The Junk in Your Trunk

By Elaine Viets

What’s in your car trunk? Is it as clean as the day you drove the car off the dealer’s lot?

Or is your car a rolling attic, crammed with improbable objects?

I have a broken Emmy statuette. I won two local Emmys when I did television in St. Louis a few years ago. I actually stood on stage and said, "I’d like to thank my producer . . ."

(And he did deserve the thanks, too.)

The nights I won those awards, you couldn’t pry them out of my hands. I remember dancing long past midnight, holding the statue aloft. I did put the Emmy down when I finally went to sleep. Otherwise, the gold wings could have poked out an eye.

One Emmy still sits on my bookcase, next to my Agatha Award teapot. The other statue was broken when we moved to our current home. I tenderly wrapped the statue in a towel and took it to several trophy shops. None of them was able to glue it back together. One store said I needed a welder. I haven’t found one yet.

Meanwhile, the broken Emmy sits in my trunk.

But she sleeps in style with an Irish linen tablecloth, which I inherited from my mother-in-law. Don and I had a dinner party more than a year ago. I tried to take the tablecloth to the cleaners, but none of the local dry cleaners will launder linen any more. I could wash it myself, but it’s designed for a table that seats eight, and it’s the size of a tennis court.

Besides, I don’t have an ironing board and I’m not anxious to get one. Ironing a tablecloth that big is a project I’m not ready to tackle.

I’ve had other parties since, and they were just as much fun when I used washable place mats bought on sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond. The fabulous tablecloth has become trunk junk.

I also have two rusting beach chairs in there, but everyone in this part of Florida carries those in their cars.

The trunk junk question came up because Jason Fogelson, an AOL auto reporter, spent two weekends at a shopping center in Burbank, California, asking shoppers if he could see what they had in their car trunks.

Jason reports that about 80 percent were "kind, open and helpful, and gladly opened their trunks for a glance. The 20 percent who refused were either in a rush, guarded or shy – but they were still remarkably polite."

Jason’s oddest finds included:

– "A machete, an ax and a hammer, wrapped in a colorful sheet. (I didn't ask any questions.)"

– "A pair of old-school quad roller skates."

– "An ice scraper (odd because the temperature was 97 degrees in the shade) and we never get frost in Southern California."

– "A tube of Butt Paste – a highly useful concoction that combats diaper rash."

Oh, yeah, and one more thing: A sheep skull sitting on a case of soda.

Jason was surprised that "the vast majority of trunks and cargo holds were clean and uncluttered." He says people with small children had the most crowded trunks, though those were often well-organized.

What’s in your trunk, TLC readers? Can you beat Jason’s survey? Do you have weirder objects than I do stashed in your car or SUV?

Spill.

Comments

[Peg H]

I don't have a trunk since I drive a minivan. I drive a minivan because I have two dogs that sometimes need to be transported to the vet's office. However, I don't have the rear seat in the van, that's in my MIL's basement.

In place of the seat there's a large dog crate. Alongside that I have a portable air pump (for a tire with a slow leak no one can find), several dog collars, leashes, a fire extinguisher, a fishing vest, 3 fishing poles, a tackle box, a nylon police academy jacket, an atlas, several towels, an emergency blanket, a long handled ice scraper, jumper cables, an emergency blanket, roadside flares, a first aid kit, a small tool kit, a gallon plastic bag full of drink straws, and several more items I can't think of right now.

Believe it or not I still have plenty of room to put my groceries. :D

[Peg H]

Eeks! How did that emergency blanket get in there twice?

[Karen in Ohio]

My trunk is usually pretty clean because when I got that car seven years ago I put plastic down to keep it that way (bought at JoAnn's, and cut to fit). And I keep a collapsible crate for keeping groceries in place.

But my husband's friend, I think, takes the cake for this one. He is a heavy cigar smoker, so usually drives with his windows open. He's also a hunter, and lives in the country. Oh, and he's a window salesman, so he practically lives on the road. His car had something like 180,000 miles on it and needed something done, so he and his wife took it to a garage, and she drove him back home. An hour later the garage called and asked him to come right back to the shop. When he got there, the manager took him aside and asked him what the hell did he have in the trunk, because it smelled like there was a dead body in it. No one wanted to open the trunk until our friend got there. He couldn't smell anything (remember the heavy cigar habit), but opened the trunk. Inside was a dead pig that someone had given him to take to use as bait for some hunting deal or other, THREE WEEKS before! He had completely forgotten about it, and had been driving all over the place, in the spring, and had not noticed anything.

Needless to say, none of us ever drive anywhere with him in his car, including his wife.

[Laura (in PA)]

Wow - this is going to be a fascinating day. I can't wait to see what competes with Peg's eclectic assortment and a dead pig.

Are we allowed to ask questions? I'm very curious about Peg's gallon bag of drinking straws.

My trunk is usually, and currently, empty. It often has a bag of clothes for the donation box there for weeks until I remember to drop it somewhere, or the cans and bottles I bring home from work because we don't recycle there. Otherwise, pretty boring.

