When Life Hands You Lemons

TLC welcomes back guest-blogger and friend-at-large, Robin Starr

 When Life Hands You Lemons . . .

by Robin Starr

If you’re one of the currently 204 Friends Harley has on Facebook (the woman picks up friends like I pick up crumbs), you might’ve seen a recent reference to lemons. It was a private joke, but due to the confusing and ever-changing intricacies of Facebook, Harley answered for the entire world to see. Now, here I am, in the flesh (of the lemon, as it were) to satisfy your wild curiosity.

This winter I visited Sunny California, to escape the miserable New York winter, and saw my buddy Harley’s new home. I expected magnificence, and was not disappointed -- I was floored by her back yard. Fruit trees. Tons of them. Lemons. Limes. Pommelos (those crazy grapefruity thingies). Kumquats. More lemons. On the trees. On the ground. In the pool, on floats, sipping frosty drinks with umbrellas in them. For a New Yorker lucky to get her impatiens to grow in the summer, this was a source of amazement. But upon closer inspection, I saw that some lemons were mutated. Teenage Mutant Ninja Lemons. Thus began our “lemon joke.”

The first question: how to differentiate lemon trees from lime trees, since they look the same. I delved into the World Wide Web and got more than I asked for, always the case when I start Googling. In a nutshell (or lemon rind): If you tear a leaf off a lime, snap it in half and smell it, it will strongly smell like lime. Do it to a lemon and the scent is much milder. Same thing at the juncture where you snap a stem off the tree, if you get your jollies by putting your nose next to bark. There are a zillion varieties of lemons and limes; what’s in supermarkets is the tip of the iceberg (lettuce?), generally Lisbon or Eureka lemons. Eureka! Limes are picked green so they remain that color; if left to grow they turn larger and yellower, which could confuse you if you don’t smell that leaf.  See? Grocery store limes are generally Tahitian or Persian. Sounds so exotic for something you stick in your Mojito. You can also graft two citrus fruits onto the same tree. The pomelo is an ancestor of the grapefruit. And on and on it went.

At this point lemons were everywhere. Store displays. Magazine ads. Lemon Chicken Chinese takeout. The produce drawers of a friend’s refrigerator (I was looking for chocolate). I went to Florida (anything to escape winter): more lemons. Even one large plastic one in a jar inside a model home I was touring. ($50,000 to have a professional decorator spice up this model and they bought plastic fruit.) I was obsessed with its ugliness. My husband thought I’d lost my marbles.

The high point was Key Lime Pie, one of the best recipes ever created for mankind. Incidentally, Key Limes are not green; they are yellowish, which is the test of a real Key Lime Pie. If it’s a pale yellow, it’s the real deal. Places that want to impress you will color it green. Your mouth buds will not be fooled, if you are experienced, as I am, after extensive pie research in Key West.

So now we’re left with the question, what can our dear Harley do with all those lemons?  She can exfoliate. Lighten her hair. Become a chef. Shove them down the garbage disposal to sharpen the blades. Redden her lips like the ladies of Louis XIV’s court. Fight a cold. Cure scurvy. And as they say, if life gives you lemons . . .

Comments

[Harley]

I have no time to comment. I'm busy exfoliating.

[Nancie aka Gun Tart]

Robin, thank you for clearing up the mystery of the mutant citrus objects in Harley’s backyard these objects have puzzled me.

[William Simon]

Back in the day, the cocktail of choice was scotch and soda with a lemon twist. When I first heard of it, my reaction was unprintable. Then I tried it. The tiny hint of citrus adds a whole new taste to the drink.

Since I quit smoking (or I should say since I started trying to stop smoking), the craving for citrus of any kind is something new and different. I'll eat three oranges in a row, grapefruit gets eaten like an apple, and tangerines are taken hostage the moment they come into the kitchen. It helps, and the garbage disposal smells really fine....:) But Robin made me remember the sheer burst of Key LImes, and I'm thinking it might be an idea to stock some of those....

