PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHTS

By Sarah

So what is it with kids today, huh? When I was a teenager, I couldn't wait to drive Dad's Dodge Dart. Maybe that was because I had two very older brothers or, having started Kindergarten at age four, I was  the last in my class to get her permit. But, man, once the driver ed teacher lifted his foot from his safety brake and was carried off to the emergency room to have his heart restarted, I was roaring to go.

Such a contrast to today's generation who, according to recent studies, is none too eager to get behind the wheel. Fewer sixteen year olds are driving thanks to all sorts of official, boring reasons - tougher state laws, a cutback in school driver ed programs leading to a heavier reliance on expensive private lessons. Sky-rocketing Insurance. Lawsuits.

But that's not why. Kids aren't driving because they don't have to. And I'm not talking about free rides and public transportation. I'm talking about sex.

As the mother of a teenager about to hit her seventeenth birthday with no license in sight, I've witnessed this phenomenon first hand. My daughter's friends who learned how to drive once they blew out the last sixteenth candles were the ones who were the first to lose their virginity. Ditto for those who got their licenses later. Negotiate the cones? K turns? Parallel park? You're ready for advanced intercourse in the narrow back seat.

Society would be well served if the DMV handed out condoms with every laminated donor's card.

The ones who aren't driving also aren't having sex. And, no, that's not just the mother of a "good girl" talking. I know her unlicensed friends. And God help you should you pass them on the road when they're taking driver's ed this spring. These are serious go on red, stop on green kind of brainy, nerdy airheads. Beware.

The thing is that in other less rural parts of the country where kids are having sex at younger ages and in more sophisticated urban/suburban areas, the car has lost its nostalgic role as a Motel 6 on wheels.  Parents work so kids can have sex right at home. At any time! A famous story circulating our high school involves a kid and his girlfriend who lived across from the school's football field. Talk about convenient - why they could slip in a quickie between lunch and biology. Kind of like a hands-on lab.

Then there are those parents who are "so cool" they allow their kids, even encourage them, to have sex on the premises instead of the car. Don't they know how they're denying their offspring the classic Meatloaf moment of sweat and hesitation and desire tempered by uncomfortable steering wheels? It's a shame, really, to miss that right of passage just because mom and dad would rather have junior safe and protected, a drawer full of Trojans ready to offer coverage.

Sex in the car was heady independence. Dangerously exposing, it fed our voyeuristic urges and challenged us to be daring. There was a built in excuse to fumble, to grope and pant. Back seats squeaking, windows fogging. In the end it was a sweaty, awkward mess. How many adults have sex in cars? Few, I imagine. We know better by now what feels good and what doesn't. And a stick shift there definitely is not wanted. Plus, we appreciate a soft bed and cleansing shower. Also, perhaps, a quick nap and to finish that New Yorker article about Hillary Clinton.

But, oh, to go back for just fifteen minutes.....This generation doesn't know what it's missing.

Sarah

P.S. Michele's NOTORIOUS comes out today! Please, don't forget to pick up a copy this week. Just what you need in dreary February, a great page turner, right?

Comments

[Josh]

So much to comment about with this one.

Early in our relationship, my wife admitted that she had never bsf'd (and I hadn't either), so at our ages of (about) 26 and 33, we went to a Pennsylvania State Park that will remained unnamed, found a secluded picnic area, and did it in broad daylight in the backseat of her 1985 Aries. And after that, never again. I'm still trying to get her to go to a drive-in while there is one within a day's drive from here. She's never been to one of those, either. Such a deprived childhood.

I'm sure I'll have more, lots more, later.

[William Simon]

Being a "late bloomer" (sophomore year, college), I can clearly remember taking high-school dates to the drive-in and they got aggravated because I wanted to watch the movie.

Times have indeed changed...:)

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

None of my 16-year-old's friends have their licenses either. Now I have another reason to be thankful. Like Sarah's daughter, these kids are too spacy to be handling any kind of heavy machinery.

As far as the Meatloaf classic is concerned - does any one else still remember all the lyrics? Classic. I've said it before and I'll say it again - he is our generation's Keats.

Finally, cars. There is another reason for the dramatic drop in roadside romance - the death of the bench back seat. If you happen to have one, take it from me - it's still a thrill.

