Welcome to Life in Boobburgh

Welcome to Life in Boobburgh

By Kathy Reschini Sweeney

I'm back and blogging.  This time it's just me, and since I'm not blogging with any responsible authors trying to sell you books or anything, I really don't have to worry about offending people. Comments are always welcome even if it takes me a while to respond.  Don't be shy - chances are you and I are the only ones reading it anyway!

I am hoping some of my friends will guest blog, even the serious author ones.  We shall see.  I don't know how often there will be a new blog.  Like all of you, I'm busy.  I just love to write.

Life in Boobburgh got its name because that's where I am right now.  I like to blog about TV (the Boob Tube), morons (aka Boobs) and I just joined the ranks of the Pink Warriors (by necessity, we are fixated on breasts, not unlike most teenage boys, but for less entertaining reasons).  I also like to blog about music and I love books.  Was going to try the name "Lullaby of Boobway" or "To Kill a Boobing Bird" but figured anyone who would actually get those were savvy enough to understand you can't always get everything you want.

If this is your first time reading my words, here is the basic scoop:  I actually live in Pittsburgh, PA (hence Boobburgh rather than Boobville, Boobland or Boobington, DC).  It is the greatest city in the world and if you think otherwise, you might be a jagoff.  I am a Mom, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend, a Lawyer, a Professor, a Godchild, a Cugina, a Wife, a Golden Girl and a Smartass, and not necessarily in that order.  

I am a woman of faith, but know I don't have an exclusive on the only path to God.  I'm just grateful I have something to believe in - I happen to call forces of nature or coincidences actions of the Holy Spirit but could care less what you believe as long as it's not some assholish kind of thing where some people are destined for hell just because of their eye color or other irrelevant dreck.

I think families are made up of more than one man, one woman and the human biological offspring thereof.  I don't care what the fuck you do in the privacy of your own bed room as long as everyone consents and no one gets hurt.  I guess I need to clarify that "consent" by definition means all participants are capable of consent - in other words, kids and animals are out.

Sometimes I talk about politics, but mostly it's because some blowhard asshat says or does something stupid, regardless of party affiliation.  I'm kind of a Libertarian (except for that Pacifist business - my people are war-mongers from way back) and I actually believe the Golden Rule has merit.

I don't like shows or movies or books that involve prison, kids in jeopardy or gross stuff like removal of parts of the head or face with a kitchen utensil.  I like funny things and I think comedians are usually the smartest people in the room, which is why I get my news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.  I still miss Calvin & Hobbes, especially the ones with the snowmen.

I come from a big Italian/Irish family.  We are loud people.  We celebrate everything.  We know people.  We know things.  Don't ask.  Plausible deniability is a hallmark of our survival.

So - I have been sitting on some classic (and real) lines from my recent adventures in medicine.  Here is one just so you get the idea of whether or not this blog is going to be in your strike zone.

As background, I was recently diagnosed with very early (Stage Zero) breast cancer called DCIS. Having surgery February 7th and the surgeon (we love her) feels confident she can get it all in an out-patient procedure.  This is really, really great news.  Hallelujah and so forth.  Naturally, I view the entire thing as a challenge to crack wise.  As follows.

1.  I had a needle biopsy.  Very high tech - kidding.  Big fancy Women's Hospital with all this expensive equipment and this thing is actually just a table with a hole in it for your breast to hang down.  I had to use a step stool to get up there.  It's kind of like a massage table, if they built it at the same time as Stonehenge.  I think it was a layer of bricks covered in a thin sheet of plastic.  You clamber up there, shove one boob in the hole and smush the other one into the bricks and then you are supposed to stay still while they treat your boob like fresh bread dough.

Then some baby doc who doesn't need to shave yet (Magee is a teaching hospital) comes in and starts messing with the dangling boob.  I have no clue what the hell this kid was supposed to be doing, but after about five solid minutes with no explanation, I said: "Hey, I haven't been manhandled like this since high school, and at least there was Riunite involved!"  

One of the nurses started to choke, and I heard another nurse head for the door and announce into the hallway: "I got a new one!"  The baby doc froze for a minute and then told me he was trying to figure out where to insert the needle.  Oh honey.  If I had a dollar for every time.....  I let that one go because sometimes you need to just pass on the easy ones.

***

Man, it feels good to blog again!  I'll be back.

In the meantime, what's new in your boob of the woods?

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Gloria]

Oh Kath, how I have missed your words. Just read this to Steve and he is still laughing, what a wonderful way to start the day! Proud to be a golden gilr with you!

[William]

Welcome back! Site bookmarked, will check back to see what new riot has been started..:)

[toni mcgee causey]

Damn, it's great to see you here, blogging again. :) And YAY that the stage was ZERO, and they'll be able to do this as an outpatient. All good wishes, heading your way.

[Cris]

Thank you for some much-needed comic relief this morning Sweeney -- I really, really needed it!

[Susan Eng]

Kack:

Thank Goodness you are back. There was an empty hole in my week without you!

