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November 25, 2008

Another Marital Sex Blog

Another Marital Sex Blog

By Sarah

Six months ago, I wrote a blog in response to two books, one written by a Fundamentalist Christian couple - married, natch - about what happened when they committed themselves to sex for 100 days straight. In fact, for a while there, I kept a tally on the left-hand side just to keep y'all up to date on my attempt to do the same with Charlie, my husband of twenty years. I like to think it took blogging to a Sex whole new (meaning inappropriate) level, not to mention what it did to marriage. Eventually, I removed it after someone noted our seventeen year old daughter might read the post and be grossed out. As if she's not grossed out by us already.

Sex every night was a lot more fun than I expected and it had surprising results that included better sleep, fewer fights and improved skin tone. Did we make it for 100 nights straight? No. And for that I blame, ironically, The Romance Writers of America who apparently were unaware of my vow and had the nerve to schedule a conference fifty days into our campaign. Some romance lovers they are.

I'd say we made it a little over a month, which I think is excellent, especially in light of a recent development from the Rev. Ed Young, a pastor at an evangelical church in Texas who has presented his followers (since also has a TV show) to take the Seven-Day Sex Challenge, like that's a big deal.

Seven days? Mere foreplay!

Now, I have to admit to being slightly cynical about evangelical pastors exhorting their female congregants to put out in order to keep the focus off the bad economy. I imagine a more sinister purpose. Knock her up? Keep her from reading after the kids go to bed? Keep her from taking night-school classes? But let's give the Rev. Ed Young the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's trying to save the institution of marriage and make lives happier for millions of children.

After all, Young says, there's nothing wrong with marital sex. God invented it.

Uh...me thinks God invented lots of other sex including "a-sex" which seems to serve the intestinal Asexual reproductionprotozoa quite well. But why get technical. Young's message is that after an entire adolescence being told sex is burn-in-hell-wrong, it's oookay once you say those two little words.

Unless you're gay and married. Then we're back to burn-in-hell-wrong.

Of course, regulating the sexual and procreative patterns of a people has always been the ultimate source of control. But that's me being cynical, again.

Episcopalian In this case, though, Young's right. It's easy to forget there's a benefit to marriage besides having someone else do the dishes for goddamn once. From a Christian perspective (and I happen to be one - Episcopalian - the polar opposite of randy Texan Christians, which might explain why we have 200, not 20,000 on Sunday), God created marriage for the mutual enjoyment and pleasure of two human beings*  so they don't have to deal with the trials of existence alone.

Lately, there's been an epidemic of divorce in our town. And while it's hard to figure out which came first in these situations, I know these people were not enjoying regular sex. Was that because they felt cold toward one another and, therefore, their sex life fell off? Or was it that their sex life fell off, so they started feeling cold toward one another?

Only they can answer.

I do agree that the key benefit of regular sex no matter what, is that it gives new meaning to the old AA adage, fake it to make it. (And I don't mean faking that if you can help it.) Just as smiling when you feel down can improve your mood or being charitable makes you feel less stingy, sex for sex's sake does help things along. 

And, frankly, the other thing I learned from sex every night? It's freaking weird how important sex is to men. Give them sex and you'll never have to cook another dinner or wash a sock. They will change your oil, rotate your tires, do the laundry and give back rubs. They will put the kids to bed, read them a story and sing Brahm's lullaby if they know there's a BJ in it later on. They will even change the litter box.

Just think...if women only knew, we could have already ruled the world. Maybe that's where Hillary went wrong.

If this blog's a rockin', do come a knockin'.


*Offer not available to all human beings in California, Arizona and Florida.


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Words of wisdom, Sarah. Words of wisdom.

Ok, it's 3 a.m. I can't sleep. My husband is snoring away beside me. I'm thinking I should wake him up! :)

You are a slow learner if it took you till now to figure out that sex is the ultimate carrot on the stick to a man. Even the hint of it can make a man unload the dishwasher.

"Lately, there's been an epidemic of divorce in our town. And while it's hard to figure out which came first in these situations..."

Perhaps, who came first, (or not at all) figures in there as well.

Hello? Anyone home?

It's not like I've been telling you people this for, like, ever.


Me, Margie, who is at work already, so there

I'm still trying to put together, as in a detective novel, which came (or went) first in my own late marriage, so never mind that.

Sarah, you come from a far more pleasure-oriented sect that I did. As a Catholic, I was taught that marriage was for the production of children. Which, of course, leaves out the infertile, the post-menopausal, and the yes, gay. Unless these people are using surrogates, donor sperm, etc.

