I Didn't Want That A

By Elaine Viets

Now they tell me. When it’s too late.                                            

The average bra cup size is C.

Here’s more news I could have used in high school. Women change breast sizes at least six times. Pregnancy, nursing, weight gains and losses, exercise, birth control pills and hormone replacement therapy can make a difference. So can breast implants.

I needed this news when I was sixteen. Instead, I found it out now, when I’m grown up and bra sizes are – well, no big deal.

I’ve been researching lingerie – $200 worth – for "An Uplifting Murder," my new Josie Marcus Mystery Shopper novel.

This time, Josie mystery-shops a lingerie store. Her favorite high school teacher, the woman who saved her from the mean girls, is now working as the shop manager. Frankie, a high school acquaintance Josie hoped she’d never see again, turns up and is murdered at the mall. Josie’s teacher is the main suspect, and her alibi is flimsier than the lingerie she sells. Josie has to save the woman who helped her when the murder becomes a tempest in a C-cup.

Josie learns the lesson we all know. You never get out of high school.

In high school, I was an A – and I’m not just talking about my grades. I didn’t understand that a bigger future was waiting for me. If I did, I would have ignored the mean girls in gym class who joked about the "bug bites" on my chest. Okay, I would have tried to ignore them. I could have avoided countless tears and endless conversations with my best friend, Sue.

In high school, I didn’t listen to my mother. She said if I had a flat chest at 16, I’d have less sag after 40.

I thought her advice was stupid. Forty was so old, nobody would care what I looked like.

Mother also said I should find a man who would appreciate my fine mind.

I ignored that advice, too. Men could admire my fine mind after I was 40 and too old for sex.

I did listen to Mom’s bra advice once. She caught me trying to bust out of the house without a bra. I figured since I had a flat chest, no one could tell. Mom could. She pulled out a National Geographic with photos of topless tribal women. Their bare breasts were 36 Long.

"That’s what happens when you don’t wear a bra!" she said. Mom didn’t mention that these women had also endured poverty, poor nutrition, and many pregnancies.

One look and I got the picture. The bra went back on.

Today’s women are better endowed than my generation. Some experts say a D-cup is now the average size for young women.  One of those experts is bra fitter Susan Nethero, who wrote "Bra Talk."

But girls with generous builds suffer, too. They endure the crude taunts of teen-age boys. Busty women hate that line from the old movie, "Young Frankenstein." You know the one I mean and you know how the scene is played.

A girl walks down the school hallway when some twit yells "Great knockers!" If any teachers are around, he makes a big show of pretending to admire the school doors.

Which have push bars.

Size matters for girls, too. The pain of those insults lasts a lifetime. They might be funny once we’re adults, but we never forget those old feelings. Hopefully, we outgrow them.

Help me celebrate the publication of "An Uplifting Murder" with an Uplifting Contest. Win a $100 gift certificate for books – or lingerie – at your favorite store. Gentlemen, I don’t discriminate. You can upgrade your under-duds, or give the certificate to the woman in your life, from your mother to your significant other. Don’t forget your cross-dressing cousin.

Go to my website at www.elaineviets.com and click on Contests.

 

 

 

Comments

[Margaret Maron]

Unlike the hair situation, I think my first bra was a B-cup. In 7th grade. Very embarrassing. It took a while for my head to get around it and realize this was not a bad thing. I saw those Nat'l Geographics, too, Elaine. Women with rounded scoops of ice cream were worth 3 cows. Women with cones (my configuration) were worth 5. Not much consolation but one takes what one can get.

[gaylin in vancouver]

When I was 16 and still flat-chested my mother said to me, do you want to go bra shopping? I looked at my chest and said 'What for?' It never occurred to me to be self conscious about being flat chested, I just didn't care. Once I found weightlifting and go me some pecs I liked those better than the prospect of ever getting boobage. In my late 20's I finally went bra shopping, I was an A cup and thought that was huge . . . In my late 40's I gradually went up to a B cup and seriously miss the A's and the pecs. C'est la vie.

[Cathy]

I used to be an A cup. Then I gained 30 pounds and now i'm a B cup. Of course, they're the first to go when the diet and exercise start working.

In 8th grade I wasn't self-conscious about being an A cup (it made sports a lot more comfortable). What I was embarrassed about was that my measurements were 26-26-26. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't locate my waist by where things curved inward a bit - I just lined my skirt elastic up with my belly button.

[Reine (Marie-Reine)]

Not being much of a girly-girl, I prayed for smaller boobs every night, among other things.

[Paulina]

All women in my family have big boobs, except me. The size changed only once during first months of the breastfeeding, I was a real Pamela Anderson then. After it got back to normal. I don’t care, I’m not going to put implants. I’m what I’m. On the other hand, I’ve got long legs for example.:)) When I was 15 I was Miss Beautiful Legs in a summer camp :)))
But it was different with us at high school. On the contrary, girls with big size were embarrassed by their chest, those with a flat one felt more comfortable. I remember a friend of mine having complexes and crying because of her big tits. I would like to hear what she says now.

