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March 23, 2010

Sandra Bullock, it's Time You and I had a Heart to Heart

By Sarah

Was it just me, or was there a collective sigh of a thousand women fed up with immature men when it was revealed that Sandra Bullock, days after winning her first Oscar, had to skip out of the London Sandra  premier of The Blind Side because her scum dog millionaire husband was sleeping with a skank ho.

There are so many lessons from this cautionary tale that Sandy needs to be at our virtual kitchen table with a cup of coffee to dish. Because I think only she can explain this.

At a first glance, it was wrong from the beginning when she agreed to marry this so-called "Jesse James" after meeting on the set of Monster Garage. Already married twice, lastly to a "porn star," James was an odd choice for a husband. Plus...Monster Garage??? 

Bullock is fluent in German and grew up with opera. James attracts lawsuits like sopranos bust buttons. She's funny, smart, ambitious and moral. He's...heavily tattooed. His ex wife has been in jail and lost custody of their child to James and Bullock, who has no children of her own. Sandy runs her own production company! James runs out on his own TV show.

In short, out of all the men in America - smart, loving, handsome, enjoyable, uhm, literate - why chooseJames   this guy? Knocking head against wall here.

Then, of course, there's the larger picture. Is Sandra Bullock's love story, or lack thereof, the romantic microcosm for many successful women? My daughter, 19, thinks so. Smart girls dumb down, is the lesson she's taking away from this, having seen her smart friends do the same. 

Or, the corollary, spend too much time working, working, working on building your career and - boom! - you'll end up in your forties scraping the bottom of the barrel for the James's of the world. It's frightening for young women to feel as it this is what'll happen if they don't snatch a husband before the good ones are gone.

Once they do snatch the husband, other issues arise. We old hags know this all too well. Like who does the laundry and who pays the bills and burps the baby and what about that career when you're popping out a family? But I digress.

Back to the matter at hand. I posit that the fault, gasp, lies not with Bullock, but with James. And I wonder if this is a disturbing trend. At a time in our post industrialized world where 1/3 of women in America out earn their male partners (and that despite the existing sexist wage imbalance), can we look forward to more guys sneaking off and sleeping with stripper tattoo artists? If James had conducted an affair with a librarian or CEO of a Fortune 500 company, might we feel different? It's the swamp dwelling nature of his act that so reviles us, no?

It was a definite F.U. to Bullock, especially since his affair began, allegedly, when she started work on the film that would win her an Oscar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know every marriage is different and we on the outside can't possibly judge but...come on!

James and sandy  And the sight of them together at the Academy Awards. Breaks your heart, doesn't it? Success comes at last, but not without a price. Certainly, that must have been at least part of the message James was sending.

In my opinion, there's only one solution for couples where both people work and one earns more than the other and that is the very important lesson that money doesn't equate value. A school teacher, a social worker helping troubled kids in the inner city, an aid worker in Haiti, each barely earns the equivalent of what a dimwitted outfielder might bring home after an afternoon in Yankee stadium. And, yet, who's saving the world?

Help me out here. Am I reading too much into this? Or...too little.

Sarah

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Comments

Not going to do my usual "No one knows but them" routine. This one stinks all the way around, and there is NO excuse. None.

I'm not one for dirty details about celebrities, but for God's sake, man. Sandra Bullock? YOU CHEATED ON SANDRA BULLOCK? Have you lost yourself?

Based on photos of the Other Woman, he can't even use the "little head did the thinking" excuse. On a personal level, I wouldn't be in the same room with a woman like that unless pressurized DECON suits and intravenous antibiotics were involved. (That's personal taste, okay?)

"Money doesn't equate value" is dead on. I'd add "Money can't buy class."

This is one celebrity divorce that has me so steamed, I can't even make jokes about it....

I'm not a big fan of the cheating. In fact, my husband knows that if he ever got caught he'd be in mortal danger, after my first husband did me wrong.

But worse than cheating? Cheating and getting caught with your pants down when YOU'RE FAMOUS. Duh. Do these idiots think they're invisible, or something? Good grief.

Before we get all weepy for Sandy, let’s not dismiss the “Cougar” factor. Buried in a few of the stories was this little nugget:

Michelle even says she called Jesse, who didn't wear underwear or condoms, by a special pet name, Vanilla Gorilla, because he was so "well-endowed."

