by Michele

                                   

Welcome to Our Virtual 1000th Anniversary Party!

There's too much crappy news in the world, folks, but here's an antidote.  Today marks our 1000th blog here at The Lipstick Chronicles, and we're celebrating!  Can you believe it-- we've been sharing laughs, sorrows, joys, sexual predilections and pet peeves with you for ONE THOUSAND BLOGS!  Me being a great party planner, and my blog day falling on the one thousandth blog anniversary, the other Tarts put me in charge of throwing the party.  What was I aiming for?  Glamour and excess, natch!

My first task was to pick a virtual location. I had to plan for one to two thousand guests, since that's how many unique visitors we get each day here at TLC, and naturally, everyone is invited.  (Although loyalty has its rewards.  Regular posters, you know who you are.  Stop at the concierge desk in the lobby to pick up your wristbands for admission to VIP entertainment suites and swag rooms!) 

Today's party is taking place at the Bellagio on the Las Vagas strip. Plenty of fountains to jump into! 

    The Bellagio not in your backyard?  No worries! My brother Michael and his pilot buddies are running virtual private jet shuttles. Just give a holler and wave a colorful scarf or interesting hat when you're ready to get picked up.  Once on board, the champagne starts flowing and doesn't stop!

The food is to-die-for, because there's a branch of Le Cirque at the Bellagio.  They'll be passing exquisite virtual hors d'ouevres all day long, and providing mind-boggling buffets for lunch and dinner.  No boring banquet-style sit-down meals at this party!  We all need to be free to mix and mingle and take advantage of the fantastic entertainment, not to mention the swag suites and free hotel rooms (to spend some private moments with those we meet along the way.  Just do the secret TLC hand signal and the concierge will give you a key.)  The bar is open all day, and if you don't feel like waiting in line, just flag down one of the many waiters circulating with trays of mojitos.

           

As for virtual entertainment, Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock are doing stand-up throughout the day.  And if you stay for the big midnight send-off -- when our fireworks are timed to dance along with the Bellagio's fabulous fountains -- the Stones will be performing.  (Hey, if they're good enough for Bill Clinton . . . .)  But there's more!  If you're lucky enough to qualify for a VIP wristband, your entertainment options are even more lavish.  Stop by any of our ten (count 'em!) super-top secret entertainment suites, where famous music personalities and movie stars will perform for you in more intimate settings.  Don't see the star of your dreams on our marquee?  Never fear! B.Y.O.C. (bring your own celebrity) -- just let us know who you want and we'll get 'em in here. 

Now, what's your role in all this?  To have fun, of course, and then to tell us about it.  Come in, enjoy, and post below about what you saw, what you wore, who you met, what you ate, what swag you nabbed, what entertainment made your heart sing, and who did what to whom. Delicious gossip and lurid tales are much encouraged, because here at TLC, the party never ends!

Comments

[Michael]

Wow, what a fabulous milestone!

Happy Anniversary to the Tarts and all the friends of T.L.C.

DING

You're now free to move about the blogsphere.

[kris]

Wow, how do you know we're in Vegas? Because I just woke up,and the party is already going full blast. I'm bringing a couple of bands for the oldies suite, The Grass Roots and The Guess Who, because I could listen to their various permutations all day. Oh, and listen - my kids are waking up, so I have to go pack lunches, but I heard that there's mini quiches & bellinis over by the art gallery. Save some for me, will ya? I'll be back as soon as the little darlings are all in school!

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Viva Las Vegas and TLC!

This is my first time in Vegas - it's very, uh, colorful, eh?

I just had a Bloody Mary with Michael Buble, who was heading to his room to rest before his performance later - he's even nicer in person!

Got a note from the concierge that Lewis Black will be joining us for a late lunch and rant session. Can't wait.

I should probably sleep after taking the red eye, but I don't want to miss anything!

[michele]

Early reports from the private jets are that we're getting twice as many people as expected. Everybody's bringing a friend! People are so raring to go that we ran out of champagne on the first few flights. Many apologies and no worries, folks, we're already restocked. I'm standing by the concierge desk to meet and greet and direct you to the suite of your choice.