[Judith Bandsma]

Embarassment as a 13 year old...my stepfather picking up a bra from the laundry and asking my mother when she gained a size (or 2). And my mother having to admit that the 34 C bra was mine, not hers (a 36 B). My stepfather dropped the bra like it was a snake that had bitten him. While mom never made a big deal out of it, I know from her reaction that she was a bit discomfitted by have a daughter who, from the age of a little less than 12, had had bigger boobs than she did.

[Karen in Ohio]

We had our own home version of the National Geographic ladies in my paternal grandmother. Who never wore a bra, but was well-endowed, at least lengthwise. Looking back at old photos of her in her housedresses, hairnet, orthopedic shoes, and chest resting on her belt, it's hard to believe that I'm older now than she was in those pictures. Marrying a man 18 years older than she must have aged her before her time, although Grandpa was a lot of fun, and Grandma was a drag and a busybody.

Her boobage legacy, though, came to most of her granddaughters, especially my sister. I've made it a point to wear a good, supportive bra my whole life, and taught the girls to do so, too. My mother, at almost 81, still has what she always called a "cute figure", still perky after all these years.

[Karen in Ohio]

Elaine, as a really late bloomer, I can so identify with teenaged angst about chest size.

Paulina, Miss Beautiful Legs, eh? What kind of summer camp was that, again? :-)

[Laura (in PA)]

I have five sisters, and we have various degrees of boobage. I was on the A-cup end through high school. After I had my daughter( at 24), I graduated up to a B. Then, I had an unplanned pregnancy 4 years ago at age 41. I ended up miscarrying, but the C-cups stayed. Weird.

My daughter, thanks to genes from her father's side, is a 40DD. My husband does the laundry, God love him, and has no trouble at all knowing which bras belong to whom. I don't envy her, though. I haven't seen her stand up straight since she was 14.

[Kaye Barley]

I've never had much in the way of boobs, and I've never thought much about it.

I have girlfriends who have had implants to make them bigger, and I have girlfriends who have gone the other way and had surgery to make them smaller.

The only kind of surgery I'd consider having to change a body feature I'm unhappy with would be a tummy tuck.

[Elaine Viets]

Five cows, Margaret? Terrific image.
I want to know about this Miss Beautiful Legs summer camp. I made popsicle stick jewelry boxes at mine.
Your stories sound funny, but there's a lot of hidden angst here.

[Paulina]

Karen, Elaine, it was the last year I went to a summer camp. I guess it was the last year of the Soviet Union as well. There were beauty contests everywhere at the time being. I would not have been surprised if there were Miss Metro, Miss Bus or Miss Our Building contests. It was new and terribly capitalistic. The fever fell down since.

[Alan P.]

Thanks ladies. Bra shopping with princess one will be in my near future. After seeing what the "Hot Bodies" in high school have morphed into over the last 20 years you are so right. But the logic of three years of teasing will pay off with 20 years of being hot, doesn't compute to a 13 year old.

I deliver to a fair number of hot mommies and trophy wives with paid for "stripper boobs." I don't care what the doctor told you, that's what they look like. Maybe that is how you paid for college.

Elaine, did you shop for one of these? http://www.mackspw.com/Item--i-HATH306WS

For those who are interested in what I looked like with hair, this is the hair collection, http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2086968&id=1045567832&l=76154ef134

[Harley]

I've always liked being relatively flat-chested. Except when I was breast-feeding, boobs have always felt so . . . superfluous. Probably there are men out there who feel otherwise.

My great aunt Myrtle owned a Foundation Shop, so in our family we took well-fitting bras very seriously. I expect Aunt Myrt is rolling over in her grave at how often I wear sports bras, even when I'm not exercising.

[Karen in Ohio]

That camo nightie is so she can hide, Al. Sheesh, do I have to tell you everything?

[Elaine Viets]

The camo nightie?
Love kills, Alan.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

When a girl started to tease me about my bug bites, I just laughed and said, "Yeah, I am concave rather than convex." She looked at me confused and walked away. The girls who got it laughed their asses off.

If you are going to be a Mean Girl, at least be smart enough, lol.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

I guess I should mention that now I wish I didn't have this load on my chest. It hurts!

[Margaret Maron]

Alan, I assume that's you and your brother razzing someone -- father? Uncle? -- for losing most of his hair. How hairy are you now?