Bullock is a smart lady and had to know what she was getting herself into. Did she put up with this guy being such a dick because he had a big one? I once asked a jaw dropping gorgeous woman why she was such a bitch. She answered, “Because I can be.” Why shouldn’t the same apply to a “gifted” guy?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/17/michelle-bombshell-mcgees_n_502251.html

Rod, I hate to break it to you, but that just doesn't matter to most women, at least not nearly as much as it matters to you guys.

Sorry, Karen. I'm not buying. I believe the "Little Man in the Boat" has caused just as many bad decisions as a guy thinking with the wrong head. There has to be a reason seeming bright women end up with truly dreadful mates. If it not physical then it has to be mental. From my experience I have not found women as a group to be gullible idiots unless pheromones are present.

I think there is something to what your daughter says. A lot of my girlfriends are educated, accomplished women who are either single or dating someone less educated that makes less money than they do.
Now, there's nothing wrong with that if the guys are doing something they love and everyone is giving something to the relationship. But some of these guys just seem like leaches who are looking for an easy ride.

I just want to applaud Rod and Karen for that fantastic exchange. But, Rod, here's the thing. We might sleep with guys because they're "well endowed" - and, believe me, when I wrote this blog it wasn't like that thought hadn't crossed my mind about Jesse James. Porn stars probably put a high premium on big dicks.

But marry them? Er, no. I know men can't live by bread alone. Well, the same applies for women when it comes to vaginal fulfillment. That "Little Man in the Boat" has many different waves to ride.

"...because her scum dog millionaire husband was sleeping with a skank ho"

That's my favorite thing I've read all week.

I don't know why I continue to be surprised by these stories. I'm steadily becoming more cynical, which I've always tried very hard not to do. I raised a brow at the marriage too, but who am I to judge her choice? But it happened again. And I can't help but feel, if Sandra Bullock and Shania Twain can't keep a guy's interest, who the hell can?

I feel for Sandra. I hope she leaves him with nothing but his endowment.

I think you may be reading too much into this. He's just a cad.

On the other hand, your post today gives me hope, because if women are willing to lower their standards, I may not be alone forever. For example, I would be a wonderful catch for Sandra Bullock. If anyone here talks to her, let her know I'm available. And I'm faithful as a cow.

Sarah: My bigger point is I think it is a mistake for women to automatically close ranks and only point fingers in one direction. Dirt bag is not gender exclusive. For example see this bimbo, Rielle Hunter, Anna Nicole Smith, etc., etc., etc. The stone-faced aggrieved woman from Tammy Fay Baker to Hillary Clinton can “stand by their man” at the podium but they are the ones who married the jerks. If it wasn’t a physical attraction that clouded their judgment, then these women are too stupid to be left alone with scissors much less hold any position of responsibility.

I have to go with the forbidden "you never know what goes in a marriage" (Maybe Jesse has a nice personality? Maybe Sandra's not the saint everyone makes her out to be?) but there is one odd thing about this whole sad affair that I have noticed. A lot of times, when celebrities have bad luck or make bad decisions, there is a sort of glee in the reactions. Like, you may be rich and famous and beautiful and I'm not, but at least MY husband didn't cheat on ME, ha ha ha. I really don't see that here. I think people really like Sandra Bullock. She's one of the most generous movie stars in terms of charitable giving--$1million off the bat after the tsunami, lots of donations after Katrina, and so on.

All that being said, I think Sandra and Josh would make a cute couple. Nice to see you here, dude.

I don't care if the guy is hung like a stallion. He's an idiot. You can buy the first but it usually costs to get rid of the second.

It appears she genuinely loved her husband. He betrayed her with another woman in the most hurtful way possible.

You may be able to blame her for making a bad judgment on spouses, but don't blame her for his bad behavior. I don't see her standing by him offering some bullshit excuse.

If I were Mr. James, I would sleep with one eye open. Bedfellows like his current choice are not the most stable horses in the-- well, you know.

Ramona - good point. I had a paragraph in there about Sandra Bullock's support of the American Red Cross and cut it for some reason. I do think people genuinely like her and we like the fact that she won the Oscar at 45 (is it my imagination or are studios dropping their hangups and casting older women?). We also like that she's no prima donna, that she made a bunch of commercial movies while honing her acting chops. Good on ya, Sandra.

