count at least four, maybe five douche cues right there, in the first 15 seconds.

Or, for another example, in this Savage Chickens Cartoon, anything from Lanai on up is probably a Douche Cue:

Douche Cue got picked up immediately and is currently in wide circulation in my posse, but if an overt submission FAILS, you can simply use it relentlessly and show the posse how USEFUL a term it is and hope it gets added.

To Succulent Vines for example, entered via its usefulness.

Yes, To Succulent Vines is a verb, and it seems farfetched when you try to explain it as an entry, but one quickly discovers how useful a term it can be when one test drives its practical applications.

One Succulent Vineses when one is trapped in a situation where one MUST say a nice thing about something one truly does not care for.

For example, say you read a book, and a week later, you go to a dinner and the author’s mother is there. And someone at the table hollers ALL THE WAY DOWN THE LENGTH OF IT...

“Oh. I know Joshilyn read that book! Joshilyn! What did you THINK OF IT?” (Your name is Joshilyn in this F’rinstance.)

Well, you hated it. HATED. It offended you on every level. You had four therapy sessions to recover from the violent physical paroxysms of convulsive loathing the book induced.

But the mother? OH! She is teeny and ancient and dear and has kind black shiny mouse eyes peering hopefully out at you from behind her copper-rimmed glasses.

What do you do? You can’t praise a book you hated. You can’t revile it in front of the mother and a table full of her friends. So, you succulent vines it. You say things about it that sound good but are meaningless.

“Oh yes, I DID read that! (true) You must be so proud that your son is a published author! (true) WhenI was reading it, I kept noticing that his amazing facility for dovetailing rich, extravagant images!” you might say.

You do not mention that the images made you want to puke up your own spleen and throw it at the author.

Just a heads up? If you ask your friend if a dress makes you look fat and the friend says, “It’s such a good color for you!” Well! You have juuuust been Succulent Vines’ed.

Lastly, Lexicon words can come from outside sources.

Fantasy Pants, for example, is a term coined by my brother.

They are big floppy drawstring pants made of soft knit that one wears ONLY in the privacy of one’s own home or at a retreat facility, when engaged in the task of flipping one’s eyes around backwards to see the story that one is inventing in one’s own brain and as you attempt to MOVE story 10,000 light years through space and time, which is the approximate distance from point a (the writer’s head) to point b (the page).

Fantasy Pants are extremely unflattering; they do not bite into your waist or constrict your hips or mold your buttocks into a more pleasing shape. Nor do they inhibit the digestion of the many, many, many Cheesy Poufs that I feel are necessary for art to happen.

What’s in your lexicon? Anything you can SHARE? Or is it all too dark-n-dirty and secret for public consumption? OH, tell anyway. It’s the internet! Plus I showed you three of mine. Playground Justice dictates that you should show me yours.

Comments

[gaylin in vancouver]

I remember back in the party days, when one was hit upon by an, ahem, lesser creature, they were referred to (with much eye rolling) as Mr. Studly Hungwell. Meaning the complete opposite of course. Wearing polyester and large gold chains were the first signs of a Studly, slicked back hair another obvious sign. If Mr. Hungwell decided you were in his sights of course he stood too close, talked to the mammaries and if you didn't back away quickly enough, would try to touch you.

Not that this ever happened to me.

[Reine]

Hugely funny, Joshilyn!

My family had a lot of those when I was growing up. Something was alouette if it was so funny it made you pee your pants. If the topic of discussion was getting boring someoneone would say, "As the great Edward Johnson (not the name we used) would say," and everyone would drop their heads and snore. Then we'd all start laughing and change the subject.

[Tenessa]

We have tons of these, but what springs to mind immediately is The Coffee Table Book. My roommate and I had a book we kept on the coffee table in our tiny little rented house (this was while she was working to become a Revered Scientist and I worked to grow my education debt without much to show for it). We would write anything that struck our fancy in that book.

Our house was a sort of crossroads gathering place/tavern in those days and we seemed to have a constant stream of friends that would pop by to hang out for a few ______ (I'll leave that to your imagination). We had some really creative friends and some really funny ones and decided that we should record their witticisms for posterity. The book held super short stories (paragraphs, really), pictures, phrases and a dictionary.