[Nancy Pickard]

The question that pops out at me is: why are boobs bigger now? It's not just that Americans are bigger all over; I see the bigger boobage on petite girls, too. I'm thinking it's the hormones in our food chain and our water supply. A lot of hormones have been injected into cow hides, and I say this as a former wife of a cattle rancher. Not to mention the antibiotics, and the rest of the pharmacological universe of veterinary medicine and commercial production of diary and beef and all of those other things we eat and drink.

[Rod Pennington]

Even the fellas can use some help

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfONNfAjyrc

[marie]

Not being over endowed I guess I went from fried eggs to slightly puffy omelets throughout the years.

One of the funniest jokes that was ever told to me came from my usually proper and respectful father-in-law...
A bride and groom are on their honeymoon. The bride begins to get ready for the groom. She takes off her wig, peals off her false eyelashes, removes her contacts and by the now the groom is impatient. He tells her "When you get to the part that I want, throw it over here."
That joke has made me laugh every time that I think of it.

[Merry Lu]

Wonderful post, Elaine, you captured some of the angst of growing up female perfectly. You've also reminded me that I need to go bra shopping. NOT my favorite thing, but it's better than shoe shopping (which unfortunately, I need to do, also).

[Bev]

Did anyone see the picture of the woman who was in the Guinness Book of World Records for largest breasts and she had them removed?
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20016194-10391704.html
They looked like watermelons and not very attractive. I can't imagine hauling those around.

I happen to be well endowed and have been wanting to have some removed for years. A B size looks pretty good to me.

By the way Alan, that's a lot of hair!

[Bev]

Elaine, I love the new colors on your website. Very nice.

[Joy]

Love the cover and going to check out that contest!

[Marianne Plumridge]

Great post, Elaine. :-D
Sigh. Puberty hit and things started to, well, stand out appreciably. I'm modest by nature and the school bully (one of them) who professed loudly to be my friend when no one was around tried to make fun of me for not having anything to show. Huh? I thought she was just blind or stupid. I was a 36C in my 20s, but put on weight in my 30s. Am now 46 and have 40DD - well D and DD to be exact. I never worried about boob sizes during my formative years but the thoughtless 'quips' by men and boys over the years have taken their toll. I'm only learning now to re-embrace my sexy side and stop wearing 'tents'a and cover ups to hide behind. As my younger sister says: if you've got it, flaunt it - you've earned it. I wanna lose enough weight to wear sexy lingerie again. :-D

[Shelley]

My mother told me that when she started to develop breasts she was so self-conscious about them that she learned how to breathe from her abdomen so her chest wouldn't rise and fall (and thus call attention to the breasts). That's pretty hardcore, huh? But pretty good from a yoga/breathing standpoint.

That tactic would never have worked for me as a teen because I was too busy trying to hold in my stomach.

Sports bras RULE.

[Debby]

I was one who was wearing a real bra before the other girls were even considering the trainers. Ugh. Haunted me all through school, with the calls of "Dolly Parton".

Fixed that overabundance for my 30th birthday present, and what a joy. Get-well cards included gift cards to Victoria's Secret. Wheeeeee.

Maybe, if they had made all of the cute/sexy bras for my size/age way back, I wouldn't have been so introverted. After my surgery, I grew an inch! An INCH! Taller, mind you. I was standing up straight instead of being ashamed.

I have such respect for MK (Laura's daughter), as she has more confidence than I did. Must be thanks to mom and Mike. :)

[Reine (Marie-Reine)]

Nancy, bigger boobage might have something to do with the generally larger-sizedness now, since fat produces estrogen, and estrogen affects breast size in the same way that estrogen used by cattle folk increases growth rate.

[Elaine Viets]

Nancy, the hormones in meat are supposed to affecting the female breasts, at least the studies I've seen. Also, better nutrition (I was raised on white Wonder Bread).
Marijuana can increase breast size -- for women and men, too.

[Elaine Viets]

I like the cover, too.
And definitely sign up for the contest. You, too, men of the blog.

[gaylin in vancouver]

I had a friend who had a reduction about 12 years ago, the surgeon did warn her that they may get bigger again as she got older! Now that she is approaching menopause they have increased a bit - she is not happy with that.

An acquaintance's daughter was already a G cup when she was 15, they wouldn't do a reduction on her until she was 20, 5 years of carrying those around couldn't have been fun.

[Reine (Marie-Reine)]

Gaylin, did you say "G" cup?

[gaylin in vancouver]

Yes, Reine - a G cup. She had to have bras sent from the States, apparently you are not supposed to need a G cup in Canada . . .

[Reine (Marie-Reine)]

Gaylin, mais non!

[Slinky Minx]

Great post, made the office grin for sure.. One comment that was passed around was, what ever you can't fit in your mouth is useless! Any ideas??

[Terry Bayer]

Hey there Elaine. It is fine to have breast implants if that is your heart's desire. People have to make decisions, and these decisions must be respected. You can give advice, but it is up to them to decide whether to take your advice or not.