Funniest Hotel Employee Winner

By Elaine Viets

"It's hard for me to believe that my story occurred 34 years ago," Rebecca John said, "but I guess you can't argue with Father Time."

For the Great $500 Book Giveaway to celebrate my new mystery, set at a hotel, Rebecca took us back to New Year’s Eve, 1972. "Oh, what a time to be young and full of love for life on the edge," she said.

Indeed. That was the year that Watergate started with the bugging of the Democratic National Committee headquarters. Bumpers said, "Honk if you love Jesus." Richard Nixon declared the first presidential drug war – and lost it.

"If you can remember the late 60's up to the end of the 70's, you probably weren't having the same kind of fun as I and the rest of the members of the Traveling Bar Crew," Rebecca said.

"We worked as a group of six. Three members made up the lounge band and the other three tended bar and worked as cocktail waitresses. We were working at a hotel outside of Lancaster, Pa. The manager booked the band in a few different hotels around the northeast. The band was really quite good and had a fairly large following.

"This particular New Year's Eve we were all working our tails off. The crowd was out to have as much fun and imbibe as much liquor as possible" before the bar closed at 2 a.m.

Rebecca and two crew members "worked the floor serving all those happy drunks with a smile and a smart remark. The tide slacked off slightly around 1 a.m., so while the band was on break we all decided to take five for a ‘smoke’ break. Remember, it's the seventies and we were all children of the flowers. We really didn't have time to retreat to the band room for privacy.

"Did I mention that at midnight we had started to celebrate with the customers since they always wanted to buy the band and crew drinks to show how much they liked us? On occasion alcohol has been known to cloud a person’s good sense.

"Anyway, back to the smoke break. Six of us plus a few joiners-in were looking for a place to burn one or two. In a side corridor was a utility closet that seemed to fit the bill, so in we squeezed. Up we lit. Silly we got. Cough we did – until nirvana was achieved and we had to go back to work.

"We proceeded to work out the night, made some swag and had an all-around good time until closing when we had to clean up. Then we moved the party to the band’s rooms and had our own celebration.

"Along about 3:30 a.m. the manager knocked rather forcefully on the door. We greeted him with cries of joy. He was in a snit. Did we think that maybe the utility closet wasn't precisely the most discreet choice?

" ‘Oh, ho,’ the crew said. ‘We took precautions and laid a towel along the crack at the bottom so no noxious fumes escaped.’

" ‘Oh, ho,’ the manager said. ‘Did you notice the HUGE louvered vent in the door?’

"We were in no shape to grasp the concept of bad bar crew so we were put on notice that at 2 p.m. New Year’s Day we were having a meeting to discuss the situation in depth.

"At 5 a.m. some of us decided to go to Philly to see the Liberty Bell. I can't believe we survived those days without maiming ourselves or anyone else. We didn't get back for the meeting until 2:35.

"Motel rooms offer limited seating arrangements. We were ranged around the room on various surfaces," including a folding bed. "The boss lectured us on the inadvisability of tokin' in the closets. We were all suitably chastised – right up until the bed two of us were sitting on folded right up and trapped us inside like the filling in a sandwich. Heads sticking out one side and legs and feet out the other.

"Everyone in the room lost it – even the manager – and the meeting ended.

"I'm sitting here laughing from the memories. It's hard for me to realize I'm going to be 60 in a year from now."

Thanks, Rebecca, for a funny story. Your $250 gift certificate for the Great $500 Book Giveaway will be on its way, so you’ll have even more to read.

Special thanks to our judges, TLC regular Tom Barclay, Kay Gordy and Jinny Gender.

Comments

[Cinema Dave]

Rebecca deserves the award because she managed to be alive 35 years later to write about it!

My questions, what do her kids say?
(If she has kids).

[Sue]

I second Dave's question. I had enough guilt, and caught enough flack when I confessed to mine that I received a ticket for failing to come to a complete halt at a stop sign. At 5am. On a completely deserted street. Confessing to controlled and possible illegal substances? Yeah....I definitely want to hear that story.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

What a great story!

I've always wondered if that could happen with those fold-out beds - what a funny picture!

This reminds me of the days of the big Arena concerts -when smoking was permitted. There was so much cigarette smoke that no one noticed (or at least that's what everyone pretended) other types of smoke. Talk about your classic Contact High. Good Times.

[SarahS]

Wow~that night sounds totally exhausting. I'm impressed she can even remember the details.

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Yeah, Dear Hubby & I laugh about the time he took me to a Head East concert right after we met. I was so naive that I thought I smelled something like cherry in the smoke, but was confused as to what kind of cigarettes would smell that way. After 30 years, he still hasn't let me live that one down.

[Elaine Viets]

OK, folks, here's my confession -- in my not-so-wild youth, I used to race truckers down I-70. Eventually, in my mid-20s, I realized that I wasn't immortal or bulletproof. I think that's what happens to the lucky ones.
No, I don't have children. With my luck, they'd be like me.

[Sue]

That might have been the last time I-70 was actually driveable. I recently took it between Kansas City and St. Louis on my way to Nashville......yowza! It needs some serious work.

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

One day a few weeks ago, my teenage daughter asked if I'd ever smoked weed.

So I told her the truth - sure, I tried it, a couple of times at different points in my life. It didn't do anything for me, so I decided to stick with booze.

