Early Man

By Elaine Viets

Because love is strange, chances are one partner in a couple wakes up at dawn. The other sleeps till noon. This marriage of late and early risers won’t lie down and go away. It leads to conversations like these:

"Are you awake?" Don asks me.

"Uhh?" I say.

I’m no live wire around the house at any time. But when I’m curled into a ball, my eyes are shut and I’m drooling slightly, that’s usually a sign I’m asleep.

Another sign is that it is 6:30 in the morning.

Unfortunately, Don is a morning person. "If you don’t want to talk, just say so," he says, with irritating cheerfulness.

"I don’t want to talk. I want to get some (bleeping) sleep."

"Okay," he says, "you don’t have to be such a crab."

I do. I do. Our wedding should have told him something. I wanted to get married on a Friday night. If I had my choice, I’d keep vampire hours, rising at sunset and sleeping at sunrise.

The first time I met Don should have given me a hint about him. It was 7:40 in the morning, at a college English course. Not only was he awake, he was teaching the class. (Yes, I was one of those. But I didn’t date my English teacher until after class was over and the grades were in.)

Our story is typical. For some reason, during the two hours they are mutually awake, late sleepers and early risers manage to find each other. Maybe it’s natural selection. Couples stay married longer if they don’t see each other so often.

Don and I have learned to respect our time differences. I don’t play Eric Clapton after midnight and he doesn’t discuss Michael Mann movies before noon.

But I must protest a poll I saw about early birds. It said some 56 percent of the 502 adults polled were early risers. Fine. But then they made more obnoxious claims. They said early risers have more energy and optimism and early birds eat better and exercise more.

Of course they do. Every morning, the early risers wake us late-night types at some hideous hour. We spend the rest of the day in a daze, too tired to eat or move. After awhile, it wears down our natural high spirits.

This biased poll didn’t ask the early risers the crucial question: Do you take a nap later in the day?

That’s their ugly little secret. They all do. Early risers sneak in a little snooze in the afternoon or sack out on the couch after work. They may brag that they’re first out of bed, but they don’t tell you they are also the first back in.

My own informal survey shows that 78 percent of early risers have a sadistic streak, especially if they have a position of authority. Corporations are infested with morning people. These sanctimonious pests like to call 7:30 breakfast meetings for the pleasure of watching the late show stumble in. Then, with all their colleagues backstabbed by 11:30 a.m., they go out for an early lunch and let the late risers do the real work.

You can’t convince an early riser, but there’s no virtue in waking up at the crack of dawn. For all we know, the early birds could be getting up at 5:00 a.m. to go through our wallets. In fact, no morning person has ever explained the advantages of getting up early.

Some mumble about the beauty of the sunrise. Yawn. A sunrise looks like a sunset, only backward. It’s not as much fun, either. If you have a relaxing drink watching the sun rise, it causes talk.

They also say, "If you get up at six, you can have your day’s work done by nine."

That way you can be awakened from your afternoon nap by people making legitimate daytime calls.

Morning people also tell you, "The early bird gets the worm."

Exactly. And the early worm gets the bird.

Comments

[mary alice at mystery lovers bookshop]

Oh, so true Elaine. But things can change. When R and I began sleeping in the same bed, I awoke for work at 5:30 and he rolled out of the sack 2 hours later. Now, after 35 years, he gets up at 7:30 makes me breakfast and cappucchino which I consume in bed while holding a paper and then nod off for a few more hours of what I call "winks". Oh, the joys of long-term relationships!

[Tom]

I have never understood the appeal of 'getting the worm' - unless one has drunk the rest of the bottle of tequila first, and then wants to go fishing.

Come to think of it, the fish bite early. Maybe this explains it.

No, probably not.

[Peg H]

I love this one! I am a vampire and hubby is a morning person. I'm sure that's why we are still married after all these years. Another reason is that he knows better than to say anything to me before the second cup of coffee when I DO finally crawl out of bed.

Pass that Tequila over here Tom...

[Susan]

I am an early bird but, in my own defense, 5 a.m. is the only time I can actually get much reading/thinking/praying/writing done. This is due to the fact that I still own a small child and once he's up, there is no such thing as quiet in the house.

I used to be able to sleep long and late, and I wonder if my clock will reset itself once the small child becomes a teenager and keeps the vampire hours of my 16 year old.

My husband, on the other hand, seems to have no internal clock at all. He has the uncanny ability to sleep whenever, wherever, for however long he has. I think he picked up such a skill during his residency. The man can consume 20 cups of coffee at 10 p.m. and be snoozing at 11 p.m. He can cheerfully wake up and do surgery at 2 a.m., be home by 6 a.m., and sleep again until noon.
I would never survive such a schedule.