The dictionary held words that we coined and liked to words that we just plain liked and defined in a way that amused us. Examples:

Marigold: a felicitous joining of yellow and orange

Heroning: To be relentlessly wasted to the point of passing out but still able to have some semblance of a conversation.

Flonk: to be beat about the face and shoulders with a penis. (I'm really not sure how this came about, but it got used in many sentences!)

[Joshilyn Jackson]

I am stealing Heroning. That's BRIL.

[Ramona]

I love Douche Cues.

My critique group has adopted Whackadoodle as anyone who turns down our submissions. We usually follow that up with Stupid Idiot.

My BFF and I have a term called Scary Grandmas. We adopted it at Atlantic City, after noticing a number of "young" women who, from behind, were in great shape and fashionably--even flashily--dressed, usually with some midriff showing. But when she turned around--yikes! Poster woman for the long term effects of sun exposure. A crepey, leathery midriff is never the new black.

Of course, the first time I pointed out a Scary Grandma to my husband, he said, "Honey, that's a hooker."

[Brigitte]

I use lots of these, varying by group, but am feeling too braindead to remember the juicy ones right now. I do have one I took from a friend that has entered our family's lexicon: "gerbil", pronounced with a HARD G (as in GET), to describe the noises emitting from your guts warning you of impending unpleasant intestinal disturbance.

[Sandi]

I may have mentioned one here before, or maybe over on FTK. My cousin coined the word piggle, which is to indulge in something that isn't generally considered a acceptable snack option. For example, if you open a can of sweetened condensed milk and then pull out a spoon, you're piggling. She used it to great effect in a non-food situation when we were gushing over Firefly - we were piggling Nathan Fillion.

In the dorm at college we adopted the phrase "it's nippy in here." When that warning was uttered in a mixed gender group every girl crossed her arms and shivered dramatically or disappeared to her dorm for a thick sweater - or a padded bra.

[Joshilyn Jackson]

I want to go piggle my daughter's circus peanuts right now,which is piggling because I am not convinced circus peanuts are food. I think they might be a petroleum by-product.

Certainly they do not have the nutritional value of Captain Mal. Nathan Fillion is not piggling; it's just good sense.

[Nancy Martin]

Joss! YOu have been hanging out a mystery conventions, haven't you? Where else could the Douche Cue possibly have made itself so obvious?? But you skipped the part about being handed a blaze orange blinky pen with the author's name on it.

Can I just volunteer one big difference between living in the south and living north of the Mason-Dixon? A northern girlfriend would not remark upon the color of your dress, but actually tell you it's not flattering. Husbands, though, lie through their teeth up here.

Pee Ess, I am wearing my fantasy pants right now.

[Sheila Connolly]

When things go wrong, blame it on the Fairy F**kmother. The term was a favorite of a former investment banking colleague (who got to use it a lot in that business)--he was married to a minister.

[Joshilyn Jackson]

I WANT A BLAZE ORANGE BLINKY PEN!!!! I do not care what it says on it, I will take one even if it is advertising Summer's Eve.

Sheila, that's AWESOME. I am submitting that to the posse EE-MEE-JIT-LY.

Can you tell I have a cold? I should be working on this book but instead I am snorfling into tissues and hanging with you guys all day...

refresh-refresh-refresh

[Karen in Ohio]

Dear Ramona: Can you please warn of impending hilarity when readers are drinking their morning coffee? Thank you.

Love Douche Cue! That reminds me of my friends' NOKD warning: Not Our Kind Dear. There were others, but it was over 30 years ago and that's the only one I can recall.

One girlfriend and I have a sort of shorthand for how two male acquaintances get through life: Male Version of Dumb Blond. Neither are blond, but that's not the point. Both these guys have clearly gotten along solely because they're good-looking, strapping specimens, but when you get to know them there's no "there" there. Sigh.

[Nancy Banks]

"Pinnarello" to mean "peccadillo." Pinnarello is an Italian bicycle maker. Back in the day, my husband cycled, and he was the one who started using it.

