Joyce Tremel Guest Blogs

A great, big TLC welcome to one of our regulars from the backblog. If you've ever met her, you know she's terrific - and if you haven't, well, you have something to look forward to! She's got a terrific job when it comes to mysteries - you can read all about it.

When the One and Only Kathy Sweeney asked me if I wanted to do a guest blog, my first reaction was “Moi?” The second was “Ack!” and the third was “What the hell am I going to write about?”

I could write about the piano we just bought that takes up half of our living room and I don’t even play piano. I could write about my search for another agent after the first one sat on my manuscript for months. I could write about spending way too much time blogging instead of working on the next manuscript.

Then it hit me. I should write about my job. Not the writing one that doesn’t pay anything yet. The day job that at least pays enough to buy groceries. Or a year’s college tuition.

I spend my daylight hours, four days a week, behind a bullet proof glass window, but not as a crime fighter. It’s much more exciting than that. I’m a police secretary.

How many of you knew there was such a thing as a police secretary? Come on. Hold up your hands. Uh-huh. Thought so. We are so under appreciated. You never see us on Law and Order or CSI. One more thing they get wrong!

So, what does a police secretary do? The simple answer is pretty much anything. I work for the Shaler Township Police Department in Pennsylvania. Shaler Township is a suburb of Pittsburgh. Our population is around 30,000 people. To get an idea of the calls we get look here: Joyce's Blog We have 27 sworn officers—this includes the Chief, two Lieutenants, one Sergeant, two Detectives, one Officer who handles juvenile cases, and the rest are Patrolmen. The two civilians are an administrative assistant, who acts as the Chief’s secretary and does, well, administrative things, and myself.

I have my own office which consists of my computer station, a desk and file cabinets. I have a bullet proof glass window that looks out onto the reception area. If someone needs a copy of their accident report, etc, I pass it through the slot at the bottom. After they pay the $15.00 fee for a copy of the report, that is.

One of my main duties is answering the phone. All the municipalities in Allegheny County, PA have a single 911 dispatch center so I don’t dispatch any calls. The calls that come into the office are usually people who want to talk to a police officer, or want a copy of an accident report, or people filing a complaint by phone. I also get a lot of calls from people who need to see an officer but didn’t want to call 911. I have to tell them if it’s important enough to dispatch an officer, they should hang up and dial 911. If there happens to be an officer in the station, I’ll give him the call, but they’re supposed to stay out on the road unless they’re writing up their reports. Many times, I’m the only one in the station. And frankly, that’s the way I like it. We do get walk ins (or 10-12s as we call them) and then I’ll get on the squad room radio and ask someone to “10-19 for a 10-12,” which translates to “get your ass in here and talk to this person.” Not literally, but you get the idea.

My most important duty is entering the police reports into the computer. We use a software program called “The Informer.” The officers write a report for every call they get and turn over all the handwritten reports to me the next day. I then make sure that none are missing and spend most of the day typing. We average about 10,000 calls a year, and a report must be filed for all of them.

Someone asked me once why the officers don’t enter their own reports. The most important reason is they have to be entered correctly. As much as I like the guys I work with, most of them are not brain surgeon material, if you know what I mean. For reporting purposes, there are certain things that have to be on the reports. Sometimes what they have written as the type of call is nothing like what it really is. For example, the officer might put “harassment” down where it says type of call, but it’s really a dispute between neighbors. Another reason the officers don’t enter their own reports is time. They would need to be sitting at a computer for hours instead of out patrolling. Even if they could do it from the patrol car, people would complain that the officers are loafing if they see the car parked somewhere.

I enter all the traffic and non-traffic citations into the Informer, too. Really, really boring. I also process requests from insurance companies for accident and police reports. They mail in a check and I record it and send them the report. Sometimes I get requests from attorneys for the same thing. I really like it when an attorney asks for a report because his client is suing the other party and it turns out his client is the one at fault. Or someone is suing for injuries and the report clearly states there weren’t any. Now that really amuses me.

I’ve also done things that aren’t in the job description. I’ve fingerprinted people who needed them done for their jobs when the detective who usually does them was out. I’ve done pat-down searches on females who have been arrested. I’ve watched lost children and lost dogs. I babysat an arrestee when everyone had to leave on an emergency. I stayed over and helped out when we had a major flood after Hurricane Ivan. I did the same after 9-11 when we were in “lockdown.”

So, that about sums up the glamorous life of a police secretary. At least in Shaler Township. And Margie, none of the guys I work with look all that good in a uniform. Disappointing, I know.

