Vive la Difference!

by Nancy

This one's for you, ladies.  Happy Valentine's Day.

What? You don't like what you see?  But--but---but--! This is the New Male Body, according to fashion designers!  The standard to which all hip guys should aspire. 

Runt of the litter, you say?  You've seen more meat on a corn dog?  That chicken chest would have been booted out of Frank Perdue's factory? Well, I'm sorry to report that heroin chic has come to the menswear runway. Beef cake is out. The waif look is in. The most popular male model these days is Stas Svetlichnyy, who is 6 feet tall, weighs 145 pounds and has a 28 inch waist.

Is this one more to your liking?     

Truth is, this body is likely the product of "vitamin supplements" or worse. You can't possibly be attracted to a man who's got more chemicals in his veins than his swimming pool.  Can you?

Which one floats your boat?  What combo of physical attributes sets  your heart aflame, ladies?

For years, normal-sized woman have been complaining about unrealistic female figures that popular culture has forced upon us. (Except my sister, who lives in New York City and looks forward to the February week when Saks brings all the clothes that have gone unsold in various Saks stores around America and puts them on the sale rack in NYC--where the women really are size zero--and she snaps up her wardrobe for the coming year.) Magazines, movies, television, even book covers (!!!) encourage us to look perfect---100 pounds with C-cup breasts and a waist-to-hip ratio that best attracts the opposite sex. Either you need to be skinny as a coat rack to wear current fashions, or you need to look like a porn star to attract the man of your dreams.

Fair's fair, right? Now body image issues have cropped up for men, too.  Big time. Have you seen a guy with a hairy chest lately at your local YMCA?  Oh, dear, he missed the memo!  The ideal man isn't supposed to have so much as a tuft on his body--just a fluffy John Edwards mop on top of his head, or maybe a Brad Pitt bit of stubble or the recently popular Writers Strike beard.

                   

But nowadays, the average Joe had better be waxing his back, his chest and his---well, nevermind.

And his butt? Let's just say, Joe should also be spending a couple of hours on the Stairmaster every day, not watching whatever that show is on ESPN every night that my husband watches with such rapt attention that it might as well be--well, porn. 

My brother---who's always been in great shape--decided he wanted to be in The Best condition of his life when he turns 50 this June.  He swims every day already, but he hired a personal trainer to whip his physique into fantastic shape.  Unfortunately, his 49-year-old knees won't cooperate.  His surgery and a few weeks on crutches have really put his regimen behind schedule.  I don't have the heart to send him the photo of Stas with his 28-inch waist.

To each his own, I say. Or her own.  You can't guess what's going to turn on a woman. Each of us has her list of priorities. A tight behind? A set of glorious shoulders? Forget about his mind, what about his pecs?

Since it's Valentine's Day, I wanted to give our regulars a glimpse of something truly scrumptious.  Something you can sink your teeth into when the mood strikes.  How about this:

                 

Or something even more enjoyable: 

               

But, as a happy Valentine's Day to myself, there's nothing like a shot of this:

               

Enjoy.

      

Comments

[mary alice at mystery lovers bookshop]

Happy Valentine's Day to all and every Mystery Lover. There is nothing like a man who reads and shares and loves all the curves and crannies......and still makes the best omelets when you really need one; well that's a keeper!
The other Valentine pal is the one who is there and square in all life's days.
To all good friends and all good readers...don't forget the chocolate.

Love and Joy, Mary Alice

[Hannah]

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!

Great blog Nancy!I loved the three last photos on your blog!the earlier onces,not so much...i'm definitely a chocolate-person.

i'm going on a blind date today and i've been reading "Datind Dead Men". i'm beginning to think that it wasn't the greatest idea...i think i'm a bit paranoid right now about my today's date...
but if he has a ferret too,i think we'll be just fine...

[William Simon]

Bee-you-t-i-ful blog, Nancy!

My favorite commercial these days is Peyton Manning, who seriously intones, "Want a leaner, flatter stomach? Want a six-pack?" (pause) "Unless you're 19 years old, or a professional athlete, it's NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Buy a bigger shirt and get over it!" I traded my six-pack for a keg a while back, back around the 47th birthday, and this makes me laugh every time I see it..:)

That last photo of Clooney reminded me of something. Ran into some friends I'd not seen in a while, and as we were catching up over coffee, I'd mentioned I was quitting smoking. Jack, being Jack, grumped, "Well, it hasn't improved your looks any." His wife, Ruth, smacked him. Without missing a beat, I replied, "For every George Clooney, there's a William...it's a yin/yang thing." After everyone got done laughing, Greg, one of the other guys at the table, sighed and said "For every Clooney, there's a lot more Regular Guys. It's an unnatural thing."