It's not as charming or funny as the other submissions, but I now have a really hard time using "peccadillo" in general conversation, as "pinnarello" SOUNDS way more like a peccadillo than "peccadillo" does.

Guess that's just one of my little pinnarellos.

[Joshilyn Jackson]

PEE ESS
Your husband may have been wrong...suburban moms in stripper shoes and tube tops were ALL OVER the spring fest our here in Bumpkin City Georgia. Like, LITERALLY Plastic Shauna Sands shoes, with promiscuous toe-hangover and see-through platform/wedges. Insane.

[buffi]

Having a teenage daughter who is truly one of the smartest people on the planet AND shares my warped sense of humor and love of language has given us SEVERAL words & phrases that nobody 'gets' but us.

"Melotional" refers to the melodramatic emotion that accompanies the many events that occur in an adolescent girl's life (particularly if said girl is a cheerleader, which mine is decidedly NOT). "She found out that Dylan asked Madison to the dance and you should have SEEN the melotional outbursts that happened from lunch until the end of the day, Mom."

WTF: I know what this acronym means. And teenager knows what it means, but she and her friends don't really curse (I know, right?), so they choose to interpret this as "Wow, That's Fantastic!" Of course now, if you tell one of them that they look "fantastic" they make you clarify if you mean fantastic or "fantastic." Could lead to a melotional situation otherwise...

[Cindy from Oregon]

I can find something nice to say about almost anything - except a homely baby. You've all seen them - ears that stick out, close-set, maybe crossed eyes, just a baby whose countenance makes you fall back in alarm. I came up with a "go-to" remark that never fails to please the proud parent and saves me from coming up with something on the spot: "Look at those bright eyes!" That's my contribution to a particularly sticky "Succulent Vines" situation. You're welcome.

[Katherine]

A group of friends sometimes mention OLAS--Our Lips Are Sealed.

[Alan P.]

With little ears in the house, language, even code words have changed. There are a few we use:
"One normally needs to pay a cover charge for that" A young lady, or not so young in slut wear. We were at a fancy party last week and there was a server with her g- string up above the pants to go with the lack of bra or use of the right number of buttons for a family establishment. Perfect example.

[Peggy Fry]

We used "voodoo" as a label for someone weird or spooky. There were degrees... "Voo- f***ing-doo" was worse, and a "full-body walking voo-f***ing-doo!!" was the worst. There were others, but time has dropped her merciful veil over those excesses of the 1980's.

[Laura (in PA)]

This is hilarious. I can't remember any "code words" at the moment, but I'm so enjoying hearing about them. However, I love my fantasy pants.

[Joshilyn Jackson]

I like those little ugly babies that look like garden gnomes. If you are stumped for a compliment, you can speak DIRECTLY to the baby, because then you can say ANYTHING.

"WHO IS DAT FAT LEG MR. BABY! WHO WHO! YOU IS! YOU IS DAT SUPER BABY WITH DAT FATS IN HIS BELLYTUMTUM," for example.

Say it really high and squeaky and crazed. Babies love that and then they smile and then they are hilariously darling, all of em, and you can say AW LOOK ATTHAT SMILE!!!! and then the mom won;t get all melotional.

[Holly Gault]

Snicky. It's outrageously pretentious persnickety-ness. (I most often use it about myself).

[Miss Shell]

Our family spent a lot of time taking long car trips last summer and, as a result, came up with Travelers Tourettes. This is defined as calling out the name of random items located in one's surroundings while having an otherwise normal conversation. Example: "So I told him that the project wouldn't be completed on time, (SQUIRREL!)and he said that was OK, but he hoped we could at least come close to the date originally set."

[Mir]

"Gorgonzola" remains shorthand for "I'm a moron" in our house.

Due to a time when my husband got himself all jazzed about a potential family trip to Dearborn to tour the Ford factory and somehow convinced himself that the children were DYING TO GO (um, no?), now whenever a family member talks about something THEY really want to do as if we'd ALL decided to do it, we say "Dearborn."

Basically our lexicon is made up of ways to mock each other, apparently.

[Dave]

I was a theatre major, and we had to Succulent Vines all the time. My favorite example was when someone said, "I've seen acting, man. You were ON that stage."

