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March 26, 2010

Choose Your Superpower!

Choose Your Superpower

By Kathy Sweeney

Jitcrunch.aspxOur kids do not like to go to sleep.  They never have.  Ever.  Other families had babies on lovely schedules. Ours? Not without Robitussin, and even the most sleep-deprived parent knows better than to cultivate a junkie personality at 6 weeks.  

Kate was clever about it.  I went to sleep first. She would be charming and entertaining until Tom got tired and put her in bed (NOT exactly an early hour) and then she would shove her little legs through the slats of the crib and yell, in her most pitiful voice: "Stuck! I STUCK!"  This child talked at 6 months, and now I realize why. The first time I jumped up in a panic.  The 12th time, I knew she was playing us, and had a few choice words, including ones that would make a nice Seussian combination with stuck, before I got to her room.  It wasn't until a couple of years later, after she taught herself to read, that she went without argument and read under the covers.  

Ty, on the other hand, made a huge racket until he was old enough to get out of his crib and then he just set his own schedule.  I swear the kid was rappelling almost before he could walk.  Usually, he just came into our room and went back to sleep, but sometimes he tried to pick the locks on the gates first.  He may end up a cat burglar at some point.

Blog SP incrediblesThe latest ploy, now that they are teenagers, is to distract us with discussions when it's bed time.  Ty is particularly good about this, and starts setting the foundation early in the evening.  I now know to be wary of a random question between 7-9.  So I shouldn't have been surprised, after an odd chat about Captain America, to find him in our room 20 minutes after he was supposed to be asleep and asking:  "If you could do anything, what would it be?"  I looked at him over my glasses (I put them down my nose when I'm doing the 16x16 Sudoku so I can keep a global eye out for patterns.) "What, like a superpower?"  "Yep", he said, "if you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?"

My instant response surprised even me: "Heal people."  "Good one! Now we need to make a kind of superhero logo for art class."  Sigh.  Even so, we ended up having a good discussion.  We talked about flying or the ability to win everything, then I realized what time it was and sent him back to bed. Foiled again.

Blog SP milkYou see where this is going - even if I didn't have insomnia, I would have spent some time thinking about this one.  Altruistic responses aside - I am happy that my subconscious came out with healing, especially because it's Lent and My Mom will know that all her praying is paying off - if I could really do anything, what would it be?  Which Superpower would be mine?  The whole flying thing is very tempting, I must say.  Winning would be cool, but if you don't have to try, would it really mean as much?  

The real truth finally came to me, and it's so simple, I can't believe it took more than 30 seconds.  Mind control.  I mean, what else do you need?  If someone is acting like a jackass, you just zap them with the MC Superpower and BLAM! They become a reasonable person.  A kid who doesn't want to go to bed?  WHOOSH! Instant sleep.  A client who won't listen to advice, does the opposite, then wants me to fix it?  ZAP! They realize I am always right and then do whatever I tell them forever after.  They also pay their bills on time and don't call me with stupid questions at 5:00 on Friday.

People like Glenn Beck?  Still bed bug crazy, but not on TV, because the first time he said something idiotic, POOF! his boss would have the instant urge to fire his riot inciting, racist, sexist ass.

War in the Middle East?  Oh, look, suddenly all the leaders of the various factions decided to get together and SHAZAM! settle things over a nice game of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.  Done.

Serial killers?  The most they get is two - after the first one, POW! the second one is themselves.  See, they get to kill again and we don't have to spend all that time and money incarcerating them.  Everybody's so much happier. 

Blog SP what's yours  Not that I have, you know, control issues or anything.  But someone else needs to choose healing - I just can't stomach other people's bodily fluids, especially if I have to touch them.  Hey, I wish it were otherwise, but when choosing a superpower, one must know one's own limitations.

So, wise men and women of TLC, choose your Superpower!

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Comments

Why do I feel absolutely compelled to also say mind control.... must... resist....

I love that one, though. Brilliant.

The other superpower I'd want is the ability to say "yes" and have the instant resources to back it up. "Can we solve world hunger?" YES. Bang, done. "Can we solve the war/conflicts?" YES. Bang. Done. "Can we make drivers alone in their cars stop picking their noses?" YES, please God, yes.

But Kathy, you already have the kind of mind that can bend spoons...as for my own superpower, hey, I just want to be able to pick a man that's actually "husband" material.

I'll take the flying thing, Kathy. That way I can do what Superman did to save Lois. Fly backwards so fast it changes the Earth's rotation & give you the chance to meld with their minds to change that bad behavior.

After that, I'd want super strength so knock the assholes into next week to make 'em behave.

