Swap Meet

Swap Meet

by Harley

Last fall, my three kids switched from private school to public school, and they’ve made the transition with flying colors.

I, however, have two problems.

The first is academic. My 4^th grader takes tests constantly. Each week she brings home another dozen test scores and my reaction is, “wow, this does not look fun.”

Not only do I suspect mandatory testing sucks the joy out of learning, I’m having issues with the tests themselves. Never mind that I already need a science tutor (who here understands batteries, magnets and electrical currents?)-- I should at least be able to ace a 4^th grade English test, right?

Wrong. Take a look at this question.

“Walk” and “Run” are:

A. homonyms

B.antonyms

C.synonyms

Obviously, walk and run aren’t homonyms, which are words sounding alike but spelled differently. Are they opposites? Not to someone in a wheelchair. That leaves synonyms. Granted, these aren’t great synonyms, but you could say, “Irving, I gotta run to the store – need beer?” or “Irving, I’m taking a walk to the store. Can I pick you up some chewing tobacco?” and be in the same ballpark.

BZZZT. Incorrect. In the state of California, “walk” and “run” are antonyms. Opposites.

With private school, you can call the headmaster and say, “The opposite of ‘walk’ is not ‘run,’ it’s ‘take the elevator,’ or maybe ‘sit down with a bowl of Haagen-Dasz to watch Law & Order reruns’” and he will listen courteously, even as he rolls his eyes and thinks “wacko mom.” But whom do I call to complain about sloppy state-issued synonyms? Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Okay, moving on. Problem #2 is culinary. There are no K-5 cafeterias, so hot lunch is cooked at an undisclosed location and sent by truck to district elementary schools, where it goes from edible to, in technical terms, “gross,” “yuck” or “if I eat that, Mommy, I will throw up.”

So I pack lunches. But I do not like packing lunches. Writing novels is easy. Lunch is hard.

Excellence in Packed Lunch requires 2-3 different breads, fresh cold cuts, snacks not made entirely of high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated whatevers, in colorful plastic reusable bags that must be cleaned daily. Evidence of failure to meet standards of excellence returns home each afternoon, in the form of half-eaten pears, sandwiches, and celery sticks, along with oral critiques (“it had a brown spot” or “the bread was squishy” or “You gave me that same stuff last week”).

So while my offspring would rather eat Elmer’s Glue than my lunches, I’m haunted by visions of starving children in China, and the ghosts of slaughtered cold-cuts. (Peanut butter & jelly are out, because school’s a nut-free zone, due to kids with seriously scary life-threatening allergies.)

So I propose a swap meet.

You deliver to my house at 7:15 each morning three vitamin-rich, appetizing lunches in environmentally sound containers that will fit into backpacks already overstuffed with books.

In return I will (choose one):

A. Clean your kitchen, bathroom, or car

B. Do your laundry

C. Make the beds

But why stop there? You do my grocery shopping, answer my e-mails, maintain Facebook, Twitter, etc., and I will go to the gym for you, walk your dog, get a root canal, and stand in line at the post office.   You take my car in for service, I’ll get your bunny’s toenails clipped. You organize my tax stuff, I’ll paint your bedroom (includes faux finishes). You handle all future divorce proceedings, I’ll throw you some gorgeous weddings.

I’ll do your Pap smears and mammograms if you’ll have your teeth cleaned for me.

I’ll suffer through your winters if you’ll lose my ten pounds.

Who’s with me? What d’ya got?

Harley

Comments

[Doc In CA]

If somebody is willing to clean the chronicly infected ears of my basset hound, Winker, I will gladly come and set you up with an organic veggie garden, paint your house and unleash Hell upon your enemies.

If anybody would like to get a prostate gland biopsy for me, I'll gladly take a bullet...no, TWO bullets...for you.

[Laura (in PA)]

I'm sorry, "walk" and "run" are NOT antonyms. Whoever wrote that question obviously never worked at, or even went to, a public pool. They're constantly shouting "WALK!" to all the kids running near the pool.

Man, Harley - I would do almost anything for you if you'd go to the gym for me. How about if I read all the books in your TBR pile?

