Pet Sounds

Pet Sounds

By Elaine Viets

Every morning, my two cats wake up Don by seven. I swear the little demons have clocks in their bellies. The cats make a peculiar high-pitched meow Don cannot ignore.

I can. I grew up in a large, noisy family and worked in a newsroom. I can screen out the howls of shrieking editors, screaming cats, and other demanding creatures. The only way the cats can wake me is to sit on my head and meow in my ear. That’s when I see how far I can toss a fifteen-pound feline.

Fortunately for the cats, they usually wake up Don first.

I’ve always suspected cats were calculating creatures. Now I have proof. I swear these researchers were sitting in our bedroom, watching me launch a cat through the air.

Karen McComb of the University of Sussex did a study of fifty humans. She said cats learn how to control people. They mix a satisfied purr with a gimme shriek.

Cats use a certain "urgent-sounding high-pitched cry," the McComb study concluded. "While people usually think of cat purring as a sign of happiness, some cats make this purr-cry sound when they want to be fed. The study showed that humans find these mixed calls annoying and difficult to ignore."

Ya think so?

"The embedding of a cry within a call that we normally associate with contentment is quite a subtle means of eliciting a response," McComb said. "Solicitation purring is probably more acceptable to humans than overt meowing, which is likely to get cats ejected from the bedroom."

No wonder people believed cats were the devil’s familiars.

"McComb thinks that the "purr-cry may subtly take advantage of humans’ sensitivity to cries they associate with nurturing offspring. Also, including the cry within the purr could make the sound ‘less harmonic and thus more difficult to habituate to.’"

Here are more cat cries researchers should investigate:

(1) The rug glorp

Our cat Mystery has a delicate stomach. The rugs are her preferred spot for ejecting hairballs, especially the sea grass carpet. Want to see me shoot out of bed? Make a sound like a glorping cat. It’s a little like a washing machine in the "super wash" cycle.

I can scoop up the cat in mid-glorp and run for the tile safety zone, all the while making soothing "poor kitty" sounds.

Oddly, Don cannot hear this sound.

(2) The shower howl

My striped cat, Harry, howls in terror when I enter the shower. No matter how much I reassure him and promise I’ll come back alive, I shower to cat screams. Heaven knows what the neighbors think we’re doing in the master bath.

(3) Silence

A dreaded cat sound. Cats are like kids. When they are silent, they may be angelically asleep. Or up to unimaginable devilry.

Our cat Mystery is on a strict diet. Don adores our copper-eyed Chartreux. He insists she is "big boned." I said there were no bones in her belly. The vet agreed. He said, "If you love this cat and want to keep her healthy, you put her on a diet."

I felt her pain. I love chocolate.

We now feed the cats in separate rooms. Mystery has a frugal bowl of dry diet food in the kitchen. Harry chows down on fattening wet food, following by a bowl of dry in my office.

Life is so unfair. Harry eats all day and stays lean.

Last week, I left a dish of olive oil seasoned with oregano on the kitchen counter.

At feeding time, Harry howled for his food. Mystery stayed quiet after her dinner was poured. Too quiet. She’d carried her dry food, a few grains at a time, and dropped it in the olive oil.

I found Mystery in happy silence, licking the oil and no-longer-diet cat food.

Comments

[Laurie Moore]

Elaine, I feel your pain.

When I brought my Siamese cat, Ling, home from the Siamese rescue, he was sick and required anti-biotics. He stayed in the laundry room for ten days. Gradually, I introduced him to the rest of the house. One day, I was minding my own business when I heard murder-in-progress screams coming from upstairs. I called the Siamese rescue and was told, "He's a purebred Siamese." I won't even try to describe the sound.

A few weeks later, the burglar alarm guy came to check the system. Ling made the same shrieks. I explained it was Ling. Unfortunately, I couldn't make him perform on command. The man wanted to report me for child abuse.

My previous Siamese were litter mates. One developed diabetes. I ended up getting diabetic cat food and feeding it to both of them, rather than to try to feed them separately.

Those are wonderful cats, Elaine. Thanks for sharing their photos.

[Doc in CA]

I have no doubt that cats can control people...they learned it from dogs, who have about a 10,000 year head start.

Our basset hound, Winker, is used to the fact that my wife gets up at 4:30 am every weekday for work, at which time she feeds the dogs. On weekends, Winker starts a particularly annoying high pitched whine about 4:35 am. Eventually, a cursing human gets up to feed the canines.