What kills me is the state--is it Florida? Pardon me if I'm mistaken, Florida -- where you can't adopt children if you're gay, or single, or anything but a straight couple. Like we have no children in this world who need a home? Like nice straight couples never raised a serial killer? Don't get me started.

Oh, yeah, Paula, you hit it right on the nose. Men may want sex all the time, but some of them are utter blockheads about the whole politics of it. Making sure one's partner is, shall we say incentivized?, does more to ensure that THEY will continue to get lots of sex than anything else. Except chores. That works, too. ;-)

It's not just more sex; quality sex makes all the difference in continued levels of desire, at least to me. Your mileage may vary.

Throughout history, women who used sex and the promise of same to get ahead were considered--mostly by women--as less feminine than their more reticent counterparts. But they had/have the ultimate power, and knew/know it. I was one of the "good" girls in high school, but at our 25th reunion there was one girl who had clearly not been "good". The men flocked to her side. This was not a woman who was particularly beautiful, especially not back in the 60's, but it was fascinating to see the room almost literally part for her when she walked in.

And Catholic boys were always the horniest, Harley. I was single for eight years between marriages, and could always pick out the Catholic guys. They were really my favorites (and I was raised in the Church) because they were so endearingly grateful.

I am prevented on commenting today because my children read this blog.

Glad to hear the results at last, Sarah!

uh-oh, Nancy -- how many years do I have before my 8-year old discovers TLC?

Very funny, Paula. Margie, get back to work.

Me? I'm too exhaustedto think about sex. Finished the ms a few hours ago...now to get ready for 28 (yes, it's up to 28) people for Thanksgiving...

I don't think the Catholics are into this 7-day sex thing, unless, you know, you're ovulating. Though it's nice to see the Pope's forgiven John Lennon. Too bad John's not here to give us his opinion on that.

You underestimate Catholics, Sarah. Didn't you ever know any of those massive Catholic families when you were growing up? In our neighborhood there were families with as many as 15 kids, and lots of them with as many as eight. My mom came from a family of 10; my stepdad used to tease my grandmother mercilessly about how hot she was when she was young. ;-) It runs in the family, is all I can say; lots of kids in all the families but one. (And I think they discovered birth control early, flouting the Church's rulings.)

Congratulations on finishing your manuscript!! Just in time. 28 people? That's one way to inaugurate your beautiful new space, with a great, warm holiday. We are only having a baker's dozen here. See you in a few days!

I would like to point out that while an overnight business trip broke your streak in the 50's, Rev. Ed Young was "too tired" to go 7 straight after preaching it. Where I come from, that's a wimp.

I went to a Catholic high school, and in one of my religious ed classes, taught by a priest, we were literally told that "sex is for procreation, not recreation".

My husband would be eternally grateful just for the 7 days in a row, never mind 3 months. You must be a goddess, Sarah.

Wow. I'm only cooking for 4 on Thursday. Maybe we'll come to your house.

Sarah, I just finished _Bubbles Unbound_, and I'll be asking the library for the next one soon. That girl gets into the most interesting dilemmas, and Stiletto would make it almost worthwhile.
Meanwhile, Better World Books has written to say they have shipped my copy of _Barbie Unbound_, so it can still be found.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, and I'm the youngest of nine kids. :)

Hi, Sarah. Congrats on finishing the MS. I hope you celebrate with a Thanksgiving mimosa, or seven.

I'm glad you brought up the John Lennon forgiveness thing. I've been wondering why the Pope thinks HIS church has the power to forgive John for "insulting" Jesus. I don't know what John would say, but it's kind of nervy, if you ask me.

Congrats on the manuscript completion, Sarah!!! And just in time for you to refocus your attention for Thanksgiving. Wow!

I am going to my mom's, so it will just be us and a neighbor friend with her mom and brother to help make it a more festive day.

What am I thankful for, besides knowing that Sarah has completed the ms? I am thankful for my friends and family and all of you and for my mom ignoring the vet and taking the dog to the neuro. :)

I am the youngest of two. And I think that it may be time to show this board to the bf... LOL!

I have to admit...I live in a state (Arkansas) that just voted to not allow non-married, cohabitating adults from fostering or adopting children. I am so proud (NOT!). The act was worded very strangely on the ballot so I wonder if someone people voted the way they meant to.

Thanks for the sexual update. NOT how many times you may have done "it" or not done "it" but how it affected your relationship. Somehow I am NOT surprised to find out that men will "perform" for sex!

