Pork, FBF's and Deadline Insanity

Pork, FBF's and Deadline Insanity

By Sarah

As some of you might have noticed, I was not around for the month of January because I was applying the finishing touches to THE PENNY PINCHERS CLUB, out in July. That's a polite way of saying I was madly rewriting most of the book after my editor pointed out its major flaws. I have a new editor and even the technology she used to edit it was new - and better - but still I managed to have an out of body experience during those magic moments when I was so in the groove that the real world fell away and out of the corner of my eye I saw the glowing orb.

Glowing orb? Damn, right, glowing orb. You wanna make fun? I'm telling you, it was there. A bright white light off to my right. So light, I didn't need to turn on the electric overhead. If anyone else has seen this phenomenon, please let me know because, otherwise, I might want to seek psychiatric counseling.

While I wasn't seeing glowing orbs or responding to my editor's notes (Kat seems snarky here when she trips her mother on the stairs. Recast?), I was, of course, procrastinating by reading the New York Times where I found two articles that cannot be missed. The first will kill you. The second might slay the New York Times. Let's start with the first.

BACON WRAPPED AROUND SAUSAGE WRAPPED AROUND CRUMBLED BACON.

Otherwise known as the "Bacon Explosion" was invented by Jason Day and Aaron Chronister. Why? To drive their doctors nuts, I assume. The recipe, which was Twittered and blogged about extensively, has zoomed around the internet feeding all those closet fat aficionados who might jog and scarf down yogurt by day, but who secretly long for grease-dripping, sizzling smoked bacon and sausage by night. It is, hands down, the grossest recipe ever (aside from haggis or kidney pie) and I can't wait for Charlie to make it during sugaring season when there's nothing much to do but watch the sap drip into the boiler. Why not smoke a pig in the meantime?

Second, is the story that might slay the New York Times. It's about a couple of women who started a blog as a support group for other women who - brace yourself - have "suffered' during the financial crisis in that their Financial-guy banker type boyfriends have cut up their Neiman cards and cancelled their spring trips to Martinique. I know, you're sobbing. But, wait. Take a second and LOOK A THESE CHICKS!

The women have even developed a color-coding alert system, similar to the one created by our own Department of Homeland Security, based on how the DOW did that particular day. A day in which the Dow plummeted 400 points, for example, might be coded red, meaning it's a good day to stick with your girlfriends and do laundry, while a "green day" (no pun intended with the band) could mean a dinner out with your FBF.

Great stuff, right? Except, I'm pretty sure it's a joke. Go to the "US" section and read about the daba girls, puzzle over the mixed comments that range from "when will HBO buy you out?" to "I, too, am married to a banker and man do I hear ya." Read the blog and tell me what you think. We'll discuss.

So, that's what I did with my January break, other than write a book and nurse a couple of kids back to health and shovel out from a few snowstorms. Now, with the book in and approved, I'm filling out financial aid forms for Anna's colleges and hitting myself over the head. Why, oh, why, didn't I think about writing a Sex and the City spoof about surviving the recession?

What say you?

Sarah

Comments

[Janis]

Welcome back, Sarah!

I find it very odd that I seem to be craving bacon these days. Not pounds of it, and not every day, but, if pressed to choose between a rice cake spread with peanut butter and scattered with raisins and a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich on toast slathered with mayonnaise, well I know which I'd choose. I want something rich to eat to counteract the bleakness outside. Of course, what I'm really waiting for is that pencil-thin asparagus and those succulent first-of-the-season strawberries.

Oh girls. You'll know the relationship is over when he expects you to give up the botox, personal trainers, $100 lunches, Jimmy Choos, and $700 face cream. You might even have to walk your own dog, but this misery can't last forever, can it? Sooner or later someone will figure out another way to rip off those who merely work for a living.

Bitter, bitter.

Good blog.

Anyone heard anything else about the octuplet mom? I bet Kate (J&K+8) is looking over her shoulder right about now.