Tell me again who the master is in human to dog/cat relationships.

[Tom]

" . . . no-longer-diet cat food."

But it's the *good* kind of cholesterol.

[Lorna Barrett]

I, too, can awake from a sound sleep and leap out of bed to zoom across the room or out in the hall to capture a retching cat and run for tile. Of course the worst offender panics if she sees/hears me coming and starts to run, leaving a trail of puke as she goes.

It's those times when I repeat this mantra: I love cats; I love cats; I love cats . . .

[Sarah]

Oh, Doc, I know that whine well except it comes at 3 p.m. when he wants to go for a car ride. That's right, everyday between 3 and 5 I MUST take Fred for a ride to "go downtown and see doggies." It's pathetic and yet...I must. That whine. Those eyes. Also, he'll start destroying things. But he sleeps in, sometimes until 8. We feed him at 6:00 p.m., that's why. You might wanna try that.

As for the cats, they make all sorts of howls. The gray one carries around socks and howls at the top of her lungs. The black and white one, more skittish, but a killer, only howls when she has some unfortunate creature in her maw.

Why is it we have animals in our houses again? Oh, right, because they are little bundles of love. I know...sappy.

[William Simon]

I don't even argue anymore. The dog and two cats rule the house, and that's all there is to it. Miss Galore will yowl unashamedly when it's time to wake up, T. Hewitt Edward is the Stealth Kitty no one ever sees but his food dish mysteriously empties, and Boo... well, I've spoken of Boo before; he kindly allows me to pay the bills, but everyone on the block knows who the house really belongs to.

Tell me again about "dumb" animals. Go ahead. Try....

[ArkansasCyndi]

The "gorking, hacking" sound of impending upchucking dog can get me out of bed in a split second. But it can be hard to grab a 45lb dog and haul her to the tile (or better yet, outside)

I have a 14 y/o border collie who must get SOMEONE out of bed by 6:30 (or 6:50 at the latest). Since she is so old, I'm afraid to ignore her (afraid of a urine surprise). Once I am up (or rarely, hubby is up), she pees and goes right back to bed.

Oh, and another of my favorites...dog arguments over floor space...usually at midnight or 1am!

[Sarah]

Pussy Galore. Snort. We had family friends with a Springer Spaniel named "Spots" as in "Spots Galore."

I miss Mish Pussy. Now I gotta hankering for the old Bond.

[Kathy Sweeney]

Once again, I stand in awe of all of you who parent beings that never grow up and learn to make it to the bathroom in time to puke.

[Laura (in PA)]

Holy cow, the cat food to the oil is hilarious! Who says animals are dumb?

Three dogs and a cat, here. I am nowhere near first in line to be in charge of this household. I, too, can run like a rocket when I hear the puking sound. I swear, my cat sounds like his entire stomach and intestines are coming up.

We are early risers, so the dogs start getting restless and looking at us 1/4 inch from our face at about 4:30. We (hubby, actually) usually get up and feed them and let them out around 5, so they're stomach clocks are running a little fast.

Our youngest dog like to come into the bathroom when we shower, during which he scratches at the bathmat to make a little bed for himself, and curls up in the middle of the heap. So we have nowhere to stand and drip when we come out, but he's quite comfy, thanks.

Wonderful blog, Elaine. What apt descriptions!

[judy merrill larsen]

Oh, yes, the sound of impending pet retching (either dog or cat variety) propels me off the sofa or out of bed in record time. Our cat, Scout, is diabetic, so along with special food, she gets insulin injections twice a day. So much for cats being more maintenance free than dogs.

Does anybody else's dog think of "litter box crunchies" as the ultimate in dog treats? Nothing like having your dog come running to you with a nose covered in kitty litter.

[Laura (in PA)]

Yes, Judy - our dog love to troll the kitty litter. We keep it in the basement so he can't get to it.

[Book Tarts]

Thank you all for your stories. I don't feel like such a sap knowing I'm in good company.
My vet said a cat has a brain the size of a ping-pong ball. Big (human) brains are over-rated. No one is bringing me meals and cleaning up after me.
Elaine Viets

[Pam aka SisterZip]

We have been pet free for 3 1/2 years. It has been wonderful to be able to sleep in and not be awakened by a wet nose pushing at your hand, face, backside (whatever space is uncovered) to go out.

