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February 18, 2009

A Guide to Women's Shoes for Men


A Guide to Women’s Shoes for Men

By Elaine Viets

The Lipstick Chronicles works hard to promote understanding between the sexes. Today, I’ve volunteered to help men translate this sentence:

"I need a pair of black shoes."

These simple words have different meanings for men and women.

When a man says, "I need a pair of black shoes," he means his shoes are falling off his feet. You might even see the guy’s toes poking through the holes. Sometimes, his wife or lover will order him to get a new pair of shoes. He’s happy with the old pair, believing they are broken in, instead of just broken. But the man has to buy a new pair – or else.

Most men hate to shop for shoes. The poor souls are content to own a mere three or four pairs. They believe if they have a brown pair and a black pair for dress, some loafers and running shoes, they’ve covered the fashion spectrum.

When women say, "I need a pair of black shoes," we mean something entirely different. Here is a sample male-female dialogue on that subject. Imagine a couple standing in front of the shoes in her closet.

SHE: I need a pair of black shoes.

HE: But you have six pairs of black shoes right here, and they look fine.

SHE: None of them go with my new pantsuit for work.

HE: What’s wrong with those black satin ankle straps? Those are hot.

SHE: They’re evening shoes. If I wore them during the day, I’d look like a cheap hooker.

HE: That’s not true. You look very expensive. Wait! I mean that as a compliment. I’m just trying to understand.

SHE: (taking a deep breath) You can’t wear evening shoes during the day.

HE: Is it like a state law or something?

SHE: Would you wear a tie with a sweatshirt?

HE: No, that would look stupid.

SHE: That’s why I can’t wear evening shoes with a business suit.

HE: I think I get it. How about those black shoes you bought last month?

SHE: Those are tennis shoes. They’re too casual for a business suit.

HE: You’ve got those black patent leather sandals. They look nice.

SHE: Those are summer shoes. My feet will freeze.

HE: What about your black boots? They’re suede.

SHE: The heel is too high. It makes the suit pants look too short.

HE: There. That black heel. It’s nice. Not too high.

SHE: It’s ten years out of style.

HE: So why do you still have it?

SHE: It may come back.

HE: Has that ever happened?

SHE: Not exactly.

HE: What’s wrong with those black flats with the gold buckles?

SHE: The Ferragamos? They hurt my feet.

HE: Can’t you take them back?

SHE: No, I wore them.

HE: Can you throw them out?

SHE: No, they cost too much.

HE: Okay, I understand you need shoes. There’s a new shoe store at the mall with racks of shoes for five dollars each.

SHE: I couldn’t buy cheap shoes.

HE: Why not?

SHE: They don’t last.


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At last!!! You've hit on my topic. Shoes are my passion, nay my life. Before I married Precious I took him shoe shopping. I wanted him to know what he was getting into. He still has heart palpitations when the big box from Zappos arrives. Heck, I can order them, they ship for free, I try them on, keep the ones I like and return the other, again free. And I have a year to get them back to Zappos. Don't forget Nordstrom's either. And black shoes. Let's talk black shoes, I have waaaay too many black shoes. Oh, wait, you can't have too many black shoes. But now I'm looking for colors. Spring is upon us, time to shop for shoes. Gotta go, there is bound to be new shoes with my name on them at the mall. Thanks Elaine.

Do you two have plans to take this act on the road? Please?

OMG - You have a bug in my bedroom listening to me and the hubs talking?

I have two hanging bags of shoes PLUS the bottom on my closet always has a few pair PLUS there is a rack inside my closet and I swear, there are days when I don't have a pair of shoes to go with my outfit-of-the-day.

Here's my favorite...

Hubs says, You need a special pair of shoes to wear to the Razorback football game?

Me: Of course. They're red Merrills. Where else would I wear Red Merrills?

Him: You have white Merrills and tan Merrills.

Me: Yeah, but I need red ones too.

Him: Big Sigh and gives up.

As usual Elaine - You've nailed it!

I love this. You've described my husband's shoe collection exactly. And I had to talk him out of wearing a pair of light tan tie-up shoes with a black suit, because they were more comfortable than the black ones.

I love shoes, especially summer ones, where I can get lots of colors. I could happily take over our closet with shoes, and I'm not half as bad as some of my friends and sisters.

Wonderful blog, Elaine.

Elaine, I'm trying to think of something clever to say, but I'm laughing too hard....:)

Can we have the discussion about men and their Dockers sometime? Because I need ammunition. My husband insists his Khaki Dockers are seasonless. I argue they are out of season in the winter.