[William Simon]

1,000 Blogs is one heck of an achievement.

The champagne and caviar for the VIP Area should be delivered any moment; the guys know what to do, they'll get it all set up. (And yes, there is a case of non-alcoholic champagne for those of us who do not drink).

And what's Vegas without....? Well, click the links, see for yourselves...:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDkww3CX5Hk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-7FqQldJwg

Congratulations! Let's go for FIVE K, see what happens.

[Nancy martin]

Yeah, this is me over by the band dancing with George. He tells me the rest of the Ocean's boys are dropping by later, just for you, Michele. Great shindig.

[Mary Storyteller]

1000 Blogs -- so much wisdom and wit! It would be appropriate to share Scheherazade and the 1001 Arabian Nights, but that's long, so I'll instead give you a short version of a favorite Jewish/Arabic/Chinese story: "The Smell of the Bread."
A very poor man, unable to buy food, sat outside the bakery enjoying the smell of the bread. The baker demanded payment for this benefit; he'd worked hard baking, after all. The judge demanded the poor man hand over his few coins, and then jingled them in his hand. The baker reached for them, but, "No," said the judge, "The sound of the money is ample payment for the smell of the bread." (My students decided that the judge should then invite the poor man home for dinner).
I didn't realize the serious catering going on, so I'll just put this cheesecake down on the table. Oh, the caterers are serving it now -- who know cheesecake was such a good breakfast food! I heard Kasey Jones was coming in, with an entourage of Sweet Potato Queens to add to the fun.
If you want another story, you can hear me tell "Heaven & Hell" at http://www.storyteller.net/tellers/mgarrett

[Nancy martin]

Egad, is that my discontinued Elizabeth Arden cream in the swag bag??? Michele, you are a miracle worker!

And I forgot to compliment your shoes. Faboo, baby. What designer??

[Mary Storyteller]

BTW, I appreciate that those are just pictures of balloons and not the real thing, and I'm sure those caterers aren't wearing latex gloves for food prep. I just asked, and they said of course not, only barbarians would touch food with nasty, bad-tasting latex. They only use vinyl or thorough hand-washing.
The concierge just came over and whispered that there is non-latex "protection" on the bedside tables in the private rooms, perhaps that was more than I need to know -- OTOH we did let him know that I(we)OCHFTS.

[Me, Margie]

Guess what? I met up with the Pussycat Dolls last night - they were showing me some moves, and of course, I had to respond in kind, right?

So they're going to join us and perform their very own version of "Sway".

I've arranged for a cardiologist and nitro for some of the older guys. No naming names, but I think you know who you are. No reason for you to miss this killer performance because you're nervous about, ya know.

Plus, one of the Dolls told me she swears there is Viagra in the fountains out here, just sayin'.

Here's a sneak preview:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFPvKGL69kE

So listen, cats and kittens, pace your fine selves, because when Margie says it's time to dance, everybody dances, capisce?

[Mary Storyteller]

Dancing, yes!! I knew there had to be an upside to insomnia. Thanks for being here to party the morning away. (Sleepless in St. Louis -- St. Peters, actually).
Can we try some bellydancing too?

[William Simon]

Tailored Tuxedo: 2500.00

Dress shirt w/French Cuffs: 500.00

Properly tied bow tie: 150.00

Bold yet elegant cufflinks: 450.00

Dress shoes: 600.00

Celebrating such a milestone with the Book Tarts: PRICELESS

[Cozy Crime]

Congratulations ladies!

Look forward to 1000 more.

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

Michele - you have totally out done yourself! This is amazing. I just overheard Cheryl Crow talking to Sting about an acoustic session in one of the VIP suites this afternoon! How the hell did you pull that off? When do people sleep around here? I haven't seen a clock since we arrived, and that lovely Mr. Craig made me check my watch.

Hey - is that Josh over there in the Elvis costume?

