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October 16, 2009

Beware of the Ex Wife

Beware of the Ex-Wife

By Lisa Daily

It's every spurned wife's fantasy -- getting even with the tramp who slept with your husband, exposing her nasty deeds to the whole wide world so she'll live the rest of her days in shame, and maybe even getting rich and famous in the process.

Sound like a Lifetime movie of the week?

Nope, it's the real-life soap opera of Mary Jo Eustace, ex-wife of Dean McDermott (who is currently married to Tori Spelling.)  Dean and Tori currently star in their own reality series, called Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, which is now in its fourth season on Oxygen.

Here's a quick recap for those of you who've fallen behind in reading the gossip rags:

Tori Spelling met her current husband Dean McDermott on the set of a Lifetime movie called Mind Over Murder while they were both married to other people. Tori was married to a writer/actor named Charlie Shanian. Dean was married to Mary Jo Eustace, a Canadian TV host and actress turned author - the two had been married for 12 years with one son, and a newly-adopted baby daughter.

According to Mary Jo’s essay in a book entitled The Other Woman, Dean returned from shooting the movie a few weeks later and told his wife how he felt about Tori.  She writes:


“We’re soulmates,” he says. “She loves me unconditionally.”

“What conditions?” I screamed. “You’ve only known each other three weeks.”


You've gotta feel for poor Mary Jo. If you were, say, a woman still harboring some pissed off feeling towards your ex, it would be awfully tough not to tune in to check out what the big jerk and the husband stealer were up to every week.  And maybe throw the last of your wedding china at the TV.

Maybe Dean and Tori were like a lot of people who have affairs --  maybe they thought they’d just be able to leave their spouse(s) and ride off into the sunset with the mistress (or in Tori’s case, mister.)

But Mary Jo Eustace isn't going quietly into the background.   Eustace has penned a book called Divorce Sucks: What to Do When Irreconcilable Differences, Lawyer Fees, and Your Ex’s Hollywood Wife Make You Miserable — where she gives a play-by-play of what happened.

Let’s just say that it doesn’t exactly paint Tori and Dean in the kindest light.

So far, it seems a lot of ex wives are cheering her on. 

In some ways, it probably felt very therapeutic for Mary Jo to write down all of her feelings and get it on paper.  I know that for me, writing sometimes helps me work things through.

But I wonder, now that the book is out and being excerpted everywhere, if it has brought Mary Jo back to the exact same place she was a year or so ago when she wrote the book.  How can you move past something painful, if you're retelling the nastiest parts of it over and over again on Entertainment Tonight?

And now that she’s cleansed her soul with a tell-all book, will Mary Jo be healthier and happier?   Or will she continue wallowing in anger or bitterness, feeling irrevocably wronged?

Is a bestselling tell-all book the best revenge?  The best therapy?  Or should Mary Jo just get over it already?

Lisa

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Comments

Maybe this will get her put into Candy's will. That would be the sweetest revenge of all.

Part of me thinks Mary Jo should do whatever makes HER feel better. She IS the wronged party and if she and Mr. Spelling...er I mean McDermott had no children, I'd be cheering her on wholeheartedly.

What makes me pause is the same thing that makes me feel slightly dirty for reading all the stuff about Jon and Kate. What do their children think of all this animosity and hatred? No matter how much you hate your ex. No matter what an ASS he/she has been, said ex is still your child's parent.

Now I'll admit that I've not been divorced so I haven't had this particular challenge. And part of me still says "You Go, Mary Jo" !

(I wonder if the book is available on Kindle.....)

"A man who cheats on his wife is . . . a man who'll cheat on his wife." One of my grandmother's lines.

Okay, this isn't the McDermott who's the son of Eve Ensler, is it? I was reading all those tabloid magazines last week while still under some pharmaceuitical influences.

Well, I guess Ms. Eustace felt the people had a right to know what had happened, because Tori and Dean are such major societal influences....

Let's not forget another primary motivator: money.

Divorce is expensive and this woman has two children to raise.

Sometimes talking and talking and talking is the only way to make sense of what happened. Those soulmates should understand that public figures will be held to public scrutiny. If Mary Jo can find some benefit in talking, be it therapeutic or monetary, she deserves it.

Wow, she must be really angry. Not only did her husband dump her, but so publicly. I think I'd be ticked, too.

When my first husband left me for another woman (he wasn't worth holding onto), I felt a lot of rage, and kicked myself for being so dumb that I believed his lies for so long. But our daughter was only 3, and there was no way I wanted her to see any of that. As it was she played us both off one another for years. Can you imagine what a scarring experience it would be to have your mother write a book about your dad's faithlessness? That would be pretty traumatic for the kid, I would think. All too many divorced parents already use their kids as blunt weapons against one another.

