Boob Control

Boob Control

By Kathy Reschini Sweeney, who has a female reproductive system and is therefore qualified to be the Decider

I know I said I was going to try to stay out of politics - but this one crosses all political parties, subdivisions, and inclinations.

Knock, Knock.

Who's There?

A Man Who wants to control your Uterus.

Go Fuck Yourself.

And that goes double for a RELIGIOUS man who wants to control my uterus.  How about getting your own cat houses in order before you bound into my bedroom?   The unfortunate reality is that most religious institutions wouldn't know a moral high ground if it were on a relief map in their laps. Yeah. I DID put it that way, because after all, I must be totally driven by penis envy.  Riiiiiiiight.

Earlier today on Facebook, I posted the following image along with the following message:

 

"Memo to all elected officials and those who aspire to same: This country needs jobs. We checked and no one's Uterus is hiring. So get the hell out of our reproductive systems and do some actual WORK to put Americans back to WORK."

See, I think it should be about controlling the boobs aka idiots from saying and doing things that will set the entire world back about a hundred years and less about what goes on in my Va-Jay-Jay and the surrounding community of my own body.  

For purposes of discussion, let's refer to all male politicians (and some idiot women who need to turn in their estrogen and take one for the team, I am talking to you Liz Trotta, just saying) as "Senators".  Just because.

Do you see me evaluating a Senator (former, current or future) in terms of how his johnson functions?  You do not.

Do you see me requiring that said Senator watch films on impotence, protected sex or HIV before he can get a prescription for Viagra or Cialis?  You do not.

Do you see me requiring Senators to wear ice packs when they ride bikes so it doesn't impact their sperm count?  You do not.  

Do you hear me requiring that the Senators impanel a committee to discuss the general use and prohibition of any activity related to their beans and weiners?  You do not.  Blech.

Those kinds of invasions and violations of civil rights would be ridiculous.

Naturally, in order to avoid a rise in blood pressure that would blow one of my eyes out of its socket, I am going to try to make fun.  Because Mel Brooks said that is the very best way to take down a villian - make him a joke.

Thus, my first BUMPER STICKER CONTEST!!  The winner will get a gift certificate to Mystery Lovers Bookshop (because not every town has a Fredricks of Hollywood or a Condom Nation).

Here is my first proposal:

HEY!  If you guys don't stop messing with our uteri,

you won't be welcome in the neighborhood.

 

I will be back with more, but first, it's your turn!

Okay, this one  has been rolling around in my head all day:

STOP DICKING AROUND WITH MY UTERUS

NOW it's your turn... 

Here is one for Tuesday:

Let's Talk About Birth Control.  Right after Your Vasectomy.

And here is a paraphrase from a classic SNL Point/Counterpoint:

"Senator, if only birth control had been available when your mother got pregnant with you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Nell]

NO LAW SHOULD BE HYSTERICAL

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Excellent entry from our resident Pharm expert - well done, Golden Girl!

[Gaylin]

Look me in the eye, not the uteri.

[ArkansasCyndi]

It's my vagina. Make your own laws for yours.

[mary lynn]

I'm having a stupid day for quips, perhaps it will improve after a nap.

what we need is another campaign against overpopulation like we did in the 70s. Gawd knows it's worse now and we have exceeded the Malthusian tipping point.

make it shameful to have more than two children.

[Tom]

Keep Your Small-Gummint Hands Out Of My Pants
(or we'll have to talk about your small-gummint penis)!

[m]

Look with your eyes and not with your hands.
Then a picture of a vagina.

[Maryann Mercer]

There's a reason some men are called dick-heads, because that's what they think with.(Not a bumper sticker, but oh so true.)
"U.T.E.R.U.S. Look it up. It's a woman thing."
That...and anger...are all I got, Kath. Good luck to the winner. I'm in line for a bumper sticker :o)

[AlisonB]

I've got a better place to stick that bottle of aspirin Friess...

IDK, I am still thinking...

[Storyteller Mary]

From my late, sainted mother:
Those people should keep their noses out of other people's bodies!

. . . and glad your sense of humor and righteous wrath are both working well, Kathy!

[NancyP]

Say no to state rape!

[NancyP]

By which I was referring to the law in Virgin-ia that makes me angry enough to write a Kathy blog!

[Josh]

I saw this one last week, on the back of a 45-foot trailer that I was drafting, "Are you following Jesus this closely?" I tried to get a photo, but I haven't figured out how to zoom my iPhone, and, plus, we were going 65 mph, and I was six feet from him.

I realize this is OT, but it's my bumper sticker story of the weekend, and I intend to own it.

[Diana in STL]

Good idea Kathy I hope you get some good ones. Great blog. I'm so sick of the idiots who believe it's their way or the highway and sadly keep gathering enough followers to make it happen. I've watched Missouri turn from a "bellwether" state to a "bats in the belfry" state and it is scary.

[Diane Russom Harrison]

MY VA-JAY-JAY BELONGS TO ME ALONE! NO TRESSPASSERS ALLOWED!

[Diane Russom Harrison]

LEAVE MY VAGINA OUT OF YOUR POLITICS! TRESPASSERS WILL BE NEUTERED!

[Cathy Smith]

What part of 'private parts' don't you understand?

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Yeast infections are contagious.

[lil Gluckstern]

My body, my decision. Though honestly, I love some of the others ;)

[NancyM]

Take your own damn aspirin.

[Doc In CA]

You can stick a probe in my vagina when I can massage your prostate with a cattle prod.

[Alan P.]

How is it that the goverment out of our buisness does not include the bedroom?

Start your smaller goverment with getting out of my sex life

[Kathleen Oravec]

Good blog, Kath. So true. And, that aspirin comment especially burned me. Is that supposed to apply to legally married women who wish to control the size of their families, too? Not that that matters, but, seriously, where the HELL did that comment come from? Santorum is absolutely terrifying...not that there is a sensible choice among that group...

Anyway, I don't have a bumper sticker...but, I really liked "no law should be hysterical" and "what part of 'private parts' don't you understand?" especially; though I appreciate all the submissions.

[M. Passerrello]

Deny a woman contraception --- Go fuck yourself (LOL)

[Pam aka SisterZip]

My choice is between Doc & Alan. Made me really LOL.