« Always Working | Main | Your Most Annoying Coworkers »

August 04, 2009

Read My Rear

Read My Rear


As I was wiping off the ample rear end of my Honda Pilot this weekend to apply a "READING IS SEXY"11-bumper  bumper sticker, I stood back to admire my superb pasting abilities and realized, "I have become one of those women." You know the kind, bumper stickers everywhere.

Obama/Biden. I Heart Mr. Darcy (Thanks, Ramona!) Knit Local and now this, a sticker of a mud-flap siren Darcy with a cup of tea holding a book. Apparently, so many customers of Bear Pond Books here in Montpelier were offended by the image that the independent bookstore had to remove its bags with the logo. Free wheeling Key West Vermont ain't.

Maybe this is a New England thing. My mother, who grew up in Boston, was the only one in our neighborhood to have a car loaded with stickers: A Woman's Place is in the House....And the Senate! Live Long Enough to Be a Problem to Your Children. That kind of thing. Every year as we made our annual pilgrimage from Pennsylvania to Cape Cod, she would eagerly point to the increase of rear end attitude the way we kids pointed to sand by the side of the road.

My sister in law just mentioned that this is the only thing she misses about the Bush Administration: the great bumper stickers. Of course, we were blessed with a name like "Bush" to play with. That was fun, though the bumper sticker on my refrigerator was not: Impeach Bush/Torture Cheney. A bit too out there, we decided, for the car.

For some reason, the most popular bumper sticker around here is: Eat More Kale. ???

That's not to say we're all whacked out liberals. The other day I waited in my car to see who would claim the huge Hummer with cammo decals and a bumper sticker that read: "If I'm Not Driving, Then I Must BeCrazier  Cleaning My Guns." Sure enough, a pale, weak-chinned balding man in glasses took the steering wheel. Guess when you look like that you have to surround yourself in armor and thinly veiled threats.

Also, what's with the No Fear? Can anyone explain that to me. Or, why people slap CHEVY across the back of their truck as if they're driving a PORSCHE.

I have very little patience with commands: Buy American. Support the Troops.  And I really don't care if anyone's kid is an honor student. I'm pretty sure FREE TIBET! is not having an impact. Then again, I'm a hypocrite because I also have KNIT LOCAL.

I've never been persuaded to change my political feelings with a bumper sticker, have you? So why are Tibet there so many? I suppose this is a unity thing. "Hey Buddy behind me," a bumper sticker says. "We're driving down this crazy road of life together. You're not alone."

Unless you're the elderly couple at the end of our road. She's liberal, he's conservative. So the driver's side of his bumper is loaded with Bush/Cheney and Stop Abortion! While the other side is loaded with her opinions, Save Family Farms and Bernie! (For Bernie Sanders.)

They've been married more than 50 years.

So, how about you? What does your rear end say?

Sarah



TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
https://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341c57f753ef0120a51c5427970c

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Read My Rear:

Comments

My dad went ballistic at the thought of something sticky on his bumper, and I guess that attitude has stuck with me. No stickers for me, but I did invest in a great front-end license plate ( we don't need official plates on the front here in PA) that says it all in support of blue collar, hard-working Americans:

PITTSBURGH STEELERS

It has sequins on it, too.

Well, in 1981, At the Christmas City Fair, I bought an "Impeach Reagan" sticker that I had on my car until I got a replacement clunker in 1986. My wife told me that that bumper sticker helped her change her opinion of me from obnoxious loudmouth to something not so bad. (Turns out, she was right the first time.)

More recently, I had an Obama/Bush magnetic sticker on my car, but someone stole it.

In Delaware, it is common to have a sticker for the private school(s) your children attend, but I've never done that.

None for me, although I must confess an affection for IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU'RE TOO CLOSE!

You're welcome, Sarah. If anyone wants Mr. Darcy (Bingley, Wickham, Knightley, Wentworth, Willoughby, etc.) paraphenalia, it's all available at Cafe Press. Perusing it is excessively diverting.

My only bumper sticker is AAA. I do, however, have a Jane Austen finger puppet.

Beannachti La Feile Padraig. That sure confuses people. It means Happy Saint Patrick's Day, more or less.

On my old car (a station wagon), I had stockers for Ohio State and Missouri State (just school decals) because that's where my sons went.

Now, I have an Obama sticker, a sticker for a local theater group a friend founded (SLAS for those of you in St. Louis), and a Green Bay Packers decal. I'd love one of those "Reading is Sexy" ones, though.

No bumper stickers for me - I couldn't stand to stick something on the paint - just another reason to go back to chrome bumpers, in my opinion!

