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September 29, 2006

Manscaping

Manscaping

By Margie, once again in charge on a Friday while half the Tarts go to Bouchercon and the other half are at the salon or somewhere

Today's topic is Manscaping.  If you're not familiar with the term, it's a reference to a male's Selleck decision to modify his natural, uh, state, particularly when it comes to his hair.  Some men are perfect and shouldn't change a thing.  I think body hair in the right place can be totally hot.  But I'm not a man, so whatever.

I kind of got in trouble in the Kegel blog when I talked about certain body parts, so I'm going to try to describe it as if my three-year-old niece was sitting here.

Once there were two friends named Dick and Jane.  Dick and Jane, like all people, have hair all over their bodies.  But Dick and Jane have more than others.  Dick and Jane don't like a bunch of hair where they think no hair should be.  Dick and Jane have very very good friends named Pat and Chris, and Pat and Chris don't like hair in those places either.  It can be yuck.  Jane has it easy.  She can go to the Salon and have electrolysis.  Or she can get a wax.  A wax is where Jane's stylist Trixie spreads hot wax on Jane then pulls it off with a strip of cotton, taking Jane's unwanted hair with it.  The first time Trixie did this to Jane, Jane kicked her in the face.  It was an accident and Jane was very, very sorry.  We should never kick.  Now Jane takes a special kind of medicine before she goes and everyone is much happier, and Trixie's nose healed up real nice.

Dick's salon does not have wax.  Dick's salon has magazines with big pictures of girls and boys who are not his friends.  So Jane took Dick to her Salon to meet Trixie.  Trixie told Dick not to worry.  Many other Mans_back Dicks come to see Trixie to have a wax, but they use the back door so no one will see them.  Dick and Trixie talked about Manscaping.  They decided where the wax would go.  Dick wanted the wax to take off the hair in lots of places, like his back.  Some places were big and some were small.  Some were the same places as Jane had her wax. Trixie had to go in the back room and get more wax. Trixie is very brave and nothing makes her throw up.  Aunt Margie could never do what Trixie does without taking special medicine.  No one should ever play with wax at home.  It will hurt and someone will have to go to the doctor.  Doctors sometimes laugh at people when they come in with wax in places and can't get it off.

So, Dick said he was a man and he could handle the wax without any special medicine.  Dick was wrong.  Dick changed his mind after the first strip.  So Trixie did two perms and some highlights while everyone waited for Dick to get very sleepy.  Some medicine can make you sleepy, especially if, like Dick, you take four when you're only supposed to take one.  You should never take medicine unless your parents give it to you.  And you should never, ever, take any medicine you find in Aunt Margie's purse.

After all the waxing was over, Dick was so happy, he had to call his friend Pat.  Pat was very, very excited.  Pat came to pick up Dick, because Dick was too sleepy to drive.  Dick and Pat spent some time in the Wax Room before they left the salon.  They were not very quiet.  It sounded like they might be playing an outside game, but they weren't.  When we play games inside, we should use our inside voices.  The end.

So that is manscaping - it's like landscaping, only the male body is the yard, and the fur is the gNice_legs_1rass.  For what it's worth, I don't usually care.  I mean, if you're Sasquatch, go for it.  But I prefer men, and I don't want to rub up against a leg or anything else that is smoother than my own.  Plus, like everything else, you can take it too far.  It's like plastic surgery - a nip here or a tuck there might be okay, but if you go overboard, you end up looking like a cross between a marionette and one of those patrons in the Star Wars Cantina.  If you do, neither Dick nor Jane will want to be your special friend.

What's your preference? And don't worry, my niece is gone, you can use real words now.

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Comments

Ah, you conjure up the famous scene from The 40-year-old Virgin. (Sorry, I couldn't find a link.)


I need some of that special medicine today so I don't march into the office and fire Margie's ass. But it's hard to get decent help these days. Hell, it's hard to get help that can stay awake at the desk, and we all know Margie stays awake really, really well. Especially when she's reading those magazines of hers.

And besides, any blog with a picture of a shirtless Tom Sellack has some redeeming value.

My husband is willing to suffer a lot of discomfort (replays of last week's Steeler game, for instance) but never for hair removal. Most Sundays, he doesn't even shave. Unless he plans on some inside games.

