Bridal Diapers

By Elaine Viets

Brides in diapers?

The story is circulating with cyber speed: Brides wear diapers under their gowns. It’s supposedly a trend. Brides’ dresses are so elaborate and wedding schedules are so extreme the poor creatures don’t have time for a bathroom break.

Brides depend on Depends on the happiest day of their lives.

This rumor landed with a splash like a bouquet tossed in a punchbowl, probably due to Courtney Dunlop. Courtney wrote on Marie Claire’s Fashionista blog about a "thread I saw on a bridal message board (which shall remain nameless), on which a future bride explains that her insanely enormous dress takes 20 minutes to get in and out of, and the oh-so-helpful bridal manager suggested that she wear bridal diapers so she doesn’t have to worry about going to the bathroom.

"Um . . . bridal diapers? WTF?!" Courtney exclaimed. "After a quick Google search I found out that it’s not a joke. Some bridal shops do in fact sell bridal diapers, which sounds to me like they’re probably just taking a box of Depends and jacking up the price (typical wedding maneuver!)."

Courtney, I hate to diss a sister blogger, but I think you’ve toddled into an urban legend.

I did actual time in the bridal department at Zola Keller’s swanky shop on Las Olas in Fort Lauderdale when I researched "Just Murdered," my fifth Dead-End Job mystery. I never saw a bridal diaper. I did see every other bridal accessory from bras and bustiers to shoes and garters, along with gorgeous dresses, veils and other wedding paraphernalia.

But no diapers.

Of course, I didn’t spend as much time at Zola Keller’s shop at head saleswoman Sandy, who knows the business down to the last scrap of lace. Sandy nearly lost it when I mentioned diapers.

"Oh, my god, that’s disgusting," Sandy said. "I never heard of bridal diapers. I’ve never had anyone ask for bridal diapers. I’ve never seen them in the manufacturers’ catalogues. If brides are wearing diapers, they shouldn’t get married."  

Sandy, I love you.

I also checked with Mario Ortega, stylist to stars such as Jennifer Lopez (and me). Mario has done fashionable weddings from New York to Paris to Venice, plus a slew in South Florida. He’s never heard of bridal diapers, either.

"I did have a bride who was very nervous," Mario said. "She had to use the bathroom right before she walked down the aisle. Her bridesmaids held up her long skirts for her and her mother sprayed around this expensive, disgusting perfume. But diapers? Never."

You’ve restored my faith in females. Bridal diapers are an urban legend that people want to believe because:

(1) Brides can act crazy. Even sensible women can go over the top. Add money and they get even crazier.

(2) It plays to the prejudice that women are stupid.

So stupid they can’t figure out how to use a bathroom? So dumb the brides don’t remove their elaborate dresses? Or have their bridesmaids hold the skirts?

Please.

I must thank "Joe from Kentucky" for debunking bridal diapers on the Urban Dictionary site.

"The bridal diaper is an urban legend circulated widely among Adult Baby and Diaper Lover communities," Joe’s post began.

Those are fetishists who like being treated like giant babies, right down to the diapers. It strikes me as odd, but harmless. Back to Joe:

"The diaper is propagated as a fantasy of many fetishists, as male fetishists are attracted to the idea of a bride wearing a diaper under her dress, and female fetishists are attracted to the idea of wearing a diaper under their dress.

"Thanks to internet message boards, a fairly small number of fetishists have been able to create rumors, anecdotes and reports that it is surprisingly popular for otherwise normal women to wear a disposable diaper as bridal lingerie. Going into an actual bridal boutique or asking people who really work in the wedding industry is more likely to elicit rolled eyes and sighs . . . ."

Joe gives a good reason why smart people fall for this silly legend: They saw it on "an episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation in 2006 called ‘Rashomama’ (itself a pun on the movie ‘Rashomon’).

"In this episode the character of a wedding planner mentioned that because of the hectic and busy day and bulky wedding dresses he sold ‘bridal diapers’ for brides that couldn’t find time to go to the restroom . . ."

Joe is right. You can check out the CSI dialogue here: http://tinyurl.com/2uhsqgj

Joe’s Kentucky voice of reason continues: "Aside from internet forums and the one appearance on CSI there is virtually no evidence that ‘bridal diapers’ are any kind of real wedding tradition, and that the only brides that wear diapers on their wedding days are either . . . (1) foolishly taken in by this urban legend, (2) diaper fetishists, (3) genuinely incontinent persons . . . ."

Thank you, Joe, for lifting the veil. And for anyone who promotes the idea that bridal diapers are real – you’re all wet.

 

Comments

[Laraine]

OMG.
Lacy thong vs. diaper?
Hmmmm. What would I choose?

[gaylin in vancouver]

That's it, if I ever get married again, short skirt! No diapers for me . . .

[Cornelia Read]

Two of the ushers at my wedding were women, since I had more friends than my husband. They said getting into the cutaways was relatively easy, but that the ensembles weren't well designed for women since there were suspenders and vests, etc., so it took forever when they had to pee. But no diapers.

What a strange story...

[Laurissa]

Wow! I'm so glad to hear that's an urban legend.

