Leave Me The Hell Alone, Dammit

Leave Me The Hell Alone, Dammit!

by Nancy                   

Pregnancy pacts, severed feet washed up on a distant shore, an African election that's so corrupt one of the candidates dropped out to save his voters from getting killed.  Yes, we could discuss all of those important topics and more.  But I'm too pissed off.

Why, you ask? Because I've been slogging through my second experience with pneumonia, and I'm on a steriod.  A drug I was warned might make me hyper, sleepless and a little grumpy. 

That warning was completely wrong, because these fucking steriods make me a complete insomniac and HELLACIOUSLY ENRAGED, okay?  Like, I completely understand those guys who buy big guns at Wal-Mart and go looking for a clock tower.  Be warned:  If you see me mumbling my way around the grocery story, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE I COULD VERY EASILY BITE YOUR HEAD OFF.  AND I'M NOT KIDDING. I FEEL LIKE I COULD DO SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION.

So today maybe it's better if I stick to blog subjects safer than rotten elections, severed feet and stupid--er--confused teenagers.

For instance: Did you know the TV audience for golf falls off by 29% if Tiger Woods doesn't play? A lot of television people are upset about Tiger's broken leg, and not in a charitable way. Me, I can't force myself to stay awake if golf is on the TV. Maybe it's the whispery voices that put me under.  My mother loves it, though. I asked her on Sunday if she was watching golf, and she had the I'm-on-steroids snap in her voice when she said, "Why bother if Tiger isn't playing?" 

In other news: My pneumonia made me forget to pay two credit card bills. I was late by five days.  Is my credit score totally ruined, do you suppose? I said to my husband, "Maybe I should call the credit card company and plead my case."

He said, "Wait until the Prednisone wears off."

The only good thing that happened while I'm sick is that I'm reading many, many books to keep myself from climbing the fence and dismembering my neighbor's barking dog. THE BILLIONAIRE'S VINEGAR is a delightful non-fic about old and rare wines, and the nefarious tactics of at least one dealer who was blending his own wine and pouring it into old bottles, which he sold for astronomical prices to gullible idio--er, collectors. Sound dull to you? I guarantee, it reads like a thriller, which--as a genre--I can pretty much take or leave, but that's another blog subject for a time when my brain isn't seething.

I've also been reading the book by my new brother-in-law, Bob Spitz, who went on a life-affirming trip to various fabulous European cooking schools to discover himself, and the result is utterly charming.  THE SAUCIER'S APPRENTICE. Love the recipes, too, and if a book can actually make me contemplate making my own gnocchi while I'm snuffling like a warthog with a headcold, that's saying something.

But--in the interest of keeping up with what's selling in bookstores this summer, I also picked up GOSSIP GIRL, and I saw red within a single page. OMFG. Listen to me: If your teenage daughter is reading this crap, please rundonotwalk to the nearest convent, maybe the kind that insists on complete silence and the renunciation of all clothing except hopsack.  Enroll her and take away her cell phone, flip flops and credit cards. Then hire a Jesuit tutor to teach her something--anything--even how to make gnocchi. I picked up this book because somebody said maybe my Blackbird Sisters were books for the GOSSIP GIRL reader who's grown up a little.  I can't remember who said that to me, which is a good thing because SHE IS NO LONGER MY FRIEND. I CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I HATE THIS BOOK SO I WON'T BOTHER TRYING BUT SOMEBODY NEEDS TO HAVE HER BRAIN WASHED OUT WITH SOAP AND ITS NOT ME.

Okay, truth be told? Being an authorized bitch is rather freeing.

                     

It's like I have some kind of dispensation to say what I really think. Like when our refrigerator quit working on Sunday. Yes, my brand new AND INCIDENTALLY EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE refrigerator stopped keeping the Diet Coke cold. I will not repeat here what I said when we discovered the situation, but it was not, not, not a ladylike performance. 

