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Climate Change

by Michele

No, this isn't a blog about global warming.  If I were experiencing a little more warming at the moment, I might be capable of writing about something other than the weather.  This is a blog about moving from a moderate climate to an extreme one, from a climate I could handle to one I can't.  It's about knowing your own weather personality profile, and choosing to flout it anyway, and what happens to you when you do something that self-destructive.  Take this blog as a cautionary tale.

After a day (yesterday) in which I was thrilled to see fourteen straight hours of driving rain because hey, at least it wasn't more snow, today we're back to normal -- meaning frigid temperatures and snow flurries.  I woke up to find that the rain hadn't washed away the thigh-deep snow in my backyard.  Of course not!  That snow is too resilient and durable to bow down before something as wimpy as biblical flooding.  The snow here is supernatural.  You can't kill it.  If I go out there and attack it with my blow dryer or pots of boiling water, it comes back deeper and stronger and more determined to defeat me.  (I now understand Jack Nicholson's meltdown in The Shining much more deeply than I used to.  All snow and no sun makes Jack a dull boy.)  I haven't seen the ground since November, and I don't expect to see it until late April.  Which means that I somehow allowed myself to move to a place where there is snow on the ground for fully six months of the year.

There are people who like this weather.  Two of those people are my husband and my older son.  They go outside without coats when it's twenty degrees.  They see a forecast of more snow and instead of curling into a ball, sobbing, and reaching for another bottle of red wine, they get out their skis.  I can't be like that, and it's not my fault.  One's tolerance for cold is hereditary.  I have this weird allergy.  I am allergic to the cold.  This is not a joke!  If my skin is exposed to the cold for an extended period of time, I break out in hives.  This means it is my weather destiny to live in a warm climate, yet here I am.

Everyone wants to live in a  warm climate, right?  Millions of people retire to Florida.  Millions more pay good money to vacation to tropical islands.  All for love of sunshine and warmth, and for hatred of cold.  But I've recently learned that not everybody shares these views.  I know.  Shocking, right?  There are people who prefer, if not truly cold climates like the one I now live in, at least places with a real winter.  My own father, who was born in Puerto Rico into a climate I would kill to live in, spent some of his happiest times in Alaska, and loved the seasons.  He had no interest in the tropics.  Why is this?  I can't understand.  Can someone explain why cold is attractive?  Doesn't it hurt you the way it does me?  People?  Don't you know you can die from it?  The cold is your enemy!

How much did weather figure in where you decided to live?  For me, three of my happiest years were spent in California, in Palo Alto.  Why?  To paraphrase Bill Clinton, it's the weather, stupid.  (I don't count the fourth year I spent in San Francisco, which has one of the suckiest climates in the world.)  Palo Alto had the perfect Mediterranean climate.  Yes, we had earthquakes.  Yes, we had the occasional wildfire in dry season.  But these earthquakes and fires were manageable and they didn't last for six months out of the year.  Bring on earthquakes.  Bring on fires.  Tornadoes?  Yes.  Hurricanes?  Hell, yeah.  I can handle it all.  Just get this damn snow out of my back yard.

There is nothing I can do.  I'm here for another decade at least.  Vacations -- well, you can't vacation for six months out of each year (although, believe me, sometimes I think I ought to I try that).  I need a more creative solution.  But so far, all I've come up with is taking over the garage, filling it with sand, planting a few palm trees, buying a hammock, installing sun lamps, and pretending I actually live in Puerto Rico. 

Nah, that won't work.  I somehow need to reprogram my weather personality profile.  I need to change my weather destiny.  I need some sort of behavior modification or aversion therapy.  Or at least I need another bottle of red wine.   

    

Comments

[Janis]

Courage, Michele! We've been snow-covered for two months, too. But, last week, it finally melted. Floods everywhere. Is mud worse than snow? Now we're in the blah, boring, brown season that happens right before the earliest signs of spring. All will be well. All will be well. ALL WILL BE WELL!

[Josh]

Sounds like you need a vacation someplace warm. The snow will still be there when you get back, but maybe your batteries will be recharged.

You may not be feeling global warming, but in Delaware, we are. To my disappointment, we've had no appreciable amount of snow for two winters, and the Flexible Flyer that I bought at the hardware store two years ago is going to rot without ever being used. Maybe one of my children can take it to college, if he or she goes somewhere where there is snow.

[Susan]

I just returned from a week in Florida and, I admit it, I felt disoriented without the slush. Although it wasn't all that warm in the sunshine state as well. I used to love winter, but find as I've grown older that my tolerance isn't what it used to be. A place such as Palo Alto appeals to me at this point. Pretty close to perfect weather all year long -- no big lows or big highs. I imagine that leads to some sort of equilibrium we just can't muster here in the northeast. When I retire, I want ocean and mountains, as well as 72 degrees year round.

