Bedroom, Boardroom, Cabinet Room

by Michele

What if somebody you worked with was doing stuff you disapproved of in her personal life?  What if she was a serial adulterer, or abused her kids, or engaged in risky sexual practices?  Is what she does on her own time her own business?  Or would you let it affect your view of her work?  We'd all like to think we're tolerant, that we live and let live.  But do we?  Have you ever been put to the test?  Have you ever worked with a senior partner who preyed on attractive young women (but not the ones in your firm)?  Hired a babysitter who boozed it up and slept around (but not when she was watching your kids)?  Did you think the same way about these people after you found out?  Did you call that babysitter the next time you needed your kids picked up from school?

Do we care about the personal conduct of the people running for President?  And if we do, is that fair?

Have you seen the video of Giuliani taking a phone call from his wife in the middle of an important speech to the NRA?  It's deeply weird.

                                                    

Maybe it creeps me out so much because the whole Rudy-Judi thing creeped me out from the get-go.  I lived through that drama in New York.  The gossip column blind items about Rudy wining and dining a mystery woman while still married to Donna Hanover.  The press conference where he announced to the entire city that he was dumping its first lady before he told the woman herself, the mother of his two children (who no longer speak to him).  The spectacle when Donna Hanover refused on advice of her matrimonial lawyer to leave Gracie Mansion, and Rudy went to live on his friend's couch.  How she did The Vagina Monologues to piss him off.

I lived in the city before, during and after Giuliani, and I can attest that the man is effective.  The change in the city was mind-boggling, almost unthinkable.  Under Dinkins, I heard three separate shootings outside my bedroom window in a one-year period.  Under Giuliani, you could walk the streets at any hour.  On nine-eleven, he showed leadership like no American has since FDR.  Still, I won't vote for him, for a lot of reasons, but one of them is undoubtedly the fact that he's a jerk in his personal life.  Is that fair?  Is it smart?

I haven't seen a Woody Allen movie since Woody dumped Mia Farrow for her adopted teenaged daughter.  I just couldn't get past my disapproval of the director's personal life sufficiently to plunk down my money for a ticket.  I couldn't stand the thought of watching him cast himself opposite sweet young things.  (Though if you believe the reviews, the movies haven't been so good, so I wasn't that tempted to overcome my distaste.  Still, I'd been a loyal viewer before).    Is that fair?

     John McCain and Fred Thompson are married to Stepford blondes gazillions of years younger than they are.  That bugs me.  And just to show I'm not being partisan, I feel exactly the same way about Dennis Kucinich, especially after he crowed on national tv about having a hot young wife.  (She is hot.  What's up with that?)  Is that fair?  Do I care if it's fair?  It's how I feel.

I have to admit I'm a hypocrite.  I've forgiven Hillary for sticking with Bill.  Not everybody has.  A very smart, educated and successful woman of my acquaintaince, who spent twenty years at home raising her kids before coming back to the work force, can't forgive Hillary for the "baking cookies" insult, and she can't forgive her for her double standard in staying married to Bill.  "This is somebody who criticized other women for standing by their man like Tammy Wynette," she said, "and then went and did exactly that."

We're not the Europeans.  The personal is political, I guess.  At least, here in the tabloid nation.

Comments

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

Michele asked some good questions:
"Here's another example. A woman I knew learned that her cleaning lady had been arrested for selling heroin, and she was very conflicted about whether to fire her. What if you found out a colleague or an employee had been arrested for selling drugs? Is that soemthing you'd consider when it came to their work? What if it was a DUI?"

In approximate order: I would probably fire the cleaning lady unless I had a damned good reason to think she was completely innocent and had been set up. If nothing else, the risk factor there would just be too high. If I knew a colleague had been arrested for selling drugs or had been busted for DUI? I would probably figure it was up to that person's boss to decide what to do about it, although yes, it would undoubtedly color my judgement of the person. If it were an employee, I'd be in contact with my lawyer pronto.