[Kathy Sweeney]

Thanks for clearing up that Facebook thing, Robin, and for such a great lesson on lemons.

William - I would have been objecting to the water back in the day, not the garnish.

[Laura (in PA)]

ooh. Hubby and I were in Florida at least 12 years ago and happened upon a little shack at the edge of the Everglades and had absolutely to-die-for key lime milkshakes.

I now want to get in the car and drive 1,200 miles or so and see if it's still there.

[Dot in Illinois]

So Harley has a bunch of lemons, and she exfoliating has fast as she can. I suppose she also bleaching, lighting, squeezing juice into the dishwasher, and generally, is having a good time with lemons. Okay, now I have a picture of Harley surrounded by lemons, actually sitting on top of a gaint pile of lemons, gingerly of course, wouldn't want her to be slipping and sliding down the pile of lemons. Anyway, she's carefully sitting on the huge pile of lemons, the California breeze is gently lifting a few strands of hair, I believe the Santa Ana's can do that. And as she turns toward the camera (oh, I forgot, she wearing one of those cute little t-shirts with a save the earth slogan on it), so as she turns to the camera she raises a lemon to her lips (the camera guy notices how nicely she's exfoliated and asked her out btw) and she says "Lemons--nature's answer to life" (don't ask me about the slogan, I'm just the messenger), action over. Think we can sell it? I'm sure some big studio would want to make a lemon commercial, they make commercials for everything else, and I do mean everything, so why not Harley's lemons (even if they are mutated, makes them more appealing)? Or donation, she can donate the lemons to a really needy organization...well that one will take some more thought.

[Karen in Ohio]

Last week when I was hacking and coughing with flu, I made endless cups of lemon/ginger tea with honey. And some bourbon hot toddies with honey and lemon, to tell the truth. Lemon helps to break up the chest congestion, and there's that Vitamin C that helps, too.

I wonder if that's why ex-smokers crave citrus, come to think of it. William, my husband can plow through the citrus groceries, too. He quit smoking about 18-19 years ago.

Cute blog, Robin.

[ArkansasCyndi]

Lemon Nail Soak

Soak your fingernails - and toenails - in lemon juice for 10 minutes. Brush nails with a nailbrush using a mixture of equal parts of white vinegar and warm water. Rinse with warm water. Fingernails will stay strong and will be brilliantly shiny.
OR

Lemon & Dairy Facial
1 T lemon juice
1 T cottage cheese
Combine ingredients. Apply to face. After 20 minutes, rinse with tepid water.

OR

Lemon Dandruff Treatment
3 T fresh lemon juice
½ c olive oil
Combine. Rub gently on scalp. After 15 minutes rinse. Shampoo and condition as usual.

So Harley will have a nice nails, good skin, and no dandruff.

Here's an idea...we'll have a TLC Spa retreat at Harley's house and use up all those lemons!

[Alexandra Sokoloff]

Lemon Drops.

[ArkansasCyndi]

Check out these incredible lemon pictures!

http://wuching.blogspot.com/2006/03/1001-things-to-do-with-lemons.html

[Karen in Ohio]

Fresh-squeezed lemonade, yum.

Cyndi, those are pretty amazing constructions. Can you imagine trying to do that with spherical objects?

[ArkansasCyndi]

Karen - those pictures were just incredible and no, I cannot image doing them! Reminds me of the floats made with flowers, except think how long these would last!

Now, let's start planning that spa retreat at Harley's house.

[Karen in Ohio]

I'm in. I need another reason to go to California, anyway. ;-)

[Harley]

I had no idea lemons could evoke such passion! Is there an international Lemon Lovers club?

There was some lemon shampoo, back when I was an adolescent, that was absolutely magnificent! DOes anyone remember this? Mid-seventies, maybe?

[Karen in Ohio]

I remember that lemon shampoo, Harley. My little sister, who is blonde, used it. Dark hair and lemons don't mix, sadly.

Does anyone remember the lemon cologne from the 60's and 70's, Jean Nate? It was refreshing in the summer, especially if you kept it in the fridge.

