Watermelon is the New Viagra
by Nancy
Turns out, watermelon has some of the same properties as Viagra.
That's the kind of news I missed while I was vacationing in Michigan last week, far from any newspaper that doesn't exist solely to sell used motorboats. The internet service was spotty, and the television seemed to get the Weather Channel and not much else.
So I missed the news that Tony Snow died, the banking industry took it on the chin, everybody is finally noticing that Al Qaeda is in Afghanistan and oil is in Iraq, and lots of people are worked up about the names chosen for the Jolie-Pitt twins. (Nobody seemed to bat an eye that Nicole Kidman named her daughter Sunday, despite being born on a Monday. Discuss.)
I don't like being so disconnected from my news. The Yahoo headlines have been my constant companions lo, these many years, and if I had a Blackberry, I'd be on it all the time, so my family has forbidden me to get one. (Insert pathetic, beseeching look of one deprived.) A vacation from news is hardly a vacation for me.
We stopped for gas on the way home on the Ohio turnpike, ($4.57 a gallon) and I found myself lingering outside the rest stop to read the USA Today headlines through the window on the dispenser machine. You know you're desperate for news when you stop to read USA Today, right? (My brother points out that his motorboat-selling newspaper has a huge subscription base because they print local news. Anybody, for example, who catches a big fish can have his picture in the paper, and big fish are important news in Michigan. Do you suppose the LA Times should start printing fish pictures? Or what, exactly, would substitute for fish in LA? Or in your city?)
I also missed most of the dustup over the Obama cover on The New Yorker. I've been a longtime subscriber to the magazine (and here's the most fascinating article I've read in a very long time, no kidding!) so when I saw the cover for myself, I pretty much understood that the cartoonist was trying to ridicule the various untruths that seem to be believed by a lot of people. (But maybe it wasn't such a great joke to begin with. Sometimes their cartoons do fall flat. At other times, they're a hoot. Go ahead and click here, then click on the animated cartoon. Enjoy.) The Today show reported that 39% of Americans believe that Barack Obama attended some kind of Islamic school during his life. If so many people believe that, no wonder they didn't get the joke.
Are those 39% the people who listen to Rush Limbaugh, do you suppose? (Old joke: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenberg? One is a big Nazi gasbag, and the other is a dirigible.) Here's an interesting blog on the subject of Rush.
Anyway, maybe the cover controversy was a good thing. It made people more aware of the truth, if they choose to believe it.
While I was away, I learned about a new (to me) breed of dog called a Leonberger. Here's a picture of one. Really, you have to go look at the picture. Yes, that's a full-sized refrigerator in the background. Here's a very, very short video that should convince you that your St. Bernard should be named Tiny. My brother and sister-in-law have a 4 month-old Leonberger puppy named Charlie.
Take a good look, and imagine him as big as a refrigerator this time next year when I go back to Michigan.
Meanwhile, my husband returns from his motorcycle trip soon (he's having a wonderful time, thanks for asking, and yes, he's still faithfully wearing his helmet and body armor) so I'm going to go around and find the best sources for watermelon. How much would your spouse eat, if you asked very nicely?
My husband would eat a half of one, without even being asked. It's his favorite fruit!
Holy cow, that's an enormous dog--do you think it's larger than an Irish wolfhound? It's certainly rounder. I can't imagine what that sucker eats a day.
The less said about the Nazi dirigible, the better. RIP, Tony Snow.
Posted by: Karen in Ohio | July 17, 2008 at 02:44 AM
Chuck would roll his eyes, grit his teeth, and say "You've got to be freakin' kidding!" when it comes to watermelon(I love it myself). He's a cantaloupe man.
Obama cover? Tacky, whether you get the point or not, but the New Yorker does have great articles (and other kick-ass cartoons).
Glad your vacation was a good one, Nancy...love the dog, but we'd have to get a new house if we adopted one of those little guys :o)
Posted by: Maryann Mercer | July 17, 2008 at 08:10 AM
I was in line at the grocery store shortly after the last primary election (was that June 3rd?) While chit-chatting to the clerk about how dire the news was and how it was depressing to read (so sue me for unoriginality) she said, "I know! I haven't turned on the news in days. I had no idea Osama won."
