By Elaine Viets
"Last night, my husband went shopping with me," I said. "I bought a terrific designer jacket. On sale, too."
My friends were shocked into admiration. "You got your husband to shop with you? How did you do it?"
Easy. I sat him in the sugar daddy chair.
When I buy good clothes, I want a second opinion. I don’t trust the salesperson. After all, I used to be one. I’ve lied to more women than any male heartbreaker. I trust Don’s opinion, and I know he has good taste. He married me.
Besides, I believe many men like to shop. They just hate to shop with women. It’s our fault, really. We’ve made shopping a terrifying experience for them.
Men know what happens when they truthfully answer that fatal question: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Vague questions such as, "Is this color good on me?" make strong men weep with frustration.
I quit asking those a long time ago. I ask one simple question any man can answer:
"Does this outfit make me look like a dork?"
To make the shopping experience less frightening, I make sure he’s sitting in the sugar daddy chair.
The sugar daddy chair is the big, comfortable chair in the middle of a designer dress shop. The man sits there like an emperor on a throne, and the woman comes out in various states of undress and parades around in outfits. The guy in the sugar daddy chair gives them a thumbs up or down.
Sometimes, he shells out the cash for the clothes. Sometimes, the man delivers his opinion, and the woman does the buying.
Either way, a man usually loves the sugar daddy chair. It makes him feel rich, wicked and slightly decadent. Also, cared for. While I’m changing clothes, attractive saleswomen fuss over him, bringing newspapers, coffee and glossy magazines. The last thing they want is for a man to get up and look at the prices.
Here are a few things you can do to optimize the sugar-daddy chair experience:
– Don’t drag it out.
Men don’t have our shopping stamina. Don’t haul the guy around to twenty stores. Pre-shop, and narrow it down to one or two stores. Next, weed out the obviously bad outfits. Then show him five or six choices and ask his opinion.
– Speak his language.
Men are more direct than women. They don’t understand the nuances of "cute." They don’t want to hear that pink is the new black. They won’t discuss fabric and lapel widths.
Stick to the basics. Let him know if this outfit is for the office (less skin) or for evening (more skin).
Men like the sugar daddy chair. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Shopping becomes a manly experience. Also, a pleasant one.
Don is always eager to sit in the sugar daddy chair. He practically runs to the car when I ask him to go shopping.
Of course, it could be all that beer I buy him afterward.