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January 23, 2007

Celebrity Therapy

By Sarah

My brain is fried.

There. I said it. No beating around the bush. Last night I finished the revisions to The Sleeping Beauty Proposal, including four new love scenes. If there's an innovative way for a man to approach Lipstick_lips a woman, to kiss her like she's never been kissed before, to pledge his undying love while keeping the tone lighthearted, the tension taught and the dialogue snappy, call me. No, wait. Don't call me. I'm done.

It's been painful, these last few weeks. First, getting the novel done and then the revisions to perfection - all in a matter of six months. Thank God, Britney helped me. Also, Lindsay, Keith Urban and Angelina Jolie. I couldn't have written it without them.

I'll confess the sordid truth right now. I'm a celebrity junkie. I'm one of those people who, when given a choice on how to prioritize her AOL homepage (and I HATE AOL by the way), chooses Entertainment first. I claim my top priority is news, since I'm a former newspaper reporter, but this is a total lie. I'd take the Madonna adoption flap over George Bush's foreign policy snafus any day.

I crave celebrity news because it's mindless. Really mindless. And when I'm trying to outline a novel or flush out characters or get past a plot point, what I need is two minutes, if that, of intensive celebrity therapy. Kind of like a cat nap, only faster. Which is why I'm always up to speed on the latest celebrity scoop when I'm writing a book. Finish a chapter, check TMZ. It's the system that keeps me sane.

Angelina_jolie_picture_45 In case you're not hip with what's happening in the celebrity world, I'll fill you in: Angelina Jolie is out. Way out. Brad Pitt had to cover for her at the Golden Globes because she treated every question as though it were an insult. (Brad, call me. I have the feeling you've got a lead on how to kiss a woman like she's never been kissed before.)

Britney doesn't wear underwear, neglects her kids and is dating a KFed lookalike. Look for her in your Wal-Mart aisle next week and I don't mean on display. Keith Urban is just so cute, I don't care if he's a drunk, but Lindsay Lohan needs to be put in a uniform and sent to remedial school. And no matter what she alleges, Paula Abdul is on something.

Boy. I feel refreshed already.

Sadly, I know very few celebrities in my real life. There's our own Harley Jane Kozak, of course, but,Harley  dammit, she's been with us so long I count her as a true friend. Plus, her life, from what she tells us, is very motherly and innocent. Also, I'm pretty sure she wears underwear.

In my little village of Montpelier, Vermont, we're home to a few, though they're kind of highbrow and dull. Like David Mamet. He lives nearby in Calais and used to go to the same heroin addicted hairdresser I did. Also, there's Katherine Patterson, who wrote the Bridge to Terabethia, and Paul Sorvino recently got in a ruckus at a Stowe, Vermont, hotel with his daughter's (not Mira) abusive boyfriend.

Luis The one I feel really bad about, though, is Luis Guzman. For months, maybe years, I'd cross the street whenever I saw him, thinking he was one bad-ass dude from my court reporting days. I mean, the guy looks scary and he always plays scary roles. It wasn't until I saw the Count of Monte Cristo that it hit me: he wasn't recently sprung from Windsor Correctional, he was an esteemed character actor. Later, I ran into him at Shaw's and almost thought of apologizing. But he regarded me as if I were a creep, so I backed off.

When I was a reporter, I used to interview celebrities from time to time. I don't know if Ed Meese counts (I told him he was the spitting image of my father and he was totally appalled.) But I did interview Hillary (cold fish) and Marvin Hamlisch (a mensch), Michael J. Fox (very endearing) and, finally, Bill Clinton, after he won the 1992 Presidential election. (Put his hand on my knee and kept it there - I kid you not.)

But now that I'm holed up in an old bedroom that's been converted to an office, I have to live vicariously. Which is why I'm counting on you to tell me about your brushes with fame, the raunchier the better. Like my brother's story about Joan Jett which involves her getting out of a limousine in Boston and passing out at his feet. Or my other brother's stories about the late great Barry White and his need for several Playstations when shooting a television commercial. God, I love those.