Josh: Sandra Bullock's sister, Gesine, used to own and operate a tiny, fantastic bakery in town. It's not the same since she sold it and moved on. But if she ever blows back in, I'll put in a good word for you. Sandra helped kick off "Gesine's" by showing up the first day and serving customers. Really fun.

Have I mentioned lately how afraid I am to buy processed food these days? (Bear with me.) It's because nobody has any sense of value anymore, and I fear people who work in processing plants have so little regard for the importance of what they're doing that they get half-assed. (There's a factory near here that makes prescription drugs, and the night shift TURNED OFF THE ALARMS that signalled the mixutre was wrong so they could keep things moving.) I think a lot of people feel that way about marriage vows now, too.--Who cares what I said back then, now when I'm standing here with my spoon in a vat of processed cheese/skank ho? I'll do what I please.

From Velveeta to skank hos. I think we have an new TLC stretch here, folks.

Thank you, Nancy, for making that amazing leap.

Beer and Velveeta: Breakfast of Skank Hos.

New word: Skos. Because they just don't deserve two.

Here are a few female celebrity quotes which may explain why a clown like Jesse James can score in Hollywood.

”What’s Wal-Mart? Do they like make walls there?” Paris Hilton

“I’ve never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” Britney Spears

“I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas.” Jessica Simpson

“I make Jessica Simpson look like a ROCK scientist.”Tara Reid

“It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.” Linda Evangelista

“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” Christina Aguilera

“When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crack head with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes. Nicole Richie

“I think the Clueless movie was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think the lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”Alicia Silverstone

Oh, my, there's so much good stuff here . . . I love (and am repulsed by) the image of guys doing a sko in velveeta . . .

I don't get it--the "attraction" to skanky barmaids (Tiger Woods), skanky tattoo models (Jesse James), skanky political PR hacks (John Edwards) and etc. Power? Control? Complete denunciation of their wife?

I agree that part of the anger comes from feeling like Sandra is not just a successful actress/star, but one of us--I first fell in love with her in "While You Were Sleeping"--she seems real (like one of us) and we want to circle the wagons to protect her.

A question that I have wondered about. Is it more likely that these smart guys want to be with the young women not as successful and possible not as smart as they think they are to feel smart? Leaving the smart and successful women to draw from a pool of less than perfect? Are we still dealing with smart women intimidate smart men? I grew up in a house where my father couldn't keep his pants zipped and saw how that tore my mom apart. My heart went out to Sandra on this.

Except, Rod, Jesse James didn't score with any of those women. He married sweet, smart, generous, talented, not dumb Sandra Bullock. Which tells me that past the tattoos and bad record in relationships, the guy nevertheless had some kind of appeal to her, which we are not privy to, because we are not in their marriage.

I don't know anything about the private lives of Ms. Bullock or Mr. James - I do recall hearing somewhere that one of the reasons she was attracted to him was that he made her feel protected. For what that's worth.

The bottom line for me is that the guy's a jerk. She married him, and you can definitely argue that that was a mistake. My first husband was a jerk, and I'm still dealing with some of the repercussions of that relationship. But I'm not going to argue that it was a mistake, because that would invalidate everything good that's happened to me over the last 30 years. As some famous philosopher once said, "It is what it is." :)

One thing I wish people would stop doing, and that's throwing the tattoos into the equation as though Ms. McGee's body art (which I frankly find quite lovely) is some kind of reflection of her worth as a human being (same goes for Mr. James, although I haven't seen his art closely enough to decide whether or not I like it). I don't have as much art as either of them, but it's not for lack of desire, after all. And frankly, I know a lot more jerks who don't have ink than vice-versa.

Great blog, Sarah. You put into words what I've been thinking, and I completely understand your daughter's theory.

That pairing always seemed odd to me. But cheating on Sandra Bullock? A fantastic woman who really loves you (as she said on national TV with heartfelt sincerity only days ago)? He has to be an ass.

And the collective sigh also includes the thought that if Sandra Bullock can't keep a guys attention, how the hell are we regular women supposed to?

Sorry, Kerry, you are right. After all, it's not like the tattoos made them do it.

I think Sandra actually fell for Jesse. His friends say he's a really nice guy. I mean really how many of us have fallen for the wrong person, thinking he or she is going to love us and be there for us always. And yeah, Rod, the initial attraction may be the pheromones, but there has to be more than lust to want to marry someone...at least for women.