It took me a beat, but I finally got it.
"Obama," I corrected, wondering if she was a whacko conservative nutcase trying to make a point.
"Oh," she said, blushing. "I always get those two confused."
So...The New Yorker cover was spot on, if you ask me. I think I'm going to get mine framed.
Great blog. Love the fishing stuff!
Posted by: sarahS | July 17, 2008 at 08:15 AM
Sarah, I'm assuming your Charlie doesn't need to eat much watermelon these days?
Posted by: Nancy martin | July 17, 2008 at 08:25 AM
If I were Obama, I'd write off all the nutjobs who think I'm Muslim because they're never going to vote for me anyway, and worry about losing the reasonable people by acting like a humorless priss.
I was just in France for a week. I had plenty of access to news, but it was very different news than we get here. BBC, Sky News and Bloomberg and CNN international editions, plus the Herald Tribune -- all they could talk about was the collapse of the US economy. There was virtually no coverage of the presidential election, and surprisingly little about Iraq. The world is seriously worried about us going down the toilet and dragging them along with us.
Posted by: michele | July 17, 2008 at 08:39 AM
I have been trying to convince my husband to write a guest blog about the banking industry, Michele. If ever there was a time when you should be a customer of your local bank and not a huge conglomerate, this is it.
For those you enjoy polictical cartoons, here's one, courtesy of the mother of my soon-to-arrive grandson:
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/07/oversight-my-arse.html
Posted by: Nancy martin | July 17, 2008 at 08:42 AM
http://www.cagle.com/
This is one of the best places to go for editorial cartoons. Whether you agree or not, most of them are "tears in the eyes" funny.
If I get one more email from my MIL or a former neighbor of mine trying to convince me that Obama is a terrorist Muslim, I think I will scream. They both know how I feel about the scare tactics of the repubs and probably send it to me just to piss me off.
Wow, Nancy, that is one big MFin' dog! Would love to have one!
And the economy/low dollar is one of the main reasons a huge company like Anheuser Busch can be overthrown. That and a selfish, egotistical board mentality.
Posted by: Pam aka SisterZip | July 17, 2008 at 09:03 AM
Our local bank is backing our addition. Good thing, too. By why is Countrywide STILL allowed to advertise???
Posted by: sarahS | July 17, 2008 at 09:09 AM
Hmmm, my mail person hasn't yet delivered my New Yorker this week. Do I smell conspiracy?
Lately I've become addicted to the BBC News. It's very refreshing to listen to informed people spend more than three minutes talking about serious issues.
Posted by: Sheila Connolly | July 17, 2008 at 09:16 AM
The dog..wow. BUT Charlie's picture (the dog, not the husband) didn't come through. Is it just me?
Watermelon - one of my husband's favorite. I'll be picking one (or five) up.
Michele - When I was in Europe, I noticed the news being very different from what we are fed here. Made me realize how censored our news is.
The New Yorker Cover - I personally thought it was in bad taste. I have enough trouble trying to convince my mother that he isn't a Muslim, wasn't sworn in on the Koran, didn't go to a Muslim school, etc. This didn't help. Sometimes I think people on the East and West coast are out of touch with the fly-over states. Example... at a romance writers' national conference, a group of producers were there talking about making more romance movies based on novels. They wanted to know who we-the romance writers-viewed as an ideal hero. They flashed various pictures up and the group applauded or cheered or whatever. When they flashed Tom Cruise, the crowd booed- LOUDLY. The shock on their faces was priceless. They were not expecting that response.
Welcome home Nancy. Did your brother give us a special rate for the TLC conference? :)
Posted by: ArkansasCyndi | July 17, 2008 at 09:42 AM
Tom Cruise has a weak mouth, and he's prissy. I have never gotten the obsession with him.