[Karen in Ohio]

These URL's work better:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/dining/28bacon.html?em

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html

The other ones led to a page that required a subscription, and it seems as though I can't get to the second page of the FBF article without one. Oh, la.

Seriously, that bacon blob is such a guy thing. Bacon, it's not just for breakfast anymore. I bet it smells wonderful, though.

I can't address the supreme selfishness of those chicks. I just can't.

The glowing orb? Have you had your eyes checked for a torn retina, Sarah? Seriously, that's what mine showed up as. If it is there even when your eyes are closed, that is very likely what it is.

[Karen in Ohio]

Yes, Janis! I heard that she was in a bidding war between Oprah, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric, et al, to the tune of $2,000,000. This was from an article in the London Daily Mail. Which is not much more than a gossip rag, so take that with a grain of salt.

[William Simon]

The Bacon Roll? Bacon is for breakfast and cheeseburgers!

[nancy martin]

Damn you, Sarah!!! You got to the DABA girls before I could! (Now what on earth will I blog about on Thursday??)

I nearly commented on their blog. I figure they're angling for a reality show deal. (Has anyone else been deliberately avoiding those awful "housewife" shows on Bravo? If I knew those women, I'd end up commiting a murder or 4.) Maybe we should set up a dueling blog today?

[sarahS]

Thanks, Karen. I redid the links using your hypertext. Hard for me to tell if it works since I have a subscription to the NYT...lemme know, okay?

And I don't think it's a torn retina since it's stopped. In fact, my whole body has returned to normal. The buzzing in the ears is gone. So is the constant headache.

Deadline = brain tumor.

[michele]

Somebody brought that bacon roll thing to my Super Bowl party, and all I can say is I never got to try it because it disappeared so fast. Their version was made with boar sausage from a boar they'd shot themselves. Life in the northland!

Oh, and in my previous life plenty of those women from that article were mothers at the schools my kids went to. If it was a jokle, it was dead on.

Welcome back Sarah.

[Laura (in PA)]

Cool! Dueling blog!

Bacon is awesome. But that may be too much even for me.

I can't wait for your book, Sarah.

Sure hope Mr. Typepad lets me post today. I'd hate for you all to miss out on my insightful comments two days in a row. ;)

[Becky Hutchison]

I hear you, Nancy. I think those housewives and their social interactions are petty and disturbing. The DABA girls (saw article on HuffPost) are right up there, yuck! And for that bacon roll thingy, it makes me sick just looking at the picture anywhere.

Congratulations on finishing your redo's, Sarah. Love the book cover. What's your next one about?

And Nancy, what's happening with your WIP?

[Becky Hutchison]

Here's another disturbing article I just saw on HuffPost. A poll shows that a majority of Republicans want the GOP to be more like Palin. Aaaccckkk!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/02/poll-majority-of-republic_n_163166.html

[Laura (in PA)]

OK - I'm with this guy from the DABA article:

"Another, though, seemed chagrined, after her boyfriend told her to “grow up” and stop “complaining about vacations and dinner” since he had to “fire 20 people by the end of the week.”"

[ArkansasCyndi]

Here is one comment that jumped out at me..from a 26 y/o newlywed.. “One of his best friends told me that my job is now to keep him calm and keep him from dying at the age of 35,” Ms. Davis said. “It’s not what I signed up for.” Really? And what did you sign up for when you got married?

And the one that was pouting because she wasn't getting to go on a trip because her boyfriend's wife was tracking their checking accounts closer because of the money shortage! BOYFRIEND'S WIFE!!! Jeeze.

I have avoided the "real-life" housewives of (insert city). I think I've seen about 10 minutes total and what I saw made me want to swear off TV. But I agree...I think these ladies are the next reality TV show!

The Bacon thing...burp...excuse me. My husband would LOVE this.

