It all started with a back ache . . .

by Nancy                        

A few weeks ago, I realized that the back ache that I first noticed on an airplane in November was still hanging around in March. The pain wasn't excruciating, but it wasn't going away either. And since my mother has endured some of the most appallingly barbaric back surgeries imaginable--I mean, a machete might have been kinder--I figured I should do something now before I end up looking like a witch in a Disney movie. (Which my mother does not, by the way, because she's done an hour of yoga every morning for twenty years. She'll be eighty next year.)

                                    

In the interest of dodging the bad back bullet, I brought up the subject with my regular doctor. And if you're over fifty, you know what happened next.

Tests. My doctor sent me to six different places to take tests, have x-rays, get prodded and hmm-ed over.  I walked on a hosptial treadmill, lifted weights with my ankles, and wore hospital gowns in very public spaces. Results? Well, my cholorestrol is fine, my bone density is above average and I'm not pregnant.

My back, on the other hand, needed work.

At last, I washed up at the office of a physical therapist who only lacks the German accent and a dental drill to make her the perfect villain in a thriller.  The fraulein can't cure what ails me  (disk disease--erk!) but she can "make me more comfortable" through exercise.

I'm pretty sure if the writing gig doesn't work out that I could become a doctor.  No kidding. Here's what every single ailment comes down to:  No matter what your health problem is, ladies and gentlemen, you'll always be told to get more exercise.

At our first meeting, the therapist tried to cheer me up. She said, "When you're young, you must exercise to stay in shape. After a certain--well, later in life, you must stay in shape to exercise."

I wanted to punch her.  Except I have tendonitis in my right wrist.

Now I dutifully go to therapy twice a week with the AARP set. (And 80% of them are women.  Men do not have time for physical therapy, I guess, unless it's golf season, in which case I'm told the number of male patients hoping to get back on the golf course jumps exponentially. My husband has been putting off his shoulder physical therapy since before Christmas and only lately has realized golf season is nearly upon us.) 

At the beginning of every session I first spend ten minutes flat out on a heating pad. Which feels good, but I find myself ticking off how many dollars a minute that heating pad-enduced hot flash costs when I could instead turn on the hot seat in my car on the drive over.

But after I fume for those ten minutes, the really bad stuff starts. The therapist fits me with the electrodes. Yes, I said ELECTRODES--these long plastic sticky things that run from my knees to my hipbones.  When she flips on the Frankenstein machine, my legs twitch and feel as if a nest of ants has been turned loose on my lower body.

(No, Margie, we will not discuss what it might feel like if the electrodes were elsewhere.  But it has crossed my mind. Does anybody else remember Jane Fonda in Barbarella?)

Next comes the deep massage. And when I say "deep," I mean give-me-something-to-bite-on-Scarlett or Ashley's-going-to-hear-me-all-the-way-in-Gettysburg.

One criteria for a good physical therapist must be strong thumbs. How does she keep those thumbs so strong? Man, I'm yelping like a kicked puppy by the time she's finished. (And I delivered an 11-pound baby WITHOUT ANESTHESIA.) The deep tissue massage is much, much more painful than the back ache.

After the massage comes exercise, which I must do in the small gym with all the AARP people laughing and jumping around like they're in 3rd grade phys ed class.--They're having a ball.  I expect a game of Red Rover to break out any minute.  (Remember Red Rover?  I hear it's outlawed now because kids might break their fingernails or something.)  They make plans to go out for lunch and go shopping after therapy.  Me, I'm practically weeping with the excruciating need for a nap.

Finally the therapist sends me limping home with a sheet of paper with diagrams for more exercises pictured with a man who's smiling so happily that I want to kick him, except I've sprained my calf muscle or something.

Anyway, physical therapy makes me ache all over, but I'm told that's a short term thing. And truthfully? It's helping.  A lot. 

But the ultimate irony? There's a bakery across the street from the gym.  It takes every ounce of self control not to hobble over there and scarf up a dozen scones. But the only other advice a doctor will give you after the exercise thing is to watch your diet, and I'm pretty sure scones aren't on it. So I resist.

Fortunately--maybe---I get a week off from physical therapy.  I'm on the road again to plug MURDER MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH.  I'll be back in the gym for more torture next week.  Say a prayer for me, will you?

Meanwhile, get more exercise. 