I've read where some people see Sandra as a homewrecker and thinking she deserved what she got. But apparently they didn't meet until after he'd already filed for divorce from his second wife. If it were me, though, I don't think I could ever trust someone who had been married to a porn star. Maybe it's my upbringing or take on life, but it would raise an alarm with me. Am I biased against porn stars? No. They're people too and I'm sure many of them are wonderful people. I'm wary of the lifestyle being with a porn star represents.

Kerry, it isn't so much the tats, it's those cantaloupe halves and her willingness to flash them.
However, the tabloids are only showing us photos of the tattooed skos (gender neutral). Those of us who remain un-inked get squicked-out and begin to paint all body art with the same needle.

Did anyone else see the pre-Oscar interview that Sandra Bullock did? (I'm having a senior moment--was it with Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer?) She went on at some length about how much her marriage and her relationship meant to her.

And then there was Oscar night. Did anyone else think that Sandra's response upon winning was rather muted? No joy, no hug/kiss/high five with her husband sitting next to her. I say you could tell that something was wrong right there. Sure, she got up and made a strong speech--that's the smart Sandra talking.

But are we (yes, that's us) smart women so needy that we have to settle for the Jesse James's in our lives?

I don't think she'll settle for him any longer. But one of the difficulties of dealing with a spouse's infidelity is that you still love the guy even though you want to kill him. In my case, 23 years ago when I had one son and another one on the way, I loved my husband and finding out he was having an affair stunned me and broke my heart. But I did love him. So that changes everything. I wanted to make it work. I'd made a vow to do so. Eventually, I realized he was never going to change and I deserved better and got on with my life. But those first few hours/days/weeks are an absolute nightmare. And you still love the guy.

(Kerry, sorry about the "tattoo" remark--you are right. They don't make a skank a skank.)

I'll be honest and admit that a heavily tattooed person kind of scares me. I don't know why, but he or she does. In the gym, there was a perfectly nice psychiatric nurse in her 60's tattooed almost completely from the neck down. It was hard not to be like, "Whoa." But that's why I'm part of the TLC community - to become enlightened.

Interesting about Jesse James being protective. I wonder, sometimes, if ambitious women - and I count myself among them - really want a guy who, in the pinch, will carry the load. Just throwing it out there.

Meanwhile, I also meant to raise the question of disease. Porn stars don't run among the most sterile of crowds. If you were Bullock, wouldn't you be concerned?

Ramona: Jesse James is a jerk and an idiot. He doesn’t score a single point with me. I’m embarrassed to be the same gender as this moron. However, Bullock knew what kind of cat she was buying and just because she was unable to make the leopard change his spots doesn’t qualify her for Beautification. This is not good verses evil; it is dumb and dumber.

There is an old saying in politics: “Subsidize something and you get more of it; tax it and you get less.” As long as strong, smart women like I see every day on this forum think offering the Sandra Bullocks of the world a hanky and a "there, there" instead of a slap upside the head and a “Girl, what were you thinking?” you’ll continue to see more of this and not less.

Judy...interesting!

"Cheating on Sandra Bullock" is what WE think.

"Doing whatever I want to do" is what HE thinks.

I've been mulling things like this over for book reasons, actually, and when we ask "what was he thinking" --the answer might be "only himself."

Rod, you can slap women upside the head all you want, and men too, but people still fall in love with flawed people, seeing the best in them, minimizing the worst, seeing the potential, downplaying the past. Do pheromones play a part in it? Yes. A starring role.

But pheromones and love don't have a lot to do with big dicks. I'm sorry. I cannot buy the idea that Sandra was blinded by the size of this guy's reproductive equipment.

I love Sandra and wish her a good lawyer and a great therapist. She already has a zillion friends.

Fear-a-gnomes?
Yes...scared to death of them. Although little men in boats could upset me a tad too.

Rod, you can malign women who stick by their men all you want, but the sad truth is that more than half of men ADMIT to having affairs. Which implies that even more do. So if women were to throw overboard the man wronging them every time, pretty soon they would be sitting along all the time. And judging by my own marital record, this is true. And yes, I'm using empirical evidence. Whatever.