As for the baby, my father-in-law is an obstetrician, and he used "FLK," which meant funny-looking kid or fine-looking kid. depending on whether he was talking to another doctor or to the parents, respectively.

[Marcia in OK]

buffi - I am so stealing melotional.

I live with a teen and tween. The latter is extremely melotional about most anything these days.

[Karen in Ohio]

My friend's husband is a renowned storyteller, and he often starts out what turns out to be jokes by phrasing it as if he himself had the experience. Long ago, he started out almost every story--until I caught on and outed him--thusly, "I was walking down Main Street..."

Now "I was walking down Main Street" is code for "here's a joke coming".

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, this is so funny. You all are hilarious and I can't even choose the best.

We have nothing this good. Ah...when Jonathan and I want to signal to each other we want to leave a party or something, we say, "quack quack." Because of the ducks. That's not one bit funny, I know, but it works for us.

[Debora]

My kids and I have a bunch of these, but my favorite might be "to sleep like the zebra." It all started at a trip to Disneyland a few years back. We were on the Jungle Cruise ride and when we got to the part where all the lions were nomming on the dead zebra our tour guide went on and on with this spiel about how the lions were "protecting" the "sleeping zebra" and how we should move on and let him "rest in peace" and so on. So now whenever one of us is really tired we say something like, "Man, I'm going to sleep like the zebra tonight!"

[xena]

My friend Rose, who won't go to the River Cities Festival because she sees too many of her ex husbands, has a code we share.
I met a bongo playing man at one of our local watering holes who let me fool around on his bongos while the band took a break. He had all the requirements (over 60 and still breathing) so I said sure when he asked me out for lunch.
I was telling Rose about "Bongo Man" when she told me to hold the phone. He was married.
Now any time I meet someone I shoot her this "Bongo?" look and she'll call it out like she just won in the church social hall. "Bongo!"
"Trouser Snake" also comes to mind.

[Joshilyn Jackson]

YES theatre majors must become wold class succulent vinesers..I was one :)

I LOVE Bongo as code for "Married, RUN!"

[Jeaneva Nelson]

Do you remember Garanimals - those mix and match clothing for children? From this term my family has coined the term 'Garanimal Man.' He's the guy that so obviously is dressed by either his mom or his wife in a very matchy-matchy fashion.

[K. T. Archer]

Friend A, who has been a friend of mine for quite some time brought along Friend B, with whom I'd met in passing a couple of times, on a recent shopping excursion. Mistake #1 because I don't Succulent Vines which I probably should in order to be PC but anywho...Friend B takes some items in the dressing room to try on while Friend A and I wait. She steps out in the first outfit and asks, "How does it look?" while twirling, smiling obviously pleased with her selection. Friend A in her silence must have been looking for her Succulent Vines phrase to use while I say, "Like a busted can of biscuits!" Friend B, not knowing me very well, doesn't understand that she looks like biscuit dough after you've whacked the can on the counter and it starts to escape the offending package. Friend A slaps my arm as Friend B thinks I've just delivered a compliment.

Busted Can of Biscuits- when someone squeezes themselves into what they THOUGHT was their size when in all truthfulness they needed the next, possibly two sizes UP.

[Nancy Martin]

Dearborn! Don't know why, but this one cracks me up bigtime.

When we visted my dear aunt in the nursing home after a stroke, she was mourning the loss of delicious food. We took her to the cafeteria, and my mother and I had "steak salads"--which were simply limp lettuce with some hunks of very unappetizing meat on the top. But my aunt, who was only allowed broth and and been told she should never eat sweets again, looked longingly at our plates and said, "What are you having? Is that a fudge salad?" So now, when we desperately want something to be other than what it is, we call it a fudge salad.

"Busted can of biscuits!" BWAH!

[Kathy]

This is all so funny!! My daughter and I have several things that just we know what we're talking about and of course I can't think of any right now. Only one I can remember is our name for the Scary Grandmas which is Crispy Ladies.

[Carol R]

"Old man in a hat" is our term for a driver that will not move with the flow of traffic or get out of the way. And the trouble maker usually is an old man in a hat.