[Sue]

Cars definitely aren't necessary anymore. Ask any teacher patrolling under the bleachers during a football game, or a remote classroom or restroom - often during school hours. Before you ask though, take your heart medication, because you're going to need it.

My 17 year old was eager to get that license when he turned 16, but once he started driving his own car and paying for his own gas, he backed off considerably. Even more so lately.

Back seat sex. Front seat sex. Ha! Even if the opportunity would magically arise, all I can think about at my age,would be that something was going to end up cramping up on me.

And yes, Kathy. I know all the words and belt them out proudly. My husband however, doesn't start singing them until the Meat gets to the 'praying for the end of time' part. Hmmmmmmmmm.

[Josh]

Oh, and I lost my virginity with Paradise by the Dashboard Lights playing on the stereo. I never asked why she chose that record. I don't think I chose it.

[William Simon]

"I would do anything for love....but I won't do THAT!"

At this point, I'd be too worried about something snapping, spraining, twisting, or breaking to engage in Automobile Acrobatics. Unless it was a BIG limo. With Diana Rigg. Or Jane Seymour. Or Cate Blanchett. Or....

[Susan]

My daughter who just turned 16 has no interest at all in driving. She has a bus pass issued by her high school (we live in an urban area), so she isn't at all motivated to drive. She can go where she wants, when she wants and, frankly, I am less freaked out about her negotiating the city via public transportation than her getting into a car with an inexperienced driver, even if she's the inexperienced driver. I have insisted, however, that she learns to drive and have a fair amount of experience driving both in the city and for long distances before she leaves home. I think it's one of those "life skills" that she needs to have, even if she's in her 20's before she owns her own car.

As for sex in the car, I can't say I find it too appealing. Although I've "been there, done that, have the t-shirt," my idea of Paradise is a big bed and 24 hour room service. I'm hoping my daughter will be like me and hold out for that, as opposed to uncomfortable coupling in a back seat. But that's just me.

[sarahS]

Susan, I'm with you. But I'm finding it very hard to encourage my daughter to start driving on these snowy, narrow, twisting roads we have here. And, yes, I agree with you on the definition of Paradise.

Josh....how many kids in our class lost their virginity to Meatloaf, do you suppose? You're so lucky.

[Josh]

I think she had a sense of humor, since she knew it was my first time. How about you, Sarah? What was playing on the stereo?

[sarahS]

Prince....

[J.D. Rhoades]

One of the advantages of living in the South is that in the spring and summer there are plenty of secluded places where you can get out of the car and take a blanket. One of the disadvantages? Mosquitoes the size of fighter aircraft. And the smell of OFF!, I'm sorry to say, is an anti-aphrodisiac.

[Harley]

Boy, Sarah, now you've got me thinking.

In my kids' school, it's 90% SUVs, which is a whole other thing. The back seat of a really big SUV might be bigger than a Motel 6.

Me, I could consider sex in a car, but I'd be a whole lot pickier about the car now. And it wouldn't be one with juice boxes stuck in the cup-holder.

[Nancy Martin]

Stairway to Heaven.

It wasn't.

[William Simon]

Harley said: And it wouldn't be one with juice boxes stuck in the cup-holder.

Anyone but me remember the episode of FRIENDS with Ross and Rachel in the Observatory Room in the museum, and the juice box broke? She, uh, thought it was....well, never mind....

[michele]

Teach your kids to drive! Susan is right on -- it's a critical life skill and they'll be crippled without it.

I know this from personal experience. I got my license at 16 but never really learned to drive. We couldn't spare the one car, my dad was worried about my safety, whatever. I became afraid of the car. I didn't start driving regularly until the last few years. Even though I've always lived in urban areas and could get by without it, my fear of driving was paralyzing and bad for my self-esteem. Don't let your kids fall into that trap.

[Karen in Ohio]

Europeans are much more sensible about kids and driving than we are. They let their kids start drinking at age 16, but don't let them behind the wheel until they are 18. That gives them two full years to learn how to handle alcohol--doesn't that make more sense to you?

Ah, sex in cars. I think the idea was more exciting to the guys than it ever was to me. I find the possibility of discovery more of a turnoff, personally.