I have to go totally off topic for a second to say I downloaded the Straight No Chaser Christmas Album yesterday, and it's AWESOME. I listened to it on the way to work this morning and have never been in such a good mood when arriving at work before.

So far this morning, I have convinced 3 people here at work to buy it.

So THANK YOU, Kathy, for letting me know it was out there.

OK, back to your regularly scheduled blog. :)

Wait a minute here...you mean there are people who DON'T have sex every day? Damn!


As for men being controlled by sex: DUH! We testosterone based lifeforms really do think about sex 90% of the time. The other 10%, we're thinking about stuff you women wouldn't find interesting, unless you really like the Three Stooges, beer or machinery.

Yes, we really will do damned near anything for sex, altho you ladies may have to get a bit kinky if you want us to change a dirty diaper.

A threesome with one of your hottie friends could probably get you a new car:)

Want to ruin your husband/boyfriend/friend with benefits day at work? Call him early on and tell him you are lounging around the house in nothing but crotchless panties. Then, expect him to come home as soon as possible for "an early lunch".

Ok, I'd better stop writing now or I'll be calling my wife up and asking if she can come home early from work.

Soooo....sex sex sex...that's all I've been surrounded by for 5 weeks! Anita Bryant sex, homosexual sex and all the other opinions on sex and rights and life in 1977.
>Whew< I'm exhausted! Even if someone actually wanted to take me out I'd rather sleep. By myself thank you.
Nice to hear someone is having a good time however! And can't wait to read the new book!
Just saying.

Has anybody read the series of books by Jill Conner Browne, the Sweet Potato Queen of Jackson, Mississippi and the world? Her take on the powers of sex is absolutely hilarious. She also has some terrific recipes, one of which is a rice dish that is to die for. It only has 5 ingredients--yellow rice, butter, mexicorn, cheese and cream of chicken soup. Makes a ton, too. Hmmm. It's true--eating is the next best thing to sex!

Sarah - you really are a goddess.

Just got back from two grocery stores and still no sauce to inject in the turkey. Williams-Sonoma has the injector (I feel like a surgeon with that thing) but no stuff. It's like an inside marinade - you inject the turkey the day before you deep fry it, and it keeps it moist and adds flavor.

I hate to say it, but I think Whole Foods is inevitable. Last year they had parking attendants.....

Snowing just enough here to muck up traffic. People act as if we all didn't grow up driving in snow. Yeesh. Good thing I have my Thanksgiving music!

Laura - isn't SNC great? I just love it! Watch for at least one track on next years' Best Of collection.

Epicurious says only dry rubs, no injected marinade as it will pool in areas, then burst and cause big trouble:

Kathy: I am just back form Whole Foods, and all I can say is SAVE YOUR SANITY AND STAY HOME.

Meanwhile, get yourself a garbage bag and a large beer cooler. Tomorrow morning, fill the garbage bag with the following:

Several containers of chicken stock.
A cup of brown sugar.
A cup of orange juice.
A cup of apple cider vinegar.
Some leftover champagne. (Or open a bottle and save half.)
A handful of Kosher salt.
Ground cloves.
Assorted flavorings of your choice like thyme, allspice, rosemary, etc, etc.

Clean the turkey and toss it into the bag with the liquid. Tie the bag closed. Put bag into cooler with some ice. Or put the cooler on your back porch overnight and use the ice to chill rest of champagne for refreshing selves after sweaty marital sex with husband.

In the morning, you will have a perfected brined turkey, ready for roasting.

Do. Not. Go. To. Whole. Foods.

That was from me, Nancy. I don't know why it says Book Tarts all of a sudden.

Otherwise, here's Emeril's brine recipe, which is a good one:


SarahS, I agree -- you are a goddess. Funny how no one seems to congratulate Charlie on being a god. Just saying:)

Interestingly, you echo sentiments I'm rediscovering about the importance of regular partner sex, even of the postmenopausal kind. It's a bonding thing, and as important to us as it is to our close relatives, the bonobos. Plus, I do like the extra favors :)

We're having my daughter and new son-in-law (a Pittsburgh native, be it noted) over Thursday, so will be cooking for real for the first time in many years. We're sticking to turkey breasts, but still. I'm off soon to see if there's a fresh sage leaf to be had anywhere at this point. Good thing we already grabbed the cream of mushroom soup :)

Sarah, WoW you're superwoman! Frequent sex, finishing a manuscript, having Turkey Day for 28 AND blogging. Whew! You make me tired just reading about it. Congrats on your sex success and thanks for sharing the results.