So dish. Because I've got 360 pages to read over and, honey, ever since she passed out in Vegas, Britney's been old hat.

Sarah

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Comments

Do we exclude Harley, whose encounters could be first person, or Alison, whose are professional? If there were a prize, it wouldn't be fair to include them in the competition.

I certainly don't have a Bill Clinton hand on the knee, or the more likely Jim McGreevey hand on the knee. That's why I hang around you: waiting for you 1) to get famous enough to merit mention in a column of this sort, and 2) to do something TMZ-worthy. Maybe if you had worn that little black dress to the reunion after your daughter washed it--that would have had lips wagging.

Sarah, go to Keith Urban's website (www.keithurban.net) and watch the video he made talking to his fans about going to rehab. You'll think he's even cuter.

I have no brushes with greatness worth mentioning. I've met various current and past Philadelphia sports celebrities at a couple of sports award dinners, and met Ed Rendell (who didn't put his hand on my knee), but they were all pretty well behaved. My nephew saw Tim McGraw and Faith Hill and their kids in a little general store outside Nashville, and one of the girls ran into my nephew, and Tim made her apologize. That's the best I can do at the moment. Of course, I wanted to haunt that store whenever I visited my sister after that, but it didn't do much good.

Of course, I've met you, and Nancy, and Nora Roberts, and John Grogan, and Lisa Scottoline. But nobody was drunk (that I could tell) or tried to hit on me.

My most recent was Trace Adkins. A friend's family owns a small concert venue and they get a ton of country music there.

When they're short staffed, and I'm there, I help waitress. This is why I was back in the kitchen when the band came through several times. It was between the show and the encore that I met Mr. Adkins - who is about 8 feet tall, with boots. Since I'm about 5 feet tall - well, you can do the math. I mean, that belt buckle had the most intricate details.

So I'm standing there, and I'm too tired to really be starstruck, plus there was all that rum and coke while we were serving deserts. He actually stopped to say hi. Why? My hair. I was about a month away from cutting it for Locks of Love, so it was very long with lots of soft curls (because that is what you do when you go to a country concert).

Trace: "Hey, darlin' - you're the one with the beautiful hair."

Me: "Yeah - great show!"

Trace: (shaking my hand with one hand and touching my hair with the other) "Well, thank you."

Me: "Nice belt buckle."

And that was that, because they had to go back on stage.

Man, my life is getting boring. Maybe next time I'll tell you about Mel Blount in the bank vault.

Okay - who's Trace Adkins?

If Alison reads this, I want to know if she actually meets celebrities.Harley is always discreet. We can't count on her for nuthin.

My friend Andy Seiler, who wrote about the film industry for USA Today for years, actually interviewed Kevin Bacon - and you know what that means, don't you? I'm one degree away!

I wonder if people regard me as a priest when I enter a room, especially celebrities. Celebrities always seem to be on their best behabvior when they know that I am in the room. In recent times, the only celebritiy who did not know I was in the room was...Faye Dunaway. This Oscar winner from "Network" suffered from Norma Desmond syndrome at the Palm Beach International Film Festival last year. Sad to say that this Tallhassee born girl treated a local festival so shabbily, perhaps it was her Gator education.

Ironically Sarah, we showed "The Count of Monte Cristo" last Saturday at our "Literary Cinema" program. I was shocked to see Luis Guzman do a good job in a period piece.I'd like to see him get a good character role as a leading man ala Lon Chaney Jr.

Last but not least, I have been dismayed by mainstream journalism citing "Paris, Lindsey and Britney without underware" as a legit news story. So, for my end of the year column in which I have a top ten list; I started a new recoginition system titled "Class Acts" or celebrities who were nice to me within the past year, you might recoginize some names from this list. In fact, on Oscar eve - I am writing up my "Class Acts" Hall of Fame.


Okay, Meg Ryan came for Christmas eve one year. She was engaged to a friend, and they broke up shortly afterwards, so I think she was appalled by the hicks.

And Mr. Rogers. Who was every bit as kind in person as on TV--maybe more so. Everywhere he went, people burst into tears or babbled.

