Dinner on the Porch

by Michele                                             

In New York City where I used to live, everybody had a Sub-Zero and double wall ovens but nobody cooked.  They didn't know how.  One woman of my acquaintance had made it to her fourth decade not only without ever having made herself a salad, but without ever having witnessed a salad being made, despite the fact that she ate salad every day.  I'm certain of this because she visited me once at a summer rental in the Hamptons (the only place New Yorkers ever set foot in their kitchens), and actually screamed when I sliced open an avocado.  "What's that?!" she demanded, pointing in horror at the pit.  I suppose it is rather shocking if you've never seen one before.  (Forgive me if I've already told that story.  Years later I still cannot get over it.)

In New York, entertaining went something like this: "We're free six weeks from Saturday if Dirk doesn't have to be in Hong Kong.  What about that new haute Greek place?  It was just reviewed in the Times, but if we start dialing now we might have a shot at a table."  If children were involved, it went more like this: "Why don't you have Clarice bring Dirk Junior by around five, and I'll have Blanca order those free-range chicken nuggets from Eli's?"  Your most intimate friends might invite you over for brunch, but that was all about having Sable's or H&H Bagels on speed dial.  Or better yet, nabbing a table at Sarabeth's.  The point is, while there was a fair bit of eating going on, and a huge amount of reading and talking about eating, there was virtually no planning, preparing, cooking or serving being done, at least, not by the eaters themselves.   

Admittedly, I moved to America partly to get away from this overly precious lifestyle.  I like to cook.  I wanted my family to sit down to dinner together.  And I dreamed of the day I would casually say to friends, "How about coming over to dinner on Monday night and bringing the kids?  We'll throw something on the grill and drink margaritas while the little rascals run through the sprinkler and shoot each other with water guns."

   Okay, well, I went and did it.  And  -- yikes! -- now a bunch of people are coming to my house for dinner tonight.  How to cope?

Step one is to learn to hear and understand the question, "What can I bring?"  "What can I bring" was never asked in New York.  It was not in the New Yorker's vocabulary.  Or if it was, it was meant to elicit one of the following responses: "Nothing, don't be silly!" "Only yourself," or, on rare occasions, "How about some wine?"  A true New Yorker would have blanched and, certainly, cancelled the date if actually called upon to bring something in response to a "What can I bring?"  But from what I hear, in other locales, "What can I bring" is not an empty gesture.  The woman who asks it is ready, willing and able to kick in real food.  Anywhay, I gave it a whirl, and whaddaya know -- salad and dessert are taken care of!  Which still leaves everything else.

I'm trying to nail down the basic steps required to pull this thing off.  And I'm not talking about anything fancy.  No tablescapes or glue guns for this girl.    So far, here's what I got:

• Buy some ice.  I'm not sure what this is for, but I see people doing it, so it must serve some purpose.
• Figure out a summer cocktail.  Damn, mimosas at dinner time doesn't sound right.  Too bad, because that's one cocktail I know how to make.  But wine and beer seem insufficient.  What about rose?  Rose is in.  Maybe if I serve rose, people will think it's a cocktail because it's pink.  I'll say it's an unsweetened Cosmo.
• Flowers.  Are you freakin' kidding me?  Those pots I planted better be good enough.
• Candles.  This I can handle --  I have some votives from Pier 1.  Plus, I hear they keep the bugs away.
• Food.  This is the hard part.  I'm hoping for some really ripe avocadoes at the food co-op tomorrow so I can make guacamole.  Mashing I know I can handle.
• Grill some shrimp.  This is not much more effort than threading them onto skewers, but everybody will be impressed.
• Put the kids at a separate table, serve them on plastic, give them kid food and ignore them.

Hmm.  I got nothin' here, people.  Any suggestions?  I have until 5:30.  (We eat early up in these parts!)

Comments

[michele martinez]

So many good ideas that my hand hurts from taking notes. I have cous-cous, but I never thought of serving it cold. Brilliant! I'll cut up some pretty peppers in it. Hot dogs for the kids -- check! Pirogies, no, but we have ravioli, which is the same thing. Watermelon with seeds -- check! I guess I'll have lots of little watermelon plants sprouting in the next few weeks. I bought mint AND raspberries, so now I just need to mix them up with some alcohol and I'll be set.