Posted by: Karen in Ohio | July 17, 2008 at 09:46 AM
Hijack: Sarah, I started reading Sweet Love last night, and was stopped cold by the main character's statement that a nunnery was a brothel. As far as I know, and according to dictionary.com, it's a convent, or a place where nuns live. Hie thee to a nunnery referred to the practice in medieval times of unmarried women being cloistered away, usually for their own "good", as defined by men (who else?). Can you tell me where the brothel idea came from? Maybe I missed something there. You know, in the spirit of IOCHFTS, and additional opportunities for juicy ancient gossip. ;-)
Posted by: Karen in Ohio | July 17, 2008 at 09:53 AM
That's an old, old Hamlet discussion. The presumption is that Hamlet was implying that Ophelia was past her prime and, having taken her virtue, was worthless as a wife. Therefore, the only solution was for her parents to pay a convent to take her off their hands. Convents took cast off wives and widows all the time in Tudor England.
However, according to the slang of the day, a nunnery was also a place where women of ill repute (who have lost their virtue, see above)entertained men as well.Here's more on the colloquialism and Hamlet:
http://www.shakespeare-online.com/faq/hamletfaq.html#nunnery
I put in the line to be provocative, of course.
Gee. Maybe I should start footnoting these books, huh?
Posted by: sarahS | July 17, 2008 at 10:21 AM
Thank you for the reference. I must have been daydreaming when that was discussed in English class, forty-mumble years ago. ;-)
By the way, I'm enjoying the book immensely, and couldn't put it down last night, er, this morning. Congratulations, and thank you. I will be passing it on to one daughter, and buying it for the other two.
Posted by: Karen in Ohio | July 17, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Welcome home, Nancy!
So many things to talk about from today's blog.
I'll take the New Yorker cover - because Tom Barclay and I were just e-mailing about it.
I understand irony. I appreciate the intelligence and wit necessary to express it well. I thought the cartoon was okay, even though I didn't think it was witty enough to be amusing.
BUT - and this is a big but, not to be confused with big butts, even though there can be a correlation between the inability to comprehend - oh, never mind. I can't really make that one work, since I have one too.
The problem is - and I say this with no malice aforethought - many, many people are ignorant. Some are born that way, and don't take any steps to correct it. I know people with very low IQs who are productive, informed members of society. They work hard to do both. I know that some people are so severely challenged that even the most heroic effort just keeps them alive. I'm not talking about them.
I'm talking about people, regardless of IQ or level of education, who flatly refuse to use their brains to become informed. They are very comfortable with their various prejudices and opinions, thankyouverymuch, and nothing short of a strike of lightening to the cerebral cortex is going to change that. Believe me, smacking them in the head does not work for shit.
It's those people who worry me in connection with the New Yorker cover. Assuming they don't subscribe, they've now see the thing everywhere. To many of them, this is just a reinforcement of their already-biased opinions and fears.
This is not a first amendment issue - I'm not saying the New Yorker can print any damn thing it wants. I'm just saying, if they were trying to help Obama in any way, they did not.
As for the dog the size of a fridge, other than reminding me of William "the Refrigerator" Perry, I can only hope that the owners have a big, big yard.
Man, I am just one rant after the other this week. I'd tell you why, but with my screwed up cycle, I can't even blame it on PMS... yet.
Posted by: Kathy Sweeney | July 17, 2008 at 10:37 AM
We actors always figured that nunnery for a brothel, but probably it has to do with always wanting the most sexual explanation possible for a line.
nancy, all this news comes as news to me, and I live in L.A., not exactly the sticks (must get out more). Most importantly: what ARE the names in contention for the Jolie-Pitt twins?
Posted by: Harley | July 17, 2008 at 11:13 AM
Kathy---you are so right. My blog included a long rant on the subject of stupidity and the value of reading a wide variety of news sources, but I took it out and put in the dog instead. (Maybe to soften the pill?) Long live BBC News!
Cyndi, I can't get that damn link to work either. I'm still stupid when it comes to inserting pictures into Typepad, sorry.