Dear Hubby is thinking of getting another dog. Sigh.

[Sheila Connolly]

I love "glorping." We always called it "yorking," and, yes, a well-trained pet owner can hear it from anywhere in the house. Wait until your husband has stepped into a couple of piles of the result, warm or cold--he'll learn. Or you'll learn some new curses.

Why it is cats always choose a background that makes their hairballs invisible until you step on one? And mine are all different colors!

[Karen in Ohio]

William, you're so predictable. Of course you have a cat named Miss Galore.

And y'all are making me grateful that I'm allergic to cats, although we had one for about a short time, a marmalade stray that adopted us in the middle of a severely cold winter when my kids were little. They begged me to let them keep it, so I called a friend to help figure out how to do that without allowing it into the house. Mark came trotting over with an old cat house, which we put on the side porch for Peaches. Never let them name them! You have to keep them then.

The night before we were to take Peaches to the vet for shots, etc. we heard a tremendous yowling out on the carport, coming from under my car. DD#3, who was about five at the time, came running in hollering that some other cat had poor Peaches pinned under the car. Oops. We decided to get Peaches a D&C while we were at it.

Peaches was an outdoor cat, and a cute one, but my middle daughter confessed to me a few years ago that she felt sorry for Peaches so she brought her into the house to "show her around". The girls loved that cat, which disappeared one day as mysteriously as she had appeared, a year and a half earlier. We never did find out what happened to her.

[hollygee]

Steve built our screen door with a cat door (they still prefer the personal service at the downstairs door). Unfortunately, that screen door is also a raccoon door, who so much appreciate the cat food. So I use my [otherwise unused] hand weights: an 8 lb to weight the screen door shut, a 3 lb to space the real door open a crack, and then the other 3 and 8 lbs plus two 5 lbs to keep the door shut to that distance. The raccoon must have been working out, because he has learned how to move the 8 lb then grab the door to bang it in his request to get at the cat food.

[Book Tarts]

Holly, my friends who live in the country say that cat doors often become raccoon doors, and occasionally possum doors. Fortunately, bears can't fit through them.
Elaie Viets

[William Simon]

What can I say, Karen? I'm a slave to the rhythm....

[Maryann Mercer]

Max plays one of us against the other when it comes time for food, which these days seems to be somewhere between 5-6 AM. He's also developed a particular, rather painful,meow when he perceives his litter box is too dirty for his taste. He paces up and down the hallway until someone comes and removes any offending material from his 'commode'...and he does indeed sound like an unbalanced washing machine when he 'glorps'...anything from hairballs to food he detests. Still, he's a regal 17 3/4
years old, so he gets away with it :o) He even has little 'kitty' stairs so he can climb up to the bed. Gotta love 'em!

[Ramona]

Last night, my husband flew in from L.A. On the first leg, there was a woman on board with a cat. Meow, meow, meow, meow the whole way. But, whew, they have a two-hour layover in Vegas and they escape.

They board again, and here comes cat lady. Kitty must be tired, becuase the vocals are slower. Meow (pause) Meow (pause) Meow (pause) Meow (pause). All the way from Vegas to Philly.

[Book Tarts]

Ramona, your story made me laugh. I once flew to St. Louis next to woman with a yappy dog. Barked the whole way.
William, Miss Galore is pretty funny. At least you didn't name your cat Litter.
Elaine Viets

[JanetLynn13]

My dear dog has been gone for sometime, but back when she was alive, I was the master at getting a towel or throw rug or whatever under her before she puked. That prepuke sound got me moving faster than anything else.

You may think rabbits are quiet, but they get their point across when they are scared or annoyed (or bored) by thumping their back feet. It's so loud, it can wake me up.

[Debby]

I have a dog, and was recently adopted by a cat (who blessed me with kittens, donchaknow!).

The now elderly dog has learned that the best place to have an oops, in case of emergency, is in the bathroom. How can you get mad when she goes on the tile or (washable) bathmat? *sigh*

The now named Bella is a very expensive stray. $350 approx for all testing, shots, spaying, microchipping, etc. And she is still an outdoor kitty as dad is allergic and dog (Bonnie) has psycho moments.

Dad was complaining the other day that she had brought home a chipmunk to play with (she left it for me). I then reminded him that considering we live in the country, I haven't seen or heard a mouse since January, nor have there been any snakes (in search of mice). He asked if he should pick up more treats for Bella.