Things got worse on Monday morning when I started making phone calls. Have you tried getting an appliance repair person to come to your house lately? All the 'Same Day Service" people had exactly the same line: "Because of the price of gasoline, we can come to you tomorrow between the hours of 8am and 5pm." Tomorrow??  What happened to "Same Day??"  And what does the price of gas have to do with the hours they can come?  (Yeah, I've heard all about those UPS drivers who are only allowed to turn left and are saving, like, a million gallons of gase every day. Come to think of it on an unrelated tangent, if one more newspaper or TV news report comes with the ubiquitous headline Pain at the Pump, dammit, I THINK WE'RE ALL ENTITLED TO CANCEL OUR SUBSCRIPTIONS!!) And while they've got you on the phone, the repair people want to give you a very, very long speech about how they prefer to be paid. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW, I JUST WANT A GUY HERE FIXING MY REFRIGERATOR BEFORE I HAVE TO THROW AWAY $500 WORTH OF CONDIMENTS!

Ahem.

Maybe it's better if you just talk amongst yourselves today. In soft, whispery golf course voices.  For your own safety.

Comments

[Kalynne Pudner]

Prednisone, did you say? (Just getting my next bitchiness excuse lined up.)

[Peg H]

Prednisone has very little affect on me, thank goodness. I hope your pneumonia clears up fast. I'm susceptible to it so you have my sympathies.

Oh, wow a dead NEW refrigerator!!! EEKS! And I though I had it bad when my huge chest freezer died two weeks ago. It was fully loaded with meat, ice cream, and frozen veggies! Fortunately it died while I had it opened getting out some ice cream so I, like a mad woman, began to empty it and load all of the contents into two small refrigerator freezers. Mind you this was 2 a.m. and the enclosed back porch where we keep it was 90 degrees. Repairman? No way, not at 2 a.m. and even when we did find several the next day, not one soul wanted to touch it because it's 33 years old.

I have a new one now, cheaper model, no flash defrost, 3 cubic feet smaller...sigh. I miss the old one already.

[toni mcgee causey]

Had the same effect on me. I woke up angry at the world and ready to kill someone, it was that bad. It didn't matter who it was that died... just that it be ugly and protracted.

And while I have thoroughly ranty Nancy, I think we need to send wine. Or brownies.

(And pray, dear God, please don't let a hot flash cross with the steroid anger. Who knows the swath of destruction that could instigate.)

[Josh]

You are 300 or so miles away and don't know my address, so I can say this: be careful not to overeat. When I was on prednisone off and on from 1993 to 1998, I ballooned up like a blimp from overeating. And maybe extra water retention. I think I lost 35 pounds when I had my operation and got off the stuff. And I'm not a big guy. But that was 30 mg a day, I think.

Oh, and don't drive when you are like this. You will do things that you never would have even thought you were capable of, and you'll shake your head later. I know that I did.

[Laura (in PA)]

Nancy! I think I kind of like this side of you! As long as, as Josh said, you don't know my address!

I'm sorry you've been so sick. I hope the Prenisone leaves you feeling better, and everyone else still alive.

A woman in my department has used "the appliance guy" several times as an excuse for her absence from the office. Apparently, hers not only sticks to schedule, but makes many return visits. Unless, of course, the "appliance" he is fixing is not her refrigerator. Want me to get his number?

[sarahS]

First of all, I think UPS drivers are only supposed to take rights - but that's okay.

I'm a bit confused as to why you're on steroids...But, not my business.

You know strawberries are in. Why don't you mix up a bunch with some sugar and pour them over ice cream? Get yourself an iced tea and toddle out the porch with something soothing.

Gossip Girl is hideous. I agree. But from what my daughter tells me, the series is better than the book. I dunno. Those kids all seem like shits.

[Annette Dashofy]

Well, Nancy DOES know my address, so I'll just very quietly whisper, "Nancy, we'll talk about that day-long workshop thingie later...much, MUCH later."

Feel better, girlfriend.

[Annette Dashofy]

Sarah's right about UPS and the right hand turns, but I wasn't going to say anything . Like I said, Nancy knows my address.

[J.D. Rhoades]

Honey, I feel like this ALL THE TIME.

Hope you feel better.

[William Simon]

(Quick inventory: two pounds Godiva, check. Bollinger '64, check. Case of Diet Coke, iced, check. Okay, I'm ready.)