And the subject of the flyover states being ignored.--Wow, there's nothing like a book tour in a car to demonstrate that wisdom. (I fear the publishing industry is just as at fault as politicians in ignoring the taste of this vast audience. Readers are just as sophisticated in the Midwest as anywhere else--just different.) The viewpoint of Middle America is often much different than what's believed as truth east of the Hudson. I think that's the problem with the NYer cover.
Posted by: Nancy martin | July 17, 2008 at 11:14 AM
ps. loving the book too, Sarah.
Posted by: Harley | July 17, 2008 at 11:14 AM
Kathy, that's a very perceptive analysis and there's a lot of truth to it. But I still have trouble with the idea that, because some people are ignorant, the rest of us are supposed to jump on the bandwagon and condemn the New Yorker for something that was clearly not intended. I've been reading the New Yorker for twenty-five years and it's one of the few publications in this country I have any respect for. Maybe that's why I have so little patience for this -- I can't see the debate from the perspective of those who aren't familiar with the magazine. Anybody who reads what's inside the cover would never in a million years think it was intended negatively, so why do we have to sink to the lowest common denominator?
Posted by: michele | July 17, 2008 at 11:23 AM
Good political satire is supposed to make you uncomfortable, make you laugh and above all...make you think. And South Park (even though I am not crazy about the show) does it almost better than anyone.
Kathy, Michele, they said the same thing about "All in the Family" in the 70s. "How can you say those things?" and "Norman Lear is prejudiced". What they found, though, is that (my father is a prime example) most people didn't realize how they sounded when they said things like Archie. My dad would laugh, but we could tell he was uncomfortable with some of what Archie was saying. BECAUSE HE SAID IT, TOO!!! My sibs & I would point this out to him all of the time (it was one of the few shows we watched as a family) and over time his behavior changed...sorta. Dad didn't always know what he said was offensive; Archie pointed it out to him.
As far as news goes, I don't watch any of the networks, CNN, or Fox anymore. They wouldn't give you the unvarnished truth if it bit them on the ass.
Posted by: Pam aka SisterZip | July 17, 2008 at 11:35 AM
No one - pundits, market analysts, opinion researchers of one kind or another - believes we can still learn anything. The assumption behind a whole lot of the analyses is that we have nothing but hardened opinions, which never change.
What does that notion leave for a motivator? What persuasion will still work? Fear. Fearfearfear. Big problem - fear distorts every message it touches. 'Dark side of the force' indeed. Hence the foreign and domestic policies of the regime, so much like tangled duct tape.
I remember 1960 and the hardshell Southern neighbors' obsessive fear of The Vatican. The Pope would be dictating policy to JFK. Here we go again.
Jon Stewart had the right comment, though, on the cartoon; "And who gets upset about cartoons about insane Muslim extremists? The insane Muslim extremists!"
Pass the watermelon. Weekend ahead.
Posted by: Tom Barclay | July 17, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Georgette Heyer, who from all accounts, was a crackerjack researcher for her regency novels, frequently refers to a madam as an abbess. I assumed that this went hand in hand with calling a brothel a nunnery.
Posted by: Holly Gault | July 17, 2008 at 11:53 AM
You guys are correct - I know that from an intellectual standpoint.
And I'm not criticizing The New Yorker - or suggesting that we add one more good publication to the 'dumb it down' pile of crap that lines the magazine racks.
Both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report had excellent takes on the cover - different expressions with the same conclusion - IT's a CARTOON. I feel confident that their viewers got not only the joke, but the original irony of the cover.
Tom is absolutely right about Fear as a sales tool. It works. Subtlety? Not so much.
But we do need to face the reality - we need to communicate better if we want to achieve our goals politically. Thank heaven no one has asked me how to accomplish that. Because I haven't got a clue.
Posted by: Kathy Sweeney | July 17, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Good blog, Nancy. Lots to think about.
Posted by: Elaine Viets | July 17, 2008 at 12:29 PM
A joke (I hope) forwarded to me this morning:
The reason no one in Louisiana is going to Vote for Obama is because if you put a G in front of Obama you have Go Bama.
There ain't no way we could vote for that....... Geaux Tigers!
Posted by: ramona | July 17, 2008 at 12:38 PM