Comments

[William Simon]

Nancy-

While I despise the cliche, I feel your pain. My lower back was injured in childhood, and it's been a constant my whole life. Done the whole drill you just described, with success being measured in pain tolerance. One doctor frightened me with his insistence on surgery (cross Sir Lawrence in MARATHON MAN with Colin Clive in the 1931 FRANKENSTEIN and that will give you an approximation of the look in his eyes; needless to say, I coolly said I'd consider it, stood, and got the hell out of there. I may be wrong, but I seem to remember the paper gown flapping as I sprinted to my car, but that cannot be accurate.)

I've obtained the best results from an occasional massage (Margie, DON'T) and gentle stretching every morning. Plus, forcing myself out of the chair every hour, walking around, moving the muscles, and keeping limber.

All of that, and a 55 gallon drum of Motrin keep things under control and pain free.

[Joyce Tremel]

I feel your pain, Nancy. Literally.

I herniated a disc back when I was a yellow belt. I tried to kick higher than my leg wanted to go and I was out of commission for awhile. The medical doctor gave me muscle relaxers, which I found out later is the absolute worst thing you can take for back pain. The spasms protect your spine from further damage. And there's no way I'd ever have back surgery. I've seen what happens when people have that done.

I opted for the chiropractor, which sounds a lot like your physical therapy, with the heat and electrodes. But I loved those electrode things!

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Both my sister and her husband are physical therapists. My sister spent the first few years of her career working with head injury patients. Now she does home health for post-op patients and people who can't leave the house.

I'll have to ask them about the electrodes. That sounds kind of bizarre. Which reminds me of those gyms that cropped up in the '90s where people just sat in the machines and let the machines do the work - any one else remember those? My sister told me those were all PT machines. Wonder if they actually worked as exercise?

Nancy - maybe you can get your doc to write you a prescription for Nemacolin Resort and Spa - the massages there are fantastic!

[Mary Storyteller]

Nancy, good luck with the work on your body. I've been happy with the results of myofascial release therapy http://www.myofascialrelease.com/home.asp
though when I Googled it, there were several "debunking" sites about it. I just know that when I fell (at the police station last Jan., making the first ID fraud report) and the "angry hip" had me immobilized, the regular therapist had me whimpering and ready to die, and Scott had me walking and off to the grocery store with one touch.
Aqua-aerobics is my favored exercise right now. Phyllis includes every muscle and joint in the workout "only exercise the parts you want to keep using." We decided that it's like being in the lower gravity of the moon, which we thought would be a great place for a retirement community. They could even up the oxygen % to aid breathing and give more energy.

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Nancy, I know it probably doesn't help a lot, but it sounds to me that you're doing the absolutely right thing. The electrodes are to stimulate muscle contraction, although I'm not sure what the ultimate purpose of that is. Deep tissue massage (myofacial massage is a form of that, isn't it?) does hurt a lot in the short term, but I personally love it over the long haul.

Stretching is really important to maintain mobility and manage pain; your Mom is a testament to that!

For what it's worth, a dear friend just went though the nasty kind of back surgery. It's made a world of difference to her; she's pain free and mobile for the first time in ages. She uses yoga to keep her flexibility up and has started Pilates as a good way to improve core strength.

As for "more exercise", I'm back on my regular routine after a week off, and currently ache in places I'd forgotten I own :)

[Harley]

Oh, Nancy, been there and done that. 6 weeks of therapy on my wrist last year and at the end I went back to the doctor who sent me there and he sent me to a hand/wrist specialist who said, "you know, you can do physical therapy all you want but it won't help because what you need is a wrist replacement and we don't do those. You'd be better off with a bad knee. Those, we could replace." (thank you, I'll keep that in mind next life.)

He told my choices: A. live with the pain; and B. fuse my wrist. I picked A! I adapt my yoga (I'm in there with Nancy's mother) to my wrist, I do boxing and just pretend to box with my right hand ("use your jab" as George Forman always says) and it's just fine.

Thank God I can talk about this here. I always feel like such a osteo-geek around regular people.

[Mary Storyteller]

Nancy, good luck with the work on your body. I've been happy with the results of myofascial release therapy http://www.myofascialrelease.com/home.asp
though when I Googled it, there were several "debunking" sites about it. I just know that when I fell (at the police station last Jan., making the first ID fraud report) and the "angry hip" had me immobilized, the regular therapist had me whimpering and ready to die, and Scott had me walking and off to the grocery store with one touch.
Aqua-aerobics is my favored exercise right now. Phyllis includes every muscle and joint in the workout "only exercise the parts you want to keep using." We decided that it's like being in the lower gravity of the moon, which we thought would be a great place for a retirement community. They could even up the oxygen % to aid breathing and give more energy.