Susan

[kris]

Thank you - for the return to blogging, for the update, and for the laughter. If you must be a Pink Warrior, this is undoubtedly the best way of all. Hooray for such an encouraging prognosis and (relatively) easy treatment!

Keep talking, Kathy. We're listening. And laughing.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Hey, it's working! Thanks for the comments, guys!

[Nancy Martin]

Wait a minute. You didn't hire Me, Margie to take care of your office while you're out, did you? Because I could tell you some cautionary tales.

Bookmarking now . . . .

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

This is very cool - I wasn't sure it was going to actually post and work (thanks to Holly who set it up - we will be making more changes to the appearance as time rolls on).

I didn't realize how much I missed blogging until TLC actually shut down.

And Nancy - I have no clue how to get in touch with Her, Margie. Probably best!

[Karen in Ohio]

Oh, darling, Kathy, you are a much-needed breath of fresh air. Thank you for doing this!

Only you could make a needle biopsy hilariously funny. I am crossing fingers, toes and eyes for your complete recovery, and in record time.

See you in Boobburgh!

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Oh, my sweet Lord!

So glad you are here! While I can keep up with the TLCers on Facebook, I missed the long form.

[Maryann Mercer]

So nice to see your words again! And so nice to have to put down my tea lest I spread oolong all over my desk! Not a pretty sight. Hang in there, kiddo (and I can call you that only because I am older than you...hee hee) and keep typing! I'm off to do some Tuesday errands before I fax a request (with doctor's letter) to the place I work for so I can have bottled water during my shifts. Dry mouth is no big thing unless you have it...and I hate to try and sell books (or nooks) while sounding like I have some horrid disease. Turns people off, y'know? Keep your fingers crossed. Sometimes HR people don't get the dangers of retail!
PS. Wouldn't it be nice if we could have a two-boob table for mammograms instead of those "here, honey hold your breast above your head and place it on this plastic thing" machines? Still, that doesn't stop me from getting them every year.
PPS. Anyone heard the "news" that women 65 and over no longer need to have paps? I almost fell over when my doctor said that. Really? I want to know why.

[Annette Dashofy]

Welcome back to the blogosphere, Kathy! Having had a needle biopsy (or TWO), I can so relate to the Stonehenge massage table thing.

You rock, girlfriend.

[Ramona]

Let's see, a blog run by Kathy, with no holds barred, and a group of TLC refugees commenting? Oh no, this won't be any fun at all.

I had a needle biopsy and enjoyed the hanging boob table experience, too. It didn't seem humorous at the time, but now I'll bet some entrepervneur is selling them on Craigslist.

I've got five words about this new blog,Kathy: "Damn glad to see ya!"

[judy larsen]

Oh, Kathy, how I've missed you. Yay for Boobburgh!

[Elaine Viets]

Kathy, so great to see you back and dissing cancer. You're some woman -- and one entertaining writer. Like I said before, the best of us all.

[Laurie]

Too funny! I plan on being a regular reader and have your blog bookmarked! Good luck next week!

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

"TLC Refugees" - I love that!

Yinz guys are just what the doctor (the real one, not the pre-pubescent one) ordered.

Thanks so much for the welcome!!

xo

[Baltimore Jack]

Funny how I can hear your voice when I read this. Glad I have this to read when I need a Kack fix. I could share my story about what I said during the prostate exam from my very attractive lesbian PC doc but I don't think it's appropriate for print. Keep the blogs coming ;-)

[liz]

Great Blog!!! Glad you have returned. Riunite indeed. Poor resident will never be the same. Keep us posted and if you need anything. Glad you caught it early. You are in my prayers.

[i'm ann coulter. no, i swear.]

what's a haitian dictator doing at magee anyway?

also: i am slightly sad you didn't go for "titsburgh," i think it's the more obvious rhyme. people wouldn't be able to look at the blog at work, true, but you did already say cugina.

[Laura (in PA)]

Yay!!!! You made my day, Kathy. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis, but very happy it sounds easily treatable. And your medical professionals will be treated to you, as well.

SOOO happy to see you doing this. And my profound thanks that you have now put the image of the dangling boob in my head for the rest of the day. XO

[Debby]

Ahhhhhh, now this is nice. I am so glad that you are blogging, Kathy. I have always appreciated your straight-up way of saying how you feel...and still make me laugh.

I have you bookmarked!

[Josh]

I saw a post on FB about pitchers and catchers reporting soon. When my team was in the wasteland of last place, I used to say, up until that first loss, usually on Opening Day, that we are still in first place.

And that, right now, is where the Bucs are. It is where they will stay until Opening Day. So, enjoy it while it lasts, because It Won't Last Long.

[JodiL]

Hey, Kathy, soooo very glad to see you here. So, I'm assuming you got my reference to the cows and the milking machine I sent you last week, right? My biopsy table was raised about 8 feet in the air to boot. Extra incentive not to move around too much or you'd crash off the table probably leaving said boob still stuck in that offensive hole.

Since it's a scientific fact laughter is the best medicine, we will provide the medicine, you provide the words.