[michele martinez]

Sarah, the most brilliant idea of the day is the TLC Guide to Lameass Entertaining. The only Tart who can't participate is Miss Nancy, because she's WAY too polished a hostess.

Funny you should mention the fancy grill phenomenon, Josh. Coming from the city, I was ignorant. I thought my plain vanilla stainless steel Weber from Sears would rate. No-how. I was at a neighbor's recently and made the mistake of asking where her husband got the really nifty grill he was using to prepare the "sausage tasting." "It's custom," she replied.

[William Simon]

For the TLC Cookbook (which I think is a terrific idea!)

Oeufs Brouilles Portmeirion

For two:

6 fresh eggs
Salt and pepper
5-6 oz. of fresh butter
Grated cheese (individual taste)
Finely chopped chives
Herbs of choice

Break the eggs into a bowl. Beat thoroughly with a fork and season well. In a small copper saucepan melt four oz. of the butter. When melted, pour in the eggs and cook over a *very* low heat, whisking continuously with a small egg whisk.

When the eggs are not quite done (slightly more moist than you would like to eat), remove the pan from heat, add the rest of the butter and continue whisking until eggs are cooked to your taste, all the while adding finely chopped chives, fine herbs, grated cheese of choice.

Serve on hot buttered toast in individual copper dishes (for appearance only) with champagne (Piper Heidsieck preferred) and low music by candlelight.

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Oooh - corn on the cob! Of course! What's really good (I got this from the BBQ University guy)is to take the corn on the cob after it's cooked and, instead of simply slathering on the butter and salt (which is, of course, the reason the Goddess invented corn . . .), spread it with a little mayo, then sprinkle with freshly grated parmesan cheese and chili powder (kind of goes along with the chipotle grilled squash). It's awesome.

You can also do the same thing with corn off the cob. And also, kind of, with popcorn (use butter instead of mayo, then add the cheese and chili powder).

OK, that salad I just finished has suddenly ceased to be even a little bit satisfying . . .

William, will the eggs really keep cooking off the heat? Or do you use the champagne and candlelight to hide the fact that they're undercooked??

[michele martinez]

Oh, William, that sounds divine. Wrong for the season, better enjoyed before a blazing fire, but divine.

[Rita Scott]

Asparagus always looks elegant (and right now it's fairly cheap) Blanch or steam it ahead. make some hollandaise sauce from a mix. Throw the asparagus on the grill for a few minutes to add some marks on it and serve with room temp sauce and lemon wedges.

[Mary Emanuelson]

William - would you like a job? I am not a big fan of eggs, but yours sound delicious!

Sarah - if you haven't tried rose wines recently, please give them a whirl. They are beautifully improved from years ago. I love rose in the summer with salad, with steak, with chicken......

[michele martinez]

Oh, yeah, rose is SO in now. It's a whole different ballgame -- very dry and refreshing, not sweet at all.

[Michael]

How about some grilled seafood?

Lately I’ve been getting nostalgic for the days when I lived in Florida and got to go sport fishing with my friends who owned boats. (It’s not a sport if you can still see land) This time of year in the part of FL where I used to live, the pelagic species we usually went after were wahoo, tuna and dolphin. No, not Flipper, dolphin FISH, aka Mahi-Mahi to you New Yorkers. And grouper, snapper, sharks and amberjack for reef species.

The firm fleshed fish like wahoo works great on the grill. The secret to grilling fish though, USE A FISH BASKET. Don’t put a fillet directly on the grill, it isn’t firm enough to grill like a steak. Well, some shark is, Black tip or Mako, but anything else, use a basket.

My favorite is a simple grilled wahoo steak with a grilled corn and mango salsa.

Make the salsa first or even the day before, it takes a lot longer than grilling the fish.

2 ears grilled corn on the cob. Don’t boil it, grill it. Soak the ears in water while the grill heats up, 10 to 15 mins, remove any silk hanging outside the peels and any excessive stalks. Grill it until the green leaves turn yellowish brown, some black charred spots are fine. Turn it every 5 to 10 mins while cooking.

1 mango, diced
1 small red onion, diced. Sweet onions can work too
1 roasted red pepper, diced
chopped cilantro to taste
olive oil
lime juice.
1 avacado, diced
salt to taste

Slice corn kernels off cob. Mix them in a bowl with all remaining ingredients except avocado. Let sit in refrigerator for at least half an hour. Before serving, add diced avocado. Mix gently, adding more olive oil and salt to taste.