When you're married to someone brilliant (yes, I'm thinking of Bill Clinton), the replacement pool gets even tinier. Who could ever follow that guy? Sure, we might SAY we would ditch him in a New York minute, but the truth is that he has a lot going for him, especially when you're as smart as Hillary, and as much of a power player. His big mistake was getting caught and forcing the entire world to know about it, thus making it possible forever for us to use them as an example. That was his cardinal sin. Everything else is between them, and none of our business, just as this mess between Ms. Bullock and the colorful Mr. James.

And believe me, ginormous dicks are highly overrated. As any woman who's been with a moderate sampling of men will tell you, there is not all that much difference in men's equipment, when it all comes down to it. But there is a LOT of difference in how men approach the act of love. And that's the big key. Her, Margie would concur, I do believe. (In fact, where is she? I thought she'd be all over this blog!)

It's 10:25, Karen. UPS delivery time. C'mon. You know what Margie's all over.

This men having affairs thing. I dunno. Could be like teenage boys answering surveys about sex and drugs. Inflated - like their perceptions of their own equipment.

And, yeah, what IS it with the big dick thing? Get over it already.

I have to wonder if Sandra wanted to save Jesse. After all, he had a lot of "poor me" issues. He was a strong macho, macho man with a vulnerability that begged for an understanding ear. This wonderful, powerful woman is just the lady that he thought he needed. She would help him, see him through the angst of custody challenges and the daily barrage of agony.
The big mistake that Sandra made was leaving for work and not having supervision for this young stud. While mommy was away, Jesse played and played big.
Beautiful women always want to prove that they have more depth than their looks and they need approval even though they run production companies, make powerful career decisions and have the adoration of so many of us.

True...it's not the size, but how it's used.

Hi. It's Me, Margie.

For your info, UPS comes at different times each day.

This whole fascination with dick size is dumb. I mean, do I have to do a drawing? I can, ya know. There is such a thing as too big and plus, you may see the finish line with a big unit, but you won't cross it without something more going on.

I know people, and people I know who wear Ravens on their jerseys tell me JJ is in for something big alright - the big hurt.

One other thing - I think some ink is gorgeous and some is not my style. I could care less who has tats - but that Nazi outfit? That raises the bitch to another level - like target practice. No offense, Nancie.

Debby, I have personal experience in that area and you are absolutely right.

It doesn't matter how big it is if you don't know how to use it.

People fall in love for all kinds of reasons. Jesse James is a millionaire in his own right, neither needs the others money. She said in the BW interview Oscar night that it was wonderful that she finally had someone who she could be herself with, who would let her put her guard down take over if she needed it.

Dear Hubby's take on this is maybe the sko would do things he wouldn't ask of Sandra. He was only half kidding.

Pam, I think your DH put his finger on it, exactly.

Now I have to go wash my brain out from the mental images that caused!

I can assure Rod that, having been in her shoes, assuming Sandra loved him and felt they had a trusting, monogamous relationship, one of the many things she feels is stupid.

Sandra probably ought to make a trip to her doctor. Just saying.

It's Me Again.

Has anyone seen Nancie (the Gun Tart)? Because she is not answering her cell and she promised me she wouldn't go on any, uh, sko hunts, without me.

And hey, did someone say Mr. Bigschlong doesn't wear condoms? No glove, no love, baby, and Laurie is totally right. If I were Sandra, I'd have every test known on the books and some that aren't. Just saying.

Wait, Margie, there are multiple UPS deliveries a day?

Whoa.

Wait, Karen. For MARGIE there are multiple UPS deliveries a day. Or, should I say, packages. To make Rod happy, Large Packages.

Amen sister Sarah!
There are only so many James Brolins to go around in Hollywood. And look how long it took Babs to find him!

Dear Hubby & I knew each other 3 months when we got married. I told him that since we didn't know each other very well, we hadn't the time to learn all of the "hot buttons", I would give him a clue on one important issue right off the bat.

You can mess with my money, you can mess with my body, but by god, you will not make a fool out of me. I could understand that in the heat of the moment, drunk, things can happen. A one night stand, I could almost forgive (depending on who it was) and move on. But you have a long term affair, you make a fool out of me in public, we have a huge problem.

He was well versed on the subject of cheating (first wife & all) so he got where I was coming from.

Sandra feels more than stupid.

Okay you’ve all convinced me. Size doesn’t matter. And for this I am eternally grateful. It is like the old Stephen Wright joke. “The other night I went to a cock fight. I lost.”