Still thinking about a superpower. Since we're thinking ig, it might have to do with disaster control--tsunami on the way? Presto! I don't think so. But that may have a a certain "don't fool with Mohther Nature" domino effect problem built in.

But please--and forgive me-what is rock paper scissors lizard Spock? I've been afraid to ask, til now. And what beats what? I would guess rock beats lizard,lizard beats paper, and ah..Spock beats everything, but if both people use Spock, they blow up.Just guessing.

And what's the sign for lizard?

Give me the power to make multiples of myself so I can do everything that needs doing. People already seem to think I can be in two or more places at once.

Obviously Hank is not a fan of "The Big Bang Theory" or she would already know how to play rock paper scissors lizard Spock.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kov2G0GouBw

My super power? The ability to completely ignore aggressively stupid people who think talking louder makes them sound smarter. From right wing nut job Glenn Beck to left wing nut job Keith Olbermann cable news would cease to exist. No, wait. I already have that power in the palm of my hand; the TV remote.

Mind control is pretty tempting. Since I teach one day a week, the power to give students focus, retention, memory, discernment and insight would be pretty nice.

Rod's ignoring power sounds pretty good, too.

I'd take the Truth Superpower, I think, if it meant I could zap all the wingnuts, I D ten Ts, and zealots who lie and fabricate dangerous lies to incite others to harmful action, and the Truth Superpower would make those haters immediately into the ones who have to take care of their victims, and the nurses, doctors, clean-up crews and citizens who are harmed by the consequences of their disgusting carelessness.
Wait, does it sound like I have strong feelings on this?

I'd like the Time and Health Superpower to turn back the clock or turn up the health for all the women and/or couples who wanted kids but never had 'em.

Mind control would be a very powerful and easy to use power.

But where's the fun in it?

Me, I'd take shapeshifting, so I could look like anyone or anything. I would then sneak into the homes of rich scumbags like Beck, Hannity, Lardo Limbaugh, etc, and quickly render them tied up and gagged. Then, I'd change to look like them and spend a few days doing and saying career destroying things in front of many video cameras. Then I'd untie them.

For the religious nutcases, I'd make myself look like Jesus or Satan Or whatever religious figure applied, then scare them shitless with promises of an all expense paid trip to hell.

Of course, in my off time, I'd probably turn into a hot babe and go have lesbian sex.

Considering that the women of TLC are entirely capable of choosing "World Domination" as their next career move, addressing superpowers is kind of.... well, superfluous.

The House Reps in Kansas have approved a law that would allow carrying concealed weapons on college campuses. "Yo, Teach, whaddya mean I got a C+? (click click) Do ya feel lucky now?"

Not sure about Powers, but my own personal Fortress of Solitude has tremendous appeal at the moment.

DISCLAIMER: I make this post of my own free will, not under the influence of any mind control, telepathy, or mental trickery from anyone at TLC. The dream fragments early this morning of The Tarts surrounding my desk holding baseball bats and pointing at the keyboard is just a coincidence.....

Yeah, the whole flying thing has huge appeal, but for real utility I am going for instantaneous Teleportation - for me and anybody touching me that I feel like taking along. If you can think it, you are there. Feel like Cafe au Lait in Paris? Blink and Bonjour! Need 15 minutes of solitude on a Carribbean beach? Ahhhhhh. No more dealing with traffic, parking lots, or airport security!

But for a more altruistic superpower, I would pick the ability to restore nature. Seems like job security should be good.

Only one? This week and next I could use the "Clone Yourself" super-option. But mind control, while not first on my list, would be tempting. :o) I like teleportation too, as long as all my parts got to where I was goin at the same time.
Happy Friday! I'm off to an early shift at the store(yawn)
And Kathy...you are super already :o)

Ah, but Kathy you already possess a powerful superpower, the same one that Rod and I have: You have the power to create and raise amazing and wonderful children. And even better, we've all used that power for good, not evil.

I, for one, am willing to leave it at that.

Doc, you cracked me up with the lesbian sex line!

I agree, for once, with Karen completely. My two girls both graduated from top colleges on time with great grades and with no cavities, no pregnancies and no felony arrests. Does Mr. Mom count as a superpower?

As tempting as mind control it,it assumes that the victim has a mind. No way to control the stupid. That and as comic books have shown time and time agian, enough will power still beats mind control.

For me, id want the power to change decisions. This way i could avoid ever hurting people, I could ace test, and even win the lottery. In fact i could even change this decision, and switch to another super power.

Rod said: Does Mr. Mom count as a superpower?

As they say about Shaft, "Ya DAMN right!"

Fabulous choices, and I didn't even have to attempt mind control to suggest them!