In addition to her day job, Joyce writes and blogs at Working Stiffs Blog on Thursdays.

Comments

[mary alice at mystery lovers bookshop]

Welcome, Joyce!
Love all your comments on this blog as you always give us a reality check.

Now we know from whence it comes-----your day job.

You go girl!

[ramona]

Great info, Joyce. Very educational.

But I wanna know why you aren't sharing how you tame these highly trained, highly armed, highly excitable law enforcement professionals with only The Look.

Or is The Look a trade secret you can't share with mere mortals? [wink]

[William Simon]

The only thing wrong with this blog is it is too short...:) Fascinating stuff, Joyce. Welcome, and I personally can't wait for your next one!

[Joyce Tremel]

Thanks, guys!

Ramona, The Look must be inherited. I got it from my mother. I'm not sure that it's something one can learn. It involves setting your mouth a certain way and squinting your eyes. Very lethal. Between The Look and the fact that I have a second degree black belt in taekwondo, the guys don't want to mess with me. Just nobody tell them I haven't practiced TKD in ten years, okay?

[Harley]

Oh, Joyce, I love this! I think we need a novel with you as the Heroine -- or is that the manuscript to which you refer? If so, I'll buy it. Big welcome.

I think you should move that piano into the police station lobby and take lessons over your lunch hour.

[michele]

Joyce, I'm so glad we finally got you to write about this stuff! I always love hearing about it and I agree -- one blog is not enough!

A comment about reports -- I can't tell you how many times I've seen skilled defense lawyers take a tiny mistake in an agent's report and blow it up into an issue that gets the jury to acquit the defendant against otherwise solid proof. Usually it's some detail that got left out, and the fact that it's not written down in the report becomes evidence that it never happened. Which then means the agent is a liar and everything else he says is false too. You can explain to the jury that the report was written at 2 am, or that it was one of ten reports that agent wrote that night at 2 am -- makes no difference!

Thanks for letting me vent!

[Karen in Ohio]

I'm with Harley on this, police staff are the unsung heroes, but they see all. It would be an unusual point of view for a crime novel, and one I've never seen.

My aunt was a dispatcher for a small-town police department in the 1960's, on the night shift, and she did all the same stuff you do, Joyce, but without computers. My uncle was a volunteer cop (that was a long time ago, and now this town is a large municipality, but then it was mostly farmland). Since I was married to a cop the first time, your description brought back a lot of memories. Good job, and thanks for sharing it with us.

[Annette Dashofy]

I agree that THE LOOK cannot be learned. But I think it can be developed. And, Joyce, I suspect you have a second degree black belt in THE LOOK, too.

Having no kids, I only use mine on my hubby, but he understands it completely.

[Rita Scott]

Bravo Joyce!
'Why can't the cops enter it themselves?'
Because most of them can't type or spell! But from being there and then reading their reports, I can say that they are great at 'creative writing'! (every time the ad for 'make money writing childrens books' ran in the Parade magazine, someone would tear it out and put it in Sgt. Bill's mailbox LOL)

[ArkansasCyndi]

Joyce - I LUUUVVVV reading about your job. I always read (but rarely respond) when you post on Working Stiffs. I bet you get to see loads of interesting people - and that's not just the suspects! LOL

I look forward to seeing more

[Joyce Tremel]

Wow, thanks for the great welcome everyone! I'm glad you all find my job interesting. I guess I take it for granted. I've been doing this for ten years and it's just ho-hum to me.

Harley, the book(s) I'm shopping now have a protagonist who is an ex-cop, now a taekwondo instructor. I can't tell you how many people have said I need to write one with a police secretary protagonist!

Michele, I know what you mean about the reports. Some of the guys really suck at it. There's one guy who could write only a paragraph for a DUI arrest, while another would have three pages.

They could ALL use spelling and grammar lessons. None of them know the difference between there, their and they're. Or its and it's. Drives me nuts!

[Anna C.]

Fascinating blog, Joyce - thank you, and thank you for doing the essential job you do.

A question, though. If you find something in a report that doesn't make sense or looks odd, can you go back to the person who wrote it and ask for clarification? Just wondering how it's handled.

[Joyce Tremel]

I send reports back to the officers all the time. Usually with a threat.