I just can't believe Karen said "you put your finger right on it."

Rod, I'm cracking up.

You are graceful in defeat, sir.

Pam aka SisterZip: You should be on the committee that writes the next feminist manifesto. Brilliant!

What breaks my heart in all this is Sandra's Golden Globe & Oscar speeches saying how she never knew what it was like to have someone have her back. Turns out the guy that had her back was having someone else's front . . .

One of the reasons I have stayed single for most of my adult life is I wasn't going to settle for someone who didn't have my back, who was competent and independent on their own. Crap, if Sandra can't get that, what chance do I have. Good thing I am not actually looking.

I agree, having had a fair sampling of the male gender, size doesn't matter, unless we are talking brains.

As for Jesse, the dude deserves an Oscar, he looked so pleased and quietly proud at the awards shows, standing with her afterwards being the good husband. I don't know about you but I am thinking the guy was feeling no guilt until he was caught.

Brief hijack:

Listen to NPR's Marketplace Money this Saturday, and you will hear my quavery voice. I was just interviewed by one of the producers for their show on health insurance.

Karen: Please tell me you were not interviewed by Diane Rehm.

Karen, I love that show! I'll be listening for you. How did they choose you?

Har, Rod! You are so funny. She isn't even on that show. Which you'd know if you listened.

(Everyone else: I have the same voice affliction as Diane Rheim, which causes my voice to shake.)

Becky, I answered a query, and they asked if I wanted to be interviewed. They mostly just had me read a paragraph I'd written to them.

Yeah, Karen!!! It will be good for the country to hear your voice of reason!!!
As for today's topic, words pretty much fail me. . . it does make me feel better about being single for so long . . .

I’d like to send this special tune out to all the Ladies at TLC. I think this captures today’s blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpPeQyT36Tg&feature=related

WARNING: To Xena and Me Margie. Put down your coffee cups and be seated before clicking the link. The name of the group and song title together may blow a funny fuse.

In my first reply to you about size, Rod, I had written "It ain't the meat, it's the motion", and erased it! LOL

It once took me about six months to see through the honorable, high-integrity, kind, gentle, always-reliable facade of the man I was in love with, to realize that he had a silent compartment of 'I deserve to have who I want, when I want' that was at odds with all else, and did, indeed, wreck our relationship.
I very nearly said yes to a marriage proposal from a minister . . . until it dawned on me that my respect for his profession was nearly blinding me to his drinking and the fact that the 'colleague' he was chatting with regularly and planning a trip to Israel with (leading parishioners to the Holy Land, for goodness sakes!) was not only a 'her' instead of the 'him' he had led me to believe, but also sharing his bed.

Someone (me, maybe?) brought up the NPR story sometime in the past few months on the different 'processing' levels of men and women: women thinking thousands of thoughts more per day than men . . . I think one reason that women end up with sko men more often than seems believable is because the more complex thought processes of many (most?) intelligent, active, productive women mean that they don't spend all day long wondering if they should set a PI on dear hubby's trail.

Rod corrected me privately: It's Diane Rehm. And she's an amazing woman, hosting one of the most popular NPR programs of all time, two hours of well-balanced and truly fair political debate, not dogma. And she's gorgeous, despite being well into her 70's.

Her program on NPR is live at 10 to noon, Eastern time. If you ever get a chance to hear her, I highly recommend it. She always has interesting topics, and book reviews!

Marketplace Money is on at 11 AM on Saturdays, by the way. Check your local NPR listings.

Re: tattoos--I think there has been a cultural sea change regarding the meaning of tattoos over the past fifteen years. At the university of Traditional Chinese Medicine where I teach, in 1994 one of the women students was debating having a delicate tracery of leaves tattooed on her ankle, as decoration. This produced a big debate among the students, as tattoos at that time still spoke to the sixties generation as wartime art--the province of tough sailors who had travelled the world, or perhaps of unsavory, drug-parlor types. She ended up getting the tattoo, and a nasty infection and nerve damage, which again led to split opinions among the student body--some thought it was just unfortunate, others thought that the injury came with the 'tough and unsavory' territory.
At the university's graduation last week, I'd say probably one in five of the graduates had multiple tattoos, some covering quite a bit of terrain. Interns used to make sure that tats could be covered by clothing or lab coats when seeing patients, but no one seems to be the least bit concerned about this anymore. My impression is that the current generation think of tats purely as body art, sometimes with a message, sometimes just because. But, I'm intrigued that my patients who are emerging into college are more and more speaking of having tats removed/reversed, as the thrill seems to have gone out of this. It may be the wave is cresting.