Had to be there..:)

[William Simon]

Oh yes. Happy Valentine's Day to the Tarts, the Readers, the Lurkers, all the Ladies of the Blog! A special shout-out to Mary Alice, just 'cause..:)

[ramona]

So, Nancy, when did you kidnap my sons and tattoo them?

I had a body like that--minus tattoos, of course--when I was younger. Didn't crack 100 pounds until I hit college. Not anymore. And to quote Forrest Gump (which I rarely do, I swear), that's all I have to say about that.

The rack-rail thin does nothing for me--but hairless? Oh, yeah. Sorry, furry dudes, but once you have sons who swim and you start religiously watching the Olympic swimming competition and you see the sleek, hairless form of, say, Pieter von den Hoogenband, there is no going back. Shave your underarms, guys, at the very least. Girls do it, so should you.

I say this with love, since it's V-Day and all.

[Joyce Tremel]

I'll take George, please.

All I have to say about the tattoed stick is YUCK.

[Nancy Martin]

Ramona, when I saw the pictures of Stas, I thought of your boys! See? You won't have to pay for college after all. Just send 'em to Ralph Lauren.

William, I love that Peyton Manning ad, too! Cracks me up every time.

And Hannah, we definitely want to hear all the details of the blind date.

Joyce, the rest of 'em can take their Clives and their Blond Bonds. Give us George.

Omelets . . . mmm . . . .

[Harley]

Oh, Hannah, Hannah, you are a brave soul. Good luck. As my Grandma used to say, "Men are like Fish; there's always another one coming down the road." Or wait -- did she mean buses?

Me, I married the most beautiful guy in the room, any room. More beautiful than I was on our wedding day. Next time, sign me up for Regular Guy. No six-pack required.

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

OK, well, that skinny tattooed guy is built pretty much exactly like my most adored husband, except my husband only has 1 tattoo and is furred from top to bottom, front to back. Funny thing is, until I met him, I'd always gone for burlier guys. He's the one who does it for me now, though. Just goes to show it's what's inside that really counts.

And yes, I got the most beautiful card this morning, just like always . . .

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

[sarahS]

I never tire of that picture of George. Sigh.

As for heroin chic? Lemme say this, the designing men behind this movement are the same ones behind Kate Moss's flat chest and the birth (followed by the immediate death) of skinny jeans. Frankly, it borders on pedophelia, this look. Then again, the steroid-popping beefcake is out, too. Which brings me, as always, back to George.

And Harley, fish coming down the road exactly. It's all a matter of evolution, baby. Next time, go for the guy who worships you a little more than you worship him. I have no doubt there's a long list already.

Great blog and Happy V'Day!!

[Maryann Mercer]

Now see, my idea of a 'cute' guy is Kent Krueger, although Mark Harmon is high on my list as well. And Clive. And Barry Eisler.In the eye of the beholder and all that. But I agree that those skinny tattooed bodies don't do much for me at all. Maybe it's my age? Or maybe it's because skinny anything screams "high maintenance" for the partner as well as the person. Puppies and kitties...now those are heart-tuggers(and did you see? A Beagle won Best of Show at WKC this week!).
Happy Valentines!

[michele]

Hey Harley, excuse me, but you were definitely better-looking than your husband, and I've met him!

I love this blog, Nancy, because it turns the tables. George vs. the puppy? Hmmm, tough call. That photo is 10 years out of date. George is looking a little haggard these days. Brad Pitt, too. And call me cranky, but I was gratified to read that Ryan Gosling got fired from a movie for being overweight. What's good for the goose . . .

[michele]

My crankiness does not extend to my husband. Or to Clive of course! I think it's weather-induced.

[Karen Olson]

I went out with a couple of arm ornaments before I finally met my husband, who holds his own in more ways than one.

It doesn't keep me from appreciating George, though. The puppy you can keep.

[Nancy Martin]

I appreciate that the group is allowing me a day of George without all those other guys. Have you all seen Michael Clayton? It's the movie I enjoyed most last year. (Which, okay, isn't saying much. That Will Smith movie? Has there ever been a worse movie?? And I got motion sickness at the Bourne movie *and* the Vince Vaughn movie that came out last weekend.)