I think I'd babble in the presence of Trace Adkins. Hubba, hubba!

Oh, dear, I have a Faye Dunaway story, too, but it's mostly a cautionary tale about facelifts.

Speaking of which, did anybody see Olivia Newton John on Entertainment Tonight last night? Talk about a Restyalin cautionary tale! She looked like she'd gone 5 rounds with George Foreman.

Meg Ryan? Is it true she's really bald?

Sarah - Trace Adkins is a country musician. Very deep voice. Very colorful past - one ex-wife shot him in the chest when she found him with the woman who would become his current wife.

You don't get much country music up there in Vermont, do you?

I forgot about my most recent sighting too - Wally Kurth (General Hospital) shows up around here all the time. Seems normal.

Also - Wayne Gretzky is not as big as you think he is. I could take him in a fight, assuming he didn't have a stick.

Harley is only one degree away from Kevin Bacon, I realized a couple of days ago. Not just from her sharing a car with his wife-to-be when she was on GL--very nice quote by Harley in Soap Opera Digest this week, by the way--but because she was in Parenthood with Tom Hulce, and he was in Animal House with Kevin Bacon.

My degree of closeness to Kevin Bacon is related entirely to my going to see the Liberty Bell in the park that his father designed, although there may be some other degree that I just don't know about.

I forgot that in 1985, I saw Jack Palance in the hardware section of the Pottsville Boscov's store. He apparently lived up there for some reason.

Oh, and of course Rosie O'Donnell and Andie MacDowell played my sisters in a movie-of-the-week based on one of my sister's fictional-autobiographical books, but I was protesting the whole deal and didn't go to any of the parties.

Hey, Josh, you know Kid Rock is from Bethlehem.

Looked up Trace. Nope. He ain't gonna do it for me. Tall, though.

The "not as big as you think" line is de rigeur in celebrity spotting. Everyone is not as big as you think. Like Harley - I imagined a hulking giantess and when I met her she turned out to be a petite little thing.

Then again, I am from Pennsylvania.

Danny Roebuck is from Bethlehem. In the summer of 1979, we had a routine going where we knew that we knew each other, but we just couldn't figure out from where. Must've happened a dozen times.

Anthony Hopkins is bigger than I thought. My husband and I were taking a long weekend in Richmond (VA's) poshest hotel while Hannibal was being filmed. Down in the bar, we were having dinner when I saw his eyes widen a bit and he said the classic "Don't look!" Sir Anthony was seated right behind us. Hubby most sincerely requested I not bother him for an autograph, so I didn't -- even though hubby and I saw "Silence of the Lambs" on our first date and I've always adored Sir A.

A student later told me that Sir A. loves meeting fans. Don't know if that's true, but I figured we were the class act.

Also, Mary Travers (of Peter, Paul and Mary fame) is very tall, especially in boots and especially when you are a young college reporter crouching down to take a cool pic of a concert venue manager. It takes a lot to render me speechless; that did it.

My only other celeb spottings were at my one and only sci-fi con, where I got to shake hands with James Marsters and actually chat with Jason Carter, Richard Biggs (lovely, lovely man), and Nana Visitor. Yeah, I was star-struck there, too :

Off topic -- but hey, did you see that Cornelia Read was nominated for an Edgar (best first novel by an American author)? Yay, Cornelia!

Sarah, I love this blog because as a *former* New Yorker, I (a) have celebrity close encounters too numerous to count, and (b) don't have to pretend to be too cool to care anymore. Gosh, where to begin. In New York, they roam free and uncaged, you know, so I'll just do the highlights.

Repeaters --

Woody Allen and Soon-yi. I used to see them on Upper Madison at least once a week. They were so grim and nasty-looking they might've been wearing a "Do not Approach" sign;

"Sex and the City" girls -- I'd run across the show filming a lot on the Upper East Side and mid-town, enough that more than once I would watch a scene and realize I'd been there.