Way to go, Karen! Thanks for letting us know. I love 'Marketplace Money' and will definitely tune in. Years ago, I worked briefly with the original founder of the program 'Marketplace', and am still friends with one of the current producers--both former hippies who woke up one day to realize that the subject of money and how it works really was more important than they'd thought in 1968.

I heard there was some, like, interesting convo happening at the Writer Ladies place today. Good call, Margie. (Where the hell are you? I know you can read texts in that closet, ya know.)

Anywho, here's the deal. I will be delicate, so that you all will know some people in the Mancini family can talk nice.

It don't matter how big it is, it's what you do with it that counts. Because if all you need is something big and hard and long, you might as well boink a mag light.

Like they say in the old country, it's not the size that gets you to the happy place, it's the talent, and the talent comes from luvin.

Love,
Cousin Rita

Hey Karen, the song - "It ain't the meat, it's the motion" has been stuck in my head since I read the blog this morning, glad to know I am not the only one who thought this.

Working for 3 years in that late 60s for one of the top music promoters, I got to see pretty much every act from Arlo Guthrie to Zager and Evans and everyone in between. Maria Maldaur (Midnight at the Oasis) did a cover set one night in Cleveland in the 1969 and closed with a steamy version of “It ain’t the meat it’s the motion” that had every woman fanning herself and every guy reaching for a cigarette. At 2AM there were a lot of steamed up car windows in that parking lot.

I can't believe I never heard that song before. Thanks for sharing it.

Oh, man, there's a memory, eh! On my trip I was listening to Midnight at the Oasis on my iPod. LOVE that song, although her singing isn't nearly as good as I recall it.

Cousin Rita, you tell it, girl.

Once again, Karen has me shaking my head with amazement at her collected experience.

And I gotta say--after spending some time with Kerry last weekend--that she's the least skanky person I've ever met. A pink checked blouse covered up her amazing tats.

Another thing that is so sad, is that when Bullock won the Golden Globe Award this year, in her speech - she especially thanked her husband, saying that he was there for her, and 'he has my back' and I have not had that before.
Wow! what a heartfelt 'very public' compliment from her to her husband! and then it turns out, he was cheating on her all this time.
For Bullock, such a public humilation now.
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Another thing - about the other woman that cheated with Sandra's husband; supposedly she said she asked JJ "what about Sandra?" and JJ gave the impression to her, that JJ and Sandra were separated and on the verge of divorce. The other woman said "I would not get involved with a married man...."
So, although this is HER story, I do admire that she at least asked about JJ and Sandra's current involvement, and she has said this in her interview.
OTOH, when Reese Witherspoon's husband, Ryan was cheating with actress, Abbie Comish - we never heard whether Abbie was not aware (???) that Ryan and Reese were still actively married and the parents of two children. It seems like Comish had to know that Reese believed that Reese and Ryan still had a mariage with each other. Yet no one gives Abbie Comish a difficult time about this - is it because she does not have a lot of tattoos? go figure.

Rod! Seriously? We've changed a mind on the question of Does Size Matter?

This is one powerful blog.

Heehee - Rod, I also have been thinking about that song all day. I know it from a great blues band whose name totally escapes me at the moment. I would LOVE to hear Marie Muldaur sing it :)

This blog rocks. So, by the way, does Nancy, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of enjoying her company and hearing her speak so articulately about books, writing, big hair, and more . . .

How about this for an interesting development?

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/TheLaw/wife-wins-million-husbands-alleged-mistress/story?id=10151957

This has potential. Maybe I will convince my husband to get "stolen" from me, I will sue her ass, then he and I can get back together and split the settlement?

Or I could just write it as a cockamamie mystery, because with $9million involved, you know somebody's gonna end up dead.

Nancy is an expert on big hair? That does it. We MUST meet. After having a teenager in the 80's I also consider myself an expert--I used to call them "hair fantasies". The secondhand hairspray I've breathed would equal a case, at least.

Married men who cheat ALWAYS lie about their relationship. Women who fall for that one deserve everything they get. I can't tell you how many married dudes hit on me when I was single, and they all used the same line.

