Black and White Heroes

by Guest Blogger William Simon

(A tip of the Martini Glass  to Lee Goldberg, Author, Raconteur, Pierce Brosnan impersonator, and a like-minded guy.)

Time was, you could tell the Hero just by looking at him.

He was nice looking, perfectly dressed, and goodness glowed from within like a bright white light.  You knew that, within the space of fifty minutes (one episode, less commercials), the Hero would a) save the world or at least the small part of it he was standing in; b) get The Girl (yes, there was always a Girl, and in a time when calling her The Girl would not get you demonized, lynched, or worse); c) catch the Bad Guy and turn him over to the proper authorities, or dispense his own brand of justice; and d) do it all over again the very next week. 

We had police officers and private eyes, we had reporters and jazz musicians, we had doctors and secret agents, we even had the Hero of Heroes, Superman…..who, disguised as a mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fought a never-ending battle for……..well, you know the rest.

Through it all, one hero in particular stood head and shoulders above them all, was the standard to aspire to, the perfect representation of the Man to Grow Up to Be, at least in my childish opinion:

THE SAINT, starring Roger Moore.

To a seven year old boy in Chicago, The Saint was a wonder.  Tall, broad shouldered, ridiculously handsome, impeccably mannered, debonair in the classical definition of the word, but boy could he deal with Bad Guys.  Exotic locations (so the reality was Elstree Studios back lot, back then who knew?), glamorous women, dastardly villains, cool cars, and always, without exception, on top of any situation he ran into.  The Saint never killed anyone, but if the villains met their own ends he didn't do much to stop it, nor did he agonize over it.  Justice was served, mystery solved, Bad Guys nailed, all with a healthy dose of wit, style, and charm.  Mysteriously wealthy enough to do as he pleased, anywhere he went an adventure was waiting for him, and he went a lot of places where adventures were waiting.

(Two questions linger:  Why was he almost always introduced as "the ‘infamous’ Simon Templar"?  He was the Good Guy, why would he be 'infamous'?  Also, many times when he landed in a foreign city, the police were there waiting to tell him zey vere vatching heem closssely…but he hadn't done anything yet, just walked off a plane; consider the fun his attorneys could have with that bit of business….)

There were attempts to revive the character:  RETURN OF THE SAINT in the 70's starring Ian Ogilvy was good….but it wasn't the same.  A series of television movies starring Simon Dutton in '89 were capable….but it wasn't the same.  (Sorry, but the less said about the abortive pilot with Andrew Clarke in '87, the better.  And one does not discuss the '97 theatrical film with Val Kilmer.  Ever.)

I've mentioned Chicago already.  In Las Vegas, while recovering from an accidental test of the Laws of Physics, there he was five afternoons a week.  In Miami, occasionally getting home at outrageous hours while leading a lifestyle that would be considered illegal these days, and learning from one particular incident involving my date's purse and a mugger that Ft. Lauderdale police officers have *no* sense of humor, there he was at midnight.  When I was transferred to Houston in the early eighties, didn't know a single person in the city, and everything that could have possibly gone wrong with the move did indeed go wrong, there he was at five AM, courtesy of a very nascent cable TV station.  Over twenty years later, when the last round of Corporate Layoffs left me "right-sized" (Hey, Kids!  Play the Lottery…if you win, you get to keep your job!), Encore's Mystery Channel had the series running every afternoon at 3:30pm.

No matter what was going on, it was comfort food for the brain.  A return to simpler times, easier times, when black was black and white was white and one had not yet learned the infinite shades of grey there are in the adult world.  (See?  It does tie in to the title, eventually….)  After many years of long careful precise unemotional logical Socratic thinking I've concluded that, sometimes, the Real World sucks.
Thanks to the advent of DVDs, the vagaries and whims of syndication programmers no longer hold sway.  All seven seasons of the series now sit in the video cabinet, to be watched as desired.  Or as occasionally needed.  Someone who knows me better than I know myself made the comment she can always tell when I am dealing with an ugly professional matter; THE SAINT runs on the home theatre almost 24/7.

I carefully considered the comment, marveled at the intuition, respected the intellect, then arched my left eyebrow in the best Roger Moore tradition, and suavely replied, "So?" 

I grew up believing this:  The Good Guy triumphed, no matter the odds.  Victims were always rescued, maybe at the very last moment, but they were alive and saved.  If your cause was Just, and you were Right, you'd win.  Bad Guys always lost.

(insert pause….. imagine shrug….. picture sheepish look)  I was a kid….what did I know?

Back to the point, look around today and we have no heroes on television.  We have sociopathic psychos with badges who ram guns down people's throats and yell "Suck THIS, pal!", and they are usually some sort of  recovering addict, be it alcohol/drugs, sex, or gambling.  We have characters who kill as easily as they sneeze.  Stealing is perfectly acceptable, as long as no one gets caught.  No damsel needs rescuing, and if she does it's usually a setup to try and kill the protagonist.  It is entertaining for him to slap/hit/threaten her, usually while screaming her marked resemblance to a female canine at the top of his lungs.  Lie, cheat, steal, hurt, no matter; it's okay, the end justifies the means.  Results are what count, not the methods to achieve them, and if you don't believe that, take a close look at the Business World today.

Heroes should be above the crowd; polished but not effete, superior but not snide, capable but not arrogant, strong but not uncaring.

Special.

Today, we have no Bogart, or Gable, or Cooper.  We don't have a Gardner, a Bacall, a Hepburn. 

Hell, we don't even have a Saint anymore….

William Simon tries to be witty.  He is successful approximately half the time.

Ed. Note: Regular Blog readers will no doubt notice William's absence from the Comments today.  William is in court, acting as a forensic expert witness in a child custody case.  The facts are horrendous.  These are the cases no one wants to talk about; these are the issues that keep decent people up at night. Not many people could do this kind of work and stay sane.  William does it, and keeps going back for more.  So thanks for blogging, William, and, you know, thanks for doing what you do.

Comments

[Cinema Dave]

I saw "Live Free and Die Hard" today, John McCain brings back the tradition of John Wayne and Dirty Harry. Unlike Dirty Harry Callahan, McCain has a daughter.

This is a fun movie, though it does confront the anxieties of the day. Still John McClain is a great working class American cop, who happens to be a hero.

Speaking of heroes, let us not forget that Simon Templar, who went on to become James Bond, was played by Roger Moore.

Anyone know what Sir Roger is up to now? Check this out -
http://www.roger-moore.com/

[Katie]

William - Belated good thoughts on the testimony. You should know that this sort of testimony is just as hard on the court staff as it is on the witness. Thanks on behalf of kids and law clerks everywhere!

[Kerry, the Martial Tart]

Rebecca -- Life got too hectic for me to catch Studio 60, but I plan on getting the DVD's. I loved Sports Night, too. The other characters are from sci-fi/fantasy shows: Babylon 5, Farscape, Battlestar Galactica. And I forgot to add a couple more of my favorite heroes: Buffy and Xena (and Gabrielle).

[Dan Bodenheimer]

Posted a link to this grand essay at http://www.saint.org/blog/2007/06/lipstick-chronicles-black-and-white.html

[Mark van Vollenhoven]

Nice to read that there are more folks considering the Saint a hero that has been lacking from our screens far to long. Lets hope that the new series are going to live up to the standard that have been set up.

I somehow did miss the release of a Centenary novel as does Templars clone 007 does get somehow.

[Elaine Viets]

Good blog, William. Glad you're fighting for truth, justice, etc. in court today.