Hi, Nancy...hope you feel better soon!

[Joyce Tremel]

Nancy, do you want me to send over some chocolate? Or maybe we could put you to work in the police department. I'm sure you could straighten some people out.

[Rosemary Harris]

I didn't have the excuse of Prednisone, but your forgetting the bills reminded me of my own bill story. Last March I paid my neighbor's phone bill. I was busy with my first book, was juggling 12 things at a time and was MANIC about not forgetting the bills. I didn't even realize it until 2 weeks ago when I was looking for another receipt. So it could have been worse..you could have sent the refrigerator repairman to your neighbor's home..
(PS haven't gotten my $106 back yet....)

[Harley]

Well, at least the prednisone hasn't affected your sense of humor, Nancy. But it's insane to think that this miracle drug requires you to count calories along with everything else. I think it should be taken off the market immediately.

Peg H., I cannot believe a freezer has an expiration date. 33 years seems like a very reasonable age--youthful, vital, etc.

Condolences all the way around.

[Amy]

If you can find it, check out the Dolly Parton song, "PMS Blues." While it has nothing to do with steriods and prednisone, it does apply to the "OMG, I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING!!" feeling, and it might make you laugh. Nancy, I'm so sorry that you are feeling badly, and I hope you feel better soon. BTW, can you imagine what Emma Blackbird would do to the Gossip Girls? Just a thought . . ..

[Elaine Viets]

Er, are you feeling better now? Or do I need to throw some chocolate your way.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Being a veteran of the prednisone wars (I have a bottle of it in my purse as we speak. My 3rd round this year for my asthma. 5mg tabs on a 16 day stepdown-8 for 2 days, 7 for 2, etc), I can be there tonight with cases of the following: wine, chocolate, Xanax, and enough rubber bullets to not hurt anyone, just stun 'em.

[Kathy Sweeney]

Look at it this way - at least you have an explanation for why you are acting like a batshit raving lunatic bitch. Some of us do not. We just mutter about hormones and a path clears.

Nancy - we are driving home tonight and I will be happy to deliver fresh fudge. Any requests?

I know you're not supposed to over eat, but in my book, fudge is better than prison. Sometimes you just have to do a simple cost-benefit analysis.

[Karen in Ohio]

Oh, Nancy girl, you have my deepest empathy and hope that this, too, passes quickly. Been there with the pneumonia, and it's no fun. And I totally agree about Gossip Girl. Why give that kind of person any more clues/incentive to perpetrate evil on her fellow teens?

Insomnia? Maybe tape some of those stupid golf shows and watch them at night. Why not use technology for good here?

Feel better soon.

[Joan Reeves]

As another vet from the prednisone wars, I sympathize. Especially about the insomniac part. I spent a few years off and on the stuff because of asthma and pneumonia. The pneumonia shot helped immensely. Now I only take it when the arthritis needs taming when I travel. Last year when I went to Italy, I started the meds and barely slept the first week. Plus, ended up with raging viral infection. Never have understood how something to treat pneumonia makes you prone to every infection that comes down the pike. Hang in there, girl.

[Debby]

Brownies? I can send brownies. Heck, if you are still feeling like this in two weeks, I will hand deliver the browies!!!

Aaah, the steroid Prednisone...I have taken it, and my brother was on it for a year. Recommendations are low-sodium, high potassium or high calorie diet during as it causes stupid water retention. I swear, my brother looked like Jaba the Hut back when...you know.

Hugs to you, Nancy. I never had pneumonia, but have experience with others having it.