Kerry: I tried to find the Maldaur version -- which gives the song a WHOLE different slant when sung by a woman. The group was from Baltimore and called the Swallows – after the bird Xena. Like so much R&B in the post-WWII period it was too racy for top 40. That didn’t stop Elvis and others from steal from them.

http://www.singers.com/blackvocalgroups.html

Yep, Karen--on several occasions when I was young, slender and single, I got the 'we have a very open marriage' line, or the 'our marriage is over, I'm just living with her for the sake of the kids' line from men. I've never been inclined to become involved with attached men, so I refused the offers. But in one case, I met the wife and kids, and the wife was tired, sad, and working too hard, the kids well-loved and the husband not living within reality. In another case where there were no kids, I also met the wife (made a point to socialize with them as a couple only after the husband hit on me), and she clearly was on alert and NOT interested in sharing. What are these guys thinking?

I had a married man hit on me when I was 19 years old, working at a DQ to get money for college. He was all smooth, good looking, talked a great line.

I told him I didn't think that his wife would appreciate his hitting on. And, I told him with an innocent smile on my face, neither would my mother. He said, "You know my wife? Who is your mother?" I told him and he quickly left the building.

His wife was my mother's best friend. They got divorced about 6 months later. I laughed about it. My mother told me he hit on her more than once.

I have dated a married man one time. He didn't have the usual lines, he actually talked about his son & wife. My cousin was dating his friend and I went along for the ride. I was told by numerous people that he had an open marriage and that he & his wife stayed together for their son & for financial reason. One night I actually met his wife. She was out on a date herself & told me it was ok to go out with him. Very strange evening, to say the least.

What is so heartwarming is how many celebreties are rallying to Sandra Bullock's side. In just a few minutes of opening my computer I have seen support comments from Rosie O'Donnell, Betty White, Mo'Nique and others who have recently work with Sandra. She exudes goodness and she will end up on top!!

Sounds as though the wagons are pulling into a circle around Ms. Bullock.

My friend in New Orleans just spent the weekend here; she and her husband live a couple blocks from Sandra, on the same street. She says she's tempted to knock on the door when she gets back to NOLA and invite Sandra down the street for a cuppa tea. I am not putting it past her, either.

@ Lucy S.

I'm attaching a link to an article where Bombshell's husband said, that even before they divorced, she'd had an obsession with JJ. My feeling is she knew exactly what was happening with JJ and Sandra and that they weren't separated.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/22/shane-modica-ex-husband-s_n_508810.html

I read the Huffington article. Interesting. Since it is to the Bombshell's husband's advantage though to say this, I wonder if we, on the outside, will ever know the interior motivation.

Coincidentially, in a book I am now reading - "Dangerous Friends" a memoir by Peter Viertel (he was a writer that was pals with Irwin Shaw, and Ernest Hemingway and John Huston during the 1950's - there is a quote on page 59 about infidelity. In this, he said that Pushkin allegedly said "You cannot possibly have all the women in the world...but you must try." Then Peter writes that Irwin Shaw, John Huston, and Peter himself were all 'Pushkin men'.
go figure.

I have layed in bed all night regretting a hurtful post I made earlier about a husband I love and adore. Thank you all for ignoring my crassness and continuing on in an always informative byplay. Thank you TLC friends.

Kellee -

No harm done. I've eliminated your comment "just in case." Anyway, it was a good point and it was clear that you love him to pieces and he's a good man. Count yourself lucky.

Sarah

I can tell you exactly why she married him. Because he asked. I don't really mean that literally, but here's my point. There are so many successful, talented women out there that intimidate the hell out of most men. Where is someone like Sandra supposed to go to meet eligible men? Match.com? "Multi-millionaire superstar seeking single male who likes literature, opera, and long walks on the beach." She would have had a million hits in the first hour!

She married him because he asked her out and he was good to her, as far as she knew, and he asked her.

I feel for her. I have always admired Sandra Bullock and I know she is in hell right now. But, in a small way, I feel a solidarity with her. If she can't get it right, I don't feel so badly about myself!

Sandra Bullock has been one of my most favourite actresses since her role in Speed, she is a role model to millions and has donated millions of dollars to charity. Its a shame that such awfull things have happened to her and the latest saga with her husband Jesse James is no exception, she deserves much better.

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