I love to read them when they don't piss me off. We have a manager, here at work, that is so pro-Republican/Anti-Dem that his truck is covered with nasty stuff that ticks me off just walking into work. I just have to avert my eyes in order to start my day off in a decent mood...

I have one that refuses to come off - "George W. Bush: The Best Reason Yet For Canadian Citizenship." Also one for Mabel's Lobster Claw in Kennebunk, Maine, which is funny because I don't even like lobster, but my daughter wanted to slap it on, so there it is.

I need to get more. I love bumper stickers and am always happy to get stuck behind a car covered with reading material.

Well, my rear end says I eat entirely too much and exercise not enough!

I am not allowed to put bumper stickers on my car. Dear Hubby is adamantly opposed to it. While I understand the resalability questions, I miss having my mind spread on my bumper.

My favorite was in the 70s during the gas wars: Save Gas: Stay Home & Read a Book.

I've only had two bumper stickers, plus a couple of window stickers. The first one ever on my bumper was about 25 years ago, when I sold Safeco insurance. I was given a pink panther paw print sticker, which was at the time their ad campaign. That was cool. Then of course I had the obligatory honor student athlete stickers, which are de rigeur here in our community.

The window stickers were for the zoo, the local park district, and for the colleges my two youngest attended. Since May I have a new car, and there will not be any stickers on it, none a'tall.

My old car had "straight but not narrow" on it, as did Molly's. As she works for a Catholic institution, that one had to come off lest she be fired. Both cars have Obama's. Molly's might get an Obama Mamma in 2012.

The front of my car sports "Prayerfully pro choice". I have gotten more than a few thumbs up with it.

My father is buried next to old friend and former State Representative Sue Shear. Her tombstone reads "A Woman's Place is in the House".

One of the cuter stickers I have seen recently is "Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket?"

Have a great day everybody.

My bumper is empty, though I used to put bumperstickers on my desk: SUPPORT THE RIGHT TO ARM BEARS and BE ALERT: AMERICA NEEDS MORE LERTS.
I confess to a sneaking desire to yell "Loser" when I see a "McCain-Palin" sticker, but so far, I've managed to behave.
Elaine Viets

Soooo....mine says "Dancing Queen". Which BTW I was and am and way before Meryl Streep.
I still like "I got this car for my wife-what a deal!".
Just saying.

A major FAIL bumper sticker that I saw yesterday (and from time-to-time around town on this same car) was, "If Mary had been pro-choice, there would be no Christmas." Which seems to me to miss the issue of what "choice" means, and what Christianity is about, too. Although I've never been Christian of any denomination--johnny-come-lately religion that it is--so I guess I could be wrong, and it could be about Christmas.

I have a window sticker for the dolphin facility where I work. I should get a bumper sticker to cover up the scratch some idiot left when he/she backed into my car at the supermarket and didn't 'fess up.

Down here in the Keys we see everything from the standard feel-good Key West sticker proclaiming everyone One Human Family to the Fan of Smith and Wesson ones, etc.

The biggest bumper sticker controversy for my group of friends doesn't involve a bumper at all. The local Thai restaurant put a sticker up inside their place that says Barrack HUSSEIN Obama with a derogatory slogan beneath it. We support free speech, but several friends have exercised their right to choose and won't go in any more.

My other sister in law is the queen of bumper stickers. Jesus is coming, Look Busy is one of my favorites. She, too, has the what am I doing in this hand basket one. (Classic.)

But my favorite - not on her car - is : I Child-Proofed my House but They STILL Get In......

Hey Josh - about that Mary being pro-choice bumper sticker - I agree with you. Further, I'm pretty sure the Bible story, read closely, shows that God offered Mary a choice - she accepted. So to my mind: doesn't that mean God is pro choice?

"The Shortest Distance Between Two People Is a Story," "Metaphors Be With You" (from Poetry Alive), Obama of course . . .
One of my students was asked to remove her "Stop the Bush It" bumper sticker, or at least cover it up, two weeks before the end of her senior year (because one parent complained). She said it had been on her car since she began driving and she'd have to "think about it." I advised her to just keep thinking, with all the end-of-year stuff, they'd forget all about her little bumper sticker -- hah!

***Hijack for a little joke***

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter; 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

Sorry, Men of the Blog. It made me laugh out loud and I just had to share.

Love it, Pam!

I don't like sticking stuff to the paint on my car either, so I don't have any bumper stickers, just a window one for my daughter's college, and a magnetic breast cancer ribbon from my local Country station.

However, I do have my "Welcome to Lunacy" bumper sticker (that I got for a promotion of Nora Roberts' "Northern Lights") hanging outside my cubicle at work. It just seems appropriate.