Rudy -- had made the city so safe that he would walk around with barely any security -I talked to him once- oh, which reminds me;
Bernie Kerik -- had a love nest in my building, though I don't recall ever seeing Judith Regan with him. We had the same make and model of car, and one time his umbrella ended up in our car (not sure how -- did the garage give him our car by mistake?)

1 degree of Kevin Bacon -- Kyra Sedgwick worked out at my gym; gorgeous with amazing body. Oh, and I forgot -- Kevin and Kyra lived across the hall from my husband's grandmother on Central Park West; she was very elderly and when she died, Ed Bradley bought her apartment and then he died;

Celebrity pal -- Connie Chung, whose son was in my son's class. She is the most adorable down-to-earth generous person. When she heard I needed clothes for my first book tour, she set me up with her personal shopper (who quickly turned me over to an assistant, of course, but that wasn't her fault). She is also a devoted mom.

Horny politician story -- I interned for Chris Dodd when I was in college, and in the "handshake photo" that was taken at the end of my term, he was looking down my shirt.

Not at all horny politician story -- I worked for Al Gore between college and law school. Not a whiff of scandal around that man.

I'll stop now.

Okay, I just woke up.

Josh, am I allowed to at least say that yes, I do wear underwear? And Sarah, I don't even know what movie that still is from, but thanks for using a photo of my that's from 43 years ago (judging from the hair). Bless you.

Ooooh, Michele. You ARE good! And, yes, I'm too old to care. But how is Connie taking the rumors about Maury?

I'm just not seeing it with Bernie. Balding cop doesn't flip my switch. And isn't Judith in California? Unless, they've ordred her to pack up and leave.

Chris Dodd - Anti-choice Democrat and now lech. Wonders never cease.

My friend Patty lives in the village where Brad Pitt had a place. Used to see him with Gwyn all the time.

I'd heard this about Woody and Soon-yi. That poor girl.

Michele, your life gets more and more exotic with every post. I mean, first the gingerbread extravaganza and now Bernard Kerik's umbrella in your car.

When I lived in NYC, JFK Jr. almost ran me down on his bike when I was walking to the subway one day. As I remember, he was wearing a beret and had a baguette in his bicycle basket. But I must be making that up . . .

Most of my celebrity sightings date to when I lived in Dublin. The Irish are really, really unimpressed by celebrity, so famous people walk around completely unselfconsciously there. I sat next to Van Morrison at a cafe, shared a park bench with Bono, and sat next to The Edge at a pub. The day before I moved back to the States, Gabriel Byrne nodded and said "How are ya, love?" to me while I was waiting for a bus. Sigh.

Gosh, my life is so boring. I've been sitting here racking my brain and these are the only ones I can come up with...

IN high school, my friend lived next door to the Clintons (Roger was a friend of mine). Two of us (Melissa and me) were at the Clinton house and Bill was teaching us how to play pool (note - I had a pool table at home, so I kind of knew how, but that stops nothing). He teaches by wrapping his arms around the lady and holding her arms to help her aim the cue stick,etc.

I met John Grisham when he was a patient at a medical practice I was with. First, his eyes are mesmerizing. Their various shades of blue. yum. Plus (sorry to the guys reading this), he has the greatest ass. It's a joy to watch as he walks away!

I brought James Carville to the university where I was working. I was responsible for driving him everywhere. Got to listen in to calls to his wife - and trust me, they were normal husband-wife conversations. Really a nice guy who seemed to adore his wife.

I told you I have a boring life!

I went with friends to a deli in Beverly Hills recently and there were a ton of TV celebrities. I waited for a table while chatting up the android Data from Star Trek the Next Generation, Brent Spiner. He was so funny!
My brother is the huge celeb magnet, though. His latest interview was with David Lynch.

I believe you, Harley, although it wouldn't have mattered either way. Last year Nancy posted some laundry story about when you were there, and I just assumed that you were not such a slave to fashion that you would've changed to get into the tabs.

Actually, now that I think about it, it probably would have mattered if you said that you didn't.