[William Simon]

The Boss is one of those creatures who not only wakes up early, she wakes up cheerful. I mean, she can roll out of bed and speak coherently, navigate to the shower without whacking her shins on the furniture (the same furniture that's been in the same place for 15 years; it moves itself during the night like something out of an old 1950's horror movie), and can immediately, and I mean *immediately* begin eating when she gets to the kitchen.

My own habits have changed over the years out of self-defense. I've gone from Nightowl to Citizen out of necessity (a woman with Care Bear DNA will do that), and have learned to at least fake civility and manners before Noon, but it's not been an easy change. If it were up to me, it would be awake at 5pm, go to bed at 7am.

Now if I could just convince the rest of the world of the wisdom of those hours. So far, I've been as successful at that as I have in inventing the 26 Hour Day....

[Joyce Tremel]

I'm naturally a night owl, too, forced to become a morning person. My husband is in bed by ten and up by six--even on the weekends. Before we got married (28 years ago), I was never asleep before midnight and I slept till noon on my days off. Now eight am is sleeping in for me, even if I'm up late. I get my second wind around nine pm when I should be getting sleepy.

[janetlynn13]

Great blog, Elaine!
Being a night owl from a family of owls, I can say I unhappily agree with the study that early risers have more energy, more optimism, eat better and exercise more. And now that I think about it, every early bird I know is adept at taking naps.....

My question is that if early birds are only 56%, why can't we owls rally and take over while their napping?

[Elaine Viets]

Ah, you are my people. You understand. But what are you doing up so early?
Mary Alice, I am deeply impressed by this shift in your marriage.

[sarahS]

Elaine - read Mary Alice's hours again. She posted at 1 a.m. Tom and Peg are no better. THOSE are your people, Elaine....

[Mary Eman]

Neither my husband nor I are morning people. I wouldn't be up now, if my employer wasn't so unreasonable about schedules, etc.

But naps are heavenly.......I am of the opinion that the workplace should have mandated "Power Naps" daily. Just 20 minutes each afternoon and productivity would soar, I am convinced.

[mome]

My Hubby is an early bird and I am truly a night owl that has no choice right now but to get up early with three little ones - I have to say though naps are one of God's greatest gifts to those of us who rise at 7 and go to bed at 1 but still somehow have to have 8 hours of sleep in the day. I agree with Janetlynn - we owls should take over the world, not during nap time but at night when (at least my early riser) is completely comatose!

[michele]

Interesting topic, Elaine!

I'm convinced this stuff is genetic. My husband and I are really different about how much sleep we need, and we each have one kid who's just like us. We both tend to stay up pretty late (11-midnightish every night) but I need my eight hours and he doesn't. That means I can have a tough time getting up at 6:45 when the alarm goes off, and he doesn't. By the same token, we have one kid who doesn't need a lot of sleep and another who does, one easy waker-upper and one tough waker-upper. So there's a big division in alertness at the breakfast table.

[Kerry]

My husband and I are both morning people, but my morning naturally starts about 2 hours after his. Left to my own natural biological rhythms, I'm asleep around 11:00 and up at 7:00 (yes, I need every minute of those 8 hours and run a deficit frequently). He's asleep by 10:00 and up at 5:00.

This works out well during the regular academic year, when, biological rhythms notwithstanding, I pretty much need to be approximately vertical by about 5:30. He's been up and is prepared to bring me my breakfast in bed; while I eat, he usually hauls the first load of the day's luggage out to the car for me.

Another of the beauties of a long-term relationship is that I no longer wake up when he gets out of bed, and he's learned the art of falling asleep and staying asleep even if I get to bed later than he does. It's all good . . .

[Kathy Sweeney]

Wow. I thought it was just our house.

The big joke here is that we really don't need four bedrooms, because there are so few hours in each 24 when we're all asleep at the same time.

My husband and 16-year-old daughter are night owls. My son tries to be a night owl, but left to his own devices, he sleeps more than they do. I don't sleep through the night, but I do take naps (I have to if I want to operate heavy machinery - like cars with kids in them).

For the same reason, we are NOT a good family to share a vacation house with - it doesn't get quiet until about 3 in the morning at our house, and it stays quiet until noon. (Yep, I can be quiet, especially if I go outside.)

I can vouch for Susan's husband too - I've seen this guy fall asleep while sitting upright in a chair next to the pool, and then wake up 15 minutes later, totally alert.

Thank you Elaine - good to know we are not alone!

[Elaine Viets]

Hmm. I looked at Mary Alice's hours -- she is a true night owl. I wrote that early in the morning, not my best time.

[Karen in Ohio]

I feel as though I've stumbled upon a population of "my" people here. My husband falls asleep in the chair after dinner--his nap, which sometimes lasts for an hour or two--then at the dot of 10:20 he kisses me goodnight and goes to bed (unless Boston Legal is on, which he enjoys). Then he bounds out by 6 or 6:30 at the latest. On the other hand, I stay up until at least midnight, and sometimes much, much later, and sleep until I'm darned good and ready to get up, thank you very much. We've been married for 26 years, so I guess it works for us. Or is it that we just don't see one another that much? Whatever.

