By Margie, once again in charge on a Friday while half the Tarts go to Bouchercon and the other half are at the salon or somewhere
Today's topic is Manscaping. If you're not familiar with the term, it's a reference to a male's decision to modify his natural, uh, state, particularly when it comes to his hair. Some men are perfect and shouldn't change a thing. I think body hair in the right place can be totally hot. But I'm not a man, so whatever.
I kind of got in trouble in the Kegel blog when I talked about certain body parts, so I'm going to try to describe it as if my three-year-old niece was sitting here.
Once there were two friends named Dick and Jane. Dick and Jane, like all people, have hair all over their bodies. But Dick and Jane have more than others. Dick and Jane don't like a bunch of hair where they think no hair should be. Dick and Jane have very very good friends named Pat and Chris, and Pat and Chris don't like hair in those places either. It can be yuck. Jane has it easy. She can go to the Salon and have electrolysis. Or she can get a wax. A wax is where Jane's stylist Trixie spreads hot wax on Jane then pulls it off with a strip of cotton, taking Jane's unwanted hair with it. The first time Trixie did this to Jane, Jane kicked her in the face. It was an accident and Jane was very, very sorry. We should never kick. Now Jane takes a special kind of medicine before she goes and everyone is much happier, and Trixie's nose healed up real nice.
Dick's salon does not have wax. Dick's salon has magazines with big pictures of girls and boys who are not his friends. So Jane took Dick to her Salon to meet Trixie. Trixie told Dick not to worry. Many other Dicks come to see Trixie to have a wax, but they use the back door so no one will see them. Dick and Trixie talked about Manscaping. They decided where the wax would go. Dick wanted the wax to take off the hair in lots of places, like his back. Some places were big and some were small. Some were the same places as Jane had her wax. Trixie had to go in the back room and get more wax. Trixie is very brave and nothing makes her throw up. Aunt Margie could never do what Trixie does without taking special medicine. No one should ever play with wax at home. It will hurt and someone will have to go to the doctor. Doctors sometimes laugh at people when they come in with wax in places and can't get it off.
So, Dick said he was a man and he could handle the wax without any special medicine. Dick was wrong. Dick changed his mind after the first strip. So Trixie did two perms and some highlights while everyone waited for Dick to get very sleepy. Some medicine can make you sleepy, especially if, like Dick, you take four when you're only supposed to take one. You should never take medicine unless your parents give it to you. And you should never, ever, take any medicine you find in Aunt Margie's purse.
After all the waxing was over, Dick was so happy, he had to call his friend Pat. Pat was very, very excited. Pat came to pick up Dick, because Dick was too sleepy to drive. Dick and Pat spent some time in the Wax Room before they left the salon. They were not very quiet. It sounded like they might be playing an outside game, but they weren't. When we play games inside, we should use our inside voices. The end.
So that is manscaping - it's like landscaping, only the male body is the yard, and the fur is the grass. For what it's worth, I don't usually care. I mean, if you're Sasquatch, go for it. But I prefer men, and I don't want to rub up against a leg or anything else that is smoother than my own. Plus, like everything else, you can take it too far. It's like plastic surgery - a nip here or a tuck there might be okay, but if you go overboard, you end up looking like a cross between a marionette and one of those patrons in the Star Wars Cantina. If you do, neither Dick nor Jane will want to be your special friend.
What's your preference? And don't worry, my niece is gone, you can use real words now.