[Elaine Viets]

Ah, Sarah. That brings back memories of my husband's 1968 gold Chrysler Newport, with a front bench seat. When that car finally died, we gave it a final cleaning and dug out God knows how many earrings from that seat.

[Nancy Martin]

Michele, we started our kids by putting them on the lawn mower when they were about 13. They learned to drive long before they actually got behind the wheel of a car, and we got a break from all the mowing. Bonus: They learned how to chase down and kill snakes with the tractor. (PETA, don't start with me.)

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Nancy -- I am not a PETA fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I will tell you that going after snakes with the tractor is bad ju-ju. They keep down garden pests and feed other critters. Plus, they're beautiful and fascinating in their own right.

My daughter was pretty eager to learn to drive, as I was eager for her to learn (left the details to her stepfather, though . . .). Maybe I was being selfish, but I didn't want to curtail my favorite activities to drive her thither and yon every day. It's worked out OK.

Sex in cars -- horrible memories, but only because of who it was, not where . . .

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Nancy said "Stairway to Heaven.

It wasn't.

You owe me a new monitor!

[ArkansasCyndi]

Rod Stewart - Maggie May (at least it was that album)

I've been driving since I was 14. I had to think about those girls I ran around with...who had driving licenses early and who had "driving licenses early" (if you get my drift). Damn...My "research" would agree with the study - Car license = sex license. Hmmm

Sex in a car today? Sorry. I'm with William..something would be dislodged (like my hip!), or broken, or strained.

[Me, Margie]

Geez, you guys are totally bringing me down.

Between the lamo music and the focus on orthopedic injuries, it's a real libido killer in this mess.

Car sex is not the only way to make things interesting. If you're worried about getting stuck or dislocating something, try the kitchen - there are lots of flat, sturdy surfaces in there. Or the bath tub, or the couch for Pete's sake. Even better - someone else's couch. That's some risky business right there.

And do not even expect me to believe that none of you lost it to Barry White. Shit, people are *still* losing it to Barry White.

Stairway to Heaven? Meatloaf? Get out. Am I the only one with any sense of sexual rhythm here?

Seriously.

[Becky Hutchison]

Interesting blog...

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love

I was one of the youngest in my class (November birthday) & desparate to get my license. The minute any of my friends brought home the treasured item, we'd all pile in the car & go for a ride.
Under the new laws in MD, no one under 21 who isn't a family member can ride with a newly licensed driver for 5 months (smart law).

My 26 yo daughter didn't start driving until she was 17. She said she wasn't interested & didn't care. Later we found out she was too afraid to drive. She went to Clemson for college, about 10 hours away by car, so she had to get used to it.

My 17 yo son, on the other hand, was chomping at the bit to get his license. At 15 he started counting down the months until he could get his permit. We successfully used that golden item as a carrot for better grades.

Where did others learn to drive? Both of my children had to go to private driving schools, but my father taught me in cemeteries. He figured I couldn't kill anybody there. :-)

And I'm with Karen, the chance of getting caught was a huge turnoff for me.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Just one song....Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.

That should fix any 'aches & pains' doin' it in a car creates!

While we were dating (at the ripe old age of 22), on a Friday night Dear Hubby & I found a deserted street and a little road that went behind some trees in a field. I was a bit (ha!) tipsy and before we could even get to the fun stuff, the red lights started flashing. An officer came to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window with his flashlight. I rolled down the window and leaned out and yelled, "Hi, officer!"

He laughed and asked for our drivers licenses. When he saw how old we were, he asked, "You're old enough. What the hell are you doing in a field?" Dear Hubby was extremely embarrassed to have to tell him we both lived at home with our parents. The officer just laughed and recommended that we find a different place (or rent a hotel room) because this particular farmer was known to shoot first. I sat there laughing the whole time. I knew the farmer & could see him doing that.

Ah, the joys of youth!

[Marcia in OK]

Some of those late 70's family cars had backseats that could compete with some of today's SUVs. (My first "real love" drove his mom's car a lot. We called in the Land Yacht.)

I'm surprised no one's mentioned Passenger vans - not today's mini-vans for sure.

Yes, I still know all the words to Paradise and recently replaced my Bat out of Hell CD via eBay.

Bob Seger.