[Harley]

Yes, Karen, yes! I remember.

Let's have a collective 60's Citrus Flashback.

[ArkansasCyndi]

Karen - I remember Jean Nate! Never kept it in the fridge however.

[Lynn Parker]

I think the shampoo might have been called Lemon Up---it had a lemon shaped cap on it. My sisters and I used it. And the Jean Nate as well.

Back in the 70's my grandparents moved to Florida. Their backyard was full of fruit trees and we Michiganders found it amazing! Getting up in the morning and picking an orange or grapefruit for breakfast? Grabbing a lemon for a recipe or to make lemonaide? Unheard of!

As I have gotten older (somewhat) I find that my interest in chocolate has been taken over by a yearning for lemon. Lemon cake, lemon bars, etc. Not sure why!

[Harley]

Yes, I Lemon Up! I think that's it!

[Rita Scott]

While you're picking up the mutants, look for the ones that look like Nixon, Mother Theresa, Jabba the Hut, Jay Leno,etc. and get rich selling them on ebay!
Donate them to a food bank.
Make Lemoncello. It may not taste that good on it's own but can be used in place of sweet&sour mix.

[hollygee]

Karen, Jean Nate and my chemistry are not miscible. It smells like fresh Play-doh on me.

Mmmmmm, lemon curd. Lemon tarts. Lemon Meringue Pie.

Harley, are any of your trees Meyer lemons? Gold mine there.

[Rita Scott]

Ship them to Nancie to use for skeet shooting!
William, you reminded me of when I was pregnant with my daughter. I ate 3 big bags of grapefruit every week &made 3 or 4 lemon merengie pies every week. now they really upset my stomach.

[Karen in Ohio]

Groan, limoncello! I love that stuff, Rita! Here's a recipe for you, Harley. You can make it and give it as Christmas gifts, since you have such a supply of lemons (or someone else can, if you don't want to mess with it):

http://www.divinacucina.com/code/newsletter7.html

Limoncello recipe on the left side of the page. Also check out her Yellow Pepper Soup; that is to die for. Judy was our guide for a day when I went to Florence in 2001, and we went to Cibreo; their food is incredible. Judy is awesome, and her recipes are very good. You have to watch though, sometimes she leaves things out.

[Robin]

Good God, I had no idea this would evoke such lemon emotion. Harley just informed me that she posted this today. Unfortunately, she neglected to post the mutant lemon photo. I'm glad you're all amused. And, BTW, my 78 year old MIL still wears Jean Nate.....

[Harley]

Should I risk it? Posting the photos? I'm so inept at this, this entire blog may disappear.

On the other hand, no guts, no glory.

[Robin]

See how quickly you fixed it without messing it up? Where's the picture of US??????

[Judy Larsen]

And what about that cologne we all wore in the 70's (or maybe it was just at my junior high?) "Love's Fresh Lemon" or something like that. An entire class of 8th grade girls wearing lemon-scented cologne, hair washed in Herbal essence and strawberry lipsmacker on our lips. It probably smelled like a roomful of umbrella drinks.

I moved up to Jean Nate in high school and thought I was really sophisticated.

I love lemons.

[nancy martin]

When I went to school in Scotland, lo, these many years ago, we drank a heavenly bottled, lemon-flavored soda that I've never been able to find since. Lemonade with effervensce. Delish.

Key lime milkshake, though. Road trip!

Thanks for being our guest, Robin!

[ArkansasCyndi]

I am so glad to know that the pictures were added later. I didn't remember seeing them this morning and thought I was losing my mind!

[ArkansasCyndi]

Judy - Jean Nate = Sophistication BRAWAHAHAHA

[Harley]

ArkansasCyndi, you may still be losing your mind. But let's keep a positive attitude.

[Anna C.]

Nancy - School in Scotland? Couldn't have been St. Margaret's in Edinburgh could it? The drink couldn't have been Irnbru could it? I don't know if it's lemon-y, but kids love it. They don't even export that to England, though, I think. I'm pretty sure the secret is closely guarded ...