And he's starting to wear flood pants!! This, combined with the shoes-that-are-falling-apart syndrome make for a "casual" wardrobe that...well, never mind.

I do need a new pair of black shoes, though. The kind that go with black jeans when you want to be a little dressy,but you can still walk in the rain. Not Merrels, but something a little dressier...

Black shoes. I love black shoes. Maybe a black wedge for you, Nancy.
And thanks, TLC readers, for helping me understand I am not alone in my need for more shoes. I'm somewhere between Imelda Marcos and your average guy when it comes to owning shoes.

Elaine, I read this late last night, and nearly spewed my tea all over the monitor. So true, every word of it.

Nancy, what is it with guys, that they lose all sartorial sense as they age? I'm glad to know it's not just my husband who is happy to look like a ragpicker in the name of "comfort". Oy.

Black shoes are so practical, because then you only need to have a wardrobe of black handbags and purses to go with them. There's another sore subject around here, and at my married daughters' house. But you simply cannot carry the same bag for every occasion, it's ridiculous to even try. Am I right? But if all our shoes go with all our bags, then we're being economical, yes?

That's MY story, at least, and I'm sticking firmly to it.

Nancy, I can't help you with the Khaki Dockers. I'm on your hubby's side on this. We are corporate casual here at work, and on any given day 1/2 our guys have Khaki Dockers on, and about 1/4 of the ladies......

I love shoes as well, and it's a good thing I wear size 11w, because I'd have a closet full if I could find my damn size anywhere... Why don't the manufacturers learn that not all of us have little feet?

This is perfect. My husband has wisely learned to not even ask anymore when it comes to shoes, sandals, boots, pumps, you name it.

Why is it I can never toss (or donate) a pair of shoes that hurt/don't fit/I haven't worn in years?

This is universal wisdom.

JanetLynn, we are sole sisters. May I suggest Nordstroms? Online, if there isn't a store near you. They have been the downfall of many a budget.

Nancy, Dockers are formal wear in Florida and worn year 'round. In fact, I had to convince Don he could NOT wear shorts to a friend's funeral. "Matt would have wanted it that way" was not an acceptable excuse.

Hi, my name is Sister Zip and I'm a shoe-phobic.

I must be a traitor to my gender. I hate shoe shopping. I have one pair of black flats, one pair of 'oxblood' flats, one pair of brown flats, one pair of white athletic shoes. My friends would have a fit, but in high school I would buy one pair of Weejuns in the fall and they would last almost two years.

And I only have one small evening clutch (that has been gathering dust on the closet shelf for over 20 years) and my everyday purse. I spend a lot of money on that purse because I don't ever change it. when I do use my evening purse, I put in the essentials and keep my everyday purse in the car for the rest of the essentials. I hate changing purses (unless it is a permanent change).

Sister Zip, can you give me a little of your shoe phobia? Maybe teach a class for us shoe shopaholics? I used to love Bass Weejuns. Maybe I should buy a pair. No, that's not what this is about.


I have (finally) pretty much kicked my shoe habit. I have a wonderful collection, but no more room.

Plus, now that the kids wear grown-up size shoes, the shoe budget is gone. No complaints - I have enough Merrills, for example, to last the rest of my life. Love the red ones.

JantLynn - Littles in Squirrel Hill - ask for Jerry.

I am so embarrassed...

I don't even know what Merrills are.....

Thanks Elaine. I will try them.

Kathy, my daughter wears a womens 13 or 14. We went to Littles when she wore a 12 and didn't find anything of value. So I am hesitate to go back, but I will someday.

You know, I've always hated shopping for shoes. I'm hard to fit, for starters, hate wearing anything that isn't comfortable, and object strenuously to paying serious money for something I'm not going to wear very often.

Unfortunately, I do recognize certain necessities -- summer shoes and winter shoes, for one, and the fact that running shoes aren't all-occasion footwear. And then I discovered that comfortable shoes do exist. And then I lost some weight, and started to actually like the way I look in clothes. Which meant new kinds of clothes, and even I recognize that not all shoes go with all kinds of clothes.

So, although I still consider myself fairly shoe-phobic, I have ended up with more shoes than I ever dreamed I would own. I still draw the line at uncomfortable and outrageously expensive. Unless we're talking cowgirl boots, at which point all bets are off . . .

I gave up on shoes when I went to a friends house and there was a shipping box with about ten pair in it. I said, "How many shoes did she buy?" Friend replied, "I don't care, she has her own job."