I guess I would prefer that she wrote a thinly veiled fictional version of it, with a lot more left to the imagination. But it probably wouldn't sell as well. That's what I plan to do with my story, twist it into some fiction. It was 36 years ago; do you think it's true that revenge is a dish best served cold? We'll see. (devilish grin)

Sometimes the lying, cheating bastard is telling the truth. If after 12 years, he can come home & tell her that someone else is his soulmate, then things couldn't have been so great. Does she really want someone who probably stayed because it was easier?

Yes, she's angry & hurt & feels like a fool. Buts she's going to come out of this looking pretty bad, if she's not careful. It will give people a look at her and give them the option of saying, "Well, I can see why he left."

Cheaper & more effective to make him pay for a shrink.

Hijack: "TLC suing Jon Gosselin for breach of contract
msnbc.com -
‎8 minutes ago‎"

I hope you get lots of that money.

I think it was Sue Grafton who said her first mystery started out as a fantasy of ways to kill her Ex and getting away with it.

Boy, I didn't know their history.

I love that show, not because it's so Hollywood, but they both seem to REALLY care about each other. In their words, and actions. I keep looking to see if it's an act, but it seems to be very real over several years.

And it may still be real, but knowing the history, shines an unholy light on it for me. As an ex, it hurts like hell getting left, and I know it must be horrible for Mary Jo to have them on tv all the time.

JanetLynn, I didn't watch the first season of their show for just that reason. I thought it was really tacky to rub their ex's faces in the mess. But I got caught up in the show and they do seem to be soulmates. Sometimes this stuff happens and it is regretable.

And I have always loved Sue Grafton's approach.

Gad, wouldn't that be the most galling thing, to have them shoved in your face all the time? Not just from the TV, but from bookstores, TV Guide, online sites, and "entertainment" shows. Ugh, I can't think of anything worse. Thank goodness we're nobodies.

This is one reason, I suppose, why I don't watch "reality" TV. Frankly, my life is insane enough already without spending a lot of time dealing in other people's messes.

That said, I can feel for both sides of the equation. I don't know enough about him to know whether or not he acted honorably. I'm not at all convinced that writing a "revenge" book is honorable, either. I'm pretty sure it's not a Good Thing for the kids.

Karen, thank you for putting it in perspective - I'm glad I'm a nobody!

Oh -- I love the pretty little avatars!

My revenge on my ex was to marry the most wonderful second husband and live happily ever after.

Seriously, other than money, what does she hope to gain? You can't make yourself look better by putting down other people. And I have to agree with Pam - if after 12 years a man is sure he's met his soulmate after three weeks, then there were hole in his marriage to begin with.

If the ex is looking sympathy by writing this book, then that's even sadder. I know a woman who has been divorced for 20 years and her husband remarried for 19 of those years and she STILL thinks in terms of his responses to her actions. MOVE ON! Nothing more pitiful than a divorced woman who will not let go of an ex-husband.

Great points, all of you!

I had no idea about Sue Grafton, but I think that's HILARIOUS!

Lisa

Nancy,

Eve Ensler's adopted son is Dylan McDermott -- different guy.

Dylan is a bonafide movie star, having starred in Hollywood hits such as MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING with Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz, and THE WEDDING DATE with that woman who used to play Grace on Will & Grace. He's done a bunch of other movies, but those two stick out in my mind. I do love a good romantic comedy.

Lisa

Nancy,

Interesting fact, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Eve Ensler adopted Dylan McDermott when he was 19 and she was 26...

Dean McDermott, on the other hand (in addition to his role as Tori's leading man)has starred in such notable made-for-TV movies as:

"A Christmas Visitor"
"To Love, Honor & Betray"
and
"Exploring Ontario's Provincial Parks"

source: IMDB

Lisa, you got the name right, but the wrong actor.

Dermott Mulroney started in My Best Friend's Wedding & The Wedding Date.

Dylan McDermott was Julia Roberts' husband in Steel Magnolias and played Bobby Donnell in the tv show The Practice.

Here is a mini bio from IMDB.com:

Dylan is the son of Diane and Richard "Mac" McDermott. Diane was only 15 and Mac was 17 when Dylan was born. Mac earned money by hustling pool. During Dylan's early years, his parents separated. In 1967, when Dylan was five, his mother was accidentally shot and killed by her live-in boyfriend, who was reportedly cleaning his gun when it went off. Dylan and his sister Robin, who was then six months old, were taken in by their grandmother, Avis Marino. When Dylan was 15, his father met and married playwright/activist Eve Ensler. Eve adopted Dylan. Eve encouraged him to go to acting school and Fordham University in New York City.

I second ArkansasCyndi's approach--marry a great guy the second time and live happily ever after. My ex walked off when our boys were little, sure there was something better for him "out there". I raised my sons, worked, wrote a book, met a fabulous guy and the rest is history. He remarried but has been separated several times. Nancy's grandma was right--a man who cheats on his wife . . is a man who cheats.

Karen, looking forward to your book!

So interesting it is, I like it !

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