[Kathy]

Oh! And while doing a crossword with a group at work, filled in all the letter and STILL didn't get what randr (pronounced rander)was. Took two days to figure our it was R and R (for military vacation)! Ha! Brilliant minds at work. So now anything incomprhensible comes up, someone yells Randr!

[Dani]

I know my family has SO many of these and I'm drawing a blank right now! I'll definitely be asking my mom when she gets home! But my best friend and I make up posse-speak NAMES for all the boys we encounter. It started back in the 7th grade, and we still do it 11 years later. The first nickname was Pancakes. I was the sweet syrup that complimented him. Pancakes liked another girl, and we called her Butter. We would go around saying "Pancakes with syrup, no butter, delishhhh!"
And when we were older, there was QB. He was supposed to be the quarterback of our football team but ended up getting cut, and we used to say he could score with us anytime (which was so not true! - we just wanted to sound older I guess?).

[Sherry]

Oh, good Lord. This is addictive! Here's one. Bitchlet - Bitch is to Bitchlet as Pig is to Piglet.

Basically, it’s someone who’s really gripey/bitchy and massively annoying, but she’s not really old enough, smart enough, or mean enough to be classified as a full-blown bitch.

“What a little bitchlet!” “Who the heck does that bitchlet think she is?” What’s the bitchlet up to now?”

[Sherry]

Drinkin’ from the hose pipe.

Whether you call it a water hose, a garden hose, or a spigot, we call it a hose pipe. And, yes, we all know that drinking from a hose pipe isn’t the most sanitary thing to do. Regardless, we’ve all done it, and it didn’t kill us. So, when someone does something that probably isn’t the smartest thing in the world, but it probably won’t kill him, we call it drinkin’ from the hose pipe.

For example, Johnny Joe decides he’s going to apply to be an exotic dancer. “Well, ain’t he just drinkin’ from the hose pipe.”

[Sherry]

“That’s just too far and snakey, and I’m a skeer’d of frogs.” …not many examples to give of this one since that IS the phrase. It comes from a relative who mostly likes his peace and quiet…doesn’t venture too far from home.

We’ve all used it in pretty much the same way he does. “That’s just too far and snakey, and I’m a skeer’d of frogs.” It’s just a much more colorful and jovial way to tell someone... “Uh, no. I ain’t goin’. Period. …doesn’t really matter why. I ain’t goin’.”

[gaylin in vancouver]

Scary Grandmas = Crispy Ladies = Leather Ladies . . .

My friend Debbie and I would beat the beach tanning and see a leather lady walk by and it was time to head home . . . they were a lesson in skin preservation!

I love bitchlet!

Before the days of thin menstrual pads we called those big kotex pads - mouse mattresses. We would say I need a new mattress, the girls would laugh, the boys look clueless.

I have an aunt named Eunice who is very prissy and self-centered. In our family if you were being a Eunice, it was not a complement.

[Reine]

I just can't stop laughing Joshlyn.

And Nancy M, "fudge salad" is now mine. I really can't stop laughing. My life is full of "fudge salad" cuzza my "Busted Can of biscuits" BWAHHAHHAHA! Thanks KT!

My wheelie friends call non-wheelies TABS (temporarily able-bodied) especially if their obnoxious about it. Like you tell them how you went camping and they say something like, "Well I just ran up Mt. Whitney. In the moonlight." We came up with SAB, meaning "still able-bodied?" This one was born after my PTSD therapy session one week - always good for laughs - when I told my therapist that I was finally winning at playing solitaire on the computer. She said, "Ah well . . . I play against the clock!" When I told my wheelie friends one of them said, "That bitch is SAB? Call Joe, he'll take care of it." I've come to love the healing effects of crip humor.

[lil Gluckstern]

This is delicious. I know my daughters and I have some, and I am totally blocking them. But I think they were funny. Reine, I truly admire your courage and your "grit."

[Jill W.]

These are great! My new answer to everything in gonna be "That’s just too far and snakey, and I’m a skeer’d of frogs.”

Of course, I can't think of any of my own at the moment, although I know we have plenty of them.