The only rule is new shoes in, old shoes out. That and that if I put them away, I may throw them away.

Elaine, I did find a guy who gets buying shoes. He is even a fellow alumni of University City. He shot a little video of show shopping in the Delmar Loop.


Ooh, cowgirl boots. I bought my first pair last summer, at an antique store in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming. Pre-broken in, and seriously awesome. They are turquoise and navy, so just right with all the Western doodads one might sling around one's body.

Even though I'm slightly taller than average (5'6", down from 5'7"), I wear a size 6 shoe. Which means that I can wait on myself at shoe stores, since that is usually what they use for the samples. And there is usually one pair of size 6 shoes in the store. It's even better when I go to DSW; even with older, sale styles, there are almost always size 6 pairs left over.

Of course, having such ridiculously small feet means I fall over easily. A lot. Sigh.

I used to buy my wife shoes for work at the Etienne/Aigner outlet in Reading on a regular basis. I knew her size, I knew what she liked, and they tended to be the less expensive ones. No Christmas or Birthday (one or the other, they are two weeks apart) was complete without a new set of shoes. Sometimes, Mother's Day, too.

But then, the style changed to these clunkier things with the Dutch girl cut or something, and it just isn't as much fun as shopping for the standard three-inch sharper heal.

Hmm. There's a Merrill outlet near my house. Must check it out.

Hate shoes. Hate shoe-shopping. As my daughter pointed out to me yesterday, I generally wear Uggs (2 pairs, one black, one brown, both 2 years old) in the winter, cheap flip-flops or crocs in the summer. When I have to dress like a grown up pastor, I have three pairs of flats, one black, one brown, one navy -- all the same style. I have a few other odd pairs that I wear once in a blue moon, and one pair of really beaten up Timberland boots that I pull out when I'll be in really awful weather or mud. I haven't been able to comfortably wear high heels since my daughter was born 17 years ago...my center of gravity must have been thrown off.

I love the idea of shoes, and always admire women who can wear them well. But as for me, just not in my genetic makeup, I guess.

Well, Josh, the clunkier shoes dampen the fantasies, right? ;)

I didn't get the shoe gene. I believe DH owns more pairs of shoes than I do.

Alan, the hip-hop video of male shoe shopaholics made my day. Thank you!

SisterZip and smr33, I am with you in seeing shoes as necessities, not entertainment or therapy. When my feet changed sizes in my 30's, I noticed that all the high heeled shoes were virtually unworn, so I didn't buy any more of those. Then I had to do a second purge of shoes because of the latex allergy. Margie at Gene's Shoes has to research all shoes for me before I buy, and since they are "better shoes," their cost makes me think harder before buying, and waiting until they have really worn out before replacing. I am more insistent on comfort also. My feet like sandals and tied shoes -- dress flats, not so much. As a friend once said about shoes to teach in, "the goal is to still be able to smile at your students during the 7th period." I admire those who can stroll around in heels (our Portuguese guide managed it on cobblestones!), but I'm as likely to attempt that as tightrope walking.

OT to Josh. I was thinking about your heating costs and I wonder -- do you own enough surrounding land to make use of the geo-thermal heating concept? There are some developments in the St. Louis area using this system.

Strolling in heels on cobblestones is a balancing act that I've never mastered, Mary. We watched "Top Hat," an old Fred and Ginger movie last night. That woman could dance in high heels and long skirts -- backward. I would have broken my neck.

Oh, sisters....If you have never been to DSW..get thee to one NOW! It is shoe heaven. And....they are now online! DSW.com......
They are wonderful. Rows and rows of shoes in name brands, on perpetual discount. And there's a sale rack in the back for even more discount. Even better, you sign up for the membership card and you get points with each purchase to get coupons for...yep...more shoes....

I am blessed to be married to a man who actually likes shopping. He likes clothes, shoes, nice furniture, and sales....I've never been with a man like him in my life. This is a marriage made in hebbin' I tell ya. He is a Renaissance man all the way through.

Better that you keep your neck unbroken. . .we'd miss you!

Elaine, when I first glanced at the title today, I thought the blog would be about cross-dressers!
When I started having trouble with my knee & hip, I switched to Earth Shoes or Dr. Scholls
(less than $25 at Walmart) I have them in black & brown. But my Tony Lamas boots are the most comfortable footwear I have. One pair is 26 yrs old, have been re-soled twice and the leather finally split across the toe crease, boohoo! Time to break in the new ones.
I really do need to get a pair of black heels, for when Prince Charming shows up and wants to take me somewhere nice enough to wear a dress bwahahahahaha!