But I can't wait to hear more!

[William Simon]

The trunk of the 'Stang is empty except for the usual (spare, jack, etc), jumper cables, an emergency road kit, and plastic bags of various sizes (which come in handy in case of storms.)

The back seat is where stuff goes. Umbrella, laptop case, un-used travel coffee cups, etc. etc. etc. Not to mention dog and cat hair that has become woven into the fabric....

[Anna C.]

Those nice paper shopping bags from Trader Joes with handles, for re-use in other grocery stores. Whatever the kids and I need for the current excursion: A cooler. Food. Water. Extra shoes.

[Joyce Tremel]

How's this for boring? My trunk is so clean you could probably eat out of it. But that's thanks to my husband--not me. I'd probably never even think about cleaning it.

[Elaine Viets]

The dead pig in the trunk beats all. Your friend is lucky the shop didn't call the cops.
William, I am not surprised that you have a clean trunk.

[Nancy Martin]

Being an author, my trunk is full of bookmarks!!

Also a jillion of those Trader Joe's grocery bags Anna mentions. Except she thinks more kindly of them. When I forget to take a bag into the store, I used to buy yet another bag---thinking the pain of purchase would trigger my memory to open the trunk and get the damn bag the next time. So far, it hasn't worked. But I quit buying the bags because my trunk is getting ridiculous.

I also have at least a dozen umbrellas.

[Karen in Ohio]

Elaine, I think you're right. Except the guys at the shop know our friend, and they know he's the nicest person on the planet. Plus, he's funny as hell, and they probably thought he was playing a trick on them. It makes a great story, though.

Nancy, you should do what I do, and carry a foldup bag in your purse. I found the first one in Paris, and have since bought more. Last Christmas every person on my list got two of them (from the Container Store):

http://www.thisnext.com/item/04A2875D/F27D3870/Reisenthel-Mini-Maxi-Reusable

They fold flat and I can carry two in even a small handbag. They're much stronger than plastic bags, are washable, and they're opaque, so if you're buying something you don't want anyone to see you don't have to worry about hiding the bags behind your back. (Birthday gifts, of course. What were you thinking?)

[xena]

Sooooo.....you want to tell me what good an umbrella is if it is in the trunk? People at work after a flash flood downpour (these happen all the time even without tropical storms-one minute the sun is shining the birds are singing and then everything is soaked) always say "Yes I have an umbrella...it's in my car trunk!" as they take off their shoes to wade in the water.
My caravan is a gypsy wagon without the horses. At this moment I could stop along I-95 and costume an entire Hunchback of Notre Dame cast complete with tambourines!
Needless to say...it's my storage unit on wheels.
I do wonder what would happen if I was ever in an accident. It would be like a costume morgue on the asphalt.
"The Palmetto Expressway is closed at the moment due to the Ghost of Canterville's armor road debris. Clean-up crews are still being discovered under the mounds of velour and brocade fabric."
Just saying.

[Kerry]

I drove light pickup trucks forever; my truck beds often served as extra closets. When they were pressed into official service as field research vehicles, they were loaded down with all kinds of critters, both alive and dead, ranging from snakes to bats -- but nothing as large as a pig.

More commonly (is that a word?), they've been stuffed with various bits and pieces awaiting transport to the thrift store, but that's about it. When I bought my Escape, I knew I wouldn't have quite that much room, so I've pretty much restricted myself to a neatly-stored collapsible bin of roadside emergency gear; a duffle bag with clothes and toiletries in case I get stuck in a snow "storm" (where I live, 1.5" of slush will stall traffic for hours and hours and hours); and whatever gear I need for the activity-of-the-day (karate, riding, horse show, etc.). Pretty boring. Oh, yeah -- I do have an umbrella or three stashed in there somewhere . . . and inevitably leave it there on the days when I need it coming *back* to the car.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Most of the time it is empty save for the long handled window scraper with a brush, a short handled window scraper, spare, no cables (as Dear Hubby absconded with them), and an umbrella. Now it has 10 separate pieces of clothing destined for the cleaners, a bag of clothing for the Salvation Army, a wool coat that needs the moth holes repaired (cos Dear Hubby forgot to put the coat in the bag with the cedar blocks), and a jug of Tide. Now inside my car has a treasure trove of crap. Old mail that isn't important, 6 books & 2 magazines, a Christmas present for Dear Hubby (that needs to have a hiding place in the house before I can take it in), another umbrella, another short handled window scraper, and a couple of empty fast food soda cups. It is the first week of classes here and I haven't had the time or energy to clean it out (12 hour days ya know)

[Rita Scott]

This may not top the dead pig but might!
Good ole boy Ira lived in the Ozarks and would hunt out of season to feed his family. One day he shot a 4 pt buck, heard someone coming down the road, so shoved it in his trunk, to gut & skin later at home.
He stopped to get gas on the way home and was yakking with some of the guys when the local cop pulled in. Ira hadn't noticed anything, but the cop freaked out, pulled his gun & ordered Ira to open his trunk. The cop had noticed a pool of blood under the car, dripping from the trunk!
Ira opened the trunk and the deer wasn't dead and came charging out! Blood was flying everywhere and the guys were scattering! The cop got a neck shot off that killed it.
He let Ira keep the deer & went home to change his pants!
All I've got in the van, so far, is a cooler so Ice cream doesn't melt on the way home from the store and one of those 'under bed' plastic storage things, to keep the grocery bags from rolling all over the place. Have to get tackle box & fishing pole out of the truck, ice scrapper & umbrella too.

