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February 11, 2007

The FU CD

The FU CD

By me, Margie, who knows all about it

Blog_roken_heartHere comes Valentine's Day. Yipp-freakin-ee.

I hate it. Guys want you to get all dressed up and then eat out somewhere with cheesy balloons and stupid flowers on the table that don't even smell good. Plus, you're surrounded by every goofball in the universe who is finally ready to man up and pop the question. It's like a freakshow with these people. Whatever happened to just getting down on one knee? No, they have to do some lame trick: "Look, is that Elvis?" Squealing and giggling follow. Yes it is, and he's coming to your table to grunt through Love Me Tender while your big date sits back and adjusts himself. Or even worse: "Ooh, look honeybun, he hid the ring in the rice pudding - isn't that adorable?!" No. It isn't. It's grotesque and so are you. Do the rest of us a favor and try not to procreate.

Then your date starts to get all sappy and wants to talk about marriage and commitment, and why can't he be your one and only, and oh, baby, I just can't live without you. It makes me want to barf.

Blog_chippendales
So now I know better. Know what I do on Valentine's Day? I go out with my girls to a male strip club. Yes, we know most of the strippers play for another team, and we don't care. We're all about the objectification, babydoll. And none of these boys want to put rings on our fingers and tell us what to do.

So I know a bunch of you got together last month and put together a nice Valentine's Day CD, but screw that. I am putting together a CD of songs that say: Get Out and Forget You. Or whatever you want to say.

Naturally, the first track would have to be Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive, right? But after that, it gets harder, so I'm going to need some help. I don't care if your current relationship is right out of some hearts-and-flowers romance novel. Everyone has been in need of the "Go To Hell, dickhead, and don't let the door hit your worthless ass on the way out!" CD, so cough up your suggestions.

Here are a few of mine.

"I Wanna Be Around" by Tony Bennett

"How Am I Doin'" by Dierks Bentley

"Hit the Road, Jack" by Ray Charles

"My Give-a-Damn's Busted" by Jo Dee Messina

"Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin

"How Do You Like Me Now?!" by Toby Keith

"Bye, Bye, Bye" by NSynch

"My Lovin' - You're Never Gonna Get It" by En Vogue (my personal favorite); and

"Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You)" by Janet Jackson, Carly Simon, P. Diddy & Missy Elliot - old school meets new school and rocks.

Blog_screw_you_1So have a great Valentine's Day, suckers. I know I will.

And just a reminder - honey, unless your brother is a locksmith, you never give them a key.

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Comments

since you're going out, how about "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.

On a slightly different tack, how about "Want Ads" by Honey Cone?

Fave Line:

Extra extra, read all about it, Wanted, young man single and free
Experience in love preferred,
But will accept a young trainee

Nobody conveys a message quite like you, Margie.

Here are a couple:

Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

You Give Love a Bad Name

Margie! The bosses know what you're up to today? Not trying to be unsupportive. Just asking.

Here are a few for your CD. I may be back with more.

"You're So Vain" = Carly Simon

"Walk on By" - Dionne Warwick (maybe too victim-ish, but it's one of my favorite songs)

There's a song called "Goodbye to You" but I don't know the artist. Anyone?

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. It's not bird-flipping like the other ones maybe, but you're all about female empowerment, aren't you, Margie?

Ramona - Patty Smythe/Scandal - from the 80s, I think.

And speaking of Goodbyes:

Goodbye Earl (those girls did a little more than just kick his ass out)

Goodbye to Love

The First to Say Goodbye (as in Neither one of us wants to be- Gladys Knight, maybe?)

"It's Just a Matter of Time" by Brook Benton.

How about Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know"? That is one angry woman.

Another good one - less angry - "No Scrubs" by TLC.

William - Brook Benton has one of those voices that tells you right up front that things are not going to have a happy ending.

Good topic - not everyone is thrilled with the onslaught of hearts and roses. We singles have to stick together!

"..while your big date sits back and adjusts himself."

And it's another morning with coffee all over the computer screen.

Baby, you do know how to turn a phrase.

Glad to see you back at blogging Margie. It's always a pleasure to check in and see your name on top.

Why is the supply closet locked this morning?

Nancy, I'm not sure, but the remains of one of those six foot roses are all over the reception area.

Here are a couple of good-bye songs with a common theme:

These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra; and

Who's Bed Have Your Boots Been Under by Shania Twain.

"Already Gone" -- Tanya Tucker version.

Great blog, Margie.

I love the Good bye Earl song by the Dixie Chicks that someone already suggested.

"Love Stinks" by J. Geils Band was always a crank it up one that I enjoyed. and the classic:
"Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" by Meat Loaf.

I always loved the song that goes

Don't tell me no lies and keep your hands to yourself.

Kind of a rockabilly song.

This is a fun blog, Margie.

And for a little emo...."Rapid Hope Loss" by Dashboard Confessional.
I mean, can you beat that title?