[Rod Pennington]

Great. Thanks Harley for the “Mr. Mom” flashback moment. And just when I had gotten past the night sweats. For one who has been down this lonely and soul depleting road, be careful of creating the “Food Frankenstein”.

For over a decade I catered to the ever changing culinary whims of my daughters and my eldest was an absolute nightmare. Unfortunately for those trapped in her orbit, it has only gotten worse with time. Pity the poor server who has to deal with “Princess Gluten Free”. They had better have all of the ingredients of every item on the menu memorize or they will be spending the next hour trekking back and forth to the kitchen to speak to the cook.

Harley, I have two words for you. “Little Debbie”.

[William Simon]

PB&J are *forbidden*? As in NOT ALOWED? I understand the problems of those with allergies, but *forbidden* across the board?

In terms of barter, I'll offer to watch all the movies you never get to see if you'll catch up on my sleep. Sound fair????

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yes, it's scary and dangerous, but, you know to us writers (and the twisted minds in the TV news business), what they call it is hilarious. When we did a story about it, (just as you were told), the principal said:

"Peanut butter is not allowed. We're a nut-free zone."

Oh. I just howled with laughter. A Nut-free zone?? NUT FREE? All you have to do is say so? My producer and I instantly put up a signdoor proclaiming our office was a nut-free zone. But still, the nuts arrived at our door.

Harley, if you'll empty the dishwasher (hate that) and fold the laundry and PLAN the meals, I'll happily iron your clothes and make the meals.

Walk and run are NOT antonyms. That's like saying skip and walk are antonyms. Grr.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, I just have to learn to preview. That was supposed to say:

My producer and I instantly put up a sign proclaiming our office was a nut-free zone. But

Do you all preview before you post? Or are you just better typists than I am? Sorry. Digression.

[Cinema Dave]

Having been both a student and public school teacher, I have a bizarre relationship with "standardized testing."

If I were judged on my test scores alone, Basket Weaving 101 would have been my calling in life. Yet I remembered I had to take a standardized test when I was a High School Junior and it was a piece of cake. In fact, I said, "If my classmates can't pass this, they do not deserve a high school diploma."

However, there has been a trend in education that "grades are more important than knowledge." Administrative burreaucrats are creating academic benchmarks in which instructors are "teaching to the test."

While benchmarks are important to the educational process, it does overshadow individual achievement. What do you say about a student who had a D- average in High School math? The same student who made an "A" in college algebra?

Benchmarks are good, but not all benchmarks can be achieved at the same time by the individual.

[ArkansasCyndi]

I'll check up on your sleep for you if you'll bathe my dog every other day with special shampoo that has to remain in contact with her skin for a minimum of 5 minutes.

[judy merrill larsen]

I for one can say I've NEVER been in a school that's a Nut-free zone. Never.

Okay, Harley, I'll plan your meals for the week and even come over and cook them if you'll organize my closet, and lose the 10 (oh, okay, 20) pounds I should lose.

I'll knit you lovely scarves (my new hobby) if you'll unclutter my coffee table. And keep it that way.

[Karen in Ohio]

Harley, having been granted a do-over in kid-raising by virtue of having two families, fourteen years apart, I found that I did things much differently the second time around. And one of those different things was to have whiny, complaining kids do whatever it was they didn't like me doing, THEMSELVES. Yes, I was the "bad" mother who made my kids do their own laundry and pack their own lunches. But my kids also ate nearly everything they took for lunch.

And here's another tip, which was an incentive for the kids to pack their lunches, as well: We together figured out how many lunches there were to be in the coming month, then multiplied the cost per lunch by the number of lunch days. My girls were then given that amount at the beginning of the month, and if they packed their own lunches instead of purchasing lunch, whatever they had at the end of the month was theirs to do with as they would. The older of the two rarely ever ate school lunch, except for one day a month when they served the single thing she liked; the other one ate about one lunch a week at school. They both ended high school with a nice little savings account.

In return, I promised to have all the stuff they liked on hand, as well as paper lunch bags, etc. The older (who is my middle daughter) loved salads with no dressing, and she must have been the only kid in fifth grade taking salad for lunch every day.

[Rod Pennington]

Hank: When you are as creative and flexible with spelling and grammar as I am, I type it in a Word doc and do a cut and paste.

