Dinner on the Porch

by Michele                                             

In New York City where I used to live, everybody had a Sub-Zero and double wall ovens but nobody cooked.  They didn't know how.  One woman of my acquaintance had made it to her fourth decade not only without ever having made herself a salad, but without ever having witnessed a salad being made, despite the fact that she ate salad every day.  I'm certain of this because she visited me once at a summer rental in the Hamptons (the only place New Yorkers ever set foot in their kitchens), and actually screamed when I sliced open an avocado.  "What's that?!" she demanded, pointing in horror at the pit.  I suppose it is rather shocking if you've never seen one before.  (Forgive me if I've already told that story.  Years later I still cannot get over it.)

In New York, entertaining went something like this: "We're free six weeks from Saturday if Dirk doesn't have to be in Hong Kong.  What about that new haute Greek place?  It was just reviewed in the Times, but if we start dialing now we might have a shot at a table."  If children were involved, it went more like this: "Why don't you have Clarice bring Dirk Junior by around five, and I'll have Blanca order those free-range chicken nuggets from Eli's?"  Your most intimate friends might invite you over for brunch, but that was all about having Sable's or H&H Bagels on speed dial.  Or better yet, nabbing a table at Sarabeth's.  The point is, while there was a fair bit of eating going on, and a huge amount of reading and talking about eating, there was virtually no planning, preparing, cooking or serving being done, at least, not by the eaters themselves.   

Admittedly, I moved to America partly to get away from this overly precious lifestyle.  I like to cook.  I wanted my family to sit down to dinner together.  And I dreamed of the day I would casually say to friends, "How about coming over to dinner on Monday night and bringing the kids?  We'll throw something on the grill and drink margaritas while the little rascals run through the sprinkler and shoot each other with water guns."

   Okay, well, I went and did it.  And  -- yikes! -- now a bunch of people are coming to my house for dinner tonight.  How to cope?

Step one is to learn to hear and understand the question, "What can I bring?"  "What can I bring" was never asked in New York.  It was not in the New Yorker's vocabulary.  Or if it was, it was meant to elicit one of the following responses: "Nothing, don't be silly!" "Only yourself," or, on rare occasions, "How about some wine?"  A true New Yorker would have blanched and, certainly, cancelled the date if actually called upon to bring something in response to a "What can I bring?"  But from what I hear, in other locales, "What can I bring" is not an empty gesture.  The woman who asks it is ready, willing and able to kick in real food.  Anywhay, I gave it a whirl, and whaddaya know -- salad and dessert are taken care of!  Which still leaves everything else.

I'm trying to nail down the basic steps required to pull this thing off.  And I'm not talking about anything fancy.  No tablescapes or glue guns for this girl.    So far, here's what I got:

• Buy some ice.  I'm not sure what this is for, but I see people doing it, so it must serve some purpose.
• Figure out a summer cocktail.  Damn, mimosas at dinner time doesn't sound right.  Too bad, because that's one cocktail I know how to make.  But wine and beer seem insufficient.  What about rose?  Rose is in.  Maybe if I serve rose, people will think it's a cocktail because it's pink.  I'll say it's an unsweetened Cosmo.
• Flowers.  Are you freakin' kidding me?  Those pots I planted better be good enough.
• Candles.  This I can handle --  I have some votives from Pier 1.  Plus, I hear they keep the bugs away.
• Food.  This is the hard part.  I'm hoping for some really ripe avocadoes at the food co-op tomorrow so I can make guacamole.  Mashing I know I can handle.
• Grill some shrimp.  This is not much more effort than threading them onto skewers, but everybody will be impressed.
• Put the kids at a separate table, serve them on plastic, give them kid food and ignore them.

Hmm.  I got nothin' here, people.  Any suggestions?  I have until 5:30.  (We eat early up in these parts!)

Comments

[Josh]

Chinet. It will be a point of conversation.

[Liz Clifford]

I can identify your problem right away - you married the wrong man. When I was 18, I married a man who had been a professional chef. My mother pulled me aside and whispered in my ear - never learn to cook! I followed that simple advice religiously and never have to worry about what is for dinner.

However, I am observant. When we would go camping with my in-laws, my MIL would make up these foil packets to put on the grill or in the fire. Take a big piece of aluminum foil, put chopped up veggies in it and some chunks of butter, wrap the bugger up and put it over heat. A little while later you have yummy veggies. A little internet searching will probably produce a recipe.

And ice is for mixed drinks. Gin and tonics are popular here in the summer, but I couldn't tell you how to make one. The cabana boy brings them by every so often...

