By Sarah

The day I got back from Pittsburgh, I turned over in bed, looked at my wrists and thought, "Huh. Now how did those handcuffs get there?"

And then I remembered: Pittsburgh + Margie + Tequila = physical restraint.

Of course!

Though, aside from that proven scientific equation and a fabulous Power Shower we threw for Courtney Patross - sister of Pittsburgh Starlight Lindsay Patross - that's about all I remember.

Wait, that's not true. I also remember a bunch of Very Generous Lipstick Chronicles readers buying tons of The Sleeping Beauty Proposal at Mystery Lovers Bookshop via orders. Listen, if Margie made you call those in, I'm so, so sorry. I swear she doesn't have pictures of you doing "that" with "you know who." Honest. I searched her drawers and everything, including the big bottom one where she keeps her Lotto tickets, the handgun and a set of Extra Big Trojans.

But let me tell you, I was so touched to see familiar name after familiar name ask for my book. Are we Tarts lucky or what? William, I'll say it right now: I am in love with you. Madly in love. And not just for your drink recipes either. (Well, maybe for your drink recipes.) My only regret is that you all were not with me for the most fun a middle-aged woman can have in Pittsburgh without a naked man.

It's true. Spending a weekend driving around with Margie (shotgun, natch), Rebecca the Bookseller, the lovely and oh-so-talented Nancy Martin and Kathy Sweeney, lawyer and should-be standup comedienne, was the best vacation I've had since forever. We signed books and dined on roasted scallops wrapped in bacon, sipped a very fine pinot noir, hung out at Mystery Lovers (Hi, Janet!) and, after battling Pittsburgh construction, brunched some more. When was the last time I had a Bloody Mary in the middle of the day? When was the last time I laughed so hard I got a stitch in my side?

The best part? Dutton PAID FOR EVERYTHING. Well, they paid for the deluxe suite and they paid for the airfare and the cabs. Let's just hope they don't find out I was hanging around these dames. Let's just hope that cop doesn't follow through with his threat to....Hmm, best to leave that for the lawyers.

It was all the more fun knowing that back home all hell was breaking loose and I could not possibly help. Twenty four hours. That's all I was gone folks - TWENTY FOUR HOURS - and in that time the following occurred:

* Puppy. Once nearly housebroken turned into an indoor pooping, peeing machine in my absence. Hey, I didn't have to clean it up. Though I did have to go back to square one. The dining room rug will never be the same.

* Shoes. Came home and found several pairs on the kitchen table. Many were covered with mud. (See above.)

* Nephew. Twenty-one-year-old University of Vermont student who's painting our house came down with the flu and was suddenly bed ridden. Thank god there were video games, Sandra Bullock's sister's pastry and beer to cure him.

* Olives. Daughter couldn't find them while making olive pesto. Called me from 435 miles away to ask  where they might be in the refrigerator.

* Scaffolding. My eleven-year-old son was on it, three floors up from the ground to "keep Dad company" while Charlie painted trim boards by the roof (See above "Nephew"). Out of consideration, Sam called from a cell phone to let me know that, one wrong step, and he could easily fall to his death and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Ha, ha.

Flying home, the domestic nightmare I envisioned was of a house littered with dog feces, my son in a body cast and the remnants of olive pesto still clinging to the dishes piled in the sink. Plus beer bottles.

Fortunately, what I found was a relatively spotless kitchen (aside from the shoes on the table) a pot of wild rice on the stove along with the last of the raspberry chicken Charlie made for everyone. Sam, all limbs working, was running around in a field with a flashlight. My nephew was on the couch with the puppy and Anna was in her bedroom, avoiding the boys.

Whew! Another catastrophe avoided.

Thank you, thank you. You guys are the best! Sales are sure to be stupendous.

Love,

Sarah

Comments

[Nancy Martin]

Here's the thing: Sarah does great standup. Put her in front of a crowd, and suddenly everybody's laughing. Great material, great tour, great book!

Thank you, Sarah. I had a grrrrreat time.

But somebody needs to tell Margie I wasn't the one rummaging around in her desk looking for incriminating evidence. This time.

[michele martinez]

Congratulations, Sarah. I can't wait to get my book in the mail.

[michele martinez]

Oh, and I wish I'd been there, of course!

[Harley]

I must know: did the olives turn up, and if so, on what shelf?

[William Simon]

Sounds like a good time was had by all....sorry I missed this one!

(Margie with a GUN? Oh, dear God, pray for us all....)

[SarahS]

Thank you, Michele, that was one of the nicest moments of the trip, seeing your name there.

Okay. I'm coming to you guys to ask for advice....How do you get a 21 year old kid to show up to paint a house BEFORE noon? Any suggestions?

[kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Sarah - you need to move here. Other than the construction (which never ends) Pittsburgh was at its very best last weekend. Live music and gallery crawls on Friday night for the Power Shower, and terrific weather Saturday for brunching al fresco.