The stuff should be legalized - plus - think of the tax revenue!

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

Oh, for the days. A favorite trick of my dorm-mates (this was before I had anything to do with controlled substances) was to smoke in the emergency stairwell. The fire doors kept all the smoke in place, concentrating the effects. It was pretty interesting when they'd open the door to the hall; this huge greenish cloud would come barreling through . . .

I'm glad my husband and I have (1) a great kid and (2) a great relationship with her. Those two things allowed us to have a conversation in which we freely admitted that we'd done some sketchy things in our own pasts, that we didn't want to be hypocrites, but that the penalties for doing what we did are so much harsher now that she needed to be way more careful than we were. It sucks, but there it is.

[Mary]

When my high school students would ask me about marijuana use in college, I could truthfully tell them that, since I was very involved in organizing antiwar demonstrations (which at the time were protected by the Bill of Rights), I had to avoid any illegal activity that would give the police an excuse to haul us in for things others might get by with. They never asked about after college . . . but as with alcohol, I mostly just got sleepy, so what was the point of either?
A friend once told me that she convinced a policeman that the smell in her apartment was from too much oregano on the pizza. I don't know if he believed her or just thought she was cute.

[Mary]

iPod aside -- -- after months of trying to get a straight answer from Apple, I finally connected with customer service reps who were willing and able to research contents of iPods to find out if they are latex-safe, and they are. (It helped that these experts sounded as if they are actually IN the U.S.) I've ordered one with enough memory to hold a Harry Potter book to listen to at Curves. (I like to listen to Jim Dale read, after I've done my initial speed-read :-)

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

Mary! That is GREAT news. Now you can get into all kinds of trouble on iTunes. Be warned - it can be addictive. I now get TV shows that way - you don't get the special features of a DVD set, but you get the shows within 24 hours after they air.

LOVE Jim Dale reading Potter. He has gotten us to the beach and back more than once.

Haven't heard from my underground test sources, but I'll keep you posted. They were working with an older model Nano, though, so it's good that you have current confirmation!

Also - what is the difference between Latex Free and Latex Safe - is there a difference?

[Mary]

Rebecca, thanks -- I do want to hear what your sources learn. I had a good feeling that this man was really studying specs -- he did the "I don't see why there would be latex" shuffle, and I explained that we needed to be certain. I use the terms latex-free and latex-safe both (the latter seems to make people take notice and realize it's a health issue -- like the little Medic Alert bracelet; they take it seriously). I also have learned to stress "natural rubber latex" after I had people say "no latex, just rubber." Latex paint, OTOH, has no rubber.
Of course, the next challenge will be learning to USE the thing. . .

[Pam aka SisterZip]

Love to listen to Jim Dale do Harry Potter...oh wait, that doesn't really sound right does it? READ HP..thats the ticket. His character interpretation is so great.

Kerry, we told our daughter the same thing. You could get a DWI/DUI and still get scholarships or grants to go to college. You get caught with drugs, all of that disappears. I have no doubt she experimented, but at least we never knew/heard about it. I think I would have killed her! We couldn't lie and say we didn't but the worst the police did to my generation was to make you watch as they dumped it out.

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

Mary, welcome to iPod-hood. They are addictive, indeed. Although I don't actually listen to mine every day, it's an indispensable part of my travel kit. I watch movies in airports (all you need to do is find an outlet -- even older airports that don't provide "network stations" have the occasional one near the floor for vacuum cleaners) and listen to ambient music to help me sleep in strange hotels and noisy dorms. And if my Mom's house sells on schedule, I'm getting a good after-market stereo with iPod capability so I can listen to it in the car with better sound quality than the FM dealie I have now.

Pam, we took our conversation one step further and explained that, with the current "war on drug", we could lose everything we owned if she got pulled over and one of her friends had a stash. It made an impression.

[Mary]

My drug of choice is still caffeine -- thank goodness for Starbucks at the airport!
Now, when listening to the iPod in bed, how do you keep from getting tangled in the wires? We used to discuss that with the scapula (? -- ribbons with holy cards --) that we wore in Catholic grade school. Someone told me that if you strangled on them in your sleep, you automatically went to heaven -- small comfort. so, what if you strangle on the iPod?

[Sue]

Mary, that's simple...you end up in the frozen food aisle with Elvis.

[Elaine Viets]

Sue, is that the dead Elvis, or the back from the dead Elvis?
Lordy, I haven't thought about scapulas in ages.

[Sue]

He never died. According to a psychiatrist in Independence, Missouri who is treating The King, he's alive and well, and just biding his time. He's taken on the name of Jesse, his twin brother and has spent his time getting healthy. Every now and then the news people talk to the doc, but Elvis still hasn't come forth, although the doc says Elvis does plan on making it up to his fans.

[Rebecca the Bookseller]

Mary - wireless headphones or a small speaker will take care of the wires - but then, both those things raise more latex problems.

It's a place to start anyway.

[Mary]

I don't really think I'll sleep in them anyway, so it won't be a problem. (Does it help the blog's ratings if we discuss what we do or do not wear to bed?)

I did try to find out about some earphones that protect one's ears by controlling the volume, but they didn't get back to me about latex either, so the information is now buried in one of my "to do" stacks.