[Kathy Sweeney]

Nut Free Zone. Another joke that writes itself.

My daughter has a nut allergy - but it's not so severe that she can't be around nuts. Did I mention this stuff writes itself?

I have friends with kids who have major allergies, including Celiac disease. My sister gave up on relying on other parents to follow the no gluten rule for snacks (her son was not the only one with Celiac in the class) because some would say: "Oh, there's just a little flour in there - it won't hurt him." In fact, it would send him to the ER, in the best case.

More later on standardized tests, a current pet peeve.

[Harley]

Yes, Karen, that might be next up for me, packing their lunches, but my twins are only in 2nd grade, and not only might Supervision of the Packing of Lunches be more challenging than packing them myself, it will require we all wake up half an hour earlier. But your solution is my Master Plan, to be implemented in the coming years.

Okay, bring on the pets. I'll bathe ArkansasCyndi's dog, and call in the Mobile Groomers for Doc's bassett hound's ears. I'll fold Hank's laundry and empty her dishwasher, and yes, yes, yes, I can keep Judy's coffee table uncluttered. Piece of cake.

But can anyone collect a morning urine sample of my dog Jinn, at around 6:30 a.m. PST?

[Amy]

Again, I think we may be living the same life. Except you're taller and prettier and wittier – and, of course, much older. I'll lose those 10 pounds for you if you'll lose 20 for me, 'K? Oh, our vet cuts our bunnies' nails for free.

And I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't pack peanut butter. My kids are vegetarian, and there's not a lot that's grosser than a soggy, warm cheese sandwich with wilted lettuce.

[Harley]

Yes, William, I will sleep for you. (But not with you, as I am scared of The Boss.)

As for Nut Free Zones, which are not at all the same as Mandatory Sanity Zones, and which should properly be called Nut-and-Lentil-Free Zones, the deal is this, William: Anaphylaxis can be brought on by just kissing someone who's eaten a peanut, or holding hands with someone, and then touching one's lips. And with little kids, notorious food traders and germ sharers, it's the only way to keep them safe.

Is anyone doing research on why there are more nut/peanut allergies these days than there used to be? Or am I just imagining this?

[Paulina]

Oh, Harley, I have the same kind of problems with the school lunches, I get the kids picked up from school by the babysitter for a lunch time otherwise it’s exactly the same “Barf”. Strange, I don’t have bad memories about the school food but times change... My eldest had been going to the school cafeteria for almost three years and the only thing she’d ever eaten was a piece of bread. Obviously, the French cuisine is not served at schools, though to defend the school cafeterias, I have to say that my eldest is particularly hard to feed.

I can do shopping for you, make dishwashing (if your dishwasher is out of order), write a complaint to the court if you put in order my kids’ rooms and my desk, sew some buttons and go to the gym in my place (but you don’t have to climb the stairs, I can do it myself).

[Ramona]

An entire post about swapping, and not one mention of Blond Bond?

Tsk tsk, Harley.

[Elaine Viets]

There are more nut allergies, Harley. I've seen the stats. One guess is that we're over-protective of our children. But how can any parent not be?
Now, if you will clean the cat box, I'll try to get your sleep.

[Harley]

Amy, my 7-year old son will do testimonials on the horrors of warm cheese and its demonic effect on bread.

Send me those gluten-free kids. I was married to a Celiac (an ex-Catholic Celiac, no less!) for a decade and I still flinch when buying regular flour, as though it's some illicit substance.

[Harley]

Pauline, I'm all over those unsewn buttons.

[Karen Olson]

Try having a kid who doesn't eat sandwiches and won't eat the hot lunches at school. My husband actually marinates chicken thighs and cooks up a week's worth of them on Sundays. He also makes her a little Caesar salad every day (or tomato and mozarella, depends on the season), and a piece of fruit. She eats everything.

[Alan P.]

Swap confirmed. I will stay away from the great peanut debate (a legume not a nut for those schools who are biology challenged) and just be glad that Princess 1's school requires a doctor's diagnosis before send a child to the peanut free table. You know, requiring a trip to the doc cut peanut allergies more than 20%? Hummmmm?