[William Simon]

The Golden Daiquiri:

6 fresh raspberries
1 packed tablespoon dark brown sugar
Ice cubes
2 ounces golden rum
Juice of 1/2 lime (about 1 tablespoon)

Muddle raspberries with sugar in a rocks glass. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the rum and lime juice, shake until chilled. (In general, the drink is ready by the time the shaker mists up.) Pour drink with some ice over the berries in the glass.

(Michele, with a perfectly straight face, you can serve the drink and say "Shaken, not stirred.")

As for food, down here we do steak on the grill. Steak/shrimp kabobs are always popular. Grilled veggies are good, too. Fresh sausage links, mild and hot, are always good to mix things up a bit.

This is Texas. Beef is a Food Group..:)

[michele martinez]

William, LOVE LOVE LOVE the cocktail recipe. I don't own a shaker, but I do seem to own bottles and bottles of rum, which is strange because I don't recall buying any. Does rum expire? Anyway, that one looks perfect. Must do. Like the sausage idea, too, which sounds easy.

Liz, if you have such easy access to cabana boys, you really did marry the right man, honey. But I'm not sure you're giving me anything I can use.

Josh, thanks for the Chinet idea. I'll think about. But dishes I have. It's the food to out on them that's a problem.

[Nancy Martin]

Now I see that New York truly is a separate country. Here in Pittsburgh, if you invite enough people ("What can I bring?"----My neighbor Lou does incredible things with lamb.) you can get buy with making drinks and supplying the silverware. As long as you pick up chicken fingers from Sam's Club for the kids.

[michele martinez]

Hmm, I just checked and I have white rum. Why do I have three bottles of white rum? Anybody know any white rum cocktails? Maybe I'm back to the rose-ay.

[William Simon]

Michele, that's easiest of all. White rum and soda, tall glass, lots of ice, sprig of mint or chunk of fresh banana. Perfect for a summer evening..:)

[michele martinez]

Mint! Great idea, William. I'll try the cocktail, but buy lots of mint anyway and add it to everything. People will think I know about seasonal cooking and all that.

[Harley]

Michele, this dinner conversation happened JUST THIS WEEKEND in our house:

5-year old son: Mommy, I'm done.

Me: You're not done. You need to eat something green.

Son: Okay, I'll eat some quacamole, but you CAN'T MAKE ME EAT THAT STUPID PIT.

Another example of TLC Synchronicity at work.

[ramona]

Michele, all you need is a Spectacular Starter: an appetizer that is delicious and beautifully presented. For a summer porch party, that translates into mounds and mounds of fresh fruit of many colors, sliced and ready to eat, with a couple of fun dips (sitting in iced bowls, if you have heat issues). For the kids, veggies. Also pretty, and they make interesting crunching sounds.
For presentation, think Nancy's cake plates of different heights or an unusual tray or Depression plates or, if you must, flowered Chinet. You haven't mentioned linens, so I won't, as I own 62 (and counting) antique tablecloths, and the fact that I know the number is evidence of my obsession. I trust you will make a pretty table.

The fruit, next to your guacamole, with lots of colored chips--it'll look good. Your friends will arrive, ooh and ahh, they'll eat the fruit because it's healthy and the chips because they're not, and you'll have a party.

Starting today, though, watch The Barefoot Contessa. It's the only TV program I ever try to watch. Ina is a Goddess.

BTW, the correct answer to the question "What can I bring?" is brownies. Always brownies.

[Cheryl]

A simple offering that always tastes like summer and gives your vegetarian (though not vegan) friends a good option:

Fill a platter with sliced French bread topped with sliced fresh mozzarella, fresh tomato, a basil leaf, olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

OK, drinks first - so what if it's white rum? Make the Golden whatevers. No one will know and after a couple, even the people who thought they knew, won't.

Apps - Ramona is totally on - cut up fresh fruit (I still hollow out the half a watermelon as a bowl because it looks cool). Dips are easy - yogurt based are great. Do you have a Trader Joes? They have tons of dips - and 45 kinds of hummus.

Ditto on the Guac and salsa with the multi-colored chips.

My bf makes the best Ceasar Salad - but unless someone is bringing one, I'd skip it.

OR - you could make a cold soup - cucumber is really easy.

Entrees - can your husband handle the grill? You can put anything on a stick and grill it - our neighbor had cantalope mixed in last week and it was great.

Some kind of protein - steak, shrimp (fat ones, so they don't split) then peppers or pineapple or whatever.

The veggies in the foil package are easy and great too.

Inside, make the rice or sesame noodles or whatever you are going to use as a starch.

Don't forget sodas- hopefully, at least one person from each car is going to be the DD. You'll need them for the kids too. (More reasons for the ice).