Nancy, I went to Whole Foods yesterday to pick up some veggies and the smallest turkey breast available to make an early Thanksgiving dinner for my ailing in-laws. The number of people squeezing through the aisles was amazing then. I can't even fathom what the store's like today! Ack! But I love their meat and produce, so if I had to go back today or tomorrow, I would.

For actual Thanksgiving Day, my immediate family and I are going north of Baltimore to a different in-laws house, and I don't have to cook a thing. My brother-in-law is a gourmet cook and fixes the most awesome mashed potatoes. He even makes dumplings with his little pasta maker! Yum. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

I hope everyone has a great Turkey Day!

That's a great brine recipe, thanks...

Has anyone ever used an electric roaster?

Oooh, both those brining options look wonderful! I use this one: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/good-eats-roast-turkey-recipe/index.html. It hs served me well for the last 3 or 4 years, but it might be time to try a new version.

Sarah, I would say you're my role model, except the whole 100 nights thing just leaves me whimpering in anticipatory exhaustion. However, if we could leave out that part and stick to the manuscript, the remodeling, and the dinner, then I am in awe.

We don't have Whole Foods here in central NY. I feel so deprived :-( Howwever, we do have Wegmans, and I guarantee you it's not a place anyone would want to be tomorrow!

I used a roaster for years, Sarah. (I think, in fact, I once blogged about the tragic demise of Aunt Nelle's 60-yr-old roaster.) It's the very, very best way to cook a turkey. Among other advantages, it frees up the oven to cook other stuff.

OY, I've gone thru hell this year! Local grocery advertised smoked turkeys for $19.99 this year. I called to order one, was told they had trouble with the smokehouse but would probably have enough, call back Monday.
I called Monday morning & was told they were out, so I drug my happy ass to a store that had Butterballs for a reasonable price, spent way to much for other things.
Got home, had just gotten everything unloaded when the first store called, they DID have a smoked bird for me! So the Butterball went in the deep freezer & I picked up the smoked one this morning (it better be worth the trouble!!!)
I'd rather have sex everyday than do Thanksgiving for me & my brother every year!
Oh well, he does Christmas, usually a prime rib the size of a Volkswagon!

BTW, when I do my own bird, I rub the night before with Prudone's poultry rub & stuff a couple bulbs of garlic & an onion in it. Always delish!

There can be no doubt Sarah and Charlie are gods who deign to walk among mere puny humans, or that garlic-onion turkey (with habaneros to taste) is the true ambrosia.

My husband shot two wild turkeys this year, so he's going to smoke one of them. A now demised friend of the family, a lawyer who was a wonderful gourmet cook, taught him how to use a Weber grill to smoke meat; I'm salivating just thinking of the lusciousness.

The whole famn damily is about to descend upon us here. Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Kris, I've used Alton Brown's brine recipe for duck. It is the YUM! Of course, Alton is a cooking God anyway.

As for Thanksgiving, there will be 4 here, counting the dogs. My wife has nothing to do with her family and my family goes off in all directions on Turkey Day.

Not that we'll be eating turkey, since Grace and I pledged that, so long as we are married, we will never eat or serve a traditional Thanksgiving dinner in our home. Why? Mostly for the same reason we decided that we would not have any dishes/glasses/cups that match or a front yard covered in grass. We just like being different.

So, Doc, what will the nontraditional menu be?
My friends serve ham . . .

So, Sarah, are you and Charlie back on the, um, schedule again?

And men, if you really want your wife to consider this 100-days-of-sex thing, you can start by making the thanksgiving turkey using this fantastic LA Times recipe...


I don't know if it'll get you 100 days of sex, or even one hour, but the turkey is going to taste great.


Storyteller Mary: The non-traditional menu is...

Chicken and Dumplings
Green Beans
Chocolate Pudding

In previous years we have had...

Short Ribs with Saurkraut
Beef and/or Pork Tacos
New York Steak
Seafood Curry
Spaghetti with Doc's Infamous Red Sauce
Braised Lamb Shanks
Mixed Seafood Grill
Thick Cut Pork Chops with Smokey Gravy
Red Beans & Rice with Andouille Sausage
Smoked Pork Curry
Bacon Cheese Docburgers
Lasagna From Hell

That covers all of our UnTurkey days together so far.

Having read this blog, I'm wondering if Sarah and some of the others who commented could DISCREETLY get in touch with my wife and let her know about the benefits of 100-day sex schedules? Because she won't believe me...

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