Wow, Cyndi. What do you mean your life is boring? John Grisham's ass. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Oh, yes, and if there are any escorts out there, please chime in. I've heard the most wonderful celeb stories from escorts. Like the one where Dolly Parton, newly enhanced, let the blind musician "see" her new breasts. Ah, I LOVE Dolly!

Sarah, see now, I'd have had to slap both Bono and Van Morrison. But, especially Bono.

B..b..boring? ArkansasCyndi, you amaze me. Grisham's behind and Carville's honey calls? I am green.

Sarah, I'd have had to slap The Edge and call him Dave.

Having lived in the old NYC for a few years when I was single and childless I ran into a few celebs.

I met Kyra Sedgewick & Kevin Bacon when I worked for Williams-Sonoma.

Sade when I worked for jewerler ME&RO

Henry Winkler walking down Broadway on the Upper West Side.

Kevin Spacey walking through Central Park.

BeBe Neuwirth & Nathan Lane when I worked for Coach Leatherware.

The Late Jerry Orbach when I was hanging out in Lower Manhattan (They were filming a Law & Order episode near by)

That was the great thing about living in New York and working for High End retailers I got to meet and see a lot cool folks.

Ramona - I didn't even know what The Edge was.

Renaissancegirl - love it. That Kyra Sedgewick gets around, no? And what's the deal with BeBe Neuwirth and Nathan Lane?

I have also led a fairly quiet life, although others would probably disagree!!!

I love to meet up with my fave authors (Sarah, Nancy, Nora and Lisa Scottoline).

But, in the others category:

I have gotten a sweaty hug from Wally Kurth after a fundraiser.

Shaken hands with Gov. Ed Rendell when he visited my company.

Chatted with former Gov. Bob Casey (Sr.) when he was signing the Organ Donor Bill into legislation (after his transplant).

Drank at Bacon's Tavern...as in Kevin Bacon. Could have knocked me over with a feather on that one!

And at the transplant games, I have chatted with Chris Klug (Olmpic medalist & recipient), Larry Hagman (Dallas) showed me his transplant scar, Sean Elliott playing bball with the kids, Ken Howard (the White Shadow), and ultimately Dr. Joseph Murray..who performed the first kidney transplant in 1954.

Who knows what the future may hold, and who will cross paths with me!

Michael Berg, whose 20-something son Nicholas had his head cut off in Iraq a couple of years ago, lives on my block. My daughter says that they have a nice dog.

Sarah, I don't get to meet the celebs -- I just sit in the office in New Jersey and write the reporters' accounts into stories. I do get to hear the gossip first and I got to see those Britney crotch shots before anybody else -- which was more of an occupational hazard than a perk. I had celebrity encounters back when I was 23 and a reporter for The Star, sneaking into weddings, parties, etc. (Most embarassing experience: getting thrown out of David Hasselhoff's wedding.)

This Kevin Bacon Six Degrees thing didn't spring from whole cloth, did it?

I forgot to mention that Magic Johnson asked me out once. Two weeks later, he revealed he had HIV. (Then plain ole AIDS.)

Also, the late Malcolm Forbes invited me to go motorcycling with him on a Sunday afternoon. One of his sons, the unsuccessful presidential candidate I think, phoned me personally to ask. (I wasn't bad looking in my early 20's.)

Malcolm's wife lived right across the street from him. This was some funky relationship since he was, you know, gay.

Ah, Jersey stories. No point in bringing up McGreevey. That one's been done.

Wait - It wasn't two weeks later, it was something like six years. Whew!

Walking down a Chicago street I bumped into a man passing that looked like Columbo (what is his real name?) When I returned to the agency to pick up my sister she said he had been there. A 'true' brush with fame.
I met Oprah four times and we have her picture with our children on our photo wall.
We also met Sammy Sosa and Dusty Baker (Cubs baseball then)and that picture hangs on the same wall.
And I was close to meeting Clinton in an Arizona hospital back in September of 1996. I had children in the NICU of a hospital, and Goldwater was recovering at a neighboring hospital. The secret service was readying the hospital and had a nurse try to take my newborn out of my arms, but Clinton ended up going to see Goldwater. I was never sure if we were a smoke screen or his men heard me saying I didn't like him anyway, and to "Give me back my son!" Maybe it was the fact he had just passed a law allowing late term abortions and the NICU was housing three 24 weekers fighting for life.....Never did like Clinton. Glad his picture isn't hanging on my wall!