[Maryann Mercer]

Nancy, I share your 'symptoms' with that damned steroid...and I gain ten pounds every time I use it (I have actually fought with my rheumatologist about it...and won!). So, I share your pain and suggest you treat yourself to a relaxing spa weekend when you kick the pneumonia out the door. I trust your husband is wearing kid gloves and using them :o)
As for reading, this book won't be out until July sometime, but I had the honor of reading an ARC of The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry. I believe it was out in POD and got picked up by a big publishing house...and it's well deserving of that. It is so well written and the characters so well sculpted...when you get the chance, take a look. It's far better than that dreaded...
GOSSIP GIRL. As a bookseller, I cringe when moms come in with their young teens and head for that series. There are so many other well-written books for teens. I always suggest that they read a page or two from the middle of the book. Then I feel like I can steer them to Sarah Dessen or Meg Cabot. THE CLIQUE is another series I'm not fond of...let's just make all teen age girls 'hot list' wannabes.
Sorry...but I'm with Nancy on this and hope I haven't offended anyone...I'm only on thyroid meds :o)
Feel better fast, Nancy :o)

[janetlynn13]

Oh, man, I hope you feel better soon. And you shouldn't have to pay a repair man to fix a new appliance - the manufacturer should be reimbursing you for lost food as well.

I've been on Prenisone many times without that affect, but I can feel my appetite grow every day when I'm on it. I can sympathize with the bitchiness, though. It comes every month and is the harbinger of a very bad week..

I am surprised at the Gossip Girl reaction. I haven't read or seen the show, but my daughter seems to like them. Although, she stopped reading the books after a couple, and seems to like the series better. I will have to ask her...

On the delivery thing, that article ticked me off. It is right turns, and to set the record straight, FedEx has been doing that for years....

BTW, I am back from Europe and we had an awesome trip!

[peach]

BITCH - that's me lately and I don't even have the excuse of PMS anymore or a steroid. I've been blaming it on the change.

On the other hand my dog is back on prednisone for her skin allergy. (half pill every other day until the killing frosts of autumn. It seems it effects her differently than humans in some ways. No temper change (thank god), definitely wants to eat more and drink more. You know what that means more outside trips per day.

My brother's lab had to take prednisone last winter and starting eating everything in sight. She opened up a suitcase and ate a bag of valentine foil wrapped chocolates. My sister-in-law had just taken a pan of brownies out of the oven, when she had to leave the house for 10 minutes. When she returned the dog had eaten the whole pan of hot brownies. Another day the dog opened a sealed Tupperware container and ate all the cookies stored inside. Thank God this dog hasn't learned how to open the fridge yet. After all this and an emergency trip to the vet (due to all the chocolate consumption), my sister-in-law was doing her laundry when she found the crotch eaten out of a few pair of undies.

Hope you're feeling better soon!

[patty smiley]

Nancy, we have occasional power outages, during which my refrigerator shuts down. Luckily, there's rarely any food in there and mustard doesn't spoil. Hope you feel better soon.

[Nancy martin]

JOAN REEVES WHERE WERE YOU YESTERDAY WHEN YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME??? I'VE JUST SPENT HALF THE NIGHT IN THE FUCKING EMERGENCY ROOM WITH A MANJOR AND DISGUSTING INFECTION AND NOW I'M ON CIPRO AND IF SOMEBODY SO MUCH AS KNOCKS ON MY DOOR I'M GOING TO--------Okay, okay, I'm taking deep breaths. And thinking of all the virtual brownies you all are sending me. I am weeping with gratitude.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Nancy, come down off the ledge. The brownies are just on the other side. Its ok...just two more steps.

Gotcha! It will be ok, hun, really.

[Josh]

I love the story about the dog and the laundry. Hasn't happened to us, but I could envision it.

[Rita Scott]

You have my sympathy, girl! My brother gets steroids with his chemo and doesn't sleep for 36 to 48 hrs. He uses the time to bake desserts for the nurses in the chemo unit. They get Triple Chocolate Truffle Raspberry Tarts often!
Another side effect of steroids is deterioration of bone ends in hips and knees. (my dr. didn't know about that)
Maybe if you visit your dr. when you're violent, he'll find something else for you. (I think they would report to the FDA that you ripped off his head and shit in his neck!)

[Nancy martin]

See, now, whining about steroids is in a completely different ballpark from those who are getting their chemo and using their spare time to bake for the nurses. I'm going to shut up now. And thanks for the reality check, folks.

