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May 01, 2009

De-Ass the Area and Other Great Lines from TV

De-Ass the Area and Other Great Lines from TV


By Kathy Sweeney, Mythbusters fan

Blog mythbusters Last night, we watched Mythbusters - the You Tube episode, in which the Mythbusters tested out the efficacy of several viral videos.  From that episode came the title of this blog, and my new favorite phrase: "De-Ass the Area".

In case you've never seen the show, Adam and Jamie, along with their assistants, Kari, Grant and Tory, put various urban myths to the test.  For example - remember that scene from the movie Speed, where all the bus passengers move to one side of the bus to keep it from rolling?  Confirmed.  On the other hand, that You Tube video with the giant ball of legos chasing the guy Indiana Jones style?  Busted.

Anyway, last night, they were testing what would happen if you ignite a million match heads.  As they were setting up, one of the guys asked the local bomb expert what to do if it ignited early.  His response: "De-Ass the Area with the quickness."  Translation - get the hell away from here as fast as you can.

Classic.  So today, my TLC friends, we are going to share some other classic lines.  They can be from any show - comedy, drama, dramedy, documentary, reality, whatever.  I'll start.

From Scrubs (my son just got me started watching this show): Turk:  This is the reason why your headache didn't go away; that's actually pronounced analgesic, not anal-gesic.  Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

From All in the Family: Archie:  Well, we lost a daughter but we gained a meathead.

From Hill Street Blues: Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Hey, let's be careful out there.

From the A-Team:  Hannibal: It's always darkest right before it goes completely black.

From Batman:  Batman:  I wish we could help you, citizen, but we're just a couple of ordinary crimefighters going about our mundane business.

From Dallas: J.R. Ewing: Barnes just broke the cardinal rule in politics: never get caught in bed with a dead woman or a live man.

From Cheers: Norm:  It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear.

From E.R.: Dr. Susan Lewis:  I can't wait to go home and get into bed.  What do you think the chances are of Antonio Banderas waiting there for me?

From Frasier: Niles: Hello, this is Dr. Niles Crane filling in for my ailing brother, Dr. Frasier Crane.  Although I feel perfectly qualified to fill Frasier's radio shoes, I should warn you that while Frasier is a Freudian, I am a Jungian.  So there'll be no blaming Mother today.

From Dynasty: Alexis:  Nobody takes me to bed and to the cleaners in one night.

From Friends:  Joey:  Isn't that the way all tailors fit you for pants?  Chandler:  Yes they do.  In prison.

From Golden Girls: Dorothy: Blanche, you dated Tony Bennett?
Blanche: Honey, I did more than date him!  He may have left his heart in San Francisco, but he left his shorts on my radiator.

From Seinfeld:  George:  The sea was angry that day, my friends.  Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.

Okay, now let's hear some from you and I'll be back with more as the day goes on - so check back!

From Get Smart: Agent 99: Good thinking, Max

From The Sopranos:  A.J.: So what, no f'n ziti now?

From Sex and the City:  Samantha: Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."

From M*A*S*H*:  Major Frank Burns: [opening his Bible] Who changed these commandments?

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Comments

From Auntie Mame: Patrick's snooty fiancee: "Books are SOOO decorative, aren't they?"

From the Dick Van Dyke show, Rose Marie was referred to as 'one of the guys'. She replied, "I gotta start wearing darker lipstick."

From Season 1 of Top Chef, when Dave tells Tiffani, "I'm not your bitch, bitch!"

My favorite is always the Westminster and Eukanuba dog shows, when I get to hear perfectly respectable announcers say, "What a remarkable bitch."

For some reason, I always want to take a little bow after that one. Thank you, yes, I am remarkable.

Gayle
http://gaylecarline.blogspot.com

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Spike the bad boy vampire to Giles the stuffy librarian when it looks like they will all die. Spike referring to Giles life flashing before his eyes:
Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea.

Sandra Bullock in Speed:
It's just like driving a really big Pinto.

I sorta agree with a couple of the earlier posters. Movies, easy to find quotes. TV, much harder. Movies, especially ones we saw at the theater, are snapshots of our life. TV is much more ephemeral.