Hmm, the only Prince in my life right now is the tree frog, and I don't think he cares what shoes I wear.

You're singing my song, Elaine! There's a reason why the only pop-up ads I get on-line are for shoes. I no longer live where I can window shop, so my window-shopping is the "shoes" category on the saks, bergdorfs and neiman websites. Hey, I didn't say I was buying them. There's snow on the ground here 6 months a year so the stilettoes are no longer practical, but a girl can look, can't she?

Shoe of the day:


For all of you with larger sized feet, you have male cross dressers to thank for the availability of groovy shoes in your size.

Little known fact.

Soooo....I told you my father was a shoe salesman. Oh man did I get spoiled. I had a pair of shoes for every outfit. Up until college I was the "Show Shoe" size 7. I'll thank point shoes for keeping my feet bound. Lots of samples came home with my dad. How cool was that?
But them came clogs and modern dance and my beloved Bernardo Sandals were too small.
I danced for 10 years in 6 inch character shoes. There's a shoe shop in Miami called Lerness. They custom make shoes for people with real foot problems and drag queens. I had a black pair, a tan pair and a white pair for the "One" number in A Chorus Line. I wore those shoes out.
Had new ones made when we were in Sao Paulo. They make amazing shoes there!
Then having my son put me out of all my heels and to this day I'm only good for about 2 hours and they better have platforms. Anything with the sole directly on the ground is death. (AND what happened to men dropping you off at the door or valet parking?) If I have to walk to the theatre from the parking garage I've got my shoes in my hand to walk back to the car. (We've had discussions about bare feet in public places I know. It must be the pain factor for fashion and all those years in point shoes that pain for beauty just isn't an option for me any more.)
I know what you're saying...higher heels are sexy. Used to be true. Especially if you're wearing them in a horizontal position. Now higher heels are slimming! The taller you are the skinnier you look and the more demanding you can be towering over those little short menfolk paying for your dinner.
Sorry. Lost it there for a minute.
I still own some nice shoes for those special occasions but mostly shop out of the Footsmart catalogue. Florida is just too lovely to wear closed toe shoes. I have on my red Walksmart sandals at this very moment.
My apologies. The windows are open. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. I think I'll walk Isaac Dog.
And what book cover was it where the heels were knives? I loved it!
Just saying.

That's eerily accurate. I forwarded it to my DH.

Elaine, my daughter is the one with the shoe gene which she inherited from the hubby,very expensive taste, I've had her to ask me to buy three pairs in one weekend, and proud mom that I am, I did. I used to love shoes and had many pairs in my single days. Two years ago I broke my ankle and now if I want a new pair of shoes, I have to either buy them so big that one shoe flops around on my good foot or buy two pairs and throw one of each pair away! I tend now to stick to tennis shoes because they're easier to fit to the bad foot. And to make matters worse, my docs say the brace that makes one foot bigger is most likely a permanent addition. Sucks to be me, right. I miss my shoe shopping days (still weeping), so now I live vicariously through my daughter's need for shoes, hence the three pairs in a weekend. Everyone go out and buy a pair for me today, oh, black is my favorite kind to buy, my daughter's is brown.

Dot in Illinois, go to Nordstroms. They will actually sell a pair of shoes with each shoe being a different size. Michele, wow, killer sandals.

Hey sister zip and other non shoe women
my people I have found you!

I have one pair of sneakers, one Merrill, one dress flat. One pair of sandals in case of emergency dress up in summer.

I used to love love love shoes, the higher the heel the better. Then I ruined the metatarsal arch on my left foot and voila, orthotics and 8D shoes. I just had another round of injections into my foot yesterday to try to ease the pain. I hurt my foot in 1991 . . . I guess like Dot said, the damage is permanent.

Aren't they!!!!! I'm sticking to ones with lower heels that I would actually wear.
Here's another:


Now who wouldn't get constant use out of a sandal so perfect??? Maybe I'll figure out a way to make it to New York for the next Manolo sale.

Give me flip flops to wear and I'm a happy camper. (Or sneakers or cowboy boots.) Hear, hear on the Tony Llamas Rita, I've had mine for many years and I will wear them until they crumble to dust just like the last pair I owned.