I just have to mention another celebrity watcher/reader. One of my favorite mail order customers for many years is Phyllis Whitney. Yes, that PW who is going to be 104 in September. Every few month she write us an order for all the books she needs. She seems to have a particular interest in theater, cinema and celebrity biographies. She buys lots of them in hardcover.

I know what you're thinking and I would agree. Would that I would be writing my biography and reading dozens of books a year.....at 103....the goddess watches over her.

Mary Alice

I'm telling you, MA, this celebrity watching is very stress relieving. Would you like me to send you my old Peoples? (I have to hide them from Charlie who is appalled by my vulnerability to Hollywood.)

The goddess, my friend, watches over you. I'm sure of it.

Since I lived in Aspen for a few years I have many many stories of so called famous people. Most of them mad me mad as a wet hen ( thats really mad) and a few that I will carry in my heart forever.

Mr. Wayne: Sorry for the ketchup,sugar, and water bath. You were so wonderful to a skinny, bawling teenager.
Yo Kurt: Your long dirty hair, stinky jacket,and horrible beard made we wonder if standing on street corners was the only job you could get at the time? What would Mr. Disney say about that?
Ms. One word name: You made me change your sheets three times a day, when you, your sister, Geffin and unknown male, spent two weeks all in the same room. Couldnt you at least have cleaned the tanning stuff you put on every morning, off the ceiling, tiolet and bathtub? Then you left me what? 20.oo tip! OMG one day was worth more then that!
Mr D: My dear friend, sorry for almost stopping that wonderful Colorado voice by stuffing chips and dips down it way to fast. I still want that rocker BTW .Cant believe they didnt remember that when you passed.
Ms Morton: sorry for calling you Mr everytime you called on the phone. Geez your voice was so low then, I swear I thought you were a man!!!!
Mr. Hackett: Sorry for knocking you down twice in one day! I was in a hurry, the mail, from a boyfriend ya know!
Anyway, after spending so much time doing stupid stuff around so called famous people, I dont want to meet another one.LOLOL I either tried to kill them, fell at their feet, cover them with vicious stuff, or made them mad. Ahhh life in the fast lane. SusanCo

This is kind of roundabout, but I had an Army buddy named Tom who dated a girl in college (journalism major). Geraldo Riviera gave a lecture or something...then invited Tom's girlfriend to his hotel room to "go over some of her writing" nudge nudge - wink wink.
She knocked on his door, he said, "come in", and when she did, he was sitting on the bed in his undies, patting the matress in a 'hey-baby-have-a-seat' kind of way.
She left, and now I can't look at him without picturing him in a little pair of tighty whiteys.
As far as my own brush with celebs - according to my parents, I played in a sandbox at Gettysburg with Caroline and JFK Jr. I was, like, maybe two years old so I don't remember it, but I'll take their word for it.

I used to work for a lobbyist in New York, where I got to meet Alec Baldwin, the Duchess of York, Dan Rather, and Lorraine Bracco. I once had to call Lauren Bacall at home (!) -- she does her own answering machine, on which she rumbles, "Hello. You have reached [whatever her number is.] If you'd like to leave a message, do." Beep!

I was totally starstruck when I met Al Gore. (He's MUCH taller than you think.) I stuck my hand out and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir!" As he was responding, someone behind me took a photo of him, and so his face lit up like an angel's as he took my hand and drawled, "The pleasure's all mine." I think my mouth was actually hanging open.

Law & Order also filmed frequently on my college campus. My roommate once rushed up to Jerry Orbach and blurted, "You were a great dad in Dirty Dancing!"

Okay, so what is the Duchess of York like, no, really...

J. Renee - Are we sure it was tighty whities? Or were they some sort of silk boxer thing? Just getting the details straight.