Some of the best dialog today is on NCIS:

DiNozzo (looking at dead woman in shower) Mother's not herself today....
Ziva: Huh?
DiNozzo: PSYCHO.
Ziva: You have your moments.
......
DiNozzo: Blood! The Blood!
Ziva: PSYCHO.
Gibbs: He has his moments.

Abby Scuitto: I am the Energizer Bunny of Forensics!

Cate: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Gibbs: (pause) Illya Kuryakin

And of course, m'man Spike from BUFFY:

Spike: I like people, I really do; they're like Happy Meals with legs.

Spike: I may be Love's Bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Spike: THIS is the group that consistently foils my plans for world domination?

Good ones - and you're right, Josh - I thought this was going to be easier when I started writing!

Although, I could have done an entire blog for just Seinfeld.

TV ones are hard so early in the morning. So, until I've had more coffee I'll just contribute this:

COOL HAND LUKE: "What we have here is a failure to communicate."

Oh, just thought of one . . . from WKRP in Cincinnati. Les Nessman, after his Thanksgiving promotion debacle:

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

I was resisting, BUT:

He's dead, Jim.

Illogical.

Beam us up.

Shakespeare in Love (have to paraphrase, time to re-watch it) "It will all work out." "How?" "I don't know, but it always does."
My sister and I made that our mantra for problematic situations.
From an old commercial, a baby saying, "upset, who's upset? I LIKE applesauce in my hair." Mom and I used to say that whenever things went awry.

Happy May Day!

Judy - holy crap - I totally forgot about that classic!

William! I'm surprised it took this long to hear some from Star Trek - I left those out on purpose.

Granny Sue's blog reminded me to say, "rabbit, rabbit, rabbit." I hope it's not too late, 'cause I could use some luck. I'm now going to spend $600 to rent furniture to make the condo look more tempting to buyers. Sheesh! Hope it works!

SNL - "Candygram" (Landshark)

SNL - "Never mind" (Emily Latella)

Cyndi - thanks for opening that door! So many good ones. Here's one we've been using lately:

John Belushi: [ as he holds a lit cigarette ] I logged a lot of miles training for that day. And I downed a lot of doughnuts. Little Chocolate Donuts. They taste good, and they've got the sugar I need to get me going in the morning. That's why Little Chocolate Donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid.

Little chocolate donuts. Breakfast of champions.

"We were on a break." -Friends
There are also two excellent quotes about breastfeeding from friends, but I can't remember all of the one. The other is "...tastes like cantaloupe juice."

You could fill a page of Det. Brisko one liners and someone did. http://www.tvloop.com/law-and-order/show/quotes/top10/3

Bones: Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an escalator!

Got this one via e-mail:

From the Sopranos:

Tony: "Uncle June, how was Boca?"
Junior: "Wonderful. I don't go down enough."
Carmela: "That's not what I heard."

Another Buffy quote:

Buffy gives the team some curt words before they go off to battle the current Big Bad.

Spike: "Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day Speech, was it?"

Giles: "We few, we happy few..."

Spike: "We band of buggered."

Brilliant, William!

Lots of good ones from Buffy. A few favorites:
Evil Willow: "Bored now."

Dialog between Buffy and Faith:
Faith: "Good thing we're hot chicks with super powers"
Buffy: "Takes the edge off"

A favorite at our house, from Babylon 5:
"Not the one." It can be applied to so many situations.

From Get Smart's Sigfried: "This is KAOS. We don't (fill in the blank) here!"

And, from the same show, the whole "Would you believe . . ." bit

I just saw it this morning...

From The West Wing:

President: Josh, are you just going to let that lie there?

Josh: No, sir. You're a much bigger candy ass than they are.

Really miss Sorkin's wit on tv.

From "The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean" (movie, starring Paul Newmann and featuring Victoria Principal in her first movie), "Nobody's more sanctimonious than a reformed whore".

Big Bang Theory - Paper, Rock, Scissors, Spock

If we are going to do movies
where did this come from.... Shaking the bush, boss, shaking the bush

Everyone on Grey's Anatomy - "Seriously"

NCIS - Tony's spelling his last name on the phone as "D. I. N. Ozzo."