[J.D. Rhoades]

Hey, is there a music store still open around here? B.B. King grabbed me in the lobby and he's running low on extra guitar strings. And Dr. John wants to know where there's a piano. By the way, if anyone sees Diane Lane, let her know her shoes are still in my room. Tell her not to wake Robert Downey Jr up if he's still asleep in the tub. He had a tough night, but that's what happens if you try to out party me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go talk to the manager and arrange to pay for a tankful of dead tropical fish. Tina Fey got a little wild and thought it would be cute to give them a drink, so she dumped a whole bottle of Dom into the tank in my room. But it's cool. What I won off of Damon and Affleck in the poker game'll more than cover it. Pssst...Affleck drums his fingers when he's bluffing, and if Damon's left eye twitches...he's got nothin'. But don't tell everybody.

[sarahS]

Okay, you're not going to believe this, but I just ran into The Boss in the elevator. I am totally not making this up. And he said, since he had a few hours to kill, why didn't I join him and Patty and, ohmigod, Clarence in the penthouse. So that's where I'm going.

Bruce ...at last! Thank you, Michele for organizing this. Hey, where did you get the Bloody??

[michele]

William, I just *knew* that was you behind the cases of Dom Perignon. Oh, thank you, thank you! And I removed the "Havana" labels from the boxes of cigars you sent just in case any trade embargo party poopers are around, but wink wink, we know these are top quality. You're the best, hon, and you look so dashing in that tux!

George was very happy with the cigars. Nancy, those other Oceans boys just don't do it for me -- except Matt Damon. Matt and George are both with me right now in the hot tub in the penthouse suite for any Tarts who want to come by. That's only till 9 am, after which they're both doing hour-long time slots on the celebrity napping floor -- accessible if you got a green wrist-band from the concierge desk. After coming in on the red-eye, it's sure cozy to have somebody to cuddle up with for an hour or so. Please post and let us know who your nap-mate was!

[michele]

The Boss was my get, Sarah. I'm so glad he's making you happy after the long winter we've had. I've always heard he was best in small venues, and he'll be performing throughout the day at various surprise locations. Everybody, look forward to him popping up unexpectedly.

Okay, this one rules, folks -- 9 am at the pool bar, a martial arts demonstration by Jackie Chan and our very own Kerry, the martial Tart, followed by brunch and bloody marys with Jackie by the pool!

[Josh]

I'm glad I brought my penicillin. I scored a date with Lindsay Lohan. I'll report back on how it went in, oh, 12 seconds.

[J.D. Rhoades]

Josh: thanks for that. Crazy bitch has been following me around since the flight in. I mean, yeah, I'm sure they ARE real, but damn girl, show some dignity.

Holy hell, was that Van Morrison that just walked by?

[J.D. Rhoades]

Oh, and Josh? Penicillin may not be enough. Take one of these. No, don't ask, just take it. The less you know what this is, the better off you'll be, I promise.

[michele]

Glad the boys in the backblog are having fun!

On the swag front, Nancy, you and I are scheduled for the Gucci suite in 20 minutes. We get to go in before they officially open, but the deal is, we only get fifteen minutes. Can we agree up front that you'll take the flats and I get the heels? That would really streamline the process. Although, damn, those loafers are so chic. Never mind, I'm going for the gusto. It's every woman for herself.

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

I *knew* we shouldn't have put Stallone in charge of watching the door. That guy wouldn't know crazy if it punched him in the face.

[michele]

Mary -- don't worry, the only latex around here in in Margie's "special entertainment" suite, for which you need to have the black wristband. There are bouncers stationed outside the door checking wristbands. This is not to be exclusive or cliquish, folks, but just for your own protection.

We've also taken care of those with shellfish allergies by removing the lobster and crab claw bar to a separate ballroom on the galleria level. Acrobats from Cirque du Soleil will be performing there until 11 am. It's a nice morning activity for those who prefer to ease into the party and, like the celebrity napping floor, open to all comers.

[J.D. Rhoades]

Hey, Eric Clapton just walked up and handed me a guitar. Do I get to keep it?