One thing I have discovered is that I can often separate my judgement of the person from my judgement of how s/he does his/her job. When the job is the most important thing (as in the case of a politician, for example), I'm more liable to ignore the personal stuff. But when the job isn't as important (as in the case of entertainers, for instance), I'm more liable to let my opinion of their actions be known by way of my checkbook.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me.

Oh, and Ramona? You go, girl!

[michele martinez]

I was AWOL at a doctor's appointment. I should've known you all would carry on without me.

I agree with everybody above who said, c'mon, we all knew Bill Clinton was a horndog, so what he did was no surprise (to us, or presumably to Hillary). And I also fall into the trap of excusing him for that reason. But he's no better than the others, is he? So why do I mind it so much less? Because I agree with his policy views? Because he didn't actually dump his wife for the other women but stuck with her as she got older? (Though, frankly, Hillary looks a helluva lot better now than she did at 21). Is it because Rudy and Woody gross me out but Bill Clinton doesn't? Either way, I realize I'm being inconsistent.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

I have never been a big Brad Pitt fan and his handling of ending his marriage was just wrong. I think he & Angelina deserve each other and it will be fun to watch that relationship implode..because we know from the history of past relationships, it will.

As for Tom Cruise, I quit watching his movies after he broke up with Nicole. There are better ways of letting someone know you want out. And you don't wait until after you renew your vows, leaving a cryptic message, "She knows why".

Woody Allen, sick and perverted.

Kathy, 11 years isn't that big of a difference. When it gets to 20, the ick factor comes in.

As far as firing someone whose private life has caused legal 'difficulties', I guess it depends on the situation. The babysitter...gone. My kids are too important. But a cleaning lady? If it was in the past and she had been clean, I could see giving her a chance. I would just have to discuss it with them.

Michele...I was still up and couldn't sleep because of a toothache. Now I'm at work and want a pain pill so bad, but it will put me right out. Can't wait for that root canal! Hopefully, I will be asleep hours before tomorrows blog is posted!

[michele martinez]

No, the cleaning lady thing was very much in the present, Pam. My take on that one is the same as the babysitter. She's in your house, with access to your stuff, and therefore to you. Selling *heroin*? Nobody who sells heroin doesn't have a gun, one they're prepared to use. She'd be gone, but my friend didn;t see it that way.

Sorry to hear about your toothache. You've got a lot of sympathizers here.

[Maryann]

I admit to the same feeling towards Mr. Cruise, although I can watch him in A Few Good Men (mainly because of Jack Nicholson), and it had a lot to do with his dissing of Brooke Shields. I was never sure about the marriage to Nicole, but I'm waiting for Katie to really try and do something on her own and watch Mr. Nice Guy become Mr.Sulky. Maybe we judge celebrities more simply because we can. They're in the public eye, and we all think we might handle their situations better than they do. It's a thought.

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

Pam - I am so sorry. As soon as you can, take the meds. And keep taking them - if you let the pain get too far ahead of you, it's hard to ever catch up.

Once you have the root canal, the relief will come soon. Hang in there!

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Oh, I have had a few root canals. But I can't get into see the endodontist (my regular dentist doesn't even want to try to do this tooth, lol) until Oct 9. So pain pills and antibiotics will rule the next two weeks. And if I don't chew on that side...

If the drug & booze things are in the present, both would be gone in a heartbeat. That is just intolerable.

[ramona]

Thanks, Kerry.

[Josh]

Wait a second.

Since when has Tom Cruise been straight? Does he need an apple crate? One-and-a-half? Two? Does he need everyone else to act in a trench, like Scott of the Antartic? Shouldn't he be playing Napoleon or some other short, dead, dude?

I agree with Harley's post from 9:18. Like the lawyer that I am, I have to say, "It depends."

[William Simon]

Pam said: 11 years isn't that big of a difference. When it gets to 20, the ick factor comes in.