I also have a naughty David Letterman story from before he broke out....oooh, weee.

SusanCo. Got the woman with one name. (And may I just say, "Yuck" and $20!!!) But who is Mrs. Morton....Will have to figure that out.

Hey, you guys have been great. The ms is just flying by!

Not to worry Sarah.....got the People, US, VF, RS and all covered. Do get my online fix everyday, too.
ma

Ha! I knew you hid -- like porn or something -- those People mags from me,. Sah. What absolute voyeuristic drivel. Call me a Puritan (wait, don't) but like so much of our pop culture, People Magazine creates yearning for the unattainable.

And invariably it features some effervescent member of our society who is best described as being "long on personality, short on character."

Bah!

Someone just got someone a BMW M3 convertible.

Nothing is unattainable.

Music: I was at the same table as Babyface (Kenneth Edmonds) at a wedding.

Sports: I chatted with Ernie Banks (Mr. Cub)in an elevator in Chicago and had no clue that he was a celebrity. My husband was stunned that the baseball cap with his picture on it did not tip me off.

Geeky DC celebrity sightings: got a picture of my toddler with Jack Jermond in a coffee shop, John Kerry just sitting in a park, Ashcroft, Patrick Moynihan shortly before he passed. My neighbor was Erik Westervelt from NPR. Talk about cool, he was one of the first of the embedded journalists, that made some interesting dinner conversation.

Yes, but Sarah, before you get all puffed up all over again about that M3, get this: our brand new babysitter showed up yesterday in an eggplant colored BMW Z3 convertible, with her beautiful blond hair streaming behind her. And she's only 19. And Brazilian.

I'd think living in Southern CA I'd have more stories. Especially with how much stuff is filmed in my town. I see the signs, but never the actors. What really upset me was when I found out that 24 had been filming at one of the apartment complexes I used to live in. I would have spent the sleepless night to watch that.

So, aside from meeting authors, the only celeb story I have to tell is about meeting Danny Bonaduchi. Not much of a fan, but it was a thrill to recognize him. And where did I see him? In the men's room during intermission for some play.

Mark

A Z3!!! That girl gets more than $20 tips, baby.

Hey, Cheryl, I know Erik's Dad!

Charlie - Oh, please. Aren't there some poor souls you need to put in stocks or something?

The Duchess of York is lovely! Bubbly, vivacious, good with kids. She brought flowers to dinner, and asked the five-year-old in an uncomfortable pink dress to "Give us a spin!" And perhaps the best sign of good breeding, she remembered my name -- even though I was just the help.

One of the most enjoyable moments of the evening was chatting with the personal chef hired for the evening. When she arrived at the apartment, she did not know who the dinner guests were, and when she found out, she was pissed: "HE's a vegetarian, and SHE's the Weight Watchers lady! What the hell am I going to cook??" Answer: broiled fish.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

We don't look at these people with longing or envy. We look at them and think one of the following:

1. Wow! I thought my family was screwy.
2. Shit! If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't wear that piece of crap.
3. Dayam - if I had that kind of money, I wouldn't date that piece of crap.

Then we laugh at them.

See? It's fun.

P.S. Sarah - he's in private practice now. The only stocks he deals with are on an Exchange.

You forgot:

Yuck! At least she could've sprung for a bikini wax.

Sarah - now I know where all my rag mags have been going. So you can stop blaming the night crew.

Now I get it, Ms. Sweeney. It is voyeurism coupling with schadenfreude and the darling little offspring is pop culture.

Again I say, Bah! Now I really must go. Gotta go suck on a lemon.

(Don't know what to say to you, Josh. I guess I just got served.)

Margie:

Yes, but what do I do with the other stuff I found in your drawers?

This discussion has come around to an article I read in a couple of places yesterday. Apparently high def is ravaging the porn industry. According to the story, male actors don't care about it, but, natch, the females do, since it exaggerates their flaws, or makes them look as they actually do, cellulite, surgery scars, and all. That makes sense. Straight men don't look at porn to see the guys, and ugliness is a virtue (that could be me!). I would bet that the dymanic is different in gay porn, where looks matter.