[sarahS]

Hang in there, Michele. It's almost over. No, really.

Soon, you'll see signs of spring. Muddy signs, yes, but signs nonetheless. This week's going to be in the thirties, even forties! Snow will melt. Rivers will form. Just don't take any back roads if you want your car's alignment to stay groovy.

And then, and then...there'll be more snow. Yes, it's true. There's always an April blizzard. But it melts fast and the next thing you'll know, spring will be here in all its five minute glory before, slam, summer is upon us.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, Michele. No you know how Yankees got that way.

[Nancy Martin]

Michele, you sound as if you're really on the edge.

Now you understand why so many New Englanders grow marijuana. To make it through the winter.

Deep breaths, girl. And maybe you need to invest in one of those sunlamp thingies that supposedly wards off seasonal depression.

[Mary Storyteller]

The end is in sight. Prepare to celebrate. When I lived in Minneapolis, we would go for ice cream cones to celebrate when the temp. got up to 32 d. -- a sweet dairy offering to the spirit of spring, to encourage the sun to warm us even more. . . .and besides, we liked ice cream.
I came back to St. Louis because family is here, and yesterday it was 50 d. and I gave the Prius a bubble bath to celebrate.
The only MN friend with whom I'm still in contact spends Thanksgiving to spring in someplace warmer, California or Florida. She says it also gives her time to read and work because she's away from busy social activities, so maybe you can vacation for six months?

[J.D. Rhoades]

As one who suffers from that very seasonal depression, I feel your pain. I like living in North Carolina because the seasonal changes are relatively mild compared to most places. In fact, I only really hate two months out of the year here (August and January), which is about as good as it's going to get.

C'mon down. If I can get enough people to sign on, we can buy a farm in Chatham County, write, and raise goats.

[Sue]

*passes Michele a bottle of Cinq Cepage*

The only possible use I can see for cold is in my freezer, keeping my Chunky Monkey solid, and the ice ready for a martini. Unfortunately, since November we’ve been using the deck and the garage as extra freezers. If I ever win the Powerball, I’ll have an entire guest wing on the home I’ll build on Amelia Island, and y’all can visit.

[William Simon]

Wow. And I was crabby because it's been in the 30's down here. For South Texas, that's damned cold. But no snow.

[janetlynn13]

Michele, I can sympathize. We don't have as much snow, but the possibility of ice every morning on the way to work is frustrating. We finally saw the sun yesterday for a few short hours and it was amazing. For me, it's the constant colds that come with winter - makes it more depressing. I'm more than ready for Spring! At least for us, it will be hear by the end of the month. I don't think I could handle another month and half and will agree with the others - book a vacation for next month!

[Nancy Martin]

Michele, there's a 3-minute video on Yahoo this morning about a day in LA--lots of sunshine and surf. But good God, the traffic!!!

[michele]

Thanks for all the support, guys. Dusty, I'd be in on the farm except for the part about the. . . goats? Does your wife know about that?

Special thanks to those of you like Susan and Sue and Janetlynn who simply acknowledged my pain. You see, people, helpful suggestions like a week in a warm place won't do it for me, because this is not normal winter we're talking about. I must not have explained clearly. It's thirteen degrees here this morning and it's been like this every morning for as long as I can remember. I went away for a week and you know what happened? The vacation ended and I had to come back!

I do agree with what Sarah said about what won't kill you makes you stronger. People in California -- how can I put this -- they had a Type A chip missing. They were too happy, and it had sapped their drive. Why work when the weather is always beautiful?

[Tom]

Michele.

Michele, Michele.

Michele, Michele, Michele (We could do this as a Fibonacci series, with five and then eight repetitions next, but you're getting the idea by now).

Have you no gratitude for your beautiful life? Because you're in a cold climate, you don't have deadly snakes desperate to invade your bedclothes. That's a big plus, Michele. Those red-on-yellow guys blend in with the decor, and then where are you?

You don't have roaches and spiders bigger than economy cars hunting your children as they meander toward school. Child-snatching giant roaches, Michele, skittering off to some underground hell, dragging your kids by the their overstuffed school backpacks -- you don't have to worry about them.

Gratitude, Michele. Haven't had any big problems with fungal diseases waiting to invade your sinus cavities or the spaces between your toes, have you? No. Cold climate.

Nor are there Maoist-Leninist narcotrafficante guerillas in the woods behind your house (though the drunken deer poachers are kinda smelly and unfashionable).