[Deb]

My mother, who was very ladylike, would NEVER say "sh*t", and would instead say "tish" - which would, of course, make us laugh at her!

To refer to a really annoying person without being coarse and calling the person an "a**hole" I use the name Alfred(or Alicia) Henderson. A couple of my friends have caught on and crack up if I mention that "I took a phone call at work from Alfred Henderson", or "my neighbor, Alicia Henderson", did such-and-such. I recall giving my mom a ride somewhere and having another driver cut me off. I muttered "Alfred Henderson" under my breath, and she quipped "please watch your language!"

A bunch of friends and I keep in touch by group email. One of them has a rather colorful vocabulary and is not afraid to use it. The rest of us have gotten in the habit of naming her vocabulary after her (I'll use my name instead of hers, since I don't have permission to take her name in vain:-), and if any of us wants to use profanity we utter "Debword!" and everyone else knows exactly what we mean! "That Debword Alfred Henderson cut me off in traffic!" "Those Debword politicians are up to their old tricks again!" and so forth.

[Reine]

Lil, I think you must be a wonderful therapist. I'm still having PTSD symptoms from that weirdball PTSD SAB . . . especially when I read she got another humaitarian award for doing some great shrink thing! Thanks Lil, but I just keep on, y'know?

[Skipper Hammond]

Around 1918, when my aunt was 6, she started calling her big bossy sister, my mother, the Critiquer. My cousins and all our grands still use the word. Guess that makes us a critique group.

[Karen in Ohio]

Deb, a friend's sister's initials were AH, and we just used the initials. Not in her hearing, of course.

A Lebanese friend always mangled idiomatic phrases, but you usually got her drift. The only one I can remember, and still use: she was trying to say that someone was pouring salt into a wound, but what she said was that they were "pouring salt on dead soldiers".

[Scottsdale Girl]

OMG I have so many...
The man and I say let's get the FooCOWIE which is GTFO(ty)

A dear friend has the term "PINEAPPLE!" to convey to another laydee that her NIPPLE IS SHOWING.

My aunt and I say 'Cheesecake' whenever someone spaces something out because of an anecdote that is boring to others regarding my grandpa...

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Traveler's Tourettes. LOVE.IT.

[Scottsdale Girl]

Oh! "NMP" which is code for NOT MY PROBLEM

Also BEEZWAX which is code for none of your business

those are from my dear departed momma whose humor is deeply missed

[Em]

Around here, there is not a wide variety of churches. You have your Catholics (here!), your Protestants, your Jewish people, your Jehovah's witnesses. Then you have what my mom likes to call The Church of Fred. That is those small, sometimes storefront, sometimes not even in the front, sometimes over stores or under them. No one is really sure who they worship. They all (so far) seem nice enough but they don't fall into the categories we have learned to place people.

My mom is good for coining phrases. The nursing home has always been The House of Wrinkles (or occasionally God's Waiting Room).

My husband's contributions are: Rebigulous - for something ridiculously big. Monkeys: as a police officer, whenever something happens, people just start to gather. They come from their houses, they walk to the action to stand around and get in the way. These people are called Monkeys.

My kids are an endless supply of new words: Poopburp has always been our household word for flatulence. Sorry. It is descriptive without being too crass. Greary is my daughter's word for either a grey, foggy, cloudy day or that same feeling you get when you wake up on such a day. Shmubles is a word that happened when I was trying not to swear in front of my kids, as well as Son of a Bum.

[[email protected]]

Hilarious, Joshilyn!

My favorite succulent vines: "I've met a lot of people in my life, and you're certainly one of them." You can substitute "writers" for "people" if you like, but I'm sure it would be more of a compliment than you intended.

[mary lynn reed]

For the times when you are tired beyond belief, like you've single-handedly prepped and served all day at the PTA's ice cream booth for the town's 4th of July celebration:

"I've lost the will to live"

Many of the phrases used in this house come from the movie, 'The Hunt for Red October', but my fav is, "Next time, Jack, write a f***ing memo." This is muttered aloud to self when you find yourself midst a miserable situation--often of your own making.