Michele, I'm loving the metallic slide pictured in your bergdorf link. I want to get the sale price tho. I wear a 7 1/2 Narrow shoe. The words sale prices and 7 1/2 N are seldom ever used in the same sentence. Call me when you are ready to sneak in for the sale and I'll join you. I can be there in a second. Besides I'll bet you know all the right places to get the best prices on stuff, huh? Jodi

Michele, the sandals are fabulous. I may sell the cat to buy them.
Dot in Illinois, I had to wear a brace on one foot for months. I bought biker boots at the Harley shop. The brace fit and you'd be surprised how many men like women in biker boots.
Rita, Tony Lamas boots are the best.

Thanks for the links. I now feel much more accepting of the now-moderate prices of my "better" non-latex shoes. Crocs and flip-flops are only for the pool or a stroll to the mailbox for me, just not enough support.
Elaine, I (like Rita) thought at first that you were going to advise men on which women's shoes they would want to buy. You are so good at double meanings!!

Elaine, you can wear your biker boots to the next Leather & Lace ball!

Thanks Jodi I've been trying to find a place that sold singles, very difficult. I have nerve damage and yes, Gaylin, I've also suffered through the injections, I'll cry with you because they don't last very long and are hell to take (have you tried the nerve block in your spine, that's really fun, as long as you like 8 inch needles--I like 9 Inch Nails--but not the needles so much.)
Elaine--never thought to try Harley biker boots!! What a great idea!! Can you slide your foot with the brace into the boot? Can't wait to go to Decatur (our closest small big town) and find out! When's the next Leather and Lace ball--haha!

I swear I am female, and even straight, but I hate shoes. I have ONE pair each of the following, all worn until they literally fall apart and are then replaced: black leather flats with good support that I wear to work and all other non-fancy occasions; "good" sneakers; "gardening" sneakers; summer sandals; flip-flops (we call them thongs); fancy-ish low-heeled black leather boots (at least 5 years old now); higher rubber boots for deeper snow; black 3-inch open toes black heels for very fancy occasions. That's about it. I have one black everyday "Healthy Back" shoulder bag, and one black leather evening clutch.

Avis, I have one of those Healthy Back bags, too, but my shoulder started to hate it, so now it mostly stays in the car with first aid stuff in it. I carry a storytelling book bag nearly everywhere instead of a purse.

Hysterical, and 100% true!!!!!!!!!!!

and it's not just black shoes, we need red shoes and brown shoes, and I have pink shoes and 3 pairs of green shoes (because one is a wedge, one is a kitten heel, and one is a flat) and I could keep going...but then I'll want to go shoe shopping.

I am a shoe addict. I love shoes. I need shoes. I want shoes. I have shoes. I am not going to count them right now but I would estimate I have, right now, about 50 pairs of shoes. Am I supposed to include sandals? Ok, then maybe a few more than 50. And in black I have 20 or so, including sandals, well maybe more than 20.

My favorite has always been RED shoes. In nearly every home movie of me as a kid I am wearing red shoes. Amazingly enough I don't have one pair of red shoes. I am getting ready to go shopping so that may change in the next hour or so.

Jeff Foxworthy does a very funny number where he talks about his wife asking about which shoes to wear. He stands on one foot asking "this one" and then on the other foot again asking "or this one". Cracks me up every time because if you love shoes you too have done this!


Next, can you write a hiLARious fishing story where you catch a tire, an old shoe, an empty tin can and a book of cliches?

HAHAHA! This morning I had that exact conversation with my husband! Awesome!

Looking for the perfect fit Shoes, try duo, the world's leading retailer of ladies shoes and boots

I'm smiling as I type these comments here... I find your man-woman dialogue very amusing...

By the way, cheap shoes doesn't mean they're not that good... name brands, name brands, name brands, dear.

Wow... I searched Google for "guide to women's shoes for men" Hoping to find some information on what the different terms and categories of women's shoes were, and at the top of the list I found this drivel. This is hardly even worth reading for the comedic value. Congratulations, you've set women back even more in men's eyes, if you even have many male readers. To most men, it comes down to the fact that there should be a balance between finance and function. Why do we need to update shoes every year if male fashion tends to stay fairly static compared to women's fashion? As much as I love dressing nice with quality clothing, I will not spend more money than is needed on shoes. If you have the money and that's what you want to spend it on, it's not a problem (unless it is a problem, I love that women will call themselves shop-a-holics as if it is a positive characteristic). Please, just realize that most men don't pay attention to shoes, and you should be wearing the shoes because you enjoy them (I doubt the average guy could differentiate between a pair of designer shoes and something from a retail outlet. Good luck convincing the men in your life with an argument like this. Later.

There is only one way to go custom made at Lerness shoes in Miami -They are the best and make for all the celebrities too.

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