I've just become an NCIS junkie so I am sure there are so many more to learn...

Friends - Ross to Rachel, "You just balded my girlfriend."

Scotty: Ye canna mix matter and antimatter cold.

Buffy is the boss!

My favorite line is from the old Dick Van Dyke show in which he's invited to a swanky Parisian soiree because he's a "writer" and is accosted by a snob who wants to know what books he's written.

Dick: "Actually, I don't write books. I write for a television show."

Snob: "For a television show? Oh, I wouldn't know about that. We don't own a television machine."

I use it all the time with my sister in law, the English teacher, who only uses her "television machine" to watch DVDs. Pathetic.

Spok has to be in the Top 10 for TV quotables:

"I am endeavoring, Madam, to construct a mnemonic memory circuit using stone knives and bearskins."

One I can't believe we haven't heard yet on TV, given the swine flu coverage: "My God, this may be the begining of the Aporkalypse!"

The West Wing had a lot of good ones, if only I could remember them. Same with Two and a Half Men--fifteen zingers or more an episode.

Will and Grace:

Jack: For your information, most people who meet me do not know that I am gay.
Will: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.
Jack: Grace, when you first met me, did you know I was gay?
Grace: My dog knew.

Will: Ow.
Grace: What?
Will: Could we talk about your toenails?
Grace: I'm sorry. I'll cut them.
Will: Don't you need them for tree climbing and warding off predators?

Grace: Hmmm. Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.
Karen: How could she not know? What is she, headless?

Karen: It's not something you can just run away from like a hotel bill or a crying baby.

Jack: So we need to get them back together, but how? Pretend to think, pretend to think.
Karen: Pretend to care, pretend to care.

Rosario: [to Jack and Karen] Oh look, it's "Dumb and Drunker".

Laughing out loud, Karen - boy do I miss Will & Grace!!

"Aporkolypse" - Bwah!

Miss Piggy on the Muppet Show: HIIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAA!

From SOAP - Chuck and Bob the ventriliquest/dummy, when the demonic baby made Jody levitate: "Look, a fruit fly!"

Also from SOAP - Benson, whenever the door rings: "You want me to get that?"

And also from SOAP - Jessica has just learned that Plato was homosexual: "Mickey Mouse's dog was GAY?"

Two and a Half Men:

Charlie [about Kandi]: Congratulations, Alan, it looks like you've officially boinked her brains out.
Alan: Okay, so she's not overly sophisticated.
Berta: Sophisticated? She's two marbles rolling around in a tin can.
Alan: Hey, hey, she's got a great heart, she's warm and loving, and she genuinely cares for me.
Berta: I stand corrected... one marble

Alan: What are you doing here?
Charlie: You know, I was asking myself the same thing. So I did a little research, and it turns out, it's my house!

The classic from Get Smart: Sorry about that.

I wish that I could contribute more, but they will all occur to me tomorrow or next week. I will just enjoy yours.

The West Wing (very few one-liners):

C.J.: Sorry to ask you this, sir, but...
President Bartlet: Not too late to stop yourself.
C.J.: I need you to pardon a turkey.
President Bartlet: I already pardoned a turkey.
C.J.: I need you to pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Didn't I do it right?
C.J.: You did it great, but I need you to come out here and pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Aren't I going to get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?
C.J.: Sir, can you come out here and just get this over with?
President Bartlet: No, I'm not gonna just get this... What the hell's going on?
C.J.: They sent me two turkeys. The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
President Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.


Josh: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista. Wow, that was way too far.
C.J.: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.

Designing Women (which BTW the first season will finally be out on DVD in May):

Mary Jo: Men do not come up and talk to a woman whose wheelin’ around a 25 pound sack of dog food and a big box of Kotex.


Suzanne: Myself, I prefer the older established type.
Mary Jo: You mean rich.... and terminally ill?

Another West Wing:

CJ: The more photo friendly of the two turkeys gets a Presidential Pardon & a full life at a children’s petting zoo. The other one gets eaten.
Bartlett: If the Oscars were like that, I’d watch.