I'm so glad I wasn't trying to drink my coffee while reading that post! Thanks, Margie ;) I've never been concerned about guys' hair one way or the other, except for facial hair. It's got to be either all the way on (a nice, soft beard) or all the way off. Otherwise, no inside games at our house, either.

After I turned 40 and vanity flew out the window, I believe my style is either extreme long or short. Seasons dictate my hair length.

This summer, I only got two haircuts, crewcuts basically. But I let it grow more during winter.

My crew cut philosophy stems from the previous two seasons of hurricanes, it is bad to need a haircut during an electrical blackout. Crewcuts provide cheap air conditioning.

Dave, are you talking about hair on your head or . . . . oh, never mind.

Margie. Okay, I'm here in the office and I don't see you or a cup of coffee or your coat anywhere. Didn't you know I was coming in today? Sheesh.

What medicine are you talking about? I hope it wasn't that stuff you gave me for a headache the other day because ....well, I can't remember now.

Say hi to Dick for me!

If Sarah's "Bad Boys" calendar ever comes to be, can we please have hairy Tom in it?

I am sooo glad I had my tea sitting next to me instead of in my hand as I read this or I would have had an impromptu wax job of my own! Chuck would sooner wax his car than any part of his anatomy...besides, he needs all the hair he has to offset the stuff receding from his 64 year old scalp (sounds worse than it looks actually). Strange as it sounds, my pet peeve is guys who tweeze...getting rid of the unibrow is one thing, but guys with really sculpted eyebrows...well, they make me envious and a trifle uneasy as to where else those tweezers might have gone. Some men are just fortunate right down to their eyelashes...I have to rely on Maybelline, Revlon and Almay (see it IS envy)...on the other hand sometimes I want to take a tweezer to Peter Barton's brows...just to neaten them up a bit. I like beards...but think any woman with the beginnings of one has the right to Epilady!
And Dave...crew cuts are big here in the Midwest too. Tornadoes and all that, plus you can wear a Cubs cap more easily :o)
Happy conferencing to you experiencing the joys of Madison and happy Friday to everyone!

Margie I love your blogs....

There is nothing like a Friday at TLC.

We were still laughing about Man Law and now we have this to crack up about.

The guys in my department office are too lame to post themselves ("I'm not posting about another guys parts") but they have been tying to figure out who among the rest of the office might be manscaping.

I fear there is going to be a stake out near the main Men's Room.

Sarah - I'm here. I was just, ah, resting in Harley's office. She said it was okay.

And I told you to only take one of those pills, so don't come crying to me when you can't remember how many you took.

Thanks to the guys who e-mailed me pictures of their mancsapes. Some of them are very artistic. Was that the shape of a dragon? You probably shouldn't send that stuff to my office address. Nancy gets kind of PO'd if she sees it.

I can't believe that Marge got in trouble for the Kegel discussion. Really, she should get a raise for bringing such an important issue to women everywhere. :)

Man Law on Manscaping: Men don't talk about that.

If you want to do that stuff, no harm, no foul, but I don't want to hear about it.

Hey Margie - are those your legs?

Addition to Man Law on Manscaping: Straight men don't talk about it. Or do Man Laws only apply to straight men?

Margie - as always, you've got your finger on the pulse of the nation, or at least somewhere in that vacinity.

I agree with Stacie - we need more Margie. You don't hear Dr. Phil talking about the really important stuff like this, do you?

Here in LA, Manscaping is old news. In fact, I'll bet my male friends spend more time in the salon than my female friends.

Margie - Thanks for the great laughs - feels like the weekend is starting early!

Josh - excellent point. OK,

Revised Man Law on Manscaping: If a man wants to talk about Manscaping, he must obtain the consent of a majority of the men present. Otherwise, zip it.

LOL. You're becoming a Friday regular for me. Thanks Margie.

Holy crap, is this funny!

New to the blog - a friend sent me the link. I'll definitely be back.

Still laughing - esp about the Dicks using the back door.

Margie, I'm confused about the gender of Pat. I know Dick, well, has one...But Pat?

Also, wouldn't he have been really raw to start playing an inside game so soon?

I'd ask you in person, but you're out for your 11 a.m. "coffee."