Sue-

You're right about Benton. Some Brook Benton, two inches of scotch in a glass, and a dark window to stare out of... Broken Hearted Noir, for sure...:)

Thank Christ THOSE days are long gone...:)

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty

Cry Me a River?

Oh, Margie, no one does warm & fuzzy quite like you.

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin
Every Breath You Take - Police (stalker song)
Better Things to Do - Terri Clark
I'm Movin On - Rascal Flatts

Aerosmith has a couple of "I was fine until I met you" kind of songs.

How about Pat Benetar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" or Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It".

"Don't Come Around Here No More" - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

I love this list. I've had it with the mushy love songs all the time. Every time I hear Delilah's voice on that radio show I want to smash it.

Margie is clearly in touch with today's woman.

Sorry, Better Things to Do is really Patty Loveless (even the name fits).

Good song, though - the "better things" include "Check the air in my tires, straighten my stereo wires..."

"Can't Even Get the Blues" -- Reba McEntire
"You've Never Had It So Good" -- Mary Chapin Carpenter
"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" is a must!

For anyone in need of a gift from the Anticupid, may I recommend KISS OFF: POEMS TO SET YOU FREE, and THE HELL WITH LOVE: POEMS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART, two terrific anthologies edited by Mary D. Esselman. They are both cute little pocket-sized, shiny-covered books with the titles spelled out in those obnoxious candy hearts (you all know the ones). A friend gave me these after a bad breakup, and they made me smile, and even laugh out loud a couple of times.

Great blog, Margie!

Margie is back!

Can spring be far behind?

Were I lucky enough to take the fair Margie to dinner, I would promise no rings and nothing cheezy. Just great food, great company and exceptional desert.

It's too late, baby, now it's too late. Love that one.

Also - I Hate Everything About You by Three Days something.

"You're Pitiful" by Weird Al.

Because no insulting CD is complete without Weird Al.

There's a great Richard Shindell song, "Are You Happy Now?" that to me is the ultimate just-got-dumped and am-bitter-as-hell song.

I agree with Margie. VD is one of those greeting card company holidays that makes me very glad I'm already married. I'll take a nice dinner anyday and it's fun to make cards with the child, but the rest of it...yech. And you're right, the smell of roses make me a little bit nauseated. But that's just me.

However, as a rice pudding junkie, I would have found the engagement ring in the dessert thing very charming, if not a little dangerous.

Another great bumper sticker:

Honey, unless your brother's a locksmith, you never give them a key.

Margie gets more and more like Confucious every day.

"You're Going to Miss My Loving" Lou Rawls .... "on a cold night ..."

Heard this for the first time when broke up the first (of, oh, about six times) with one boyfriend.

Jeanne

oops -- the title is "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" Low Rawls.

And I should not have said this bec ~every~ time I mention this one ex's name (okay, I thought it, didn't speak it aloud this time), somehow, someway he reappears in my life. Honest to God. I have witnesses.

Jeanne
love today's blog.
the strip club's a good idea

Untouchable Face, by Ani Difranco.

Great ideas ~ I'm glad to see that there's an anti-Valentines contigent online: I'm the only single in a sea of couples, it seems. Now I'll have my IPOD plugged in, pumping songs & nobody will be the wiser.

The all time classic, and guaranteed to put you in a good mood whether you sing it alone or in a bar full of people:

Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks.

Country music is the best for these kinds of songs.

I'm with NTE - if one more person asks me what I'm doing for Valentines Day, I might scream.

A theme song for you, Margie - "Build Me Up Buttercup" performed by The Foundations...

Jay- Zues, Margie, that is funny as hell.

So where is this club and do you girls need a driver?

Eartha Kitt's "My Discarded Men."

Scuse me, I have to go burn a CD now.

chiming in woefully late, but the ultimate break up song, in my mind is:
Nick Lowe "All men are liars"

There's two I can think of, IDIOT by Lisa Marie Presley and Run Off To LA by Kid Rock

How about one of my favorites --

KISS THIS by Aaron Tippin

"There's More to Me than You" by Jessica Andrews

no need for a mixtape. turn on the radio. the hottest song of winter 2007, beyonce's amazing "irreplaceable," gets you this perfect couplet: "i could have another you in a minute/matter of fact he'll be here in a minute, baby."

you should also play him miranda lambert's "kerosene" video, a three-minute mini epic in which she spends the first 2:50 tracking down her cheating man with a canister of gas in tow, and the last 10 seconds blowing up his house.

(my name will hopefully mean something to at least one of the lipstick chroniclers.)

I hope, not too late for the party. I can never remember song names. But I wanted to add that NPR has a piece on Breakup Songs. Includes a list with many songs already listed here plus some new ones. Also audio samples.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7369581

I'm totally with beth on Beyonce's irreplaceable. Let me here it girls "To the Left, to the left"

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - Aretha Franklin & Annie Lennox

Would I Lie To You - Eurythmics


So interesting it is, I like it !

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