I don't put stickers on my bumper, but do have some tape in my rear window. Makes for easier replacement when the time comes.

DON'T TAKE YOUR ORGANS TO HEAVEN ~
HEAVEN KNOWS WE NEED THEM HERE!
(First slogan for Gift of Life Donor Program in Philadelphia when they were Delaware Valley Transplant Program. A friend submitted it, and today it is sold by other organizations with no kickbacks to the Philly OPO or Barb).

SHARE YOUR LIFE. SHARE YOUR DECISION.
TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT ORGAN DONATION.
(Says it all for me)

DONATE LIFE. BE AN ORGAN DONOR.
(Are we catching the trend for my car yet?)

I also have two ribbon magnets on the back end. One is green for organ donor awareness, advertising the Gift of Life Donor Program. The other is my new Marine Corps one...since I am now auxiliary.

I have "Regime change begins at home," which has gotten lots of vocal support, on my van and a ChildFund International window sticker on my car, which has provided me with no feedback whatsoever. Not sure what to make of that.

I love funny bumper stickers, but I put those on my fridge (with magnets) so I can see them.

By and large I avoid bumper stickers, but a few years ago I broke down and put on one that says "Mogambo khush hua!" ("Mogambo is pleased!"), which is the catch phrase of one of the greatest Bollywood villains of all time, Mogambo in Mr. India. The humor of it will escape you unless you've seen the movie. Which you should.

For nearly 5 years my bumper sticker said:

DONATE BUSH'S STEM CELLS TO EARLY PRIMATE RESEARCH

After Obama was elected, I had it taken off.

I saw a bumper sticker several years ago that I loved: Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Never could find it ot it would be on my car!

I'm hijacking my own blog with this: the seemingly average suburban NY woman who drove a minivan of kids the wrong way down the Taconic Parkway was drunk and high.....Who knew?

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/04/driver-in-crash-that-killed-8-was-drunk-officials-say/?hp

I don't have any stickers on my car . . . but my favourite one in the neighbourhood is:
No one died when Clinton Lied.

Gaylin...

I LOVE that one!

I heard about that accident, Sarah. Reading your link just makes me sick.

I've not figured out how to take them off, so I cover them up instead. One of the young women working at Harvester Assisted Living was amazed that I had bumper stickers. Her father had convinced her that the bank wouldn't allow them -- of course, I had no bank to consider anyway, being a firm believer in only buying what I can afford (except the house -- I'd love to be a person who could buy a house with ready cash, but alas!)

Knitting Keeps Me From Stabbing People
BACKOFF I'm NOT that kind of car!
Magnetics. my daughter won't do stickers on her car. But her bedroom door is another story.
You may call them obnoxious morons, we call them customers.
Show me someone with a deep loathing for all makind, I'll show you someone in retail.

I am another one who doesn't put bumper stickers on my car but I do have a magnetic pink ribbon on the back. There's the FOP emblem on my license plate and two window sickers one supporting MS research and the other supporting the FOP. I guess you can tell that DH is a retired cop.

You do have to be careful of the magnetic signs. Paint fades in the sunlight and with a magnet it could leave an impression.

My daughter found out the hard way...luckily that was the car that got totalled, lol.

I saw this one the other day amid lots of other...erhm...Christian messages:

When the Rapture comes, you'll wish YOUR car had Jesus stickers on it.

Yeah. Because THAT'S what Christianity is all about.

I've heard the magnets can also corrode and stick if you don't move them around from time to time.
"Welcome to Lunacy" would have gone well on my classroom door. I used to wear my "Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult" t-shirt on the last day of finals. One young scholar read it and remarked, "Not all that cleverly." He said he'd seen through my act the first week of school . . . YES!

WD-40 is good for removing the sticker adhesive.
Yes, the magnets can do damage too. When I sold the truck & took off the POW/MIA ribbon , the paint came with it!

Um...that I've had too much chocolate and too many office jobs....no bumperstickers...I try not to call attention to myself...the kids do it enough for me!

I would never ever put a bumper sticker on my car but I absolutely love to read them. I live in a college town that has it's share of vehicles covered with bumper stickers against war, against abortion, against many things and for just as many more. Even a few McCain/Palin stickers although most of them are at least partly removed....
A few of my favorite bumper stickers include:

DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK
VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS
VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAl

Oh I forgot this one:

DON'T COME TOO CLOSE OR I'LL FLICK A BOOGER ON YOUR WINDSHIELD

Icky but it makes me laugh every time!

No bumper stickers for me either--for the same reasons.

One I saw recently:

If you're gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair!

My magnetic bumper sticker simply reads:

"WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?"

The comments to this entry are closed.

indiebound
The Breast Cancer Site