CJ!! Very cool to see you - and I am now considering changing my SP to yours. I mean, you didn't call no copying or anything.

It's FRIDAY - the day with a Superpower all its own!

Okay, when I get my mind control, the first one to get zapped is Mr. Typepad. WTF is up today? It just asked me to confirm my personal "URL" before I could post a comment. Guess what I put in there?

It worked too. This cyberguy is a sex fiend.

In that mind control power, I want it to make all wife beaters, rapists, torturers and pedophiles to turn all those actions on themselves -- go f**k yourselves.

A superpower I'd love to have I'd borrow from Wolverine of the X-men... self-healing. I'd really love to have it now just so I could heal myself from this stupid cold.

For a less selfish power, I'd go with humor, the ability to make people smile and feel happy. Nothing makes a better power than being able to get people to laugh :)

OK, have I mentioned lately how much I love this blog? It's not even 10:00 a.m., and we've tackled most, if not all, of the world's problems!

Thinking about what's left, I'll take the power to allow every person to develop to his or her own potential AND to make a living following his or her passion. Of course, I will use this power carefully in conjunction with all of the others already listed (especially Kathy's) so that the jagoffs, criminals, etc. are taken out of the game. That way, everyone, everywhere will be contributing positive passion, creativity, intelligence, and energy to the world.

That's gotta be a good thing.

Wasn't it WonderWoman who could force those under power to tell the truth? Wouldn't it be so much easier to know ahead of time which (if any) politicians actually know what the hell truth is? I'd love the ability to do that, she sighed, wistfully.

As the father of two happy, healthy breastfed babies, I love the shirt.

Mind control would certainly be handy, but since that has been spoken for, I would like time travel/teleportation. I have always loved time travel stories. I have stayed up way to late on week nights to watch "Somewhere in Time" after midnight. But, even if not to shape earth shattering events (Hum, where would we be today if Adolf H. had been shot while trying to escape jail in 1928?), just the ability to take a second swing at a few things in your own life would be interesting.

The Wikipedia list of super powers, just in case someone wants something more esoteric: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_superhuman_features_and_abilities_in_fiction#Mental_faculty_and_knowledge-based_abilities

Trivia Quiz for Friday: I saw a car last week on Clayton Road. The license plate said 88MPH. What kind of car was it?

Hi. It's Me, Margie.

Wonder Woman had the Lasso of Truth. Why couldn't she just use her Amazon powers to force people to tell the truth? Because back in the dayz, they still had to keep a sister down. I mean - Superman could fly, but Wonder Woman need a damn invisible plane. Plus, if you knew how many people were secretly into bondage, you'd choke. Just saying.

My Superpower would be getting people to do whatever I want and having great sex at the same time. Oooooh.

Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. As a man who has spent the last few decades in the women’s domain it pains me when I see such flagrant sexism from those trying to eradicate it. Why would you assume it is MISTER Typepad instead of MS Typepad or even MR/MS Transgender Typepad?

Alan P.

DeLorean.

Oh Rod. He is Mr. Typepad because the communications from the company use the default masculine pronouns. However, in deference to your point, I shall refer to it from now on as just The Typepad. You know, like The Plague. hah.

I'd love to sing. That's not a superpower but when, like me, you can't carry a tune, it seems like it is.

For something more like a superpower, I'd say knowing people's motivations. Everyday someone does somethinga that makes me wonder, "What was he thinking?"

I would eliminate Cancer in all its ugly shapes and sizes. A friend's mom was diagnosed less than a month ago with an aggressive tumor on the top of her lung. It was found because she was having trouble swallowing and it was too invasive to try and remove. She is in hospice and not expected to last til the end of the month.

It is so heartbreaking to hear about children being born with it and kids who've survived the initial rounds of poisons and toxic treatments only to get a secondary cancer because of the life-saving treatments.

My superpower would be the ability to make everyone in the world get exactly what they deserve--which would take care of your serial killers and your nutjobs that incite people to riot. I realize I must be careful what I ask for, on a personal level, but I'm prepared to take mine to make sure the really stupid and terrible people get theirs.

I wouldn't want the power to control minds--way too much responsibility. But mind reading? That might be cool. I think, though, I have to go with the tried and true invisibility. The possibilities for fun are endless. I would not use my power solely for good, I must confess.

Mr. Typepad, because a sister would be nicer to us . . . ;-)

Superpowers tempt on so many levels (including the occasional guilty wish to be able to "zap" really annoying and dangerous people). Teleporting would be nice, to easily go everywhere that interests. I've read that it's scientifically impossible, but I can still wish.