But George as Michael Clayton---gray hair, carrying a few extra pounds? Oooh, baby.

But then, I didn't think much of Brad Pitt until he showed his gray hair in Babel.

Think it's gray hair that does it for me? Meep!

[Karen in Ohio]

Last week was Fashion Week in NYC. I happened to be near Bryant Park and noticed the tents for the shows and the papparazzi, so I sat down and "rested" for a bit. Saw no one that I knew for sure, just some familiar-looking folk. I'm sure I saw two designers, but can't for the life of me figure out who they are. However, there were a bunch of models, including one emaciated little thing wearing a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes (which you can tell because they have red leather soles). Honestly, her calves were smaller than my wimpy forearms, it was painful to see her wobbling along.

My personal preference is for a real man--one who has muscles, but who isn't afraid to leak a few tears at the weepy bits of movies, and who is gentle with children and animals. Looks help, but they truly don't matter. And what's up with all this pubic shaving, with both sexes? It's gross. (Reference: Britney Spear's much-published bare coochie). Call me a fuddy-duddy on that one. I like chest hair, and other hair, too.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

[Nancy Martin]

Karen, you're a fuddy duddy. I like that in a woman!

Okay, folks, go here: http://www.imdb.com/video/trailer/me60563368

I'm sorry about the ad before the clip starts, but it's worth it. I defy you not to smile at least once.

[Elaine Viets]

Stas does nothing for me, Nancy. But George Clooney . . .ah. I like a man with some muscle, except between his ears.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

My Valentine might not be model material, but he's smart and he makes me laugh.

The older I get, the more important that becomes.

Happy VD, everybody.

[Terri in Virginia]

Somewhere in the middle is my taste. But I HAVE noticed the nerdy male models in this years pages a lot more.

[Karen in Ohio]

Nancy, thanks! What great writing. I especially liked Renee Zellweger's line: "Big strapping men?" All that, and George, too. Another Ohioan, by the way!

[Laura (in PA)]

I, too, prefer something in the middle. And I'll take one each of the last 3 pictures, please.

Hubby and I went to see Michael Clayton over the weekend. He didn't think it was great, thought it moved really slow in places. I enjoyed it a lot. But, duh, George Clooney. I don't care how old he gets, his eyes haven't changed a bit.

Don't like the hairless, skinny look. Reminds me of a young boy. Although, my step-son (who is 24)is exactly like that right now. Well, except for the tattoos. He works in Manhattan, and I'm sure he could have been walking the runway if that's what they're looking for, as he's also adorable.

Guess my preferences are lucky for my husband, who is quite hairy all over.

[Me, Margie]

Okay, first off, those skinny boys up there? No. Just No.

I make it a policy never to date anyone if I can bench press more than they can. And I ain't no American Gladiator.

Turn someone like me, Margie, loose on one of those kids? Someone is going to the hospital, and I think we all know which one.

Now, a fine specimen like Mr. Clooney? No problem. Plus, you know what they say about older men, right? Totally true. Seriously.

Hope everyone gets all the goodies they want - and remember, when VD falls on a week night, it automatically extends into the weekend. In other words, I might be late for work on Monday. Just saying.

[ramona]

Whew! My skinny sons are safe from Me, Margie. Not that Margie wouldn't make an excellent D-I-L, but she'd kill the boy within a week. Not that he wouldn't deserve it. Or die happy.

So Nancy, you like gray? Take a gander at this fella:

http://images.cutterbuck.com/is/image/CutterBuck/MCK05100_F2?layer=comp&wid=440&hei=550&fmt=jpeg&qlt=100,0&op_sharpen=0&resMode=norm&op_usm=0.5,1.0,0.0,0

Y'all thought it would be someone else, right? Ha. I've decided this is the best looking man in the universe, so Happy Valentine's Day.

BTW, anybody can ID this model, get me his name and last known location, I'll be very grateful.

[Me, Margie]

P.S. Harley - everyone is being so nice. Me, Margie? Not so much.

Your Ex is a total jagoff and I've seen pictures - you outshine him in every way there is. Good riddance. You deserve so much better, it's sick.

Also, I might as well re-state my offer to, uh, redecorate his face. Just saying. Because, you know that old saying 'You only hurt the ones you love'? Totally bogus. Seriously.