[Storyteller Mary]

Hah, I thought it was Quack, quack because you wanted to duck out . . .
Karen, who is your storyteller friend? Would I know him?
Kathy, you've reminded me of my mother and I looking for Two Nice Guys, the restaurant recommended by the woman at the Rep box office for nearby after theater dining. We drove around in the dark and could not find it, so we decided to give up and go to one we saw, Tings. When we got close enough, we realized the sign was TNGs. I still blame poor signage, and while it was okay, we then found Zinnia's, which remained a favorite until it closed.
Code words? not so many, but I liked a friend's invention "administrivia" for all that ridiculous paperwork piled upon over-worked teachers, and I started calling a really difficult (mean, nasty, cruel, despicable) assistant principal "the Ass. Prin." -- and wrote "The NCLB Murder" in her . . . uh . . . honor . . . yeah, that's it!

[Storyteller Mary]

My brother told my mother once that he was dating "Nonya -- nonya business." (a woman Mom didn't care for, and yes, they did later divorce -- moms are so often right.

[Sandi]

Okay, these have me giggling uncontrollably, and have reminded me of a few others.

A junior high friend called farts with a little substance "Hershey squirts."

One of the electricians working on the senior living facility called it the "Geezeria."

And my favorite was coined by a classmate's sister, who is a little person (you'll see this is actually relevant). Remember the periodic table of elements? The symbol for Sodium is NA. She would say, "He's got sodium," meaning he has a Nice Ass.

[edj]

The "Silent 'You Dork.'" This is when you answer politely but the tone of your voice reveals your true inner feelings. Hence the silent 'You Dork!'

[Jessica]

We have a variety of weird and random ways to say "thank you" to each other, but the main one is 10Q, from an old joke that goes "What's 5Q plus 5Q?" Answer is obviously 10Q, to which the joke-asker replies, "You're welcome."

Husband: Here's your drink.
Me: 10Q!

Another one that gains momentum in every group that I hang out with for some reason is To Pee Like a Russian. When I was little, I thought people said they had to pee like a Russian racehorse (as opposed to a RUSHING racehorse), and in my mind, this eventually was shortened to "I have to pee like a Russian." For some reason, everyone picks it up and starts using it when they really have to go to the bathroom. "Are we going to be there soon? I have to pee like a freaking Russian!"

On the "nippy" side of things (from someone's earlier comment), when asked if it's cold outside or at a place we're going, my group of friends will respond "just a tit bit" if it is indeed cold. This is our code to wear a heavier shirt or padded bra to keep it from going from just "a tit bit" chilly to "a tit bit nipply" (which is what we say when we see someone who hasn't taken the cold environment into account and isn't wearing enough to cover how cold it is).

A more family-friendly one is when someone sends an email without an attachment or link or picture that was mentioned as being included. When my husband and I were dating (long distance), he would often do this when he wanted to show me something. The majority of the time, the link or attachment or picture was missing, so this has become known as "pulling a Bob" (his name isn't Bob, but I don't have his permission to give it away either). This seems to become the norm for phrasing with friends and coworkers. A coworker will send an email without an attachment and follow up with, "Darn. I Bobbed that email. Here's the real attachment" (or "Sorry, I pulled a Bob on that email").

My husband and I sometimes sound like we're speaking a completely different language made up of obviously English words, because we have assigned double meanings to so many words and phrases. We get weird looks a lot in public when we use some of these, but at least we understand each other.

[Amy]

I am unfashionably late to the party. What can I say? I was busy eating too much awaiting the rapture.

"Baggy" means cool, neat, rockin', smokin', rad, nifty, bitchin'. I don't remember the derivation. It's a family thing.

"Sad rabbits." Bummer, pitiful, disappointing. We have pet rabbits. There's nothing more deflating than a depressed bunny.

Oh, rabbits! (Segue) Harley! (Hijack) I put our Christmas lights away today! Just in time for the rapture! Now that it's not March 81st and we actually have sun and warmth, I've gone outside and taken the twinkling redneck wraps down. I thought your neighborhood association would approve.