[Nancy Martin]

Rita, I love the deer story!

[Karen in Ohio]

So do I. Can you imagine how startling it would be to have a wounded deer boil up out of your trunk? Yikes.

My husband hunts, and once he apparently knelt in the blood (must have been dark), when he was field dressing a deer. I had no idea what to do with his hunting pants so I took them to the local cleaner, hoping they would be able to clean them. It never occurred to me to explain the blood, so I was surprised to get a call from the woman who works there, asking me if there was something I needed to tell her. ;-)

[storyteller Mary]

Thanks, Rita, for the revenge of the deer story!! In Wildwood (ritzy subdivision) they are currently investing thousands to study contraceptives for the deer overpopulating the area and eating the expensive landscaping. My cousin makes jerky from (fresh) roadkill deer, which is why his nickname on the force is "Possum."
My trunk got cleared out a bit so I could move things, and I left some of the "stuff" in the garage, but I still have an LL Bean chair, a Mexican blanket, some wire (someone told me to always have wire when my tail pipe fell halfway off the Pinto 20+ years ago), extra shoes and socks, and a box of granola bars in the trunk -- oh, and several canvas shopping bags plus a few of the insulated ones for cold stuff. I usually remember to take them into the store, and they do work better than the flimsy plastic bags. The umbrellas are in the little pockets on the back of the front seat, along with many maps.

[storyteller Mary]

Hijack -- (or OT as we say on Storytell)
Do y’all (honorary Texan here) think St. Joseph could help sell an upstairs condo? (no actual yard, of course, but there is common ground out front). It’s all prettied up and ready for sale . . .
View Listings

And . . . I won a "Go Green" contest from KFUO FM99 . . . I heard my name on the radio, which is how I knew I had won — for this bit of writing:
For my new home I selected as many eco-features as I could afford, for the planet and for my own health (many, many allergies). Cork flooring, no-VOC paints, no-formaldehyde woods, high efficiency heating/cooling and appliances all help. The cleaner hired by Tom Johnson for the final clean-up even purchased green cleaning products! I have been
feeling healthier and seeing my allergist less often, and I love this healthy little eco-home.

Subject: CONGRATULATIONS
Mary---
Congratulations! You are a weekly winner in CLASSIC99’s Go Green Contest.
You win a two night stay at The Parkway Hotel, a Better Life tote bag and gift certificate to West End Gallery.
www.classic99.com .
I'm going tomorrow to meet the promotions director and pick up my prizes -- and taking my eco-broker, Chris Andrews with me. Without him, it would all just be "castles in the air."

[Rita Scott]

Oh yes, I have to laugh every time I hear another 'plan' by the Bambiphiles of Wildwood!
Hunting them is the only thing that will work but they don't want to be 'traumatized' by seeing a dead deer, yet they keep landscaping with stuff the deer love to eat! Grrrrrrrr. The idiots deserve Lyme disease, destroyed plants & deer poop on their estates!
Columbia, Mo. has extended their bow season with no limit.

[KateRoth]

Elaine, Try a commercial laundry for the tablecloth, they do laundry for hotels, restaurants, hospitals, etc., so your tablecloth should be no problem. And I'm taking the 5th on the contents of my trunk.

[Elaine Viets]

Congratulations, Mary.
About St. Joseph -- is there a flower pot near that condo? Maybe you could bury that statue in there.
Funny deer story, Rita. You know enough characters to people your own novel.
I have a number of $20 umbrellas, Nancy, which I bought on various tours because I left my umbrellas in the car. I now carry an umbrella at all times in my luggage.

[Rita Scott]

Elaine, I just attract the weirdos! LOL! You're the writer and welcome to use any of them!

[Kathy Sweeney]

I emptied out my trunk last month, so it's pretty clean right now. I have two swimming noodles, a couple of beach towels, a bag of books, a Red Cross Safety kit, two blankets, the ice scraper from last winter, and jumper cables. Oh, and a pair of red wool winter Merrells.

Normally, there is so much stuff in there, my husband refers to it as a 'giant purse'.

[Tziedel]

Currently have several flat cardboard storage boxes for work.

And, an old quilt and shovel...uhm, cus you never know....

[storyteller Mary]

Good idea, Elaine, I could move a flower pot back to the porch -- at ground level, he could send my neighbor's condo (not for sale) instead.
I keep way too much "just in case" stuff at home and in the car. Speaking of which, if anyone in the St. Charles area needs a wardrobe box. . .or swimming toys . . .or the tea kettle that won't work on my new ceramic stovetop . . . just speak up!