And music - great summer music.

This sounds like a blast!

[Maryann]

Ooooh. Marinate some mushrooms. Get a good vinagrette, some whole white mushrooms (or little button ones work too) some romaine or other leaf lettuce (the frilly kind looks pretty and people actually do eat it). You can take the stems out of the mushrooms if you want(you don't have to), throw the caps in a bowl that has a lid, cover with the vinagrette(I use zesty Italian from either Kraft or Newman's Own Italian-one or two bottles depending on size of the crowd and mushrooms)and stick in the fridge for 30 minutes to all afternoon, depending. Line a bowl or serving plate with the frilly lettuce, drain the mushrooms (save some vinagrette) and place on lettuce. Drizzle some of the vinagrette over the mushrooms and serve with toothpicks...
Or,you could just slice the mushrooms and saute and serve over steak. And you can marinate mixed veggies this way as well...broccoli ,cauliflower, olives, green and red peppers.
Have a great dinner!

[michele martinez]

Wow, all GREAT suggestions. I'm heading to to food co-op now, and I'm going to get all kinds of fruit and veg and think of this asmerely arranging rather than cooking! I even came up with one on my own -- melon wrapped in prosciutto with a toothpick through it. Easy.

I love Barefoot Contessa, too, Ramona, although Ina Garten is one of the people most responsible for the fact that New Yorkers don't cook. Where if not in the Hamptons?, yet she makes it unnecessary even there. Whoever suggested protein on a stick is brilliant. I'll do Ina's grilled lemon chicken.

[michele martinez]

Ooh, thanks, Maryann. Another good one.

Nancy, I've been thinking more about the whole "What can I bring?" thing. I realized that not only don't I know how to answer that question, I don't know how to ask it. If I go to someone's house, I show up with a bottle of wine or some chocolates unless they specifically ask me to bring something else. That is not how it's done around here, and I need to change my ways. I need to write myself a note. When I get an invitation, from now on I will: (1) check the calendar; (2) RSVP; and (3) ask "What can I bring?"

[Joyce Tremel]

Jeez, I was going to suggest hamburgers and hotdogs...

[Nancy Martin]

"What can I bring?" It's a loaded question, I admit, Michele. Some people want to be reassured that you only want to see their smiling face. Others genuinely want to share their picnic expertise. (See all the fabulous suggestions above!) Eventually, you know people well enough to say, "Bring that fantastic 3 bean salad of yours!"

I like that people tend to bring their ethnic favorites. I am a whiz with potatoes, for example. (I am tempted to tell you about the roasted rosemary reds, but maybe I should keep it a secret.) My middle-eastern neighbor does fantastic things with lamb, as I mentioned. But there are cooks who are brilliant with salads, which is not my strength. I take 'em up on salad offerings every time.

For picnics, I divide the group between "side dishes" and "desserts." If I have my act together, I tell them which protein on a stick I'm providing. (Frankly, Joyce is right---I do hamburgers, hot dogs or---okay, cheating, but always a winner---filet of beef.) Fish is tricky because people are allergic or picky. Chicken is too easily over-cooked. (I sometimes bake it in the oven, then put it on the grill just to firm it up for 5 minutes.)

Ina Garten has a few pre-made mixes in the specialty grocery stores, y'know. I'm here to tell you that the peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes are WONDERFUL.

[Kerry, The Martial Tart]

Joyce, burgers and hot dogs are perfect (ifnot downright essential) for the kids; I was going to recommend them, too :) Also, the kids need watermelon slices, complete with seeds for spitting. It's part of the entertainment.

Gin and tonics are easy. You just need some good gin, cheap tonic, and slices of lime. Piece of cake, and an excellent summer drink.

Michele, don't forget iced tea. Down here, the default version is sweetened, and hard-core southerners seem to prepare it by making strong, hot tea and dissolving as much sugar as possible into the mix. You have to make it hot, because you can force more sugar into it. *shudder* I'm guessing y'all can do sun tea with various sweeteners on the side. One thing I love in the summer is to use the citrus-y Celestial Seasonings teas (I'm dying to try Tangerine Zinger, but Lemon Zinger is great).

If you're looking for a good way to season your grilled veggies, try zucchini and summer squash with chipotle seasoning. It's really yummy.

Cold couscous or tabouleh (Near East makes good package mixes you can dress up with a few easy additions) are nice starches for the kind of meal this seems to be shaping up to be.

Oh -- and I'll send you my address for leftovers :) Have a great party!

[JanetLynn]

An easy starch for informal gatherings, especially with kids, is perogies in a crockpot. I guess, that is, if your kids are familiar with them, and being from the 'Burgh, all the kids I know love them...