I just roll with the lunch ebbs and flows. Diced peaches? I bought them because you said you would eat them? Oh well. Pricess 1's current favorite is baby spinach, provolone and crackers that all go in a divided container to be assembled at school. Her classmates think she is strange, but we told her they do not have to eat her lunch and she is ok with that.

We do lunchables from time to time. The ones without their own candy and then for some reason, the koolaid packet seems to dissapear from the container.

The laundry is piling up, you had better hurry. IOh, and do you iron?

[Kathy Sweeney]

"Standardized" testing beef:

My daughter is at a public high school in a program we used to call "gifted". Beginning with her freshman year, I noticed she and her classmates (there are about 30 of them in this program) were taking some kind of standardized test every time I turned around.

I started digging and found out that this is one way the schools are juking the stats. They administer only the minimum mandatory tests to the entire school, but they get their hands on every test available and give it just to the "smart" kids. Then they blend all the scores together when they report them.

Yet another idiotic response to NCLB. ARRGGGHHH!

[Marcia in OK]

One of the two good things that I've found about being a working mom and having sent my daughters to day care as infants through pre-school - they learned to eat whatever was on the daycare menu that day.

My kids eat almost every day at school. Thankfully, the do have a cafeteria/kitchen in each school in our district, so the food is prepared on site and warm at least. On the rare occasions that they do pack a lunch, the fix it themselves - at night before going to bed.

I've taught them to sort their laundry by type (multiple laundry baskets for each load - lights, darks, towels, delicates) and now, I think we'll work on actually using the machines. My oldest can just now reach the knobs without a stepstool.

I'll mow grass and plant bedding plants in exchange for grocery shopping and dealing with my car stuff.

[Rod Pennington]

To all the guys out there, you may want to take it up a notch with your offers. My last off blog email to a certain tall, blonde mystery writer in LA was only three words.

Yes Mistress Harley....

[Harley]

Marcia, you're on! Come take care of my lawn & garden! Now!

My kids ate hot lunch every day at private school, without comment. I'm telling you, it's almost worth that $75 grand in tuition to not have to pack lunches.

Ah, No Child Left Behind. Such a lovely name. Such a misguided program.

[Robin Burcell]

Harley,
You come up and tutor my twins in algebra, I will come down and make your twins lunch *every* day.

[Kerry]

Don't even get me started on standardized testing. I and my colleagues have been watching its effects on college students for the last 5 years or so, and it's truly frightening (not to mention frustrating for all concerned). The worst is that it's leaving perfectly bright, perfectly willing, perfectly capable young people perfectly unprepared for college. Grrr indeed.

I lucked out with my daughter re:lunches. We nearly always managed to find some kind of reasonably healthy food that she would eat as a packed lunch, and I eventually married an amazing man who was willing to do the packing.

I don't know what I have to trade - I will type, go to the gym, tutor students in Biology, proofread, clean closets, and file for anyone who will manage my e-mail and make sure I stay caught up with my paperwork. I will willingly get tattoos for those too nervous to get their own and provide martial arts advice for those who think heroes/heroines might want to kick guns/knives/OED's out of an assailant's hands (doesn't really work except in fiction) in exchange for car washing and dusting. Especially the dusting!

[Edie]

I agree with Karen in Ohio. This is what we did with our son, who never ended up with a dime left over. However, he was happy at lunchtime. As long as your children don't have any food or health issues, I wouldn't stress out about the quality of their lunches. You could let them be part of this decision-making and -assembling process.

[Harley]

Ramona! Forgive me! Is that Blond Bond pestering you? Send him over to me.

In return, I'll send you bunny, who needs a bath.

[Harley]

No, no, Robin. I do windows, but I don't do math.

[Paulina]

Robin, don't you want to come to me to make my eldest daughter lunch (breakfast and dinner can be added) and I’ll tutor your twins in French or Russian (unfortunately, no algebra but inorganic chemistry may work as well).