And Seinfeld:

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Pam, we posted the same one. We need to stop doing this! LOL

The Office: ..."That's what she said."

A few of my favorites:

LOU: You know, you've got spunk!
MARY: Well, thank you.
Lou: I hate spunk!

HAWKEYE: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny," I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

Danger, Will Robinson! (Robot, Lost in Space)

Do you believe in miracles? (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)

I know nothing! (Sgt. Schultz, Hogan's Heroes)

I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl. (Newhart)

What - no Highlander??!!?? Allow me:
There can be only one.

Patrick Dennis always had the best lines. from 'How firm a Foundation': "And the hair! Oh, dear God, Jenny's hair! Does she or doesn't she? Well, you'd have to be groping around town with a tin cup and a white cane not to know for sure."

One more from Patrick Dennis: "You marry for money, you work for it later."


Oh, and I can't forget the late and wonderful Peter Boyle in "Everybody Loves Raymond":

Holy Crap!

The Blues Brothers:
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses... HIT IT!"

(This always makes me do a spit take)
Elwood Blues: Illinois Nazis.
Jake Blues: I hate Illinois Nazis.

From Bring It On:
Courtney: Why do we all have to diet?
Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go very high.

A Few Good Men:
Col. Jessup (Nicholson): You can't handle the truth!

And from Animal House:
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.

Soooo....sneaking in....
From Hello Dolly:
Snuggle up to your cash register Horace. It's a little lumpy but it rings.

And anything from NCIS!
Just saying.

ArkansasCyndi, The "shaking the bush" line is another classic from Cool Hand Luke.

And from Trains, Planes and Automobiles: "Those aren't pillows!"

You guys always impress me- great additions!

Laura, my next-door neighbor, honest to God, has a brother Daryl and another brother Daryl.

It's sort of a fake, though. His brother Daryl's son was born with cerebral palsy, so the grandparents legally adopted him for some reason. But since they're from Arkansas we used to always make fun of Bob (to his face, of course). And "little" Daryl is doing just great; he's now in his late 30's, married, and has a kid or two.

From "Young Frankenstein":

Igor: Walk this way. No, this way. (As he limps along.)

[Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Damn your eyes.
Igor: [to camera] Too late. (Played by Marty Feldman, of the crazy eyeballs.)

[after sex with The Monster]
Elizabeth: Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.

Frau Blücher: I am Frau Blücher.
[horses whinny]

Inga: Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.

Other NCIS fans! I LOVE that show.

"They're Here!" from Poltergeist.

"We're on a Mission from God." - Blues Brothers.

"I carried a watermelon!" - Baby in Dirty Dancing.

"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." - Forest Gump

Bob Hauk: Is the glider intact?
Snake Plissken: Yeah, but takin' off is for shit... I'll work it out.
and
Bob Hauk: You going to kill me, Snake?
Snake Plissken: Not now, I'm too tired.
[pause]
Snake Plissken: Maybe later.
- both from Escape from New York

"Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes." Raiders of the Lost Ark

And, this one is from a book - cheating I know, but it is one of my favorite opening lines:
"It started out as a bad hair day and went downhill from there."
-Deanie Francis Mills, Love me Not.

I'll be back later when I check my wording on a couple more.

Does anyone remember "When Things Were Rotten", on TV in the 70s? It was about Robin Hood, and Mel Brooks was the writer, producer, etc. Dick Gautier starred.

Anyway, my favorite line from that was "Peasants, hold your tongues!", and they did. Just writing about it is making me laugh.

Ah, Young Frankenstein...

Frau Blucker: He vas my boyfrendt!


Igor: Hump, what hump? (after it had changed sides a number of times)


Dr. Frankenstein: What was the name on the brain?

Igor: Abby something. Abby Normal.

Ah! and Blazing Saddles:

Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?


Reverend Johnson: Order, order. Goddamnit, I said "order".
Howard Johnson: Y'know, Nietzsche says: "Out of chaos comes order."
Olson Johnson: Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.


Bart: Mongo, why would Hedley Lamarr care about "where the choo-choo go"?
Mongo: Don't know. Mongo only pawn in game of life.