Grilled wahoo:

Some people like to use a basting sauce on fish, I always preferred a simple grilled fillet, but that only really works with VERY fresh fish.

Brush fish with olive oil, salt or lime juice to taste. Place in fish basket.

Grill over medium to medium hot grill for 5 to 10 mins, until the fish flakes, turn over every 2 to 3 mins.

Serve with the salsa.

Every once in a while when I’m feeling ambitious and slightly exotic I do a date and coconut rum sauce in place of the salsa:

Sauce:
12 medium dates, pitted
1 1/2 cups dark rum
10 oz. coconut milk
1 Tbsp butter

Pit dates. Combine dates and rum in medium saucepan. Cook dates over high heat for 10 minutes, flambe' the rum until all the alcohol is burned off. Remove from the heat. Combine date/rum mixture, coconut milk and butter in a food processor and blend until smooth.

Serve over grilled fish.

Mmmmmmmm.

I need to move back to FL.

[Michael]

PS:

If you're going to grill shrimp, use 2 skewers instead of 1, spaced an inch or so apart, they flip a lot easier on the grill

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Michael, will you marry me? Oh, wait, no, that won't work, for soooo many reasons. Will you come grill for me???

[michele martinez]

Wow, what I didn't know about my own brother. You can cook!!!!

Here's a secret about me. I have owned a fish grilling basket for a long time. A really nice one. But I've never used.

Guess that didn't surprise anybody, huh?
The tool I do use is my handy-dandy shrimp cleaner from the Robert Gorton Co.

[michele martinez]

Here's the bad news -- it's getting cloudy. Supposedly the chance of rain is only 20% though.

[Michael]

Kerry,

I'd love to, but I don't do dishes.

[William Simon]

Kerry, yes, the copper pan retains enough heat to finish cooking the eggs. (I like mine a bit more well done than the average person.)

Michele, I hear you about the roaring fireplace, but the candlelight adds an ambiance all its own...:)

[Tom]

"I do seem to own bottles and bottles of rum, which is strange because I don't recall buying any. Does rum expire? "

Michele, rummies expire, but rum does not.

[michele martinez]

Here's an update. The shrimp and chicken are in the refrigerator marinating. Now I'm going to start slicing vegiies for the dips and also make the cous cous so it can chill for later.

[Josh]

You could save lots of time and washing of hands if you just put a webcam in your food prep area. Or would that get Margie thinking?

[ramona]

I totally love that webcam suggestion. Think of the fun your guests could have. Or, future blackmail possibilities.

[Michael]

you could just have your guests watch your progress as you cook, so they can time their arrival.

Or just have the entire dinner via webcam, and everyone can get some Chinese delivered.

I hear that's becoming popular among the hi tech crowd these days

[Mary Alice and Mystery Lovers]

Michele,
Sounds like you got a day's worth of advice-------------it's sure to be splendid!

I have one late suggestion for a starch--------------green noodles. It's a great side for grownups topped with an herb butter and cheese and for kids with butter and cheese. Toss in a little olive oil too so you won't feel guilty about the butter.

The kid and grown-up dinner party is a special gift..........maybe another blog as it sounds like this group has some good ideas............when they get beyond the drink discussion.

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Michael, I would do many dishes if I could get someone to cook for me. Of course, one of the beauties of grilling is that it reduces the number of pots and pans . . .

William, a copper saucepan is now at the top of my list of new kitchen things I need. I love herb frittatas, and this sounds even better!

[michele martinez]

Webcam! There's an idea. It would be like our own cooking show. Anybody have the technology? We could launch it to coordinate with the release of the TLC Lameass Cookbook.

Actually, with help from you all, I am hardly lame any longer. But I do need advice on one more topic. I'm doing the chilled cous cous as Kerry suggested, and I'm putting some red opnion and red and yellow peppers in there. What should I use for the green? My choices are basil, mint or cilantro -- I have all three available.

[michele martinez]

PS -- M.A., that green pasta sounds so yummy. Wish I'd thought of it back at the moment of shopping, but I'll save it for another time.

[Nancy Martin]

Michele, I vote for basil unless the flavor clashes too much with your marinades. But mint is summery. And most people enjoy cilantro (elderly parents excepted.)

I am the ultimate Lameass Entertainer. Make no mistake about that! My theory: Make things *look* pretty, and it doesn't matter too much what you serve.