[peach]

Fortunately my daughter graduated high school before the great "nut" allergy crisis came into full swing and I didn't have to deal with it. She took a p-butter and jelly sandwich everyday, which was her choice. Don't know what our school district's current policy is since I no longer have anyone in my sphere who is associated with the school. While I know that peanut and nut allergies exist and are life threatening to those who are unfortunate to have them, I feel that it's become overblown and yes "fashionable" to have a child with a peanut allergy as Alan P. alluded to in his post "...20% reduction..." I tend to lump this with the MMR vaccine/autism group, the Attention Deficit/Hyperactive diagnosis group, and so on and so on and so on.

I first became aware of 'teaching for the test' back in the mid 80's when my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, who were then still teaching in the Pittsburgh Public School system, told me of the requirement for curriculum to focus on what was being tested by the state. At that time I thought, "Oh that's just the city school's trying to make their score's higher so they don't look like a failure. It will never happen in my neck of the woods." Never say never.

I sent my daughter to public schools because I didn't think home schooling was an answer. My image of home school was of religious conservatives, or earth mother types not wanting their children to be contaminated by being in the public school system. If my daughter was age 5 again and just about to start school, with what I know now, I would definitely be considering home schooling. No wonder we have a nation of dummies.

My cousin who is currently living in North Carolina says the state is currently proposing a state mandated curriculum change which would place little or no emphasis on early American History up to and including the Civil War. As I majored in history in college my pet peeve has always been how poorly history is taught in American schools. My focus on that has always been "the jock social studies teachers". With the public school emphasis on athletic competition they want teachers who can be coaches. Thus they spawned all those social studies teachers who chose social studies not because they liked history/geography/etc. but because it was their means to an end. The end being staying involved in athletics. I could go on and on about this subject, but I won't subject you to it.

Harley, I'll trade you packed lunches for coming to groom & bathe my dog. (Not an easy job as she has long thick hair:combing, washing, cream rinse, blow dry, hair trim and nail clip. A half day gone in no time.)

Hank: Don't know what web browser you use, but I use Firefox and there is an application you can download which spell checks everything you type on the web. All misspellings are underlined and it's just like Word spell check with it's suggested spellings. I can't live without it. But like Word it doesn't distinguish proper word usage IE: there/their/they're. Unfortunately it doesn't come with a grammar check.

[xena]

Soooo....Rod...what else are you creative and flexible with? I'm sure you have more to bring to the, um, table.
Harley I will make you private school lunches on a public school budget and throw in some extremely fashionable outfits to wear at book signings(one of a kind that will make you look like a million designed by me)if you'll clean my house. Especially the ice box as there are dog hairs in the ice cube trays. I refur (ha!) to that as roughage.

[xena]

ruff-age?

[Rod Pennington]

Mistress Xena. I'll be at Sleuthfest this coming weekend at Deerfield Beach, FL. Stop over and find out for yourself.

[storyteller Mary]

No Child Left Behind -- by not letting any child get ahead . . .
A friend used the metaphor of the farmer who weighted the pigs constantly, but they never gained weight because he had no time to feed them. My worst moment was when the principal made me turn down 60 free tickets to a Shakespeare play because of "accountability. We can't take them out of their core classes." Mostly, I just shut my door and taught -- admin can't watch you all the time. A friend in Utah ignored all the test prep stuff and did storytelling, writing, reading -- his kids had the highest scores in his district.
We went through much angst about the peanut ban in local districts, and compiled suggestions for alternatives, including soups in thermoses and other nut butters (which are delicious).
Laura, I was going to say that "run" and "walk" are ONLY antonyms to lifeguards at pools . . . ;-)

[storyteller Mary]

uh, Xena, perhaps the housecleaning needs to come before the lunch-preparing?? ruff-age in the lunches might be as bad as peanuts . . . or perhaps a bit of the "hair of the dog" could help like allergy shots??
Meanwhile, I'm with those who support letting the fussy 4th-grade-and-up eaters fix their own lunches . . .

[storyteller Mary]

I'd gladly tell stories in exchange for tax prep help . . . oh, and suitcase packing. I always love in the old movies, the woman telling her maid, "We'll be going to . . . tomorrow for two weeks. Please pack my bags."
Rod, Harley, we want to hear more . . .