[Maryann Mercer]

Rita, that information about the bone end deterioration is another weapon in my post-menopausal arsenal. Thanks! I'm on Actonel to prevent more bone loss, which makes taking prednisone rather counter-productive, don't you think? Especially for those of us with arthritis. Sheesh!
Nancy, I can't offer brownies, but I did just take a loaf of banana bread out of the oven...it's yours!

[Mary Storyteller]

Nancy, my heart is with you on this -- I really HATE prednisone. I painted the bathroom at 2 a.m. the first time I took it, and gave my doctor an ultimatum, "Get me OFF this before school starts." I was so jittery that I was afraid I'd scare the students, and high school students aren't that easy to scare. I wonder if you could take Kavakava to help you sleep. That's what I used when I started menopause (no one had warned me about the insomnia) -- Unisom was too strong for me.
When I had pneumonia, the doctor gave me antibiotics, and the nurse prescribed chicken soup. Between them, I did recover quickly and well. I know summer isn't the traditional time for chicken soup, but it might be worth a try.
Maryann, good for you for steering young readers to better, and more rewarding, books! We need more like you!

[Mary Storyteller]

Perspective is all. As I am working away and going into debt for the new safe eco-home, I just got information on a storyteller (another Nancy) with even worse "chemical sensitivities" than mine who is struggling to move into an apartment in a safe building.
http://web.mac.com/nancydonoval/iWeb/SafeHomeForNancy/Donate.html
I used to come up against that reality all the time in teaching: whatever my problems, there were people with so many more.
I do hope the pneumonia and other bad bugs go away and leave you alone, Nancy.

[Rita Scott]

Wouldn't it be nice if you could actually READ the pamphlet of side effects they include with the medicines? The drug companies cover their asses by including it but take it to Kinko's and blow it up 20 times larger and all you get is ink blobs because the printing is so small to begin with!
Don't even get me started on the drug commercials on TV!! 3 times in the Celebrex commercial they say that 'this side effect could result in death'!!!!! (but if they say it in the sweet, whispery voice, you won't hear it?????) ggrrrrrrrrr
See why I avoid doctors and use herbal supplements instead?

[ArkansasCyndi]

i'm whispering....very quietly. Ms Nancy (and i say that with a bow and respect) has mailed something to me so she might have my address. I made chocolate covered strawberries this week. Do I need to mail them ASAP special delivery?

[Anna C.]

Since you're well stocked up on virtual brownies, here's some virtual cheesecake. With strawberries.

Good luck, and I hope it all gets better soon.

[Nancy martin]

Hijacking my own blog today. If this article about a brothel bus in Miami isn't an Elaine Viets novel, I'll----well, I won't eat my hate, but maybe some of those chocolate strawberries. Take a look: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080626/od_nm/brothel_dc;_ylt=AhK0IX1vXSmD7FarbMt1vjKs0NUE

[Nancy martin]

Hat. Not hate. I blame the drugs.

[Karen in Ohio]

Aren't there similar buses in Las Vegas? Except they call them party buses, or something close to that. I don't know if there is prostitution on them, but it looks pretty durn near to it. Yeah, here's one:

http://www.bachelorvegas.com/limo/partybus.html

It says on the page, "the only limit is your imagination". I don't know about yours, but mine runs along the lines of that brothel bus in Miami!

[Rita Scott]

I can see Helen getting a Dead End job driving that bus! I think cleaning that bus would make the hotel rooms seem downright sterile! eeewwwwwwwww!

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Rita, that is perfect!

[Brandy]

My Mom was on prednisone when I was a teenager (rheumetoid arthritis (sp))and I used to wonder why she yelled so much, I finally get it. Sending good thoughts and Godiva cheesecake your way. *G*

[Debby]

As for those little pamplets that are included with prescriptions? You can search the drugs online...

http://www.pdrhealth.com/home/home.aspx

I have done a lot of research over the years, which all started with my brother. Or seriously check with your pharmacist for opinions on these.

[Rita Scott]

Thanks Debby! I bookmarked that site for future reference.

[jeanne Ketterer]

Goodness. That bad, huh?

Can I borrow your authorized bitch phrase?