[Mary Storyteller]

Wear a sweater!!
The Post had a reminder of today's designation as a day to wear a sweater in memory of Fred Rogers. I went to the closet and found the sweater I made for my mom years ago, a nice reverse -- Mr. Rogers' mother made his sweaters for him.
Have a wonderful spring day, regardless of the weather. Full moon tonight -- last night's was lovely!

[Maryann Mercer]

Exerecise is good. Not so sure about the electrodes though. I have back issues in the form of a pinched nerve and actually went to the local Spine Institute where I was given a series of appointments to come in and stretch my neck (no, really) at 150.00 a pop. I declined, found an acupuncturist, massage therapist, and chiropractor who altogether keep me functioning quite nicely thank you (and cheaper too). My main issue though is mild osteoarthritis (Aleve works), which by the way is also helped in a major way by the acupuncture and massage. And I walk. So far that seems to keep me upright.
Good touring Nancy, and stay out of those puffy chairs...they are NOT good for the back no matter how nice they feel. And elevate your feet.

[Rita Scott]

Ugh! I spent 8 months going to a "physical terrorist" after a car accident. I swear that bitch sharpened her elbows every morning. ouch!

[Karen in Ohio]

After two whiplash accidents (neither my fault), I've done everything short of surgery, including myofascial release. Which is difficult to find a competent practitioner of, by the way. My chiropractor has done more than anyone else to make my life bearable; she's also a proponent of exercise, and even created a really good DVD with her husband (another chiro), using the Swiss ball.

Harley, is your wrist injury a repetitive strain problem like carpal tunnel? My massage therapist cured mine with massage, and I can use self-massage techniques to fix it if it comes back (as it has over the years). It saved me from surgery, and has saved at least three other people I've shown how to do the self-massage from surgery, as well. Let me know if you want the information. It's super easy to do, and the results are, if not immediate, pretty quick.

Nancy, hang in there. Once you learn how to protect your own body you'll be able to take care of yourself better, and not rely on medical professionals as much. Strengthening your core is the key; if you do that, it seems as though everything else falls into line. Your mother has done that with her yoga, and Pilates is really good for that, as well.

[michele]

The advice Harley got is right on. Sometimes we just have to accept that we'll never be the same and live with the pain. I tore my rotator cuff when I took a bad fall ice skating out on the pond over a year ago. I've been dealing with the injury ever since -- physical therapy, cortison patches, cortisone shot. The next step is surgery. I've decided to tolerate the pain rather than go under the knife. I'm working on stretching and building strength with my trainer in order to improve the range of motion. But the fact is, I'll never get back to where I was before this injury.

[Karen in Ohio]

Geez, who knew we were all such a collection of walking wounded here?

[ArkansasCyndi]

Back pain is the worst - feel your pain. I had the lower back pain that radiated down my thigh, which was strange since I had no tactile sensation on the skin of that leg. Finally, I broke down and saw a chiropractor...Didn't want to, didn't believe a chiropractor would help but I was wrong. It took a while but I believe I had a pinched nerve that she was able to relieve the pressure on.

and massages...ahhhhh Nothing is better... NOTHING!

[Laura (in PA)]

I went to PT a few years ago for a neck/shoulder problem, and I'm convinced Physical Therapists took torture classes in school. But as much as I whimpered when I was there and after, they made me better and I didn't have to have surgery.

I'm sorry to hear about your back, Nancy. Hope you can get it feeling better. I went back to exercising last night, after taking some time off because our new treadmill was making my plantar faciitis act up. So I walked for an hour, instead of the usual mix of fast walk/jog, and this morning I'm limping because my right hip is killing me. Oy.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Wow! Like I said yesterday, you guys are great! It is so nice to not feel like I am the only one falling apart. :)

when I was 18, I jumped off a very high wall (not only stupid, but visually impaired, too) and gave myself whiplash. My mother took me to her chiropractor and he had me moving my head after just one visit. I have my father's bad knees (he had both of them replaced in his late 70s) and Dr. Frankenstein (my mother's name for our chiropractor) had helped with that, too. He puts ultrasound on my wrists for the carpel tunnel.

My mother has had back surgery (and is facing more in the near future, she's 77)and if you can avoid it, do. It was not good for her.

Uh, Nancy...do they have a home version of those electrodes?