[marie]

Harley, I would be your house slave forever if you could convince the higher powers at NBC to air some of the Winter Olympic events such as Figure Skating, Ice Dancing and all the ice broadcasts as one block early each evening so I don't have to stay up till midnight to watch the "important" challengers perform.
I am sooo exhausted!!!
BTW, I am reading your novels this week and loving them!
I dreaded Packed school lunch days when I was a kid because the sandwiches where made with Sandwich spread which would not fit into the dietary list today.

[Holly Gault]

Speaking as a former nanny, as I have no parental qualifications, put out on the counter to choose from: deli chicken chunks, cheese squares, pepperoni, hard boiled eggs, celery-cucumber-carrot-jicama strips, fruit, salad dressing or sourcream-yogurt dip, crackers, cookies or cake squares.

You only have to make sure that the lunch making box is kept reasonably filled and then it's up to them. My charges were 12 you twins, a 9 and a 6 yo, all girls.

[gaylin in vancouver]

Rod, you made me laugh with the Princess Gluten Free comment. Having been stuck with grain allergies since 1996, it is a pain going out to eat. I have a few restaurants that I like and I can order without asking too many questions. I am so thankful I can eat nuts!

Harley - I will fold all your laundry if you let me play with your kids. I miss running around being a fool with children. I will even distract them for as long as possible so you can read your own TBR . . .

I remember lunches in Grade 12 when my braces were cranked up so tight I could barely chew, pudding and a banana, ugh. The worst was when I would get my sisters lunch bag instead of mine, she loved mustard and I hated it.

[Ramona]

Harley said: "Ramona! Forgive me! Is that Blond Bond pestering you? Send him over to me. In return, I'll send you bunny, who needs a bath."

What a coincidence--Blond Bond needs a bath, too! You be sure to take care of that while you've got him.

Semi-hijack, but did anyone read the news story that a pediatricians' group wants to change the shape of hot dogs, to prevent choking? They are recommending a non-cylindrical shape. For a hot dog. That seems so wrong.

I wonder if there will be design contest for the new hot dog shape. That could be pretty funny.

[Marie]

A new Fox tv entry "Human Target" used the peanut allergy scenario. An important witness was being transported by airplane and would't you know her pillow had been tampered with and peanut dust had seeped through her pillow causing her to go into a peanut induced coma. The writers must have children in the school system..hats off to them for this ingenious plot.
Testing in our school consisted of "MGM" scoring. One daughter got into the program..the other girl missed by mere points. They both achieved their goals. But I have to say stigmas imposed by points can be damaging.

[Rod Pennington]

Marie: Sounds like an NCIS episode:

http://www.tvsquad.com/2010/01/27/review-ncis-jet-lag/

With Ziva and Tony watching everything, it seemed like Nora was safe, so the bit with a pillow laced with peanut dust causing an allergic reaction was very smart.

[Natasha]

Harley, please, help me to learn English language, and I will help your rabbit, who needs a bath. I have such experience. I had two strange chinchillas, they barked at night as dogs. But I promise it will not occur to your rabbit.

[Harley]

BTW, Alan P. is right -- peanuts are legumes, not nuts. I mistakenly called them lentils.

And I went to school back in the days when girls took Home Ec and boys took Shop. And not the Costco shopping Shop either. (I know, I am really dating myself now.) And yes, since this was in rural Nebraska, every math, history or social studies teacher was in fact a coach. Fortunately, we moved to the Inner City and I got "real" teachers before all my synaptic pathways were shut down.

[Laura (in PA)]

Harley - Home Ec is now called "Family and Consumer Science." I kid you not.

I will bathe your rabbit AND get the dog's urine sample if you'll get my daughter her driver's license before she turns 21 - in a month.

[Natasha]

Forgive me, I wished to tell "I have such practice"

[Rita Scott]

hmmm, maybe the text books are now being printed in China. Hey, as long as it's cheaper, who cares if it's right?
I'm like Karen. When my kids started bitching about their food & laundry, they got to do it themselves.
At one time mine even qualified for free school lunches. It didn't bother my daughter but OMG! my son would rather go hungry than have anybody know we were poor!

[nancy martin]

Harley, my daughters packed their own lunches starting in 2nd grade. Your offspring can do the same. Once I started making a big batch of chicken tenders on Sundays, bought the diced fruit in little cups and drew amusing pictures on the paper bags, my life got easier. And neither one of them starved.