Ha. I was on stronger stuff than you, sister, back in Dec and Jan. Someone, such as my husband, had SOME NERVE expecting me to be cheerful and DO ALL the holiday stuff (had to get that out in caps, sorry).

I don't think you've ruined your credit rating. Probably just have to pay a higher rate later on a loan. Uh, right?

All kidding aside, I am sorry you're going through this, Nancy. It's miserable feeling miserable, especially when the meds feel like they're killing you.

Jeanne

[jeanne Ketterer]

Goodness. That bad, huh?

Can I borrow your authorized bitch phrase?

Ha. I was on stronger stuff than you, sister, back in Dec and Jan. Someone, such as my husband, had SOME NERVE expecting me to be cheerful and DO ALL the holiday stuff (had to get that out in caps, sorry).

I don't think you've ruined your credit rating. Probably just have to pay a higher rate later on a loan. Uh, right?

All kidding aside, I am sorry you're going through this, Nancy. It's miserable feeling miserable, especially when the meds feel like they're killing you.

Jeanne

[jeanne Ketterer]

Sorry about double post.

[Nancy martin]

The heck with Blond Bond and Clive. I think I'm in love with Tim McGraw. Is that a side effect, too, do you think? Will I regret posting this tomorrow?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQnk5Rf4r5Y

[Jeannine]

I've been on Prednisone off and on for the last 25 years. I only take it if and only if my arthritis get so bad I can't move anymore. I have a love hate thing going on with that drug.

[Mary Storyteller]

I don't think a couple of late payments will hurt, but you could attach a "so sorry" note just to surprise them. I did that once, and explained that the phone bill was under a stack of papers I had just gotten graded. ;-)
A friend under the influence of "chemo forgetfulness" forgot to change the oil in her car for a whole year. Toyota replaced her engine for free, not under warranty, just as a compassionate gesture. Yeah, they are the good guys in my book.

[Karen Olson]

Nancy, sending you hugs and warm thoughts through cyberspace. Been there with the pneumonia, and it's not fun. But I was just on a huge dose of antibiotics, no steroids.

However, when my doctor changed my estrogen dosage in February, well, it wreaked havoc with my hormones and it took three months to clear up and I'm still trying to lose the weight I gained.

Brownies, yummmm....

[michele]

Poor Nancy!! Lots of virtual chocolate going your way.

Will took prednisone once when a substitute pediatrician thought he was having an asthma attack. He was about three at the time, and it was like watching a Loony Tunes episode, like he'd been wound up and shot out of a slingshot. It was frightening!! I decided not to give him the next dose because what it was doing to him was way beyond normal. Boy, do you have my sympathy, kid.

But can I say -- this drug produced one hilarious blog!

[mary alice at mystery lovers bookshop]

Yikes.....I check in here so late you must have missed my warning several days ago..........you feel like picking up a car but you don't give a shit where you put it down!

And now Cipro....yee gods.....get some vagesil in b/4 it is too late.

[Rita Scott]

Another advantage of echinacea & goldensealroot, no yeast infection as a side effect!

[Mary Storyteller]

Eat yogurt, too. I think even chocolate flavors will work the mojo on the yeast, as long as it's an active culture yogurt. (now there's a strange mental image, yogurts all dressed up for the symphony, maybe jumping into one of those party limos)
You can also get the acidophilus in little capsules if you'd rather.

[robin]

ROID RAGE scares me!

I hope you feel better soon.

[Jody]

Ahh Prednisone. I have to take it 5 days in a row each time I have chemo. Yes, I eat like there won't be any tomorrow (no nausea to slow me down thanks to miracle drugs). I've gained at least 1 lb. every time I see my doctor; need to stop eating so much NOW. And I don't sleep the 1st two nights of chemo week either. Nancy, you have my sympathy! At least I should be through now (PET scan next week to confirm) so can happily give up the Prednisone until my asthma decides to get really bad. That hasn't happened for a couple of years so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

[Coach Diaper Bags]

Love is a lamp, while friendship is the shadow. When the lamp is off,you will find the shadow everywhere. Friend is who can give youstrength at last.

[Scott David Lambert]

.Well Now.