For those craving the ability to read minds or make people tell the truth, remember all superpowers come with a dark side. Do you really want to know what people think of size of your butt in that Spandex superhero outfit?

I just looked up 16x16 Sudoku -- that might just count as a super-power!!

The cloning options appeal, since I am perpetually behind. But the thought of turning multiple MEs loose on the world is frightening -- to all of us.
Maybe a nice Time Stretching power.

Super-Speed would let me ACCOMPLISH so much more over the course of a day, but I could also travel wherever I wanted to, stop bullets mid-flight and take people's weapons away without ever knowing I was there.

Superpower..quite a heady concept.
I probably would aspire to the Power of Persuasion.
It would not jar those around me and it would enforce the quality that I already possess as a wife and mother.
Getting kids to school on time, doing their homework and bedtimes have trained me for the real world big time.
How many times have I wished for a super power to get my husband to see a Chic flick or tv show. The kids would not frown at me if I said that I suddenly would like to turn into a Diva for a week.
I would like to rock my little world for a while. World domination..not so much.


Rod, you just have to trust us on this one because we've known Mr. Typepad for several years now, plenty long enough to know not only his gender, but his sexual proclivities.

I too want time travel/teleportation and also, because it's sunny in LA and everyone's showing lots of skin, I want the power to make beautiful skin and muscle tone without exercise, diet, surgery, prescription creams, dermatologists -- with just a snap of the fingers. Oh, hell -- let's throw in great hair too. And instant pedicures. Not just for me, but for everyone who wants these things. There. Shallow AND altruistic.

Thinking over the powerful choices of power
I reminded myself that I have always answered to a Higher Power. I cannot help it..it's ingrained in me.
I have been mostly selfish and not calling for altruistic guidance.
If this seems like a confession that I sorely need to avail myself of it's not..really.
The Higher power usually sits on my right shoulder and my ego power is on the left shoulder.
Usually demanding or imploring of the Higher Power to grant me so many wishes I have become grateful for the graces chosen for me.
Hoping for conception, more satisfaction in my relations, I mean relationships has at times given me lessons in patience.
Sure, I have felt worn down at times but I keep getting tapped on my right shoulder to keep on imploring or demanding because the odds are some of these outcomes will make it okay.

Barbara, I'm right there with you on the singing! I love vocal music of all sorts and, while my voice is good enough to be buried in the 3rd alto section of a large choir, I'd love to be able to sing out and sound really good. I'd also love to be able to draw. To me, those would be magical powers.

Not as good as Kathy's Sudoku, though. I hate those things!

Don't get me started on the singing.
I always fancied myself a singer and my daughter and I usually try to out sing each other at family gatherings around my son-in-law's grand piano. He plays the the 40's standards and marvels that I know the words and my daughter fancies herself in the next production of Les Miserables.
After many years of out belting each other it seems strange that people are drifting towards the door and making excuses to leave.
I say to myself they are only missing the best encore of their lives.
My husband's family is full of talented painters and artists and I only wish that I could be a little talented in art.
Soduku has eluded me. I am drawn to crossword puzzles but I have to give Soduku another try.

E

Soduko is not hard, and it is not math.

It is a logic puzzle with numbers and letters as elements.

Start with an easy one - they rank them by level of difficulty - there are lots of free sites with instructions.

They only LOOK intimidating.

Thanks, Kathy!
I think that's the clue..Logic
That has always eluded me but I am willing to give it a try. Geometry was my downfall in school but Algebra was my Savior..go figure.
Thanks Kathy for such a great blog!

I want the super power to stop addiction. Then I could join up with Harley and we could make everyone beautiful and no one would ever get addicted to anything ever again.

In the imortal words of Stan Lee:
"With great power comes great responsibility."

How about Robbie Burns?
"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us."

Long distance mind melding to let you all know how much I enjoy this blog. Wait, better not, I'l just say it.

Oh, thanks Rod! (For rock paper scissors, etc..hilarious. Yes, I'm SO behind.)

Al S., love the "as others see us" idea. Scary and wonderful.

This is such fun to read..and so far, although all are so tempting, I'm going with cloning. There'd have to be rules, though, right?

Elaine, yeah, time stretching. Definitely. Or time--pausing. But then, would it pause for eveyone? Or just oneself? Hmm..

Hermione's time-turner changed time for herself (and those with her, touching perhaps?), but was very tiring . . . There's a price to pay -- drat!!
It does seem that this group could really improve the world with our super-powers!

In _The Tempest_ Prospero can tell Miranda to sleep and she does. I told my students that would be handy for parents and babysitters. Of course, as a teacher, I sometimes wished for the reverse of that.

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