It really was so wonderful to spend the day with smart, funny grown-up women (and Margie).

For those of you who did not make it - if you EVER have a chance to see Sarah 'live' - do it. She's fantastic.

And Sleeping Beauty is doing so well here in South Jersey that the local bookstores are already re-ordering it! Yippee!

[Josh]

You want the 21-year-old out of bed? Sunbathe topless in your backyard.

[Tasha Alexander]

Sarah, sounds like it was fabulous! I can't wait to read the book!

[j renee stuart]

Yay! My signed copy of TSBP just came a few minutes ago. Sarah, thank you so much. By the way, Attila-the-Husband says "Hi-backatchya". I bought a copy on the 21st - finished it on the 22nd and have been giggling ever since. Sarah does 'stand-up'? Gee - who would've thought... Thanks, again, Sarah, for a wonderful, touching, and oh so funny book.

[Nancy Martin]

Getting a 21-yr-old out of bed before noon when you're related to him. Hm....

Beer?

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

Except, the Beer is only avaiable AFTER he is finished working.

Before he finishes working:

No Beer
No TV
NO Video Games
No couch - tell him you have to clean and kick him out from wherever he is sleeping.

[ArkansasCyndi]

First - thanks Margie for the negative of...well, you know. Sweated bullets on that one.

Second, that sounds like a great party and I'm jealous I didn't get invited! My book was shipped yesterday, so anxiously awaiting its arrival. In fact, just finished JE's Lean, Mean, Thirteen and not starting another until TSBP gets here.

Third - how to get a 21y/o out of bed before noon...hire an 18-22y/o female, with a great bod and a bikini to assist. He'll be there.

How many books did Mystery Lovers sell? When will you see your first set of sell numbers?

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Sarah, is there any chance your daughter is related to my daughter? Granted, it wasn't from 400+ miles away, but she did call me to ask how to cook wild rice and waited patiently while I looked it up on the internet (and I know for a fact that her computer is right next to the phone, and that she does have the same high-speed cable service I do).

I think the answer to the 21-year-old has something to do with a long lever and a place to stand. No, Margie -- it's not the answer to THAT question about the 21-year-old . . .

I sure wish I could've been in Pittsburgh, and can't wait to get my copy of the book!

[Mary Alice and Mystery Lovers]

Sarah sold over 50 books in 24 hours and the orders are still flowing in to the store. Signed copies will be gone in a day or two so don't delay. New shipment coming and we hope the July 4th will be a celebration of numbers for Sarah from all over the US. Call your library to see if they have it and if not donate one. This is the perfect book for your summer reading and giggling as reported here.
Thanks to Sarah, Nancy, Rebecca and Margie(I think) for turning the town on it's ear.Thanks to TLC pals for the orders.
Also, Sarah, Doc sends his love................didn't get out of bed in time to see you in action....hmmm....sends regrets.
www.mysterylovers.com

[Debby]

I also wish that I could have been there....far preferable to having the Red Cross have an 'oooops' with my vein while I was doing my monthly pheresis donation.

My copy, my official HC purchased-by-me/signed-by-Sarah copy was sent yesterday, so I should receive it today. At which time, I will definitely be reading it again.

Sarah is definitely a must-meet, if you never have before...and a see-again whenever possible.

[margie]

hi. It's me, Margie.

I don't usually discuss my weapons in writing. Advice of counsel and so forth.

If I did carry, it would be a nice small gun that fits in one hand. Just saying in case anyone wants to go shopping. The mother of pearl handles are nice.

Hope everyone else besides Cyndi got their, uh, stuff in the mail.

Sarah - I got your back on that pesky citation thing. One of my cousins is looking into it, so not to worry.

You ladies were a lot of fun, especially considering you're, ya know, kinda old and stuff.

[beachfla]

Sounds like it was a great party. Like Debby, my book was shipped by Mystery Lovers yesterday and I can't wait until it arrives! Sarah, don't know how you managed Margie, Rebecca and Kathy Reschini Sweeney all at the same time! You are a wonder!!

[JanetLynn]

We had a very nice time on Saturday!

Sarah, you should try open-mike night sometime!

[SarahS]

Hi, guys....

Okay. The kid's at work. But it's 91 degrees. (Duh) And, like, if he had started around 7:30 or so, he might be able to take the afternoon off and go swimming.

Now he's complaining about how hot it is.

Pray that Charlie doesn't clobber him.

[Josh]

Are you paying this kid with something other than food and a couch to sleep on? If not, don't sweat it. Haven't you seen The Money Pit? He'll be done in two weeks.

[Cinema Dave]

Josh - Great minds think alike.

[Debby]

BTW ~ I received the book and a peppermint yesterday! Woo hoo! Thanks! :)