[Mary Storyteller]

After you type in the reports, do they have to read over them and verify them again? . . .just curious.
I used "the look" as a teacher, as learned from my mother. It worked best on students who had been trained by their mothers to respond to it. (Sometimes in conference with students and parents, we teachers have had to tell students, "Don't talk to your mother like that here," a true sign of why the student had problems in the first place).
I'm thinking grammar wasn't the number one job qualification for your police officers, so it's good there is someone to help with those details. After an incident with a terribly rude fire fighter during a fire drill at our school, I pointed out to my very protective students (they were ready to "go beat up that man" for yelling at me) that diplomacy wasn't what one most wanted in a fire fighter, that a no-nonsense, get-it-done mentality would probably be most effective against a fire. . . .and while it was very sweet of them to want to commit a felony for me, I just didn't have time, with my mother in the hospital, to visit them in jail right then.

[Karen in Ohio]

MOST people don't know the difference between their, they're and there, nor it's and its. If you want proof, just read any message board online, or email that comes to your mailbox. It's not solely the providence of police officers, sadly.

Our local weekly community newspaper used to carry police reports, and you could tell they were quoting verbatim. Sometimes the unintentional gaffes were hilariously funny.

[Joyce Tremel]

Mary, no, they usually don't go over the reports again. They just assume that their most excellent secretary didn't miss anything. If anything, I'll find something they got wrong, like they mixed up names, or something like that. I'll fix it and then tell them about it.

I've found that most of the juveniles who get in trouble have idiots for parents.

[Joyce Tremel]

Karen, a lot of the reports are pretty funny. Sometimes it's unintentional, but other times they do it on purpose.

One guy will write something like this if he has to remove a tree branch from the road: "Officer X hefted the giant sequoia tree, raised it over his muscular frame, and threw it into the woods. He was greeted by applause from the many bystanders who witnessed his great feat of strength." He should be writing fiction.

Another guy wrote a hysterical one about shooting a rabid raccoon. I can't remember the whole thing, but there was something about facing off and staring at his beady little eyes.

[Laura (in PA)]

Hi, Joyce - great blog! The only police secretary I can think of from TV was John from NYPD Blue. :)

Thanks for sharing your interesting job with us, though we probably find it more interesting than you do, lol.

[Rita Scott]

We had a dispatcher, Irene. She was in her 60's but looked and sounded closer to 90. She dispatched for the 8 small depts around us. She always knew who was cutting up on the radio and put them in their place.
One day Sgt. Bill spotted some pot plants growing over an 8ft privacy fence and did an early harvest.While he was at the courthouse applying for warrants one of the other guys called me in and said to 'stop at the lumber yard and get several packs of the heaviest construction grade trash bags they have!' while he was laughing.
Our cells were in the basement and Bill had folded up 16 giant pot plants, put them in Hefty leaf bags and locked them in the cells. Irene, sitting right above the cells was stoned off her gourd! She had been giggling and cussing over the radio and making up interesting calls for the guys. (the guys bought all the twinkies & cupcakes the quick shop had and took them by her house for her munchies)
We triple bagged the dope and put it in evidence at county PD, then had the fire dept bring in the fans to ventilate the dept/ city hall.
That went down as one of the legends!

[Joyce Tremel]

Rita, that's really funny! We had a marijuana plant in our squad room for a long time. I'm not sure what happened to it. One day, it was just gone.

[Anna C.]

Hmmm .... I wonder if I could send the papers I edit back with a threat. Thanks again, Joyce!

[Mary Storyteller]

ok, so just clarifying here -- you don't even have to smoke the stuff? Amazing!
The diminishing ability to write properly is saddening. I sometimes pull out the Sharpie to edit signs (or a pencil to edit library books), and I promised my students extra points off their papers if they spelled the second person pronoun "u" as a paper for school is NOT text messaging.
_Eats, Shoots, and Leaves_ was an amusing look at several problems. Laugh in order not to cry.

[Rita Scott]

Joyce, you ever been to a DEA office? All the undercover guys in there look like biker gangs and long hair pothead scumbags! Quite different from the suit & tie FBI guys.
I'm sure your plant was 'properly disposed of'. Maybe burned in small increments, safely rolled in paper! LOL

[Karen in Ohio]

The only problem with Eats, Shoots, and Leaves is that the author was arbitrarily anti-American, and her attitude offended me.

My sister-in-law, when her children were small, would not take them to or patronize any business that spelled their name weirdly. Krispy Kreme, for instance, would definitely not be on their list of places to shop. Nor would any business that called itself something "N things".

[Kathy Sweeney]

TERRIFIC job and comments, everyone, and thanks again to Joyce. And I second the motion that your protagonist be a police secretary - of all the characters out there, that's a key one that's missing.

Just back from Annapolis where our oldest Godson graduated from high school. I remember the day the kid was born. Naturally, I started tearing up as soon as I saw him in a shirt and tie. I hope this stuff gets easier.