Mongo: Mongo like candy.

Waco Kid: I must of killed more men than Cecil B. De Mille.

Can't have movie quotes without some from Blazing Saddles:

Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.


[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death]
Charlie: They said you was hung.
Bart: And they was right.


Lili Von Shtupp: Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are... gifted?
[sound of zipper opening]
Lili Von Shtupp: Oh, it's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!


Jim: Look at my hand.
[raises hand and holds it level]
Bart: Steady as a rock.
Jim: [raises his other hand, which is violently trembling] Yeah, but I shoot with this one.

Pam! Jinx.

"So far, it's just your typical first date stuff." Annette Benning/Sydney Wade in American President - another Sorkin

"As God is my witness I'll never go hungry again."

"Afterall, tomorrow is another day."
-Scarlett in GWTW

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
- Rhett in GWTW

"I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin no babies" - Prissy in GWTW


We're on a roll today!


now that Kathy has facebook i'm following the blog again. When i should be studying for finals. thanks kathy.

anyway:

from The Big Bang Theory:
Penny: This pie is delicious.
Sheldon's mom: Do you want to know the secret ingredient?
Penny: Is it loveee??
Sheldon's mom: No, its lard.

ps. if you've ever wanted to know what it is like to go to Carnegie Mellon University, watch this show. It's my life. except i don't look as good as her...

from Doctor Who:
about the tardis
every person to ever go in it: It's bigger on the inside.

The Doctor: I'm the doctor.
Rose: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Just...the Doctor.

30 Rock:
Liz Lemon: I want to go to there.

Just excellent words that come from tv shows:
30 Rock- Funcooker
Bones- Wanktard


For pure shock value, I can't get this one out of my head:

Salma Hayek to Tina Fey on 30ROCK, trying to get rid of her: "Lemon, shouldn't you go put on your Slanket and fill it with your farts?"

From NIGHT COURT: Dan Fielding:"Please tell me you didn't sleep with my sister." Bull: "Naaah.... we just had sex!"

You're right, Pam! We ARE on a roll!

"Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!"

Blazing Saddles:
A wose, is a wose, is a wose.

BJ Hunnicutt from MASH:
We brought you some shampoo because we couldn't find real poo.

High five to all the other Buffy fans!

Buffy: Chocolate is good, chocolate makes everything better.
Willow: I think I'm going to barf.
Buffy: Except that.

From the West Wing...

"What's next?" (repeated line)

Josh: I'm just saying if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer.
Donna: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.

Leo: Andrew Jackson, in the foyer of the White House, kept a big block of cheese...

The Simpsons have had so many over the years I can't think of them all. "Excellent." "D'oh." "Mmmmm... _food item here_."

30 Rock is well on its way to being the Thursday quotable show (like Friends and Seinfeld used to be).

Liz: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Jack: It's after six, Lemon. What am I, a farmer?

Liz: Blerg. (repeated line)

Liz: I'm going to need to talk to some food about this.

Jack: Never badmouth synergy.

Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and lefthandedness.

Jack: Never go with a hippie to a second location.

I could go on, but I probably should stop.


Gomer Pyle: Surprise, surprise, SURPRISE!!!


Gomer on Andy Griffith show: Citizen's arreeest. Citizen's arreeest.


His was the first 'voice' I fell in lust with. When he sang "Impossible Dream" in those Marine dress blues...I was a gonner.

I thought we were just doing TV, but if we're including movies, we can't forget:

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

A few from from beautiful downtown Burbank:

Goodnight, Dick.

You bet your bippee.

One ringy-dingy ....

Is this the party to whom I am speaking?

Sock it to me!

Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself... so, most nights before I go to bed I will lay out 6 strips of bacon out on my foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on to the grill and it clamped on to my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

More Laugh-in:

Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnall's.

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Do you believe in the hereafter?
Gladys Ormphby: Of course I do.
Tyrone F. Horneigh: Well... then, you know what I'm here after!

Verrry in-ter-esting. But stupid.

And how could I have forgotten this one?!

Blow in my ear and I'll follow you anywhere.

Mary, I remember "When Things Were Rotten." Loved it.