[Cornelia Read]

In my writing group, we have lexiconography for our manuscripts. We call them: stinking pile of unreadable crap. This lets all the other people in the group who have to read it for us realize that we know it sucks, so that any kind words they can succulent vines us will be really deeply appreciated, without making us unhumble. Or preeny.

I need fantasy pants. And more cheesy poufs.

[Fellow Fantasy Pants-Wearer]

I hope I'm not giving too much away when I add that Fantasy Pants must be labeled as Small, even though one could probably fit the entire continent of Africa (plus one's self) within them.

[Margaret Maron]

In our family, when something extra nice comes along with the already nice, it's just "gravy on the tree" - coined by a sister-in-law who couldn't remember "icing on the cake."

[Joshilyn Jackson]

I am adopting Rebigulous, and Fellow Fantasy Pants Wearer, you are a PRO! I used to feel all pleased because the tag in my fantasy pants says MEDIUM, but now I want to shop where YOU shop!

[Michelle-who-is-Shelley]

My son is a linguistics major and has already acquired a large amount of posse words - I am going to tell him now that he must write them down.

For us, "How about them Tig's?" (as in Detroit Tigers) is a cue that the conversation is getting a little too heated and someone needs to change the subject before something is said that can't be taken back.

I have been "Dixie-Chicked" if I state an opinion that does not fit with the general thinking of my extended family. This happens to me a lot.

[Michelle-who-is-Shelley]

I realized that I didn't fully explain "Dixie-Chicked". It is something that my extended family will do if they don't like an opinion, idea, thought that I share. They will shut me down in subtle and devious ways, leaving me sputtering and when I finally come up with a great come-back, it is several hours later and too late to respond.

[Val]

Ok, I'm new to the blogs, so I'm a day or two behind... what gives?
Here's my contribution to the vocabularies (though I've truly broadened mine in the last 15 minutes reading all of yours). My husband and I have custody of our 7 teenagers, ages 13-18... all seven, all the time. When any of the 5 boys get money for birthday, Christmas, etc., they SKITTLE it away... This is the childish act of acquiring temporary monetary gain, running to a grocery store (or some other frivolous economic sinkhole) and dropping an unfathomable percentage of dough on unnecessaries (honeybuns, softdrinks, gum, chips). Used in a sentence? "Where did all the boys go, honey?" "Oh, they all piled in Chase's truck to hit publix with their Christmas money; they'll skittle it all away in a matter of thirty minutes, honey." This reference can also be applied to adults. Tax return deposits, student loan payouts, or other short-term financial windfalls can bring a woman to seek "retail therapy" at say Bed, Bath, & Beyond. "Did you see Valerie at the B cubed?" "No, but I heard about her in the kitchen utensils skittling ALL her income tax check, girl!"
The concept of 'skittling the money away' struck my silly husband (one of those unintentional totally funny guys) in the gas station checkout line. We were going to the movie, and the kids wanted to stop and get candy to smuggle in the movie (sorry, I know, guilty as charged). Nine people deep at the counter, my husband realized how much money was being dropped on SKITTLES, hence lowering and shaking his head in disgust, replying, "they're just skittling it all away."
There's my contribution...
BTW... Can't wait for another one of your books, Joshilyn! Our two girls and I have thoroughly enjoyed your work! You make like a little more fun for us Alabama girls...
www.easysite.com/malonedavisbunch

[Wanda Vaughn]

I know I'm joining this late, but I figured I throw my two cents worth into the ether.

I went to a highschool that required females to wear dresses or skirts. "Snowing down south" let a friend know her slip was showing. Do girls even wear slips anymore?

Hubby is a deputy and I looove the term they came up for the local thug/druggie/thief etc. Pillar, as a tongue-in-cheek pillar of the community. "Yep. That guy is a pillar for sure." "I pulled over a pillar-mobile."

[jerajenn]

My best guy buddies went to a restaurant one time and ordered chocolate cake for dessert. They were starving and dying for chocolate cake but both had strange looks on their faces when they bit into the cake. When I asked how the cake was they both looked baffled and said 'it's not...bad. It's not good though either'. They ate their entire pieces and agreed that it was the most absolutely neutral food item they had ever had. Thus, anything that is utterly mediocre is now 'neutral cake'.

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