Oh, and training me. Ugh. The dog sleeps in my room, and when she wants up... she makes me get up. Time for breakfast yet? NO? Tough...feed me! The cat is more patient, and prefers to stretch outside the garage until her breakfast is ready.

[Elaine Viets]

Mr. TypePad is mad at Peach today, so I'm posting this for her -- Elaine

"Grass, I need grass! Where's the grass? I need grass now!!!"

This is a direct quote from my golden retriever/black lab mix dog. This dog's stomach rules our life and not just feeding her the daily ration of dog food. She has a tendency to upset stomach. It begins with floor licking and we know it's time to put her outside where she begins her imitation of a sheep grazing in the pasture and it lasts up to an hour before she finally is satisfied.

The worst times happen when we've left her alone in the house and the urge to graze overcomes her. She has been known to eat socks, fabric scraps and carpet. All can cause problems far greater than a little barfing.

The first time she ate carpet she was so sick she vomited every couple of hours. We found out she had eaten carpet when a few strands came up. A trip to the vet, a tube of hairball medicine to coat the carpet strands he said were still in her stomach blocking the way into her intestines and we finally were able to find out how much carpet she actually ate two days later. One strand that emerged was over two feet long! She's done this a few more times since then.

The worst times are when she wakes me up in the middle of the night wanting to eat grass. There's nothing like being outside at 3 a.m. in your pajamas for an hour in the dead of winter.
Peach

[Elaine Viets]

Debby, another saying from my vet, which turned out to be all too true -- there's no such thing as a free cat.
Elaine

[Debby]

Mwahahahaha. Seriously!

I was lucky with the kittens...two homes each took a pair. And they went with food and toys!!!

And just thinking about all the food that the mama and babies went through? Ugh. They were little glutons! LOL!

[Karen in Ohio]

Well, this is appropriate for today's blog:

Gidget, the "yo quiero" Taco Bell dog, has died at age 15. RIP, Gidget. Too bad they gave her a dude's voice.

[Ramona]

My favorite cat is Simon's cat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

[Book Tarts]

That's not a cartoon, Ramona. It's a docmentary.
Elaine Viets

[JanetLynn13]

Peach, ask your vet for stomach-calming medicine. If he doesn't know of anything or isn't willing to find out why your dog has such stomach issues, find another vet!

My dear dog had a condition (hyperlipidemia) causing her to throw up and have diarrhea all the time. We thought that was just normal for her, until she had a blood test before a procedure that found the problem. Low-fat Rx food, and no table food, and she was so much better....

[Harley]

The term "Solicitation Purring" is my new favorite, Elaine. Thank you. . I want to use it as a book title, if only I can figure out a plot to accommodate it.

[Brandy]

We have eight cats. Yes, you read that correctly. We must have "Suckers" across our foreheads. Please leave me my delusions that between my husband, 2 kids and eight cats-I still control the house. *G*

[Rita Scott]

Brandy, at one time I had 13! My shed was the favorite place for having kittens. They were well fed & litter trained then the kittens went to a no kill shelter & mama went to the vet for shots & spaying.
The best way to keep dogs out of the litter box, get a hard plastic covered litter box, put it with the opening turned towards a corner, leaving just enough room for the cats to get in & out.
I never go barefoot around here!

[-V-]

Those who think cats are stupid really need to read this post! O..M..G! People are walking by my cubicle wondering what I am snorking at!

[Book Tarts]

Harley, talk to Miss Galore for a plot to go with "Solicitation Purring."
V, this is a no snorking zone.
Elaine Viets

[Edie]

Dear Peach,

Be glad you have grass in the winter.

Our dearly departed Tess and Bob were grass eaters, and we grew grass in a pot for them in the winter time. We learned that if you let hairballs dry on the carpet, they cleaned up nicely. The sight of the carpet while these are drying? Not so nice, especially if company comes.

[Mel]

OMG! Elaine, I am rolling in fits of laughter. The way you described it is nearly the exact situation that occurs in our house. I think I recently read that article, either in The Week or Science News, but in one of them they said that cats can manipulate humans exactly as you said above. I always knew that dogs could do it, after owning and American Eskimo - the perfect manipulator, but I never fully realized that my cats were capable of that too. The funny thing is is that I'm often the first one to scoop them up when the hairballs sound off and my husband is nowhere to be seen.

[Betty]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Betty

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