[Lynn Parker]

OK, I could not stand it, I had to research Jean Nate, Love's products and Lemon Up.

Jean Nate can still be found on www.revlon.com and www.drugstore.com

LemonUp can be ordered from www.vermontcountrystore.com (a very fun trip down memory lane---worth a look if you haven't perused its pages!) It no longer had the lemon shaped cap which is a bit of a disappointment to me. LOL!

Love's Lemon Fresh is discontinued! Similar products are avaialble on e-bay which seems pretty questionable as to authenticity not to mention freshness!

I did find the Love's Baby Soft, which I loved (smelled a lot like baby powder) on www.fragrencenet.com

Place your orders and bring them to Harley's. If California is the "land of fruit and nuts" we can each contribute something!

[ArkansasCyndi]

Hey William - there is a twitter account under William Simon. I thought that was you. Not?

http://twitter.com/wmsimon

[Rita Scott]

ah ha, Vermont country store is now carrying sex toys! Tho I'm sure me, Margie has already placed her order!

[Harley]

Without that lemon ball top, I can't imagine that the shampoo could retain its certain je ne sais quoi.

Still, this is a marvelous group, willing to research anything under the (lemon-shaped) sun.

[Karen in Ohio]

While I was shopping for fresh mozarella (making venison lasagna for dinner) I remembered the best lemon comestible of all--lemon curd! It's so delicious on biscuits or scones or crepes. Or ice cream!

I'm salivating now. Why didn't I think to get LEMONS when I was at the store?

[Karen in Ohio]

Okay, I found a recipe that includes directions to make lime curd, too.

http://www.finecooking.com/recipes/lemon_curd.aspx

Please don't be freaked by the name "curd". It's a sauce made with eggs, similar to Hollandaise, except sweet rather than savory. Omigosh, is it good.

[Me, Margie]

Hi. It's Me, Margie.

Very funny, Rita, when you know those are the losers of the vibrator family. You can find something better than that in the razor aisle at the grocery these days.

One of my Aunts still wears Jean Nate and it comes in a spray bottle she keeps in a little fridge in her bedroom. I don't get that part.

I like the taste and smell of lemons but get real *I* don't want to be the one that tastes and smells like a lemon. Text the Fail Whale.

[Rita Scott]

me, Margie! We were doing a search for you on facebook but didn't come up with anything. Are you using an alias on there? lol

[Robin]

Nancy, did you say Key Lime Milkshake--YUM! I guess I'll have to suffer through my Yoplait Light Key Lime Yogurt...somehow doesn't sound so appetizing right about now!

[Harley]

And Robin, are those real true Key Limes or is Yoplait adding green food coloring? (as if you could be fooled.)

[Robin]

Oh, I am quite sure they have coloring in them...a very suspicious green color--it should be shamrock yogurt!

[Kathy Sweeney]

Following up on the Lemon Shampoo - just got my Vermont Store catalog and there it is on the back cover - and I THINK the top is still a lemon shape.

Guess what they also have? "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific"! So we have to wonder - did they commission someone to re-make this stuff, or did someone find a pallet of it leftover from the '70s?

[Avis]

I used to use "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific." One day, a guy actually said that to me (not trying to be funny!) and laughed when I told him the name of the shampoo.

[Lynn Parker]

Oh, I forgot about that one! Online the LemonUp bottle did not have the lemon cap. It is does actually have one I am going to order it! Maybe I'll get some Evening In Paris cologne too...........ah, memory lane..........

[Anna Chan, The Lemon Lady]

Cute blog.

When life hands you lemons...pick about 8 tons of them and carry it to the extremes. Yes, lemons are a welcom sight at food banks across the county.

Found your blog in a google search. I'm the Lemon Lady out in California. Saving the world one little lemon at a time. :)

Happy Harvesting.
www.thelemonlady.blogspot.com, [email protected]

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Thank you for such a useful information !! I liked your blog.. had no idea this would evoke such lemon emotion. But this is really very useful article for me..