[j renee stuart]

Welcome back, Sarah,
I had a strange 'glowing orb' experience about two weeks ago. I was at Devil's Den in Gettysburg, taking some pictures. It was dusk - I was not using my flash. I took a few shots, then was reviewing them. In one shot there was a very bright ball of light, as though someone were shining one of those super powerful flashlights. There was also an odd haze, or mist, in the foreground which was not there when I took the picture.
I know it wasn't just my camera, because a friend who was with me got a similar shot a few minutes later, at a different part of the Den. Bright, glowing ball of light in the upper right hand of the picture.
So, maybe your orb was sort of an ancestral cheering squad. Maybe it was your grandmother, saying, "Go Sarah, go...you can do it. We're proud of you." Or... maybe I'm the one who should book some couch time.

[Josh]

I'm not sure what to say. I'm still reeling from the Sex Swing site that I went to last evening at home. Some neat other things at that website, like the inflatable sheep and cow. And Hentai doll.

What would the priests at his school do if they knew that he had gone to that site? Ask for his phone number.

[Sheila Connolly]

I say we just declare bacon the National Food and be done with it.

No glowing orbs, but I have to say that when I'm in the zone, it's like a good drug high (oh, but I wouldn't know about that, would I?)

[Alan P.]

The bacon Explosion sounds interesting. I may try one. It does remind me of a recipe from one of Elaine's books, Pate Chateau Blanc. http://www.bigoven.com/121532-Pate-De-Chateau-Blanc-recipe.html The recipe seems to have moved around the net pretty nicely. And no it was not the murder weapon.

[sarahS]

Okay, I just signed up on Facebook. Wow...what a rush. Like watching light zip around the Earth. Who knew there were all those people out there who knew people who knew people who knew me?

Bizarre and...cool

[Karen in Ohio]

Cool, Sarah. I may "friend" you, if that's okay. It's been a lot of fun to be on Facebook for me; I've reconnected with friends from high school that I hadn't seen or spoken with in 35 years, and have gotten in touch with a cousin's family we lost track of.

The links still don't work for me, except the one for the blog. That's odd.

Can't wait to read The Penny Pinchers Club! Is this another non-series book like Sweet Love? Or a new series with the Sweet Love characters? Best of luck with it, Sarah.

[storyteller Mary]

Laura, I'm glad you got through -- we would miss you.
Oprah's doctor guest said that real bacon is better (a little) than the turkey fake bacon, which has more sodium. So I'm off for free breakfast at Denny's with real bacon!

[sarahS]

OMG - I forgot about the free breakfast!

I'll get some stuff on the website soon about Penny Pinchers. Anyway, it's a funny/ fun book about a woman who has to save up for a divorce because her husband's leaving her and finds a group of supportive - if strange - recovered shopaholics who save her sanity just as the (rich) guy she should have married steps back into her life. As my agent likes to say, "Mayhem ensues."

[Kathy Sweeney]

The bacon explosion is really nothing new around here. Throw some fries and cole slaw on that big boy and call it a Primanti sandwich.

As for the Wallowing Women of Wall Stweet - give me a damn break. They should send some Steelworkers wives up there and open up a can of Reality Whupass on that mess.

I did have to laugh, though, about the reference to "bottle service" - wonder if all these gals realize that when their MEN go to clubs and get bottle service, it includes extra-curricular physical activity. Jackasses, one and all.

But maybe it's just me.

[Laura (in PA)]

Thanks, Mary. Mr Typepad just didn't want me to have a chance at Harley's ARC.

Sarah, it sounds so good, and I LOVE that cover. After all the rewriting, did it end up turning out different than you had envisioned at the beginning?

[ArkansasCyndi]

Good luck with the Denny's Breakfast. The wait was 90 minutes when we checked. No, thank you.We just checked...now it's an hour.

Since Sarah is our blogger today, a little blog hijack from her blog a day or so ago...

http://perezhilton.com/2009-02-03-the-octuplets-mom-has-hired-publicists

Is anyone really surprised?

[storyteller Mary]

Ah, Primanti's -- I went with a group of storytellers when we had our conference in Pittsburgh. Yum! (except I couldn't have the fries (stupid latex allergy!)