Tell that to Bogie and Bacall, Shweethart...:)

[Pam aka SisterZip]

I know it works, but it is still an ick factor for me. I'm getting into the age bracket that Dear Hubby could exchange me for two 25 year olds. And I know it could change in a heartbeat depending on who the 'old man' was!

[michele martinez]

It's not just an ick factor. A lot of women I know deeply identify with the dumped first wives of the older men, and resent the men for what they did. Mary told that powerful story earlier today about not making the volleyball team even though she played great. It's the same issue -- age discrimination is gender biased. Men can be 60 and gray and get a hot 25 year old (at least if they're rich and powerful) but women can't. Damn, that's unfair!

[ArkansasCyndi]

Mary told that powerful story earlier today about not making the volleyball team even though she played great. It's the same issue -- age discrimination

Just an observation...I watch Survivor. The new season started last Thursday. The first person voted off was older...one of the hardest working, but the youngsters ganged up and pick him off and I'm convinced it was his age. One of the young women kept had been sick and throwing up and had done NO work at all, but she was in the "right" age group to say. Fair? nope, but unfortunately, when I was in the work world, I saw a lot of the same dynamics as is reflected on this show.

And Bogie and Becall...What a pair! age difference or not. Devoted.

[Josh]

Harley did a movie once where she played Bacall's daughter, I think.

[michele martinez]

I can see the resemblance. Those great cheekbones!

[Mary Storyteller]

What a hoot! I actually have that movie, _What I Want for Christmas_ playing on the DVD player right now!! I'm going to have to back it up -- I just thought I was coming into the kitchen to grab a yogurt. . . .
Pam, Aleve helped me through some bad toothaches -- actually taught and smiled all day, and went for the root canal after school.
BTW, I do agree with most of the other Mary's points -- except for sports. I usually run away from volleyballs (a glasses-breaking incident in PE class began that, I think).

[Mary Storyteller]

correction: _All I Want for Christmas_ and it's a very fun movie!!
BTW, in the doctor's waiting room, they called three Marys in a row -- it was interesting sorting them out. My left foot is still swollen, almost a month now (can't prove it was Curves-caused, but it's mighty suspicious). I'm getting tired of this, and I'm ready to consider any and all possible solutions.

[SesePonna]

hey there awesome site!
hey hey hey
this is me and me only yo yo
123tytytyywywyw

[enfodiego]

hey there this is a really super site.

i have never found so much profound information in one place before in my life.
I commend everyone who dedicated their time and effort to share their knowledge
with the world and i.

once again[url=http://iskindasuper.info],[/url][url=http://iskindasweet.info].[/url]
[url=http://iskindainteresting.info].[/url][url=http://iskindaintriguing.info].[/url]

my neverending gratitude,

robert lockly

[InvestaTrade]

Welcome to our [url=http://investa-trade.com/]investing project[/url].Supporting of Loyal Bank we have founded our investing company succeeding in the market today. The prime investing field specialists are in our team. Wide experience and high skill of the brokers helped us to work in stability on the investing markets. Working with individual investors we have gained huge results. It helped us to work today with major companies that are increasing their income together with us.

Authoritative analitist make proficient analyses and give us recommendations. Resulted data helps us to succeed in our work on the international and world markets and gain maximum income. That is what the strong team ready to become your reliable personal adviser in money saving and increasing capital has been created for.

Your money will be working with highest analitist and brokers. Working with our company you get maximum income, constant stability and the safety of your capital.

We offer you 4 kinds of investments:

Easy - 3% after 2 days
Usual - 12% after 1 week
Standard - 50% after 1 month
Hard - 165% after 3 months

We accept: E-bullion,Pecunix,Liberty Reserve and E-gold.

Best Regards,
CEO Mr.Mati Maa

[BobiasawbUb]

Hello all The language lizhesh nipple sniz y introduction of p x, suck it all
Mr. [url=http://dating.com-members.info/]dating[/url] (Quite remarkable that in the early stages of development as a male or female genitals are formed from the same embryonic tissue they only gradually transformed into klitory and penis.