Meg Cabot's Big Mouth

(MEG CABOT is a wonderfully funny and diverse writer. You might know her best as the author of the YA PRINCESS DIARY novels (and movies with Julie Andrews), though she's also a nationally bestselling author of adult novels, including her latest THE QUEEN OF BABBLE, about a woman who gets on the Chunnel and blabs her worst secrets to a guy who turns out to be.....Well, you'll just have to read it. Let me just say that, in this case, having a Big Mouth is a good thing. Meg was nice enough to submit a very thoughtful, deep and serious blog about the matter.  We hope it will provoke intelligent, uhm, discourse.)

By Meg Cabot:

The word was carved into a desktop in my algebra class: 

“NAME OF GIRL I WON’T MENTION HERE BUT WHOM I HATED FOR BEING TOTALLY MEAN TO ME AT GIRL SCOUT CAMP AND WHO ALSO HAD THE GO-GO BOOTS I WANTED AND MY MOM WOULDN’T GET FOR ME BECAUSE SHE SAID THEY WERE SLUTTY gives good head,” the graffiti on the desk said.

I went home and was all, “Mom, what’s head?”

She told me.  And I was shocked.  I had a reputation back then (as I do now) for having a big mouth…but not that big!

But if we’re to believe the media, girls as young as twelve are performing oral sex on their male classmates right and left, and, not to put too fine a point on it, the boys aren’t returning the favor.

What’s up with that? 

As a writer who’s made her name primarily from writing fiction for young girls (most of it based on my own experiences), I try to keep in touch with my readers.  It’s true a lot of them (but by no means the majority) are engaging in oral sex.  In many cases, it is because they (thanks to Bush-endorsed abstinence programs) think this is a safer sexual act, disease-wise, than intercourse (clearly, they did not see the episode of “Degrassi: The Next Generation,” where Emma contracted gonorrhea of the throat).

In “The Notebook Girls,” the allegedly “real” notebook kept by four teens who attended Stuyvesant High School in New York City, we are repeatedly told how “empowering” blow jobs are…which left me wondering, as always, what’s so empowering about giving sexual pleasure without receiving any in return.

This is exactly what the heroine of my new book (QUEEN OF BABBLE), wonders as well.  Like me, Lizzie doesn’t consider blow jobs empowering—unless she’s getting one in return.

And when this very issue comes to a head—ouch, sorry—while visiting her boyfriend in his native England, Lizzie makes her dissatisfaction known…and finds herself basically homeless until the departure date on her non-changeable airline.  What’s a girl with a big mouth (but an equally big heart) to do?

Obviously, QUEEN OF BABBLE isn’t for kids…but like all my books, it’s for readers who are still young at heart.  And like all my books, yes, it’s semi-autobiographical.  I do have a big mouth, and it does get me into trouble…although not necessarily THAT kind of trouble, Mom, I swear!

As for NAME OF GIRL I WON’T MENTION HERE, I heard that at our twentieth high school reunion last summer, she was seen in the backseat of the car of one of the most popular guys in my class—while both their spouses were still at the dance. 

I sincerely hope that, being older and wiser now, she’s started demanding a little satisfaction of her own in return for her favors. 

In the meantime, her secret is safe with me.

Oh, wait…no, I guess it isn’t!  Oops, sorry!

Comments

[Josh]

Welcome to the blog!

Good to see you dispense with the niceties and dive right into what we seem to have on our minds more than anything else.

I got no answer to your question about the inequities, but, take it from me, I can see how it could be empowering--so long as the girls actually use the power for something. I tend to think that that isn't the case, and it's just another "line" from boys.

[JDRhoades]

I had a conversation with a female friend a while back who insisted that in, ah, THAT situation, it was the "giving" partner who was in control. After all, she pointed out, he wasn't getting off until she decided it was time. Plus, she added, how much more vulnerable can a man get?

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

I think the idea that the "giving" partner is in control misses the point -- I rather strongly suspect that it's pressure from the boys that causes the girls to engage in the act in the first place. Whether that pressure is direct ("If you really loved me . . ." or "Well, if you won't, so-and-so will") or indirect (part of a young girl's identity being wrapped up in who her boyfriend is), the result is the same. The power resides with the guys.

Of course, I'd like to know whether or not the alleged epidemic of female-on-male oral sex in our schools is real -- but that's another issue.

[Kathy Sweeney aka Smart Tart]

First of all - Meg: love your books. My daughter reads them and so do I. Thanks for the heads-up on your latest. That's one I'll keep to myself.

We have had a similar discussion on this subject. There is no doubt that the giver is in a position of power. It's a heady feeling. (OK, two is enough.) I have already confessed to enjoying it. BUT, one cannot apply tne same standard to an adult couple that one applies to children.

Make no mistake - regardless of what their hormones or throats are telling them, these are children. Children. They are not having a relationship, any more than they have a relationship with their favorite lip gloss. They just don't have the capacity to even understand what that means.

As a mother of a two teens, I can tell you it scares the hell out of me. I am about ready to adopt the custom of our electrician - the largest human I've ever seen in person, who makes his kids' dates (both girls and boys) come into the house to meet him, while he's sitting next to an end table adorned with a large hand-gun, and where he delivers that classic line about, if necessary to protect the honor of his own kids, he has 'No trouble returning to prison.'

[JDRhoades]

Kerry and Kathy: you make good points. The friend I was quoting was, at the time, an adult and very sure of herself.