I will bathe any pet if someone will lose 20 pounds for me. Make it 30 pounds, and I will collect urine, too.

I want to hear more about Natasha's chincilla's, though!

[Laura (in PA)]

Natasha, your English is better than a lot of Americans I know.

[Ramona]

Rita, you hit on one of big time school complaints. When I was a volunteer, it used to make me crazy that everyone knew who was a free lunch kid. Surely there had to be a way to keep that private. But nope, everybody knew, at least as the schools I saw. I wonder how many children went hungry because it wasn't kept more discreet?

[xena]

OK Rod...I need more info to get into the car and drive somewhere in Florida. That's why we have our fingerprints on file and photo IDs. In case we end up in the everglades inside a ginormous python or something.
I am headed up to the VIP tent in Deerfield for the Renfest March 6th, however.
Want to be my knight in shining armor?
I'll supply the armor just tell me your measurements, Hmmmmm?
Yes Harley the ice box is the first thing to clean. Well that and the Isaac Dog. Did I mention I asked the youth at church to forget the car washes? They need to have a dog wash once a week!

[Harley]

Ramona, Blond Bond is upstairs bathing right now. I don't even want to know how he got so . . . oh, never mind.

And, as every free lunch kid knows -- there really is no free lunch.

Natasha, it's true: your English is charming. And just from reading this blog you now know that "walk" and "run" aren't antonyms and that peanuts aren't nuts.

I might like my bunny to bark like a dog (or a chinchilla.)

[Becky Hutchison]

Harley, I'm glad you still have your little bunny.

I don't know what I would have done if my son's schools had been peanut-free. All he ate for a long time was peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly, just PB) for lunch. Luckily he outgrew that stage. Also, luckily, his dad packed the lunches for our daughter and son.

Now, for the swap: I'll read your TBR pile, do your grocery shopping and take your car in for serviving, if you'll dust and vacuum my house, wash my dog once a week with oatmeal shampoo, and clean his ears out too.

[Harley]

Xena, unplug the icebox right now and let it start defrosting. I'll be right over.

As soon as Blond Bond is out of the bathtub.

[Margaret]

Do the nut-free schools allow sunflower seeds? They're not nuts by any definition I can think of. My peanut-allergic daughter loves sunflower butter.

[Harley]

Ah, good question. I think a trip to Whole Foods is in my immediate future.

I can't imagine they don't distinguish between seeds and nuts -- they may even consider them to be antonyms!

[xena]

Oh and please Sir Rodney...please address me as Xena Princess Warrior from now on. (Miss stress indeed! Are you paying my rent?)
Unplugging the ice box as I write Harley. Does the BB use that new Dove for men soap I saw advertised during the Super Bowl? Or is he a real man and use Lava?

[Karen in Ohio]

Harley, I will trade you a costume change for Bob and a day off from the kids for another Wollie adventure. Anytime. ;-)

[Marie]

I just returned from Barnes and Noble where I purchased Hank's DRIVE TIME. They had it shelved in New Romance releases so I had to do a double search for this fabulous title.
Rod, I can hardly wait each week for NCIS.
I should have remembered the airplane episode in this series. Frankly, my brain freezeth over from too much Olympics viewing..LOL!

[Laraine]

Harley, you're a saint to take on my root canal (you can schedule it conveniently for when BB is on location instead of in your shower), and stand in line at the post office for me. I'll happily take on the school lunch duties. It would even be worth it to me to capture your dog's urine sample at 6:30 a.m.--AND take it to the vet--if you would decide what vehicle I should buy to replace my current barely-running -future-boat-anchor, and clue me in on how to bring in enough extra money to pay for it.
Oh, and, decide whether I need to maintain a post-office box any more . . . I've had it for 22 years, but, do I need it? Does anyone use p.o. boxes any more??

[Rod Pennington]

Yes Xena Princess Warrior.

Marie: Ditto on NCIS. Jethro Leroy Gibbs is my idea of a great protagonist. I'm not too impressed with NCIS LA. Too character driven while too thin of a plot for my taste.