Once upon a time when things were rotten ....

I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
-Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) - Bull Durham

If you build it, he will come. Field of Dreams

"This is it, this is the big one" - Sanford and Son

"HEEEEEEYYYYYY" - Fonzie, Happy Days

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" - The Brady Bunch
(I hear this one AT LEAST once a week!)

"We can rebuild him, we have the technology."
The Six Million Dollar Man

Kris! I'd forgotten all about Laugh-In - thanks for the memories . . .

:)

Oh!

I'm coming, Elizabeth! (Sanford & Son)

What you talking about, Willis? (Ack, can't remember the series name!)

It's nice to be nice to those who are nice - another Frank Burns special.

Pork chops and applesauce - more Brady Bunch

"Mrs. Peel . . . we're needed."

Uncommonly kind of you to leave that one for me, William.

"Bunter -- launch the Lagonda!"

"The Plane, The plane" - Fantasy Island

"Hey, Hey, Hey . . . It's Fat Albert" - Fat Albert

"Shazam!" - Gomer Pyle

"You'll shoot your eye out." A Christmas Story

"You're doing it wrong!" and "Herb, we were NEVER in Aisle 9" - Mr. Mom

I came home early just to get in on this one. You can tell the TV addicted. especially the old ones :

For you old folks out there, I caught Chris Mathews quoting Bob Cummings yesterday
From: "Love That Bob" (circa 1950's for you youngsters): "HOLD IT! YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS PICTURE"

From: Gomer Pyle "SHAZAMM, SHAZAMM, SHAZAMM"

From: Soupy Sales "I TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND TO THE GAME LAST NIGHT. I KISSED HER BETWEEN THE STRIKES AND SHE KISSED ME BETWEEN THE BALLS"

From: Kung Fu "AHHH GRASSHOPPER,....(complete the line with a quote from any fortune cookie)

From: 77 Sunset Strip: "KOOKIE,KOOKIE LEND ME YOUR COMB"

From: The Guns of Will Sonnet (a two season wonder starring Walter Brennan) NO BRAG ,..JUST FACT (followed a warning that he was the 2nd fastest gun in the west, after his son for whom he was searching or any other warning before conflict)

From: $6,000,000 Man WE CAN REBUILD HIM,..WE CAN MAKE HIM BETTER THAN BEFORE.


And I can still quote verbatim "SUPERMAN, WHO CAN CHANGE THE COURSE OF MIGHT RIVERS, BEND STEEL WITH HIS BARE HANDS, AND WHO DISGUISED AS CLARK KENT, MILD MANNERD REPORTER FOR A DAILY METROPOLITAN NEWSPAPER, FIGHTS A NEVER ENDING BATTLE FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY"[

I didn't see it & I can't believe it isn't here...

Laugh-In

You bet your bippy!

And from the King of Late Night...

Johnny Carson.


How (fill in the blank) was it?

You're welcome Tom!

Oh man...NIGHT COURT. Where all the pregnant women suddenly started giving birth.

WOMAN: We need hot water!
DAN FIELDING: Kitchen down the hall.
WOMAN: We need rubber gloves!
DAN FIELDING: Top right pocket of my briefcase.

Designing Women, on the topic of having your husband in the delivery room.
Suzanne Sugarbaker: He would not be in the room when I am stretched open the size of a dinner plate. After seeing that, why would he want to go back there.

Here's another Buffy quote - from her tombstone: "Buffy Anne Summers 1981-2001 She saved the world. A lot."

And I have to add a few of classic Xena: Warrior Princess quotes
Xena: "I have many skills"

Xena: "You call that a jump?"
Gabrielle: "No, it was a frantic leap."

Xena: "I'll keep this [breast dagger] for the time being."
Gabrielle: "Ha! It's not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough!"

My fave from The Sopranos, oft quoted here when something goes wrong. Uncle June: "Fuck it. Let's go to Boca."

Love seeing all the Buffyverse here!

In an episode of Deep Space Nine where they're playing baseball, Worf has two great quotes: "Find him and kill him" and "Death to the opposition."

From Southpark, Butters says "I hate the world and all its puny inhabitants."

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