[Mary Storyteller]

(If someone wants to remove that double-post above, please do. I'll be able to get better wireless when the new place is built).
FYI -- Airline seats can be made more level with two of their little pillows at the back of the seat and an in-flight magazine on top for firmer seating.
Karen, this "twin" thing just keeps getting spookier -- I developed carpal tunnel in both hands when I moved to the high school (yes, that much MORE grading!) I wanted to avoid surgery (the knee surgery wasn't all that successful, and I'd heard really scary stories about the carpal tunnel surgery aftereffects), so I did exercises, B vitamins, and wore braces for the rest of the school year. I also changed some of my work habits, less writing, letting the computer figure the averages.
** There was an almost-incident tht wouldn't have been funny when I was about to give a student a light tap on his head for a smart-alec remark and realized that with a metal brace, it wouldn't be a light tap. That would have been so unfortunate -- this was, of course, a good, sweet student, the only kind you can tease and joke with, so he wouldn't have deserved it (and even when they deserve it, you just can't knock out a student, very bad career move).

[Karen in Ohio]

Mary, we might have to compare notes privately sometime. I have a feeling there's more to this than we know! I'm thinking our mothers may have been impregnated by aliens somehow. LOL

[Cassie]

In addition to "Get more exercise," the other piece of cure-all medical advice seems to be "Drink more water." Water is apparently able to clear up your acne, fend off headaches, keep your weight down, and buy out Bear Sterns to prevent market collapse.

Another universal medical rule, althogh not necessarily applicable to daily life, is, "If it itches, for God's sake, don't scratch it!"

[hollygee]

I BELIEVE in the power of Physical Therapy. I have broken each ankle (six years apart) and have the metal rods in each. For the first I had no PT. It is so much weaker than my left foot.
A couple of years ago, I did something to my rotator cuff and tried the chiropractor and the acupuncturist before I went to PT, the only successful therapy -- if only I hadn't spent the time and money on the other two first.
This doesn't mean that I don't think that they are torture artists, of course.
And exercise is the miracle cure. I know it. Why don't I do it?

[Mary Storyteller]

Karen, a friend used the alien theory to explain my many allergies. She says once the mother ship returns to take me to my home world, I'll be much better. When I was trying to figure out why they would abandon me in a hostile environment, a storytelling friend stated the obvious -- to gather stories!
The myofascial release therapy I've received hasn't been painful (as the deep massage has been described). Mara, who I'm seeing now, says she has a "heavier touch" than Scott's, but it's still quite gentle -- but it works like magic.

[Rita Scott]

Michele, Slippery Elm (herbal supplement) helps rebuild cartlige (sp?). I took it for hip problems and it helped.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could all transfer our wrist problems to the jagoff on the plane?
bwahahaha!

[Karen in Ohio]

Uh-oh, there's that twin thing again! I also have a ton of allergies--your friend might be right about the mother ship.

My massage therapist always says that the myofascial release should have no more pressure than that of "two nickels", so it should never, ever hurt. I recently had an emergency massage on a trip, at a resort spa that was near where our vacation home is. The girl who did the massage was so bad, I could tell within a minute that she didn't know what she was doing, and she did more harm than good. I was so mad at myself for having spent that much money on such a poor service. The spa was nice, though. Sigh.

[Laura (in PA)]

I also meant to mention that I'm totally on board with your mother and Yoga. It always makes me feel better when I do it regularly. I need to get out my Naked Rodney (my pet name for Rodney Yee) DVDs, while I get up the gumption to join the new Yoga place that opened near my house.

[Debby]

When the semi ran over me (seriously) while I was driving to work one day, I required extensive therapy afterwards. This included those little electrode thingys. Yeouch. I still have 'trauma' arthritis in my neck, back and shoulders.

I have never had back surgery, luckily, but have had a bunch of others...only one being elective. Which, come to think of it, seems to have been the start of all of the majors!

Considering that two were on my knees (left knee was damaged skiing as a kid...I waited 10 years. right knee was torn -per yesterdays discussion - getting into my airline seat to go on vacation...required ACL alograph/arthroscopy), my mom has been pleasantly surprised that I wasn't in a wheelchair by my 40th birthday.

I wear sneakers to work (against company policy, but so what), walk the length of the building (1/2 mile each way), and try to get up and moving every 1/2 hour or so. And that is just here at work.

Oh, as for those machines that did everything for you? I did those...you dont see them around anymore, do you? LOL! No, they didn't work.