[sarahS]

BTW - What IS bottle service?

[sarahS]

OMG - I could go for a Primanti's right now! That place was awesome!

[Kerry]

Can I just say, in the words of a friend of mine, "whiskey tango foxtrot" re: the DABA girls? It has to be a joke, right? Right? Please? Because, if not, I'll join Kathy's Steelworker Women in opening that can of Whupass . . .

Congrats on the book, Sarah -- when will we see it???

[Debby]

First...I have of course updated 'The Penny Pinchers' information on my super humungous spreadsheet so that I will be ready for the release. Hmmmm, I wonder if it will be on my birthday??? :)

As for those DABA girls? Gotta be a gimmick, because if they are real then I just want to smack them. Hard. Into next month. All these thousands being laid off (I will let you know if I am affected by the P bid for W later), and they are worried about their next botox. Ugh.

[ramona]

I second Kerry's "whiskey tango foxtrot" about those...women.

Re: that bacon explosion story, a word of advice. Do not send the link (with photos) to a friend recovering from the flu. My bad.

Sarah, looking forward to the book!

[Becky Hutchison]

ramona, you are too funny! So is your flued friend hanging over the toilet puking? If so, I can relate, 'cause just thinking about that picture makes my stomach do crazy twists and turns.

[storyteller Mary]

No Denny's -- stopped by, miraculously found a parking spot, then as I approached the door, I saw there were balloons in the lobby (and with the latex allergy, I cannot be in a room with latex balloons -- sure cuts down on birthday party storytelling jobs). In fact, I won't go there now until the balloons have been gone for several days at least, because the little latex molecules hand out in the air. My aunt and I had already agreed that it wouldn't be worth a long wait; the balloons meant I couldn't have done it even with no wait.

[Karen in Ohio]

Well, the photo of the cooked bacon extravaganza isn't too bad; it's the one with all that raw stuff that's gross.

I'm so using the whiskey, tango, foxtrot thing!

[Becky Hutchison]

And it just keeps getting better and better. Now Joe the Plumber is advising the GOP...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/03/joe-the-plumber-to-talk-s_n_163482.html

[ArkansasCyndi]

I've got one...

Octuplet Mom Looking for TV career as a child specialist!

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/02/02/octuplet-mom-looks-for-tv-career-as-child-expert/

and Karen - I am so stealing Whiskey Tango Foxtrot too!

[Harley]

Sarah, congratulations. And at your urging, I too joined Facebook last night and I can't even find my regular e-mails because my inbox is so jammed. I'm in way over my head. Make it stop.

This bacon thing -- do not tell my kids. I'm a vegetarian mom who gives in to their "bacon for breakfast" requests every few weeks and that's plenty. I can't do whole pigs.

I want to see those orbs, though.

[Josh]

Yeah, Harley, but did you invite 457 people to be your friends? Apparently, Sarah did, today.

She must be stopped.

[ramona]

457?

And I was feeling so special.

*sniffle*

[sarahS]

What? I'm having fun? It's the perfect cure for cabin fever. So go suck it, Josh. (Jealous?)

[Dot in Illinois]

Welcome back from your extended vacation (ha ha)!
Just the sound of bacon wrapped sausage surrounding bacon makes me feel ill. All that greasy, drippy, gobbly gooked up mess sounds gross! Oh, and my heart breaks for the bimbets with the banker husbands/boyfriends. We used to call said bankers sugar daddies. My husband has an economy proof job, he's in law enforcement, and for some peculiar reason, when everyone gets poor, crime increases, mmmmm...image that more destitute people equals more crime which insurances his job. Only trouble is that his job pays next to nothing, and oh, I lost my job, because my job wasn't economy proof. Forget sending the wives of Steelworkers, let me go open a can of Whupass. I want to code red something, but it wouldn't have anything to do with the DOW.

By the way, cool cover art!! Can't wait to take a peek. About the glowing orbs...I'd keep the doc's number on speed dial.