[William Simon]

All this talk about NCIS is ironic, as the reaction to CSI: BOOK TARTS was so positive, NCIS: BOOK TARTS is "in development."

NCIS has been called a "1930's screwball comedy with dead bodies and blood." Pretty accurate, when you think about it.

Think I might be able to do something with that? A screwball comedy with dead bodies and blood? Oh, my, yes, I do believe there is room to develop material there....

[Marie]

Rod, I am with you on NCIS LA. My husband and I are trying to get into LA version but the characters do not measure up to the dear people on NCIS!

[Rita Scott]

NCIS LA is as believable as Miami Vice was!

[Rod Pennington]

Marie: I think the writing on LA is the weak link because there is certainly nothing wrong with the cast. Chris O'Donnell, LL Cool J and the flawless Linda Hunt as Hetty.

They seemed to have made the conscious decision to "humanize" the characters while not getting what makes a good character. The episode where O'Donnell was being haunted by the girl he had maybe knocked up while undercover then disappeared for five years without a trace. Screw up someone elses life then walk away? Then we're suppose to have any respect for this heartless turd? That is not the way to build a sympathetic character.

[Marie]

William, I think the description is very accurate indeed. All the interplay between the characters is so well done.
Can't wait for NCIS: BOOK TARTS! Should be loads of fun!

[Holly Gault]

Heh. Here in the Bay Area on our NPR station, KQED, Linda Hunt announces for the show The Commonwealth Club. They have excellent interviews with writers, politicians, scientists and the interviewers are equally renown. Ms. Hunt's introduction are performed with the roundest of cultured tones -- until she is the interviewer and she relaxes. Then she is people.
http://www.kqed.org/radio/programs/index.jsp?pgmid=RD16

[Rod Pennington]

Remember the costume maker, Edna Mode, in "The Incredibles"? If that wasn't built around Linda Hunt then I'll clean Xena Warrior Princess's freezer and only use my tongue!

When they were talking about the illegality of making superhero costumes, "And yet here we are."

Brilliant.

[Karen in Ohio]

I thought Edna was Linda Hunt, too, Rod. Don't you love it when cartoon writers throw in those little gems that only adults get?

William, I'm waiting with bated breath for Episode 2! Hopefully, the poor Tarts won't have to totter around on 4" heels this go-round.

[Marie]

Rod, please! Not the tongue in the freezer scenaio..that sounds like a torture scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie!

[Rod Pennington]

Marie: You really think I would wager anything involving both my tongue and anything related to Xena Warrior Princess If I wasn't 100% certain?

[Holly Gault]

Actually Edna was based on a fabulous costume designer, Edith Head:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0372128/

[Rod Pennington]

Holly: As is the character of "Hetty" on NCIS LA. She is always talking about the clothes she used to design for movie stars.

[Harley]

Wow, I leave you guys alone for a few measly hours, to pick up the kids, and look what happens!

Don't let me interrupt you. Carry on.

[Rod Pennington]

Cheese it! The adults are back!

[Marie]

William, as Karen commented on the TARTS wearing four-inch heels..just remember that you as the screenwriter can set the Book Tarts in any scenario..thinking Dude Ranch with fancy boots, Figure skates as they infiltrate the IOC. And commando boots..oh I forgot..hat may have been done.

[Harley]

The adult (that's Mistress Harley to you, Rod) is leaving now to cook dinner for the starving children in California. And to look into their lunch bags to face the scary leftovers.

But I'll be back.

[Marie]

Harley, the sweetest words I ever heard when my kids were young were "Mom. can we buy lunch at school tomorrow?"

[Harley]

Marie, you are my soul sister.

[amey]

I homeschool my kids so I don't have "school lunch" as an option, but i stumbled upon the Vegan Lunch Box blog and felt immediately inferior. It did, however, make me want to buy cute lunch containers (who doesn't like new containers - i think they're a subset of office supplies which i completely love).

I can't think of anything I would trade for making someone else's lunch since right now food planning and preparation is the bane of my existence. It would be less of a pain if DH wasn't trying to follow the Suzanne Somers diet, minus the thighmaster. I have never wanted pasta more in my entire life. I might be able to loan out my 9 year old, though. He's a pretty savvy sandwich maker.