I am not confused about Pat's gender, but I'm confused about Chris. Next week can we hear the story about Jane and Chris? Or will I need the special medicine afterwards?

Margie rocks and Friday's always make me smile! And the gal obviously does her research. According to my manicurist who does this important work, the guys never show up for the first appointment and half of them come back for real.....sometimes after they hit the bar.

Keep up the good work Margie and watch out for Nancy.

mary alice

Margie, remember how we talked about you coming over and babysitting? I think we won't be needing you after all.

Hope you have a really lovely weekend with lots of, uh, special friends.

It's not even noon yet and already I need the special medicine.

Sarah - Dick says between the special medicine and the thrill of all that smooth skin, he was very happy to play many inside games that day.

Dick and Pat and Jane and Chris prefer not to limit themselves with labels. They are more highly evolved than most of us.

Thanks to everybody for the great comments - I print them out and show them to the Tarts when they get testy with me.

Josh and Tony - nicely done.

And, uh, to the guys who are e-mailing me from various Institutions, I really can't tell you what I'm wearing or send you a photo. Plus, I don't live anywhere near your, ah, facilities, so I won't be able to visit. Ditto for Trixie.

Nice to see the men getting some props around here.

Women think they're the only ones who suffer in the name of the comfort of their partners.

I've found that women are more likely to explore regions that are clear of stuff that might be abrasive. Especially if everyone has some special cigarettes, which I think are a lot like the special medicine. Special friends deserve special things, I think.

Cheez it, Margie, Vice is outside. They've got a warrant. Hide the you-know-what...

Hey - it's Jane and Chris!

Way to freak out the bosses by stopping by in uniform. How many times are they going to fall for that Warrant bit? LOL

Tarts - I'm leaving for lunch now. If Trixie calls, tell her we're on our way, and Chris has the stencils.

Be back later.

I dated a swimmer in college, and that was one weird sensation. It was kind of fun helping him shave, but four smooth legs instead of two took some getting used to.

On the other hand, it was nice to have a clear pathway, if you know what I mean. One less thing to worry about when one goes downtown.

I have to admit this society has succeeded in socialising me not to like bodyhair.

I don't care if it's manly - I prefer men without bodyhair. As for myself I shave when someone might see me who would care.

As long as I knew the man didn't mind it I wouldn't have a problem with a guy being smoother than myself at all.

LOL. Margie, you are hysterical.

Do you allow links in the comments trail? I hope so, because this one is so relevant: http://shaveeverywhere.com/ I especially loved the part about the "optical inch". And it has lots of fruit and vegetable metaphors you can use the next time you want to mention "certain body parts."

I swear I'm not affiliated with this product in any way. My DH's reaction to this was "they've got to be kidding."

Dammit, Cathy, that site would have made a great Lipstick Link of the Week!! How long did you watch that guy? Does he ever take off the bathrobe??

On the other hand, Margie's going to have a field day with the optical inch thing.

LOL -- I didn't watch that long, but I'm guessing that he doesn't take off the bathrobe. Nudity doesn't fit with the fruit appearing and bleeping every time he mentions a body part. When I saw a blog on manscaping, this was just too good not to share.

If you want to delete these last few comments and use the link for something else, be my guest. I hadn't been reading long enough to realize you did a link of the week. I liked the squirrel fishing this week though.

Love it, Margie! Anyone who posts a picture of Tom Selleck and then launches into a discussion of manscaping has my vote! Thanks for the chuckles on a dreary Monday...


A few years ago, it was difficult to find synthetic motor oils, and equally difficult to find someone who admitted to using them. Nowadays, however, you can find synthetic motor oils on the shelves of Wal-Mart, and other retailers, and the number of people turning to synthetic motor oils, particularly in light of the recent events affecting fuel prices, has risen greatly.

So why do people use synthetic motor oils rather than sticking with the old petroleum based stand-bys which are admittedly cheaper?

1. Let's start with the cost per quart issue. Synthetic motor oils ARE more expensive at purchase. However, these oils last longer, requiring fewer oil changes. As a synthetic motor oil outlasts several changes of petroleum based lubricants, the ultimate out-of-pocket cost of the lubricant is less. This cost savings becomes even greater if you have someone else change your oil for you rather than doing it yourself!


So interesting it is, I like it !

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