Just goes to show that you can't generalize across all age groups and situations as to who has the power.

In fact, I wonder how many young girls are using sex or the lack of same as reward and punishment to manipulate the boy in their life. I saw that in high school too.

[Kathy Sweeney aka Smart Tart]

JD - bingo.

Have you heard about the girls with the Wish Lists on their websites? No kidding - I first read about it in Michele Martinez' "Finishing School" - but subsequently learned it happens everywhere.

The Wish List contains a list of items - shoes, cell phone, etc and what the giver of such items can expect in return - in the form of sexual favors. The world's oldest profession on the world's newest technology.

[Josh]

Kathy,

Do they have age cut-offs? Does it matter if we--er, I mean the boys--are married?

[sarah S]

Josh...puhleeze.

[Kathy Sweeney aka Smart Tart]

Josh - that reminds me of the time we saw a report on kids selling weed in a school playground. My husband had two questions:

1. Where are these schools?; and
2. Are they open late?

[Cinema Dave]

As a proud card carrying member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and in the issue of fairness;
I must state that it was the impeached President Clinton who brought oral sex into the classroom and not Bush-endorsed abstinence programs).

It was William Jefferson Clinton's who
"did not have sexual relations with that woman -"
...but we all know what he did with Miss Lewinsky....

[sarah S]

Don't even start with me, Cinema Dave...If you wanna talk semantics...

[Cassie]

Right, Dave. Teenagers had never heard of oral sex until 1998. Let's blame a Clinton.

[sarah S]

Don't even start with me, Cinema Dave...If you wanna talk semantics...

[Cinema Dave]

History is on my side with this one....

[laurenjharwood]

At least when Clinton had oral sex in the oval office the price of gas stayed the same...

[sweetpea]

My best friend told her teenaged daughter that "blow jobs suck. Don't do them"

[Kathy Sweeney aka Smart Tart]

HAH!

"Blow Jobs Suck"

I think I saw that on a T-shirt at the beach.

[Cinema Dave]

I read from the Jay Leno Times that Bill Clinton wrote the slogans for all of those t-shirts.

[JDRhoades]

A bit obsessed with the Clenis, aren't we, Dave?

[Cinema Dave]

..just putting the Clenis where the mouth is Dusty....

[Jeanna]

I may be a bit late to be commenting, but I have to say that there's nothing new under the sun -- whether or not oral sex counted as sex was an ongoing argument among my group of friends in college. The girls said it was, of course, and the majority of the guys said it wasn't. This was 20 years ago, so you can't blame this one on Clinton, I'm afraid.

[Cinema Dave]

The reason I brought Clinton into this message thread to correct a factual historical misconception.
(See earlier post).

I had been a middle school teacher and I am quite relieved that I departed from the publci classroom in June of 1997. I was a social studies teacher and I encouraged my students to watch the news for extra credit. Imagine the complaints I would have gotten from parents when the Clinton scandal broke in January 1998!

[Gilbert]

Longtime listener, first time caller...

Anyone, young or old, who thinks the 'giver' is in the position of power is sadly being manipulated, or just a complete idiot.

The women who try and make this argument are the same as the strippers who try and make the argument that they're not being exploited or not selling themselves out because they're "in charge."

Meg is absolutely right, and as a man who ranks blowjobs up there with fresh air to breathe, I never, ever want nor expect one without absolutely returning the oral favor. Why would I?

[sarah S]

And we may reach you how?

[JDRhoades]

"Anyone, young or old, who thinks the 'giver' is in the position of power is sadly being manipulated, or just a complete idiot."

Thanks, Gilbert, I'll pass your dismissive and dogmatic reply along to my friend. Don't be surprised if she shows up and kicks your ass.

[Mad Scientist Matt]

Kathy, I once met a cantankerous old man while I was in high school who told me that he had come up with a new way to ensure boys would treat his daugher right. He said they were getting too used to threats with shotguns, so he required any prospective dates to put down a $20 deposit, refundable only if they brought his daughter back before curfew.

No, I didn't date his daughter - I was working with him on a project to clean up a local park.

[Kathy Sweeney aka Smart Tart]

Geez, forget to check back and see what you miss?

Mad Scientist Matt - I like it. But $20 is nothing these days. Reminds me of that scene from "The Marrying Man" where it costs Alec Baldwin $50,000 when he hooks up with Kim Basinger again. Forshadowing, anyone?

Now - Gilbert: don't know you, and you don't know me, but of all the things I am, I'm not an idiot.

And JD - tell your friend I'll drive.

[kamagra online]

I think the idea that the "giving" partner is in control misses the point -- I rather strongly suspect that it's pressure from the boys that causes the girls to engage in the act in the first place. Whether that pressure is direct ("If you really loved me . . ." or "Well, if you won't, so-and-so will") or indirect (part of a young girl's identity being wrapped up in who her boyfriend is), the result is the same. The power resides with the guys.

[generic viagra]

I may be a bit late to be commenting, but I have to say that there's nothing new under the sun -- whether or not oral sex counted as sex was an ongoing argument among my group of friends in college. The girls said it was, of course, and the majority of the guys said it wasn't. This was 20 years ago, so you can't blame this one on Clinton, I'm afraid.

[viagra online prescription]

Kerry and Kathy: you make good points. The friend I was quoting was, at the time, an adult and very sure of herself.

Just goes to show that you can't generalize across all age groups and situations as to who has the power.