Go waterproof your Ferragamos and get a morning paper route, is what I say. And look into some new underthings, of the full-body Thermosilk variety. I bet you'll adapt.

[J.D. Rhoades]

Michele: the goats are sort of a fallback in case the writing gigs slow down. Lynn will adjust, given enough help. I was imagining a sort of writer's colony in the green rolling hills...

[Maryann Mercer]

I've been following the Iditarod. Snow,ice, parkas, and the belief among all 80 or so mushers that the weather is too warm at 24F.
However, the Norhern Lights are glorious :o)
And then here I am in Illinois, where 24F means cold. It's all relative.
That said, I'm not a fan of the chill winds and blowing snow. The arthritis flourishes and my hair looks like brown straw. I feel like C3P0 in Star Wars (dunk me in an oil bath, Master Luke). I don't understand how school kids can wander around outside with their coats open to the elements. Or wear shorts on campus when the thermometer hits 55F. However, having lived here in Illinois all my life, I like the change in seasons. So, my retirement plans don't include Florida. If I go anywhere, it will be Oregon. Milder climate all around, and my kids are there :o)
Hang in there Michele. You can listen to me complain when the humidity is 100% and the thermometer reads 98F in June :o)

[michele]

That's true, Tom. I hadn't fully considered the benefit of having no child-snatching cockroaches. And when we were in Puerto Rico, we did see huge iguana walk across the road. Who wants iguanas in the yard? Here, we only have bears to worry about, and they sleep in the winter. Another upside of the cold -- the bears are sleeping!

I'm relieved to hear the goats are for economic purposes, Dusty.

[Michael]

We had actual snow in Fort Worth the other day.

The weather forecast had predicted it would start snowing about 3 pm. So, promptly at 3, my 6 year old was outside awaiting the big event. She already had her plans laid out for the snow man, snow angels, snow balls, etc. I think, as a 3rd generation Texan, she must instinctively know there's a finite window for winter sports here.

Michele, Katherine was quite upset when the snow melted a few hours after it fell. She informed me I need to take her to visit you, so she can enjoy your clearly superior climate.

Forecast at our house for tomorrow? Sunny and 73.

Feel free to come on over.

[Harley]

Okay, I was starting to feel horrifyingly Cradle Catholic guilt about living in LA until I read Tom's comment and esp. Nancy's -- yes, that's the trade-off: traffic. Spending. One's. Life. In. Traffic. it's lovely to have lovely weather, but when you can only enjoy it from inside your car . . .

Here's my solution to both your dilemma and mine, Michele (and yes, I DO feel your pain, i DO, i grew up in Nebraska) -- stay indoors. Develop a nice case of agoraphobia. Seriously. Your ridiculously cold climate is why God created fireplaces and afghans and feetie pajamas. And, as you so wisely noted, wine.
And yes, why NOT grow some pot? So it's illegal! That law degree of yours will come in handy if the DEA comes knocking.

[michele]

Mike, come on up. As long as you get here by July, we should still have snow.

And yes, I *have* developed a serious case of agoraphobia. But is that a good thing?

[Mary Storyteller]

How about alpacas instead of goats? Alpacas are so much cuter.

[Mary Storyteller]

St. Louis penguins went outside last week to play in the snow
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/3563040CCB70069D862574040017B063?OpenDocument
There was supposed to be a video, but I can't find it.

[Mary Storyteller]

Found the video link on the upper right side of the article, but it won't play on my slow dial-up.

[William Simon]

Traffic? TRAFFIC? Pfffft. L.A.'s got nothing on Houston.

Last time I had to go downtown, I left my office at 730am. 28 miles from office door to courthouse. I walked through the doors at 915, 15 minutes late. Upon entering, I saw the attorney I was working with, took two steps over to him.... JUST as the judge walked through her chamber doors. Seems she'd gotten caught in the Houston Freeway Lottery Madness, too. (For those who may not know, if the court says it starts at 9AM, it starts at 9AM and you *better* be there and in place. The attorney looked at me, muttered, "You lucky f---," and that as they say was that.

Which is why policy dictates no meeting occurs before 10am and all meetings must end by 3pm. (Court's a different animal, but if I get any input, the 10-3 Rule is inviolate.)

[William Simon]

P.S. To borrow Robert Crais's wonderful line, I made the comment next time I had to head Downtown, I wanted a Klingon Battle Cruiser.

[Elaine Viets]

Michele, I feel your pain. I'm back in Florida after four days in Denver. Lovely city and much nicer people than Florida. But the cold nearly got me. My skin is practically peeling off. I spent a lot of time in the shower trying to get warm.