In a crockpot 4 hours before needed, put 1 stick margarine on the bottom, then layer the FROZEN perogies, chopped onions, and another cut-up stick of margarine. Top with a little seasoned salt if desired. DO NOT Defrost them first as they will end up stuck together. Cook on medium heat. Stirring to the bottom only a few times so as not to break them apart.

For me, this is a dependable side dish, assures me of having something everyone likes, and lets me focus on the more 'important' entrees!

Use the crock-pot liners for easy cleanup!

[Theresa I]

I love grilled veggies but I spray mine with olive oil instead of using butter.
I also boil red potatoes until about half done then spray with olive oil sprinkle on rosemary and parsley and finish cooking in aluminum foil on the grill

[JanetLynn]

Sarah, thank you for coming to the 'Burgh. You were very entertaining and we enjoyed seeing you, Kathy and Nancy. My daughter was impressed and inspired - and you know how hard it is to impress a 14 year old!

[Karen]

You really don't need cocktails. Beer and wine do suffice. But sometimes we'll do magaritas, which are easy, just get some of that margarita mix, some tequila and a blender. This is what the ice is for. As well as for the cooler, where you'll put the beer and wine.

Besides guacamole, for an appetizer you could try bruschetta, which is basically salsa (chop up some tomato, onion and a little garlic) and you scoop into onto toasted slices of Italian bread. Easy easy easy and everyone loves it.

I know you say you're having shrimp on skewers, so the grilled zucchini idea suggested by someone here is a great idea. And if salad and dessert is taken care of, well, that's a great summer dinner party.

[SarahS]

OMG - I'm thinking the Lipstick Chronicles cookbook!
This is my Lame Ass standard summer fare:

Salsa and chips. Mash some avocado in it if you want. People can bring that. They LIKE to bring that.

The cut up fruit is a great idea, but it requires work and fooey to that. You can buy PRE cut up fruit. (Yeah!) But definitely watermelon WITH SEEDS for the kids afterward. (Also, flashlights for flashlight tag later).

Corn on the cob. Why? Because kids can shuck it (outside) and because it takes no work and is fun. (Though fattening.)

Marinated chicken breasts. Pound breasts. Marinate in Paul Newman's Creamy Caesar dressing. Grill. Do not overcook. (Take off almost before done and cover with foil.) No problem.

For kids, hot dogs on the grill. (Sorry.) And I'm sure there will be vegetarians. In which case, Veggie burgers. People will be happy to bring veggie burgers and buns. They will also be glad to bring hot dogs and buns. Assign accordingly.

Salad bowl. Make sure you have a big one. Throw in a bunch of premade salad and toss.

Whoever had the bruschetta idea was brilliant. Buy a tapenade. Slather it. Sprinkle with shredded (pre in packaga, I don't care if they add junk to it) cheese.

For dessert - the aforementioned watermelon, frozen fruit bars and Dove chocolate bits.

For drinks - Rose? Really? Ewww. I leave this area up to William. But I like Bloody Marys even at night. Plus, people don't get too smashed on them. And vodka tonics are always good, though people DO get smashed on them. Beer. Wine. Ask and they shall bring.

Okay, so what do you have to do?

Paper plates, forks knives napkins.

Necessary bowls for dips, etc.

Pound chicken and marinate it.

Buy corn (other people will shuck it.)

Buy premade salad. (Ripping open a bag - easy)

Buy assorted ice cream novelties, cut-up fruit and watermelon.

Also, garbage bags.

See what I mean by lame ass? I try to never work harder than I have to.

Another great blog!

[Josh]

I hope you have one of those built-in brick grills in the backyard.

People will talk.

[Debby]

I am one of those who always volunteers to bring something, and means it. As I am usually going to my best friends house, this does not mean the brownies (since it was her recipe to begin with).

Last time, I brought the wine. All of the wine. Three bottles, and that was just for the women, as the men were drinking some new beer that was in the fridgy.

My favorite side dish to bring has got to be Roasted new potatoes with Feta and Artichoke hearts....a recipe that I got in Cooking Light.

13x9" cake dish
a bunch of new red potatoes, quartered (slightly poached)
Olive oil to coat in dish
One can of artichoke hearts, quartered
Feta cheese (I like the tomato and basil one)

Bake until potatoes are done. Yummy and healthy. And I don't even like artichokes!

This coming weekend, I may be cooking over at the best friends house, and will be in charge of the menu...mexican. I am thinking chicken fajitas with grilled veggies, fresh guacamole (grandmothers recipe), rice, beans, margaritas in the blender, and an easy dessert.