Just a comment related to Britney Spears' yucky photos, which I am ashamed to say I have seen.

Oh, I forgot. Another nephew ran into Bill Clinton on a golf course outside of Syracuse, and shook his hand.

I need to hang out with my nephews more.

Oh, reading about Columbo and the Secret Service above reminded me that the smartest, most talented Secret Service agent I ever worked with was Peter Falk's (Columbo's) nephew.

I have really enjoyed reading this blog today and hearing everybody's close encounters. Thanks for a great topic, Sarah. Now it's time to go watch the State of the Union address and get depressed.

If we get a tax break on our health insurance, then tonight's State of the Union will not be depressing.

John Grisham gave a book signing in Boca Raton for over 4 and a 1/2 hours. He was a fresh as a morning daisey. He was nice to the Liberties staff.

SusanCo, where you talking about John Wayne with this commment? Mr. Wayne: Sorry for the ketchup,sugar, and water bath. You were so wonderful to a skinny, bawling teenager.

Super post. I too adore the tabloids and all the celebrity stuff. Thanks!

Okay this happened to my mom and not me but I love this story. Back in the days when Kojak was on my mother ran into Telly Savalas--I have no idea where now, I'll have to ask her. I do know it was in a hotel lobby. She went up to him and told him how much she loved Kojak. He grabbed her hand and pulled her in close to him and said, "Who loves ya baby?" Is that awesome or what?

Someone I know ran into Robert Duvall (he was filming in Memphis). It was shortly after Lonesome Dove had been on TV. She told him how much she loved the show. He wrote something on a napkin and handed it to her. It said "$50 for a poke"
She LOVED it!

I LOVE Robert Duvall. And now I love the late Telly Savalas, too. What great stories!

Yes, Dave I was talking about "The Duke"
The Ms. Morton was Lucille Ball. She would call the Glenrose drug store where I worked, her voice was so deep at the time she sounded like a man. I always said,Yes Sir, No Sir. Really PO'd her off. She screamed at me many times. Ok Ok sometimes I knew it was her.There I finally admitted it! It was just to funny.I am soooo bad, or I was at that age.

Laura just reminded me.

To celebrate landmark birthdays, you can request presidential greetings.

For my grandmother's 100th birthday, Bill Clinton sent a hand written note in honor of her birthday. The current president couldn't be bothered to even send a form letter.

I saw Muhammed Ali getting his luggage at the airport in Washington one time. Does that count? My companion wanted to approach him, but I said no. We really didn't have anything to say to him that wouldn't amount to "Gosh, you're famous!"

Charlaine

Sarah,

Sorry to answer your question so late on this. I saw Bebe Neuwith and Nathan Lane on two separate occassions. I was working at the Coach store in Princeton, New Jersey. Bebe is from Princeton and was in town visiting family, and Nathan appeared in the store about a week later. Not sure why he was in town, this was back in 1997/1998.

I worked with a friend of Ali's and he came into the office and was signing paraphanalia. I was at lunch. Typical.

But we do have the Clinton welcome letters when my babies were born...somewhere.

And I was desperate enough to mention to a couple of authors at book signings that I had quintuplets. It gave me a few minutes more to talk to them. I guess I am a junkie, too.

A very late response, but I have to share this encounter. I was visiting New Haven, CT for a small conference at Yale and staying at the Omni. The night we finished (it was a very intense four days) we all celebrated with champagne in the Omni bar. In walks Tony Curtis who proceeds to kiss each and every one of us (about 7 women all together) and find a reason to touch many of our chests (picking a piece of lint of my sweater, straightening my friend's necklace etc.) All I can say is eww! The plastic surgery and tanning beds are really not his friends, even if he seems to think they are!

Beyond this, my encounters have been fairly tame. I lived in Fells Point Baltimore while Homicide was on and use to see many cast members in the local coffee house. Nicolas Cage once almost fell on me at a bar. Ran into Kathleen Turner (in town filming Serial Mom) at a pizza place...I think that's about it.

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