Almost every woman in our family is like this, beginning with my maternal grandmother, and extending to non-related people like my sister-in-law. The only woman who isn't is my brother's wife, but she is an alien, I'm convinced.

As for the issue of being more productive, more fit, etc., I sadly concur. It turns out that I'm a morning person, too, and can't get squat done late at night, despite my inability to sleep at that time. The only way I can get anything done, if I have a big project, is to force myself (via drugs, usually) to turn in early and awaken early. But it doesn't take long to get right back into the rut of being a vampire.

[Hallie]

LOVE you guys...

I'm a night owl but my job requires me to be at work by 6:30 am and i love my job. Good thing I am alone until 8:00.

[j renee stuart]

Just remember, Elaine... The early bird may get the worm - but the second mouse gets the cheese. Sleep in and enjoy.
The Pennwriter's conference is this weekend in Lancaster. Any PA tarts planning to attend ?

[Marcia in OK]

One of the cruelest things is natures is for a night owl to give birth to an Early bird. UGHHHHH! The endless "why" questions of my daughter about killed me at 7:00 AM in the MORNING - every damned day until she turned 6. She's better now about going in the other room and doing her thing. (Yes, I'm up with her, it just isn't a good idea for us to be in the same room cause she sings to herself and now answers her own questions - outloud.)

If left to my own devices I'd be up til 2 - 3 am and sleep til noon. (Night owls that need 9+ hours of sleep have it rough in the 8-5 world of business.)

I've worked at the same company for 15 years. Everyone here has learned NOT to ask me anything important before 10:30 am. All my department meetings are at 1:00 in the afternoon.

Isn't it interesting how many of us are night people.

[Debby]

Pennwriters conference? Where? I am actually home this weekend, with few plans.

Lancaster is only about 15 mins west of me!!!

As for me, I am definitely not a morning person, although the dog gets me up aroumd 530am...which is good since I have to leave for work before 7am. Left to my own devices, I stay up late and only need around 5 hours sleep....

Debby

[Rita Scott]

I may be up at 8am, but I'm not functional till 10 (or later) I wouldn't be up at 8 if the cats would leave me alone! Naps are good things.
Elaine, does Don wake up when you break your toe in the wee hours, chasing the cats?

[Mary Storyteller]

"I didn’t date my English teacher until after class was over and the grades were in."
My former brother-in-law also waited until his French class was concluded before asking the instructor for a date; they are still happily married -- and reported that cork floors are great for dancing!
My last year of teaching, I swore to my first hour class, "As God is my witness, I'll never set my alarm for 5 a.m. again," and they applauded. However, sometimes I have to set it for 4:50 or 5:05. If I go along with the Y director's plan for me to take the 5-8 a.m. shift at the Y, I already know there will be a nap later in the day. (Sleeping eight hours all at once is getting harder anyway).
I am investigating the possibility of using solid shutters to cover the bedroom windows, complete dark is supposed to be best for sleeping, and it should be good for making a dust-free environment also.
I walked through my house after the workers left yesterday and admired the view of "Walden Pond" from the new window and the deck! My eagle-eyed realtor, Chris, noted that they seem to have the hook-ups for the front-loading dryer and washer in the wrong spots; I wouldn't have noticed until I found it inconvenient to move clothes from washer to dryer.

[Mary Storyteller]

-- "we really don't need four bedrooms, because there are so few hours in each 24 when we're all asleep at the same time."
One summer in college, five of us rented a duplex. I chose the screened-in porch for my bedroom, the coolest room, and one of the guys worked nights. As summer heat progressed, he asked if he could share my bed -- he slept their in the daytime; it was mine at night. We were young (and socialists) so it made perfect sense to us.

[bea]

I am, at the moment, a reformed night owl, and I come from a long line of night owls on my mother's side. But the daily grind has gotten to me, and now I rarely sleep past 8 am, even on weekends. I am not a morning person, but I am awake in the morning.

The exotic and adventurous things other people plan for retirement interest me, but my retirement plan is very simple--abide by my natural circadian rhythm. And I hope I haven't completely screwed up my night owl tendencies, as there is something wonderful about the stillness and quiet of 3 am.

[hollygee]

I am a natural early bird. 6 AM is sleeping in, hot flashes and cats get me up 4-5 AM. I wake up alert, if there is someone to talk to, my mouth starts immediately. If not, there is the internet. I get Steve up around 7. Then I have the 3 PM sink when I have to move about or nap -- I prefer the nap, but try the alternative.

Back before I was diagnosed with celiac disease, I was taking 2 hour naps AT WORK! We had a futon in the art department. They were very forgiving employers. I'm certain my naps are not why they are no longer in business.