However, your post reminds me of a scene from a TV show that I will admit to having watched, "Betheny Getting Married." While in her wedding dress Betheny decides that she has to go to the bathroom, but can't risk having her guests see her on the way to the bathroom so, she has her female assistant and male wedding planner hold her dress for her while she uses a silver ice bucket?!?!?!?

[Kathy Sweeney]

The entire bridezilla thing needs to be over before I accidentally watch one of these shows and have to have a partial lobotomy.

Thanks for the straight scoop, Elaine. You should send this to Snopes.

[Lynn Parker]

I saw that episode of Bethenny Gets Married. I have to admit I LOL at peeing in the ice bucket. But my gosh, what choice did the poor woman have? If only she had known about bridal diapers.......

[nancy martin]

We are in the throes of wedding planning for my younger daughter, Sarah. Yeah, we're doing the whole hoopdedoo, but I am relieved that the bride isn't completely nuts. No diapers, no "unity candles," no silver ice buckets! We did find a tasteful invitation yesterday--at a very nice little local stationary shop where, okay, I decided to get some new business cards while I was there. Hey--multi-tasking MOB!

I think the person I despise most on the planet might be that Bethenny person. Gad--so completely self-absorbed! I can't watch.

[Alan P.]

Elaine, you missed this "class act" from the St. Louis Board of Aldermen, "St. Louis Alderman Cited for Urinating During Debate" http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=121447&page=1.

I like Laraine's thinking.

[Elaine Viets]

Jeez, Alan. I shouldn't be surprised by what happens at city aldermanic meetings. But I thought most of them were housebroken.
Cornelia, this is one of the odder urban legands. I hope it does signal the end of Bridezilla, a creature who has terrorized us long enough.

[Margaret]

What a hilarious post, Elaine! But I have relatives who will no doubt be sending this to me in 3 or 4 months when it works its way down to them. I have composed a standard reply. "Please run every warning/alert/ridiculous story through Snopes before sending to your entire address book."
Doesn't work. Incurable, endurable. (sigh)

[Karen in Ohio]

Adult diapers: Only to be used in case of dire need. To use them when you don't really have to? Ugh, gross. They do smell, you know. Can you imagine being a bride, and... Oh, let's not go any further there.

Something bizarre seems to come over these princess brides. They have a skewed idea of what marriage is about, and focus on the day of the wedding, but nothing else. Can't tell you how many weddings I've been to that were incredible productions but the marriage didn't last as long as the planning for the big day. If you're wearing a dress that complicated that you can't even go to the bathroom, I'm sorry, but that should be a sign of problems ahead.

Elaine, we can always count on you to shed light on the underside of life. Thanks for cleaning up this one!

[Elaine Viets]

Love the puns, Karen. When I worked at a bridal salon, the length of the marriage was often in inverse proportion to the amount spent on it.

[Karen in Ohio]

It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?

Case in point: Starr Jones' wedding, wherein she spent (albeit a lot of it was in exchange for her mention of the company on The View) millions. So many people thought her husband was really gay, and they ended up splitting in less than two years. You have to wonder if she just wanted to have the big hullabaloo, and he went along with it, just for show.

[Nancy Pickard]

Human beings are damned odd.

[PJ Parrish]

So what's next, and change in the vows to "I do-do?"

[Nancy Pickard]

PJ, lol!!

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

One little word. NO.

[marie]

I say that this urban legend is a ploy to distract Depend consumers from that cute little Huggies baby strutting his stuff in his Denim diaper.
The girls are going ga-ga when he approaches his awaiting car to whisk him away to that cute two year old at the nearby restaurant.
Bridal Diapers could hold an appeal to Senior would be brides. Who wants any anxiety at the altar?
Strangely my mind gravitates to seniors and babies.
Possibly I am entering my second childhood.

[Elaine Viets]

Join the club, Marie. We're already there.

[marie]

Sad, but true, Elaine!
As I am approaching the big 70 I am playing this foolish game..waiting for people to comment "You don't look seventy."
My DH humoring me for the umpteenth time told me that the last person who commented on don't look seventy appraisal was lying.
Denying this fact I told him that the lady blinked when I told her my approaching age.
I also told him that I watch "Lie to Me" on Tuesday nights and have begun training myself to recognize facial features and have concluded that I could be an expert in this field.
The next victim of this new skill will be subjected to excruciatingly close scrutiny so hey there folks do not even think of lying to me.
And lest we forget seventy is the new forty or is it fifty..naaah it's the new thirty.

[Elaine Viets]

My study of urban legends got me interviewed on the Discovery Channel. (It's in endless reruns if you ever want to see me in a $100 makeup job.)
Urban legends are cautionary tales and this one seems to try to remind brides that you can go too far with the elaborate preparations.

[Rocky Mountain Woman]

You absolutely never know what will show up on this site!

[Elaine Viets]

That's one promise the Tarts always keep, Rocky Mountain Woman.

[Lora Wentzel]

The more I read, the more I am starting to believe in arranged marriages for my sons. Just so I can ensure that they don't marry any bridezillas that want to wear diapers under their 2 bazillion dollar dresses...

Am I showing my age when I say "what is the world coming to?!?!?"

[Elaine Viets]

it's okay, Lora. It's safe to say that here. Especially with this topic.